parents

Bit of a sad combined with funny this one

He got played though

Respect your parents people!

So proud he forgot!

They both know she might have started it but the mom is thinking about not incriminating her

I'd stay there until my late thirties

This lady seems to have had quite the good track record

A statistically negligible number of us died

It's like you applied a filter to him

Seems the book was better then expected!

But it's because you spend money on coffee and avocado toast though. I'm obviously not rich, shocker right, so I was thinking maybe rich people should shut the fuck up regarding the stuff they say regarding WHY they are rich in the first place! Maybe don't patronize us poorys. here are a few reasons why the rich should shut the fuck up sometimes:

"The Trust Fund Tyrants": Hey, Mr. Moneybags, your financial advice is about as helpful as a screen door on a submarine. When your biggest concern is which diamond-studded watch to wear, the rest of us are just trying to figure out how to afford groceries. So how about you take a seat in your ivory tower and leave the real advice to those of us who actually have to work for a living?

"The Silver Spoon Sages": Listen up, Princess Prada, your financial wisdom is about as relevant as a snowplow in the Sahara. While you're busy sipping champagne on your private jet, the rest of us are struggling to make ends meet. Maybe instead of lecturing us about investments, you could try donating some of that excess cash to charity—assuming you even know what that word means.

"The Wealthy Whiners": Oh, boo-hoo, Mr. Moneybags, did your stock portfolio take a hit? Cry me a river, why don't you? While you're sulking in your penthouse suite, the rest of us are scraping by on minimum wage. So how about you spare us the sob story about your yacht maintenance fees and try living in the real world for once?

"The Greedy Goblins": Hey there, Scrooge McRich, ever hear of the phrase "money can't buy happiness"? Probably not, considering you've never had to worry about paying rent or affording healthcare. Maybe instead of hoarding your wealth like a dragon with its gold, you could try spreading some of that financial advice to those who actually need it—like, I don't know, the 99% of us who aren't swimming in gold coins.

"The Privileged Pricks": Newsflash, Richie Rich, your financial advice is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. When your idea of a financial struggle is deciding which summer home to vacation in, you might want to reconsider doling out advice to those of us who are just trying to make it to payday without overdrawing our bank accounts. So how about you take your trust fund and shove it where the sun don't shine?

Very young and old as ass parents are the only possibilities. Biology is fighting against the old ones succeeding but the young ones? Maybe we should all have kids in our teens not those glamorous moms on daytime TV. Here are a few reasons why teen pregnancy is in:

"The Built-in Babysitter": "Who needs a nanny when you've got a built-in babysitter? With a baby of your own, you'll never have to worry about finding someone to watch the kids—just hand them off to your parents and enjoy your newfound freedom!"

"The Ultimate Icebreaker": "Forget awkward small talk—having a baby as a teen is the ultimate conversation starter. Suddenly everyone wants to know your story, and you'll have no shortage of attention at parties (or PTA meetings)."

"The Trendsetter Teen": "Move over, TikTok influencers—teen parents are the new trendsetters. With your baby in tow, you'll be the envy of all your friends, who will marvel at your maturity and responsibility (or at least pretend to)."

"The High School Hilarity": "Teen parenthood adds a whole new level of excitement to high school life. From diaper changing in the school bathroom to breastfeeding in the cafeteria, every day is an adventure you'll never forget."

"The Youthful Energy Boost": "Who needs sleep when you're a teenager? With a baby to care for, you'll have plenty of opportunities to burn off that excess energy—whether it's rocking them to sleep at 3 am or chasing after them when they start crawling."

Deposit amount 7.21$. Or 50,000$ if she's actually good at it. Though the problem persists she got caught. Here's some top tier excuses to give your parents when they find out you made an OnlyFans:

"The Entrepreneurial Endeavor": "I'm just trying to diversify my portfolio, Mom and Dad! OnlyFans seemed like a more lucrative investment than the stock market—plus, I heard they're giving out signing bonuses."

"The Artistic Expression": "It's performance art, Dad. I'm exploring the intersection of nudity and existentialism, pushing the boundaries of society's expectations and challenging the notion of what it means to be human. Also, I needed rent money."

"The Catfish Caper": "I'm not actually on OnlyFans, Mom. Someone must have stolen my identity and set up a fake account using all my photos and personal information. It's a classic case of online impersonation—honestly, I'm flattered they think I'm hot enough to scam people."

"The Social Experiment": "I'm conducting a groundbreaking sociological study on the commodification of intimacy in the digital age. It's all in the name of science, Mom—I swear! Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to analyzing my subscriber demographics."

