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New Content Tagged with
drunk
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
10 months ago
He's 24 and drunk
Is it too late for an abortion? Legally yes but if it were legal here's some reasons why you would WANT to get it:
The Overdue Omelette: "Because at 24, he's less of a son and more of an uninvited houseguest who's overstayed his welcome. Time to crack some eggs and make a frittata!"
The Late Bloomer Loophole: "Because if he's still living in your basement at 24, chances are he's never going to blossom into the responsible adult you hoped for. Might as well nip that bud before it turns into a thorn in your side."
The Extended Umbilical Cord: "Because cutting the cord at birth is one thing, but at 24, he's practically knitting himself a cozy sweater out of it. Time to snip and set him free into the wild, where he can learn to fend for himself."
The "Me, Myself, and I" Mentality: "Because at 24, he's more interested in 'Me, Myself, and Instagram' than contributing to household chores or paying rent. It's time to reclaim your space and sanity."
The "You're Never Too Old to Reboot" Rationalization: "Because sometimes life feels like a bad movie sequel, and at 24, he's still stuck in the prequel stage. Time for a reboot where you play the lead role—without any unwanted side characters cluttering up the script!"
The Overdue Omelette: "Because at 24, he's less of a son and more of an uninvited houseguest who's overstayed his welcome. Time to crack some eggs and make a frittata!"
The Late Bloomer Loophole: "Because if he's still living in your basement at 24, chances are he's never going to blossom into the responsible adult you hoped for. Might as well nip that bud before it turns into a thorn in your side."
The Extended Umbilical Cord: "Because cutting the cord at birth is one thing, but at 24, he's practically knitting himself a cozy sweater out of it. Time to snip and set him free into the wild, where he can learn to fend for himself."
The "Me, Myself, and I" Mentality: "Because at 24, he's more interested in 'Me, Myself, and Instagram' than contributing to household chores or paying rent. It's time to reclaim your space and sanity."
The "You're Never Too Old to Reboot" Rationalization: "Because sometimes life feels like a bad movie sequel, and at 24, he's still stuck in the prequel stage. Time for a reboot where you play the lead role—without any unwanted side characters cluttering up the script!"
10 months ago
Slavs inventing what shouldn't be invented
Life is only potato and drink is only for sad! You didn't have a stroke I'm just trying to sound slav-like. Here's 5 reasons why being drunk requires 0 enjoyment:
The Hangover Hilarity: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like signing up for a voluntary hangover—sure, you'll wake up feeling like you got hit by a truck, but think of all the hilarious stories you'll have to tell about that time you blacked out and woke up in a stranger's bathtub wearing a sombrero!"
The Liquid Laughter: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like attending a comedy show where the jokes are all inside your own head—sure, you might not remember them in the morning, but rest assured, your liver will be rolling on the floor laughing."
The Sobriety Surrender: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like watching paint dry, except instead of paint, it's your liver slowly shutting down from alcohol poisoning. Who needs excitement when you can spend your evening staring at the wall and contemplating the meaning of life?"
The Booze Boomerang: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to catch a greased pig at a county fair—you might think you've got a grip on things, but before you know it, you're sliding face-first into a puddle of regret and shame."
The Bitter Brew: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to force-feed yourself a gallon of expired milk—it might seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, the end result is not pretty. Sometimes it's better to just say no to that extra shot of regret."
The Hangover Hilarity: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like signing up for a voluntary hangover—sure, you'll wake up feeling like you got hit by a truck, but think of all the hilarious stories you'll have to tell about that time you blacked out and woke up in a stranger's bathtub wearing a sombrero!"
The Liquid Laughter: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like attending a comedy show where the jokes are all inside your own head—sure, you might not remember them in the morning, but rest assured, your liver will be rolling on the floor laughing."
The Sobriety Surrender: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like watching paint dry, except instead of paint, it's your liver slowly shutting down from alcohol poisoning. Who needs excitement when you can spend your evening staring at the wall and contemplating the meaning of life?"
The Booze Boomerang: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to catch a greased pig at a county fair—you might think you've got a grip on things, but before you know it, you're sliding face-first into a puddle of regret and shame."
The Bitter Brew: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to force-feed yourself a gallon of expired milk—it might seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, the end result is not pretty. Sometimes it's better to just say no to that extra shot of regret."
10 months ago
True and wholesome
Sometimes they're needed straight when you wake up and that should be normalized.But hey that's for more advanced users. Meanwhile we want to create the legal precedent that the first two drinks shouldn't count if you have anxiety!
Here are some reasons:
"The Anxiety Annihilation Aperitif": The first two drinks are like anxiety's worst nightmare—liquid kryptonite that sends your worries packing faster than you can say "shots, anyone?"
"The Boozy Blame Game": If anyone asks, the first two drinks were clearly the work of mischievous imps who snuck into the bar and spiked your soda. You're innocent, they're guilty, case closed!
"The Tipsy Time Travel Trick": With the first two drinks, time warps into a surreal dimension where awkward conversations and social gaffes are just hilarious anecdotes waiting to happen. Who knew alcohol was a time machine in disguise?
"The Liquid Laughing Gas": The first two drinks unlock the secret to eternal laughter, turning even the most mundane conversations into sidesplitting comedy routines. You'll be giggling like a tipsy toddler in no time!
"The Anxiety Antidote Ambush": Anxiety never saw it coming—the one-two punch of alcohol's liquid courage and contagious camaraderie. With the first two drinks, you're like a stealthy ninja, sneaking up on stress and giving it a swift kick in the keister.
