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New Content Tagged with
gift
10 months ago
Shooping fail
Not the gift she wanted but the gift she deserved.
Here are some humorous, but utterly useless, home appliance gifts:
"The Self-Stirring Teapot: Because who has time to use a spoon when you can have a teapot with a built-in tornado mode? Just watch as your tea leaves perform a dance of futility."
"The Automatic Ice Cream Scooper: Because nothing says 'romance' like a machine that promises perfectly spherical scoops of ice cream, but delivers more like modern art sculptures of frozen sadness."
"The Electric Banana Peeler: Because why peel bananas with your hands like a mere mortal when you can watch in awe as this gadget meticulously removes 0.1mm of peel at a time? Efficiency has never tasted so bland!"
"The Voice-Activated Toaster: Because nothing says 'I love you' like yelling 'Bread, be toasted!' at 6 a.m. every morning. Who needs peace and quiet when you can have burnt toast and strained vocal cords?"
"The Robotic Pillow Fluffer: Because who has time to manually fluff pillows when you can have a robot arm do it for you? Just be prepared for a bedtime routine that sounds like a malfunctioning R2-D2 having a meltdown."
Here are some humorous, but utterly useless, home appliance gifts:
"The Self-Stirring Teapot: Because who has time to use a spoon when you can have a teapot with a built-in tornado mode? Just watch as your tea leaves perform a dance of futility."
"The Automatic Ice Cream Scooper: Because nothing says 'romance' like a machine that promises perfectly spherical scoops of ice cream, but delivers more like modern art sculptures of frozen sadness."
"The Electric Banana Peeler: Because why peel bananas with your hands like a mere mortal when you can watch in awe as this gadget meticulously removes 0.1mm of peel at a time? Efficiency has never tasted so bland!"
"The Voice-Activated Toaster: Because nothing says 'I love you' like yelling 'Bread, be toasted!' at 6 a.m. every morning. Who needs peace and quiet when you can have burnt toast and strained vocal cords?"
"The Robotic Pillow Fluffer: Because who has time to manually fluff pillows when you can have a robot arm do it for you? Just be prepared for a bedtime routine that sounds like a malfunctioning R2-D2 having a meltdown."
10 months ago
You'll have lunch ready when she dumps you
Have a feeling she won't be happy with the gift
If you really want to get dumped try one of these
The "Meme Meltdown": Reply to all her messages with nothing but memes for a week straight. Bonus points if you exclusively use breakup-themed memes. Eventually, she might get the hint that you're "memes" apart.
The "Pet Peeve Parade": Compile a list of all her quirky habits and present it to her in the form of a PowerPoint presentation, complete with charts and graphs showing how they've driven you to the brink of insanity. She might decide you're too obsessed with data and charts to be boyfriend material.
The "Food Fiasco": Take her out for a romantic dinner and spend the entire time rating the food and service like a food critic. When she finally confronts you about it, tell her you're breaking up because she didn't order the recommended dish.
The "Tech Troubles": Create a fake virus alert on her computer that says, "Relationship.exe has stopped responding." When she asks you about it, tell her you can't be in a relationship with someone whose computer can't handle your love.
The "Songbird Serenade": Write her a breakup song and perform it at her family reunion in front of all her relatives. Bonus points if you recruit her grandma to play the tambourine. She might decide you're more interested in fame than her.
If you really want to get dumped try one of these
The "Meme Meltdown": Reply to all her messages with nothing but memes for a week straight. Bonus points if you exclusively use breakup-themed memes. Eventually, she might get the hint that you're "memes" apart.
The "Pet Peeve Parade": Compile a list of all her quirky habits and present it to her in the form of a PowerPoint presentation, complete with charts and graphs showing how they've driven you to the brink of insanity. She might decide you're too obsessed with data and charts to be boyfriend material.
The "Food Fiasco": Take her out for a romantic dinner and spend the entire time rating the food and service like a food critic. When she finally confronts you about it, tell her you're breaking up because she didn't order the recommended dish.
The "Tech Troubles": Create a fake virus alert on her computer that says, "Relationship.exe has stopped responding." When she asks you about it, tell her you can't be in a relationship with someone whose computer can't handle your love.
The "Songbird Serenade": Write her a breakup song and perform it at her family reunion in front of all her relatives. Bonus points if you recruit her grandma to play the tambourine. She might decide you're more interested in fame than her.