"The Digital Nomad Dream": "I've decided to quit my day job and become a full-time content creator, Dad. OnlyFans is just the beginning—I'm planning to expand into YouTube, Twitch, and maybe even TikTok if I can figure out how to dance. It's the millennial dream, really—working from home in my pajamas and getting paid to be myself."

Dare you to change their name to Big Jim. She looks Big Jim-esque and the name fits. Here's a few reasons why:

"The Irony of It All": "Because nothing says '8-year-old girl' like a nickname usually reserved for a burly lumberjack or a retired pro wrestler. It's like calling a hamster 'Tiny' or a kitten 'Killer'—it's so wrong, it's right."

"The Size Doesn't Matter Syndrome": "Because in a world of tiny toes and sticky fingers, sometimes it's the biggest personalities that shine the brightest. Who needs 'Little Susie' when you can have 'Big Jim' commanding the playground like a pint-sized general?"

"The Tall Tale Tornado": "Because let's face it, 8-year-olds are notorious for their tall tales and wild imaginations. So why not give them a nickname that matches their penchant for spinning yarns and bending the truth like a seasoned storyteller?"

"The Mighty Mouse Maneuver": "Because behind every 'Big Jim' is a pint-sized powerhouse ready to take on the world. Whether it's climbing trees, building forts, or staging a rebellion against broccoli, this little dynamo is ready to flex her muscles and show the world who's boss."

"The Giggle-Inducing Gimmick": "Because nothing gets a chuckle like giving an 8-year-old girl a nickname usually reserved for a grizzled cowboy or a muscle-bound action hero. It's unexpected, it's unconventional, and it's guaranteed to elicit more than a few giggles from anyone within earshot."

Is it too late for an abortion? Legally yes but if it were legal here's some reasons why you would WANT to get it:

The Overdue Omelette: "Because at 24, he's less of a son and more of an uninvited houseguest who's overstayed his welcome. Time to crack some eggs and make a frittata!"

The Late Bloomer Loophole: "Because if he's still living in your basement at 24, chances are he's never going to blossom into the responsible adult you hoped for. Might as well nip that bud before it turns into a thorn in your side."

The Extended Umbilical Cord: "Because cutting the cord at birth is one thing, but at 24, he's practically knitting himself a cozy sweater out of it. Time to snip and set him free into the wild, where he can learn to fend for himself."

The "Me, Myself, and I" Mentality: "Because at 24, he's more interested in 'Me, Myself, and Instagram' than contributing to household chores or paying rent. It's time to reclaim your space and sanity."

The "You're Never Too Old to Reboot" Rationalization: "Because sometimes life feels like a bad movie sequel, and at 24, he's still stuck in the prequel stage. Time for a reboot where you play the lead role—without any unwanted side characters cluttering up the script!"

You'll enjoy naps when you have kids too since you'll be falling asleep every time you have a spare minute. Overall naps are great and here's a few reasons why:

The Snooze Button Symphony: "Because naps are like hitting the snooze button on life's alarm clock—except you get to enjoy the dreamy encore performance in your own cozy cocoon of blankets."

The Siesta Serenade: "Because taking a nap is like orchestrating your own mini symphony of snores, snuggles, and spontaneous dreams. Move over, Beethoven—there's a new maestro in town, and they're conducting from the comfort of their pillow fort."

The Slumber Party Saga: "Because naps are the ultimate solo slumber party where you're the VIP guest list, the entertainment, and the after-party all rolled into one. Who needs Netflix when you can star in your own dreamy blockbuster?"

The Pillow Plunge: "Because naps are like taking a thrilling plunge into the abyss of the unknown, where the only waves crashing are the ones lulling you into a state of blissful oblivion. Who needs extreme sports when you can conquer the art of nap-time acrobatics?"

The Dreamy Dancefloor: "Because naps are like stepping onto the dance floor of your imagination, where the music is composed of soft snores and the only moves you need to know are the ones that lead you straight to dreamland's front door. Who needs nightclubs when you can boogie down in your own mind?"

Laughing all the way to the bank. But he can't be in it for money alone surely? Maybe evil and mischief are also on the list?
Here re 5 ways your kid can use literacy and eloquence for evil purposes:

"The Homework Hustler": Offer to write essays or complete assignments for your classmates in exchange for their lunch money or prized possessions. Who needs to study when you can outsource your work and rake in the rewards?

