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unwholesome
8 months ago
8 months ago
11 months ago
Chris Chan Moment
Awkward and unwholesome...that ass though and I can say it we're not related. Complimenting your mothers ass is just awkward so have some reasons (ifyou even need any) not to do it:
"The Oedipal Odyssey": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like stepping into a Freudian nightmare. It's not just awkward; it's a one-way ticket to years of therapy and unresolved mommy issues. Best to keep those compliments strictly above the waist.
"The Maternal Mix-Up": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like accidentally texting your ex "I miss you" instead of your new crush. It's a cringe-worthy mistake that'll haunt you for years to come—and probably end up in a family therapy session or two.
"The Freudian Slip-Up": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like playing Russian roulette with your relationship. One wrong move and you'll find yourself in a conversation so uncomfortable, even the family dog will start to squirm. It's best to keep the compliments platonic and the boundaries intact.
"The Freudian Foot-in-Mouth": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like putting your foot in your mouth—except instead of foot odor, it's the stench of awkwardness that lingers in the air. It's a social faux pas of epic proportions, destined to become the stuff of family legend.
"The Oedipal Oopsie-Daisy": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like accidentally calling your teacher "mom" in front of the whole class. It's a cringe-worthy moment that'll live on in family lore for generations to come—and probably earn you a spot on the therapist's couch.
"The Oedipal Odyssey": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like stepping into a Freudian nightmare. It's not just awkward; it's a one-way ticket to years of therapy and unresolved mommy issues. Best to keep those compliments strictly above the waist.
"The Maternal Mix-Up": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like accidentally texting your ex "I miss you" instead of your new crush. It's a cringe-worthy mistake that'll haunt you for years to come—and probably end up in a family therapy session or two.
"The Freudian Slip-Up": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like playing Russian roulette with your relationship. One wrong move and you'll find yourself in a conversation so uncomfortable, even the family dog will start to squirm. It's best to keep the compliments platonic and the boundaries intact.
"The Freudian Foot-in-Mouth": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like putting your foot in your mouth—except instead of foot odor, it's the stench of awkwardness that lingers in the air. It's a social faux pas of epic proportions, destined to become the stuff of family legend.
"The Oedipal Oopsie-Daisy": Complimenting your mother's awesome ass is like accidentally calling your teacher "mom" in front of the whole class. It's a cringe-worthy moment that'll live on in family lore for generations to come—and probably earn you a spot on the therapist's couch.
11 months ago
Sue those kids Karen
If the shoe fits... Why not sue the kids? They called her Karen already what's the worse that can even happen anymore?
Here's a few reasons why Karen SHOULD sue those pesky ankle biters:
"The Playground Peril": Karen should sue those pint-sized perpetrators for emotional distress and playground defamation. After all, it's not easy being the target of tiny tyrants armed with juice boxes and snarky remarks. Time to lawyer up and show those ankle-biters who's boss!
"The Lemonade Stand Lawsuit": Those 8-year-olds may think they're clever with their giggles and pointed fingers, but Karen knows that playground bullying is no laughing matter. It's time to take those pint-sized punks to court and demand compensation for the trauma of being mocked by mini-humans with sticky fingers and sticky insults.
"The Recess Retribution": Karen should sue those pint-sized provocateurs for causing a recess riot and disrupting the delicate ecosystem of the schoolyard. After all, it's hard to maintain one's dignity when surrounded by a gaggle of giggling grade-schoolers armed with insults and exaggerated eye rolls.
"The Lunchbox Lawsuit": Karen should sue those tiny terrors for ruining her lunch break with their juvenile jokes and juvenile justice system. After all, it's not easy enjoying a sandwich when you're being heckled by a horde of pint-sized hecklers armed with pudding cups and snide remarks.
"The Naptime Nuisance": Karen should sue those mini-menaces for disturbing her beauty sleep with their childish taunts and childish tantrums. After all, it's hard to catch some Z's when you're being serenaded by a chorus of giggles and whispers from the peanut gallery of elementary school mischief-makers.
Here's a few reasons why Karen SHOULD sue those pesky ankle biters:
"The Playground Peril": Karen should sue those pint-sized perpetrators for emotional distress and playground defamation. After all, it's not easy being the target of tiny tyrants armed with juice boxes and snarky remarks. Time to lawyer up and show those ankle-biters who's boss!
