sex

She can leave her friends behind!

I can't stress it enough how useful they are

Something not even Saint Peter could find out!

Seems wholesome

The two F's

Bulgarian chef in training

Someone somewhere is designing this...or at least drawing it on deviantart

Does he have a point? Do you girls agree?

This lady seems to have had quite the good track record

Didn't say no to period sex that's for sure! Ol' Drac is a generous lover huh? We asked descendants of Van Helsing for a few reasons why Dracula is a generous sexual partner:

"The Eternal Stamina": "Dracula's centuries of experience have given him unparalleled stamina in the bedroom. Who needs a quick bite when you can have a night that lasts for centuries?"

"The Romantic Bite": "Dracula's love bites are the ultimate expression of passion—literally. With just the right amount of suction, he'll leave you breathless in more ways than one."

"The Sucker for Sensation": "Dracula's penchant for bloodplay adds a whole new level of excitement to the bedroom. Just be sure to have a first aid kit handy—you never know when things might get a little too... enthusiastic."

"The Bite-sized Foreplay": "Why settle for boring old neck kisses when you can have a sensual nibble from the Prince of Darkness himself? Dracula's bite marks are the ultimate accessory for any vampire enthusiast—or anyone with a hickey fetish."

"The Eternal Commitment": "When Dracula sinks his teeth into you, it's not just a one-night stand—it's a blood pact for eternity. Who needs a wedding ring when you've got a vampire bite as a symbol of undying love?"

He advertised it though! Here's a few suppositions about ol' Benny's sex life:

The Diminutive Dismay: "Because Ben Shapiro's bedroom prowess is as underwhelming as his stature—rumor has it his wife needs a microscope to find where he's hiding his 'facts.'"

The Libertarian Lament: "Because Ben Shapiro's sex life is about as liberated as his political ideology—let's just say it's more 'small government' than 'big finish.'"

The Conservative Cuddle: "Because Ben Shapiro's idea of 'aftercare' is handing his wife a copy of 'The Constitution' and a signed headshot—nothing says 'post-coital bliss' like a lecture on individual rights."

The Right-Wing Reject: "Because Ben Shapiro's bedroom antics are about as exciting as a congressional filibuster—his wife's orgasms are just like his speeches: short, unsatisfying, and leaving you wondering if anything actually happened."

The Neocon No-Show: "Because Ben Shapiro's sexual performance is like his political commentary—aggressive, overbearing, and leaving everyone involved desperately longing for something a bit more progressive."

Maybe don't just lay there. She needs to find out eventually. We recommend these methods:

"The Yelp Reviewer: Your partner suggests you start a Yelp page for your bedroom performance, complete with ratings and reviews. Let's just say, you're not getting five stars anytime soon.

"The Smoke Detector: Your bedroom escapades are so lackluster that the smoke detector starts beeping—not from passion, but from sheer boredom. Looks like it's time to spice things up before the fire department shows up.

"The Snooze Button: Your partner falls asleep mid-action, prompting you to check for a hidden snooze button on their forehead. Turns out, your performance was so boring they mistook it for bedtime.

"The GPS Navigator: Your partner suggests investing in a GPS system for the bedroom, claiming they keep getting lost in your attempts at intimacy. Looks like you're more of a lost cause than a lost treasure.

"The Fitness Tracker: Your partner suggests wearing a fitness tracker during sex to see if you can burn enough calories to justify the effort. Spoiler alert: you don't even come close to reaching your daily step goal. Looks like it's back to the drawing board—er, bedroom.