"The Classroom Con Artist": Manipulate your teacher into giving you preferential treatment by crafting persuasive arguments and sob stories. Convince them that you deserve extra credit or leniency on assignments, even if you haven't earned it.

"The Fake News Fabricator": Write and circulate fake news articles or rumors within your school or community to sow chaos and confusion. Use your eloquence to convince others of the authenticity of your stories, causing mayhem and mistrust.

"The Blackmailing Wordsmith": Use your knowledge of others' secrets to blackmail them into doing your bidding. Write anonymous letters or threats, leveraging your ability to craft persuasive messages to intimidate or manipulate your peers.

"The Literary Saboteur": Spread rumors or lies about your rivals or enemies through anonymous letters or social media posts, using your eloquence to damage their reputations or relationships. Who needs fists when words can be just as damaging?

While being homeless ...that's the not fun part.
But a family that starves together stays together...until they starve of course.
Here are some fun ways familial starvation brings you together:

"The Hunger Games: Family Edition": Not affording food brings the family together in a competitive spirit, turning mealtime into a thrilling scavenger hunt for snacks hidden in the pantry. Who needs board games when you can have the real Hunger Games?

"The Culinary Creativity Club": Not affording food sparks the family's creativity in the kitchen, turning leftovers into gourmet masterpieces and transforming canned goods into culinary delights. Who needs a Michelin-starred restaurant when you have a budget-friendly family kitchen?

"The Financial Fiasco Fellowship": Not affording food fosters a sense of camaraderie as the family bands together to brainstorm creative ways to stretch their grocery budget, from coupon clipping marathons to strategic meal planning sessions. Who needs financial advisors when you have a thrifty family team?

"The Potluck Party": Not affording food turns mealtime into a potluck extravaganza, where each family member brings their own culinary creation to the table, resulting in a smorgasbord of mismatched dishes and unexpected flavor combinations. Who needs a menu when you have a potluck lineup?

"The Hunger Bonding Ritual": Not affording food transforms mealtime into a bonding ritual, where the family gathers around the empty dinner table to share stories, jokes, and dreams of future feasts. Who needs a fancy banquet hall when you have a heartfelt family dinner conversation?

Parents forgot how hard math is i guess maybe they buy it. If you really want that crack pipe and are an amateur crackhead who hasn't discovered the optimal car stereo stealing techniques here are some blatant lies you could try on your poor soon to disown you parents:

"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Yoga Class": Convince them that your yoga instructor is introducing a new form of relaxation therapy involving unconventional props. The crackpipe, with its soothing curves and meditative potential, is just what you need to achieve inner peace and harmony.

"Hey, Mom and Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Cooking Class": Tell them your culinary arts teacher is pushing the boundaries of gourmet cuisine with avant-garde cooking techniques. The crackpipe, as it turns out, is a key utensil for achieving the perfect caramelized sugar crust on crème brûlée. Bon appétit!

"Guess What, Mom and Dad? I Need a Crackpipe... for My Mime Performance": Convince them that your mime instructor has assigned a challenging new routine that involves pantomiming the struggles of addiction. The crackpipe is a crucial prop for conveying the silent anguish of substance abuse... or so you mime.

"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Stand-Up Comedy Routine": Explain that you're testing the boundaries of comedy with a daring new routine that tackles taboo subjects head-on. The crackpipe, you argue, is a hilarious punchline waiting to happen—assuming you can smoke out the laughs, that is.

"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Skydiving Course": Convince them that your skydiving instructor has introduced a thrilling new element to the freefall experience: extreme prop-based skydiving. The crackpipe, strapped securely to your chest, adds an extra level of excitement to your descent... or so you claim, as you plummet toward the earth.

Doubt they think the movie theater is anything but scary too. But maybe these parents read a weird parenting book filled with reasons why people just love their weak pullout game enhancing the movie you paid unreasonably much to see! Here are some reasons from that book we might have made up:

"Instant Emotional Soundtrack": Who needs surround sound when you have a crying baby providing the perfect dramatic soundtrack for every scene? It's like having a built-in emotional rollercoaster, complete with unexpected twists and turns.

"Improvised Comedy Show": When the tension rises on screen, there's nothing like the comedic relief of a wailing infant to lighten the mood. Suddenly, the serious drama becomes a slapstick comedy as everyone tries to stifle their laughter.

"Interactive Audience Participation": Forget silent contemplation—crying babies encourage audience participation like never before. From sympathetic sighs to whispered reassurances, everyone in the theater becomes part of the immersive experience.