"The Lemonade Stand Lawsuit": Those 8-year-olds may think they're clever with their giggles and pointed fingers, but Karen knows that playground bullying is no laughing matter. It's time to take those pint-sized punks to court and demand compensation for the trauma of being mocked by mini-humans with sticky fingers and sticky insults.
"The Recess Retribution": Karen should sue those pint-sized provocateurs for causing a recess riot and disrupting the delicate ecosystem of the schoolyard. After all, it's hard to maintain one's dignity when surrounded by a gaggle of giggling grade-schoolers armed with insults and exaggerated eye rolls.
"The Lunchbox Lawsuit": Karen should sue those tiny terrors for ruining her lunch break with their juvenile jokes and juvenile justice system. After all, it's not easy enjoying a sandwich when you're being heckled by a horde of pint-sized hecklers armed with pudding cups and snide remarks.
"The Naptime Nuisance": Karen should sue those mini-menaces for disturbing her beauty sleep with their childish taunts and childish tantrums. After all, it's hard to catch some Z's when you're being serenaded by a chorus of giggles and whispers from the peanut gallery of elementary school mischief-makers.
11 months ago
Huge Work Fail
This kind of thing should be illegal and it probably is, hope this guy sued. I'm talking about the boss this is clearly an employee sabotaging the company going out of his way to disrupt the peace with his vile working class memeing! This boss should be the CEO of the year for his brave stand against this tomfoolery! Here are some reasons why you SHOULD fire an employee for daring to poop and meme about it:
"The Meme Meltdown": Firing your employee over a meme is a surefire way to demonstrate your commitment to workplace decorum and professional conduct. After all, who needs a team member who's more focused on generating laughs than generating revenue? Time to send them packing and reclaim your office's meme-free zone!
"The LOL Liability": Firing your employee over a meme sends a clear message to the rest of your team: humor has no place in the workplace. Sure, a well-timed meme might elicit a chuckle or two, but at what cost? It's better to nip the LOLs in the bud and ensure that your office remains a meme-free zone—because nothing screams professionalism like a strict ban on internet humor.
"The Meme Misstep": Firing your employee over a meme is a strategic move to protect your company's reputation and brand image. After all, one ill-advised meme could send shockwaves through social media and tarnish your carefully cultivated corporate identity. It's better to cut ties now and distance yourself from any potential PR disasters—because when it comes to memes, there's no such thing as a harmless joke.
"The Meme Management Masterstroke": Firing your employee over a meme is a brilliant display of managerial prowess and leadership acumen. It shows that you're not afraid to make tough decisions in the name of upholding company values and maintaining a professional workplace environment. Plus, it sends a clear message to the rest of your team: when it comes to memes, there's no room for error.
"The Meme-Free Meritocracy": Firing your employee over a meme is a strategic move to weed out the weak links and ensure that your team is composed of only the most serious and dedicated professionals. After all, if someone's more interested in generating internet laughs than driving business results, they're not cut out for the high-stakes world of corporate success. It's time to separate the meme-makers from the moneymakers and build a team that's focused on winning—not meme-ing.
"The Meme Meltdown": Firing your employee over a meme is a surefire way to demonstrate your commitment to workplace decorum and professional conduct. After all, who needs a team member who's more focused on generating laughs than generating revenue? Time to send them packing and reclaim your office's meme-free zone!
"The LOL Liability": Firing your employee over a meme sends a clear message to the rest of your team: humor has no place in the workplace. Sure, a well-timed meme might elicit a chuckle or two, but at what cost? It's better to nip the LOLs in the bud and ensure that your office remains a meme-free zone—because nothing screams professionalism like a strict ban on internet humor.
"The Meme Misstep": Firing your employee over a meme is a strategic move to protect your company's reputation and brand image. After all, one ill-advised meme could send shockwaves through social media and tarnish your carefully cultivated corporate identity. It's better to cut ties now and distance yourself from any potential PR disasters—because when it comes to memes, there's no such thing as a harmless joke.
"The Meme Management Masterstroke": Firing your employee over a meme is a brilliant display of managerial prowess and leadership acumen. It shows that you're not afraid to make tough decisions in the name of upholding company values and maintaining a professional workplace environment. Plus, it sends a clear message to the rest of your team: when it comes to memes, there's no room for error.
