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New Content Tagged with
fat
8 months ago
8 months ago
11 months ago
11 months ago
Nuclear burn
If the seat post can take it so can the buyer.I invented some more FAQ customer burns:
The Flaming Flop: "Q: What if I don't like the product? A: Well, we can't promise you'll love it, but we can guarantee it'll make a great conversation starter at your next 'Worst Purchase Ever' support group meeting."
The Sizzling Snark: "Q: Does this product come with a warranty? A: Sure, it comes with a warranty that's about as reliable as your ex's promises to 'change.' Good luck with that!"
The Roasting Riddle: "Q: How long does shipping take? A: About as long as it takes for your crush to text you back—so you might want to pack a lunch and settle in for the long haul."
The Charred Comeback: "Q: Is this product eco-friendly? A: Absolutely! It's so eco-friendly, it practically composts itself—just like your hopes and dreams after buying it."
The Toasted Tease: "Q: Can I return the product if it's not what I expected? A: Of course! Just remember, returning this product is a lot like trying to return a bad haircut—you'll have to live with the consequences, but at least it makes for a good story!"
The Flaming Flop: "Q: What if I don't like the product? A: Well, we can't promise you'll love it, but we can guarantee it'll make a great conversation starter at your next 'Worst Purchase Ever' support group meeting."
The Sizzling Snark: "Q: Does this product come with a warranty? A: Sure, it comes with a warranty that's about as reliable as your ex's promises to 'change.' Good luck with that!"
The Roasting Riddle: "Q: How long does shipping take? A: About as long as it takes for your crush to text you back—so you might want to pack a lunch and settle in for the long haul."
The Charred Comeback: "Q: Is this product eco-friendly? A: Absolutely! It's so eco-friendly, it practically composts itself—just like your hopes and dreams after buying it."
The Toasted Tease: "Q: Can I return the product if it's not what I expected? A: Of course! Just remember, returning this product is a lot like trying to return a bad haircut—you'll have to live with the consequences, but at least it makes for a good story!"
11 months ago
Bust out the heavy duty chairs
It's punching up, she's rich and famous relax. Here are a few reasons we totally didn't make up that clearly state we're allowed to make fun of rich people as long as we want:
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