"Free Stress Relief": Who needs expensive therapy sessions when you can unleash your frustrations on a crying baby? It's like a group therapy session for the price of a movie ticket—just remember to bring your own earplugs.

"Unexpected Plot Twists": Just when you think you know where the movie is going, a crying baby throws a curveball that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will they stop crying? Will they escalate to full-blown meltdown? The suspense is unbearable—in the best possible way.

That's what kids should be doing for fun. Not all of them though. Just the chosen ones. The native seagull training talent. Is your kid one? Find out by watching for these signs:

"She Collects Shiny Objects": From discarded aluminum cans to glittery trinkets, your daughter's obsession with shiny objects rivals that of a magpie. It's like she's preparing her own treasure trove to attract a flock of adoring seagull fans.

"She Talks to Seagulls Like Old Friends": Instead of saying "hello" to passersby, your daughter greets seagulls with a cheerful "caw" and engages in lengthy conversations with them, as if they're long-lost friends swapping seaside tales.

"She's a Master at Seagull Impressions": Your daughter's seagull impersonations are so spot-on, they've fooled unsuspecting beachgoers into tossing her scraps of food. It's like she's channeling her inner bird whisperer to summon her feathered minions.

"Her Sandcastle Skills Are Unmatched": While other kids build sandcastles fit for royalty, your daughter constructs elaborate seagull-sized palaces complete with miniature fish ponds and tiny beach umbrellas. It's like she's creating luxury resorts for her avian companions.

"She's Always Armed with Snacks": Your daughter never leaves home without a pocketful of stale bread crusts and fishy treats, ready to entice any seagull that crosses her path. It's like she's running a mobile snack bar for her feathered friends, complete with complimentary beachside seating.

Another person who's going to be put in a home at 53. But we're all about excuses here, maybe she has some good reasons? As a fellow person with an IQ as large as my shoe size I thought up of these totally valid reasons why you shouldn't share your onlyfans money with your kids:

"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?

"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?

"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.

"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?

"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?

That'll teach him, if not some of these 5 punishments might

The "Tape it Like You Mean It" Challenge: Their punishment involved a hilarious DIY challenge – using only the stickiest of tapes, they had to piece the torn money back together while wearing oven mitts. The struggle was real, but the laughter was even better!

The Etiquette Boot Camp Extravaganza: Picture them in a comically oversized etiquette hat and attending a boot camp led by a drill sergeant with impeccable manners. From practicing proper napkin folding to mastering the art of polite conversation, hilarity ensued at every turn.

The Budgeting Boot Camp: Extreme Edition: In a twist of fate, their budgeting project turned into a reality TV show sensation. With cameras rolling 24/7, they navigated the treacherous waters of financial responsibility while facing off against eccentric budgeting challenges and avoiding paparazzi.

The DIY Economics Epic Fail: Their attempt at creating their own currency turned into a sidesplitting comedy of errors. Picture them printing bills with their face on them, only to realize they'd accidentally made them look like Monopoly money. Cue the laughter and the frantic attempts to fix their faux pas.

The Charity Challenge Comedy Showdown: As they donated a portion of their repaired money to charity, they found themselves roped into a charity comedy roast. With jokes flying and laughter echoing, they learned that sometimes the best way to mend fences is through shared laughter and a good cause.

Someone will grow up resenting his mom if that's their relation!
Maybe these reasons will convince you not to use your kid as a sexy photo shoot free labor photographer:

"The 'Sexy' Family Portrait Saga": Brace yourself for the most awkward family portrait session of all time. Forget matching sweaters—your family photo album will be filled with poses that would make even the Kardashians blush.

"Nursing Home Threats: A Comedy of Errors": Your child's revenge plot just got an upgrade from petty to hilarious. Get ready for retirement community shenanigans like never before—think bingo night sabotage and wheelchair races down the hallways.

"Blackmail, the Family Edition": Move over, FBI—you've just handed your child the ultimate leverage. From extra dessert negotiations to curfew extensions, they'll have Mom and Dad wrapped around their little finger faster than you can say "embarrassing childhood photos."

"Therapy, Family Style": Get ready to spill the beans to the family therapist about your failed attempt at a "sexy" photoshoot. Forget about addressing sibling rivalries and communication breakdowns—your therapy sessions just got a whole lot weirder.

"Parenting Fail: Rated R": Congratulations, you've officially earned the title of "World's Most Cringe-Worthy Parent." Move over, dad jokes—forcing your kid to be your makeshift photographer just secured your spot in the Parenting Hall of Shame for eternity.