"The Meme-Free Meritocracy": Firing your employee over a meme is a strategic move to weed out the weak links and ensure that your team is composed of only the most serious and dedicated professionals. After all, if someone's more interested in generating internet laughs than driving business results, they're not cut out for the high-stakes world of corporate success. It's time to separate the meme-makers from the moneymakers and build a team that's focused on winning—not meme-ing.
11 months ago
The mad lad did it
Extreme diarrhea was probably an unwanted side effect.
Here's 5 hilarious reasons why giving yourself Autobrewery Syndrome is the best idea ever:
"The Instant Party Starter": Forget about lugging around heavy coolers full of beer—with Autobrewery Syndrome, you can turn any outing into an instant party! Just eat some carbs, sit back, and let your body do the brewing. Who needs a keg when you've got your own personal brewery on board?
"The Ultimate DIY Project": Why spend money on craft beer when you can brew your own right in your gut? With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about running out of beer again. Just stock up on snacks and let the fermentation process do the rest. It's like having a microbrewery in your stomach!
"The Beer Belly Bonanza": Who needs to hit the gym when you can cultivate your very own beer belly with Autobrewery Syndrome? Say goodbye to those boring six-pack abs and hello to a belly full of delicious homemade brews. It's the ultimate excuse to skip leg day and crack open another cold one instead.
"The Liquid Courage Lifesaver": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to face an awkward social situation sober again. Feeling nervous at a party? Just let your body brew up some liquid courage and you'll be the life of the party in no time. Who needs charisma when you've got ethanol coursing through your veins?
"The Drunk Dial Dilemma": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about embarrassing drunk dials again—because you'll be drunk 24/7! Say goodbye to coherent conversations and hello to slurred speech and nonsensical ramblings. Who needs a filter when you've got ethanol-induced honesty?
Here's 5 hilarious reasons why giving yourself Autobrewery Syndrome is the best idea ever:
"The Instant Party Starter": Forget about lugging around heavy coolers full of beer—with Autobrewery Syndrome, you can turn any outing into an instant party! Just eat some carbs, sit back, and let your body do the brewing. Who needs a keg when you've got your own personal brewery on board?
"The Ultimate DIY Project": Why spend money on craft beer when you can brew your own right in your gut? With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about running out of beer again. Just stock up on snacks and let the fermentation process do the rest. It's like having a microbrewery in your stomach!
"The Beer Belly Bonanza": Who needs to hit the gym when you can cultivate your very own beer belly with Autobrewery Syndrome? Say goodbye to those boring six-pack abs and hello to a belly full of delicious homemade brews. It's the ultimate excuse to skip leg day and crack open another cold one instead.
"The Liquid Courage Lifesaver": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to face an awkward social situation sober again. Feeling nervous at a party? Just let your body brew up some liquid courage and you'll be the life of the party in no time. Who needs charisma when you've got ethanol coursing through your veins?
"The Drunk Dial Dilemma": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about embarrassing drunk dials again—because you'll be drunk 24/7! Say goodbye to coherent conversations and hello to slurred speech and nonsensical ramblings. Who needs a filter when you've got ethanol-induced honesty?
11 months ago
They blocked you my dude
All of them ...that's impressive. But on funnybanter we're on looking for the silver lining! It has to exist even if we skew the data. Here's 5 reasons why being blocked by your entire High School Class is a good thing:
"The Social Media Savior": "Getting blocked by my high school class was the wake-up call I needed to realize I was spending way too much time stalking their vacation photos instead of living my own life. Thanks, guys, for helping me break free from the endless scroll!"
"The Rejection Reflection": "Who needs high school drama when you can have real-life drama? Being blocked by my classmates was like getting a VIP pass to the exclusive club of 'People Who Have Better Things to Do.' Turns out, FOMO is a lot less scary when you're the one doing the blocking."
"The Privacy Party": "Finally, I can post embarrassing selfies and questionable memes without fear of judgment from my high school peers. Being blocked is like having my own personal echo chamber—just me, myself, and the sound of my own hilarious jokes."
"The Class Clown Caper": "I always knew I was destined for greatness, but being blocked by my high school class confirmed it. Turns out, my jokes were just too funny for them to handle. Who knew my impeccable taste in memes would be my ticket to internet stardom?"
"The Freedom Festival": "Getting blocked was the best thing that ever happened to me. No more awkward friend requests from people I barely remember, no more cringe-worthy comments on ancient status updates—just me, flying solo in the vast expanse of cyberspace. It's like a digital detox, but without all the kale."
"The Social Media Savior": "Getting blocked by my high school class was the wake-up call I needed to realize I was spending way too much time stalking their vacation photos instead of living my own life. Thanks, guys, for helping me break free from the endless scroll!"
"The Rejection Reflection": "Who needs high school drama when you can have real-life drama? Being blocked by my classmates was like getting a VIP pass to the exclusive club of 'People Who Have Better Things to Do.' Turns out, FOMO is a lot less scary when you're the one doing the blocking."
"The Privacy Party": "Finally, I can post embarrassing selfies and questionable memes without fear of judgment from my high school peers. Being blocked is like having my own personal echo chamber—just me, myself, and the sound of my own hilarious jokes."
"The Class Clown Caper": "I always knew I was destined for greatness, but being blocked by my high school class confirmed it. Turns out, my jokes were just too funny for them to handle. Who knew my impeccable taste in memes would be my ticket to internet stardom?"
"The Freedom Festival": "Getting blocked was the best thing that ever happened to me. No more awkward friend requests from people I barely remember, no more cringe-worthy comments on ancient status updates—just me, flying solo in the vast expanse of cyberspace. It's like a digital detox, but without all the kale."
11 months ago
Speaking harsh truths
Something she didn't want to hear. His lackluster fighting prowess is known internationally though! Here's some examples of why he should go to self defense classes:
"The Paper Tiger Paradox": "Because despite his tough exterior, her man has the fighting prowess of a kitten tangled in yarn. Sure, he might throw a mean punch, but when push comes to shove, he's more likely to trip over his own shoelaces than land a knockout blow."
"The Pillow Punch Predicament": "Because even though he talks a big game, her man's idea of a fight involves flailing his arms like a windmill and hoping for the best. It's like watching a toddler throw a tantrum—lots of noise, but zero impact."
"The Conflict-Resolution Comedy": "Because whenever they argue, her man's attempts at intimidation are about as effective as trying to scare off a grizzly bear with a rubber duck. He might puff out his chest and roar like a lion, but deep down, he's more of a scaredy-cat than a king of the jungle."
"The Chicken Wing Showdown": "Because when it comes to throwing down, her man's signature move is the 'chicken wing'—a half-hearted attempt at aggression that usually ends with him flapping his arms like a distressed poultry. It's less 'Rocky' and more 'Rubber Chicken.'"
"The Pacifist Punchline": "Because her man's idea of a fight involves more apologies than actual punches. He's like a human punching bag—taking hit after hit with a smile on his face and a 'sorry' on his lips. It's less 'Fight Club' and more 'Hug Club.'"
"The Paper Tiger Paradox": "Because despite his tough exterior, her man has the fighting prowess of a kitten tangled in yarn. Sure, he might throw a mean punch, but when push comes to shove, he's more likely to trip over his own shoelaces than land a knockout blow."
"The Pillow Punch Predicament": "Because even though he talks a big game, her man's idea of a fight involves flailing his arms like a windmill and hoping for the best. It's like watching a toddler throw a tantrum—lots of noise, but zero impact."
"The Conflict-Resolution Comedy": "Because whenever they argue, her man's attempts at intimidation are about as effective as trying to scare off a grizzly bear with a rubber duck. He might puff out his chest and roar like a lion, but deep down, he's more of a scaredy-cat than a king of the jungle."
"The Chicken Wing Showdown": "Because when it comes to throwing down, her man's signature move is the 'chicken wing'—a half-hearted attempt at aggression that usually ends with him flapping his arms like a distressed poultry. It's less 'Rocky' and more 'Rubber Chicken.'"
"The Pacifist Punchline": "Because her man's idea of a fight involves more apologies than actual punches. He's like a human punching bag—taking hit after hit with a smile on his face and a 'sorry' on his lips. It's less 'Fight Club' and more 'Hug Club.'"
11 months ago
Unwholesome reality
But the little pocket computer does have memes in it. People are yearning for manual labor AI is just a better artist.
Here are some reasons we should let art to the machines and get our manual labor on:
"Because AI can't complain about the working conditions in the mines, but it sure can make some killer abstract paintings of them! Who needs safety regulations when you can have avant-garde art?"
"AI in the art studio means we'll finally get the masterpiece we've been waiting for: 'Mona Lisa 2: Electric Boogaloo.' Meanwhile, humans can enjoy the thrill of tunneling through solid rock with nothing but a pickaxe and a dream!"
"Why risk human lives in dangerous mines when AI can craft stunning sculptures out of silicon? Who needs coal when you can have computational creativity?"
"With AI handling the art scene, we'll have an endless supply of digital doodles to decorate our underground bunkers. Who needs sunlight when you can have pixelated paintings?"
"AI can churn out landscapes faster than you can say 'pickaxe,' while humans can embrace the rustic charm of coal dust and cave-ins. Who needs fresh air when you can have the aroma of industrial revolution?"
Here are some reasons we should let art to the machines and get our manual labor on:
"Because AI can't complain about the working conditions in the mines, but it sure can make some killer abstract paintings of them! Who needs safety regulations when you can have avant-garde art?"
"AI in the art studio means we'll finally get the masterpiece we've been waiting for: 'Mona Lisa 2: Electric Boogaloo.' Meanwhile, humans can enjoy the thrill of tunneling through solid rock with nothing but a pickaxe and a dream!"
"Why risk human lives in dangerous mines when AI can craft stunning sculptures out of silicon? Who needs coal when you can have computational creativity?"
"With AI handling the art scene, we'll have an endless supply of digital doodles to decorate our underground bunkers. Who needs sunlight when you can have pixelated paintings?"
"AI can churn out landscapes faster than you can say 'pickaxe,' while humans can embrace the rustic charm of coal dust and cave-ins. Who needs fresh air when you can have the aroma of industrial revolution?"
11 months ago
Could have at least held the baby
Maybe she's teaching the baby how to change a tire so they can both chill next time though.
I say get the toddler to do it here are some tips on how you could manage that:
The Tire Whisperer: Convince the toddler that the tire is shy and needs gentle encouragement to come off the car. Encourage them to sweet-talk the tire with phrases like, "Come on, Mr. Tire, don't be shy! We just want to switch you out for a new friend!"
The Toy Swap: Tell the toddler that the tire is actually a giant toy wheel and needs to be swapped out for a new one. Encourage them to "trade" the old tire for a shiny new toy tire, making the task seem like a fun game.
The Tire Trotter: Turn tire changing into an Olympic event for toddlers. Create a makeshift podium and award stickers or small prizes for each step completed, like "Fastest Lug Nut Screwer" or "Best Tire Inspection."
The Storytime Switcheroo: Spin a wild tale about how the tire is actually a magical portal to another world, and changing it will transport them to a land of candy and toys. Encourage them to chant spells or wave imaginary wands as they "unlock" the tire's magic powers.
The Dance Party Pit Stop: Turn tire changing into a toddler-friendly dance party. Blast some upbeat music and encourage them to shimmy and shake as they "wiggle" the tire off the car. Bonus points for incorporating dance moves into each step of the process, like the "Twist and Tighten" or the "Spin and Secure."
I say get the toddler to do it here are some tips on how you could manage that:
The Tire Whisperer: Convince the toddler that the tire is shy and needs gentle encouragement to come off the car. Encourage them to sweet-talk the tire with phrases like, "Come on, Mr. Tire, don't be shy! We just want to switch you out for a new friend!"
The Toy Swap: Tell the toddler that the tire is actually a giant toy wheel and needs to be swapped out for a new one. Encourage them to "trade" the old tire for a shiny new toy tire, making the task seem like a fun game.
The Tire Trotter: Turn tire changing into an Olympic event for toddlers. Create a makeshift podium and award stickers or small prizes for each step completed, like "Fastest Lug Nut Screwer" or "Best Tire Inspection."
The Storytime Switcheroo: Spin a wild tale about how the tire is actually a magical portal to another world, and changing it will transport them to a land of candy and toys. Encourage them to chant spells or wave imaginary wands as they "unlock" the tire's magic powers.
The Dance Party Pit Stop: Turn tire changing into a toddler-friendly dance party. Blast some upbeat music and encourage them to shimmy and shake as they "wiggle" the tire off the car. Bonus points for incorporating dance moves into each step of the process, like the "Twist and Tighten" or the "Spin and Secure."