Here are some reasons:
"The Anxiety Annihilation Aperitif": The first two drinks are like anxiety's worst nightmare—liquid kryptonite that sends your worries packing faster than you can say "shots, anyone?"
"The Boozy Blame Game": If anyone asks, the first two drinks were clearly the work of mischievous imps who snuck into the bar and spiked your soda. You're innocent, they're guilty, case closed!
"The Tipsy Time Travel Trick": With the first two drinks, time warps into a surreal dimension where awkward conversations and social gaffes are just hilarious anecdotes waiting to happen. Who knew alcohol was a time machine in disguise?
"The Liquid Laughing Gas": The first two drinks unlock the secret to eternal laughter, turning even the most mundane conversations into sidesplitting comedy routines. You'll be giggling like a tipsy toddler in no time!
"The Anxiety Antidote Ambush": Anxiety never saw it coming—the one-two punch of alcohol's liquid courage and contagious camaraderie. With the first two drinks, you're like a stealthy ninja, sneaking up on stress and giving it a swift kick in the keister.
10 months ago
Quarantine rules
A little day drinking never killed anyone!
We're adamant about it and encourage it responsibly (i have to say that so the site stays safe for work)
Here are some points that might help get you on the quarantine day drinking train:
"Multi-Tasking Mastery": Why waste time separately showering and drinking when you can efficiently tackle both activities at once? Day drinking in the shower allows you to cleanse your body while cleansing your palate—a true testament to productivity!
"No Judgement Zone": In the privacy of your own shower, there's no need to worry about judgmental glances from fellow patrons or concerned looks from friends. It's just you, your beverage of choice, and the soothing cascade of water—pure bliss.
"Shower Karaoke Sessions": With liquid courage flowing freely, your shower karaoke performances reach new heights of vocal prowess. Who needs a stage when you've got a shampoo bottle microphone and an enthusiastic audience of one?
"Elevated Hydration": Forget plain water—why not elevate your hydration game with a refreshing beverage of choice? Whether it's a mimosa, a cold beer, or a fruity cocktail, nothing says "hydration station" quite like a shower beverage.
"Quarantine Spa Retreat": Transform your mundane shower routine into a luxurious spa experience by adding a touch of day drinking. Suddenly, your bathroom becomes an exclusive oasis of relaxation and rejuvenation—a sanctuary from the chaos of quarantine life.
We're adamant about it and encourage it responsibly (i have to say that so the site stays safe for work)
Here are some points that might help get you on the quarantine day drinking train:
"Multi-Tasking Mastery": Why waste time separately showering and drinking when you can efficiently tackle both activities at once? Day drinking in the shower allows you to cleanse your body while cleansing your palate—a true testament to productivity!
"No Judgement Zone": In the privacy of your own shower, there's no need to worry about judgmental glances from fellow patrons or concerned looks from friends. It's just you, your beverage of choice, and the soothing cascade of water—pure bliss.
"Shower Karaoke Sessions": With liquid courage flowing freely, your shower karaoke performances reach new heights of vocal prowess. Who needs a stage when you've got a shampoo bottle microphone and an enthusiastic audience of one?
"Elevated Hydration": Forget plain water—why not elevate your hydration game with a refreshing beverage of choice? Whether it's a mimosa, a cold beer, or a fruity cocktail, nothing says "hydration station" quite like a shower beverage.
"Quarantine Spa Retreat": Transform your mundane shower routine into a luxurious spa experience by adding a touch of day drinking. Suddenly, your bathroom becomes an exclusive oasis of relaxation and rejuvenation—a sanctuary from the chaos of quarantine life.
10 months ago
Bamboozeled
A nice way to enjoy going to prom
Here are five humorous reasons why a flask might be considered better than a purse:
The "Liquid Courage" Advantage: A flask provides instant "liquid courage" for those nerve-wracking social situations, while a purse just holds your lip gloss and spare change. Who needs confidence when you've got chapstick?
The "Fashionable Functionality": A flask adds a touch of class to any outfit, turning heads with its sleek design and shiny exterior. Meanwhile, a purse just weighs you down with unnecessary clutter – who needs a wallet when you can pay with charisma?
The "Emergency Hydration" Solution: A flask is always ready to quench your thirst in a pinch, while a purse is like a black hole where water bottles go to disappear. Why carry around a gallon of H2O when you can pack a pint of party?
The "Sneaky Snack" Supremacy: A flask can double as a secret snack stash for those moments when hunger strikes, while a purse just holds boring things like granola bars and fruit snacks. Why munch on trail mix when you can sip on liquid gold?
The "Portable Party" Perk: With a flask in hand, you're always prepared to turn any dull moment into a spontaneous celebration, while a purse is like a silent spectator, quietly observing the world pass by. Who needs small talk when you've got shots?
Here are five humorous reasons why a flask might be considered better than a purse:
The "Liquid Courage" Advantage: A flask provides instant "liquid courage" for those nerve-wracking social situations, while a purse just holds your lip gloss and spare change. Who needs confidence when you've got chapstick?
The "Fashionable Functionality": A flask adds a touch of class to any outfit, turning heads with its sleek design and shiny exterior. Meanwhile, a purse just weighs you down with unnecessary clutter – who needs a wallet when you can pay with charisma?
The "Emergency Hydration" Solution: A flask is always ready to quench your thirst in a pinch, while a purse is like a black hole where water bottles go to disappear. Why carry around a gallon of H2O when you can pack a pint of party?
The "Sneaky Snack" Supremacy: A flask can double as a secret snack stash for those moments when hunger strikes, while a purse just holds boring things like granola bars and fruit snacks. Why munch on trail mix when you can sip on liquid gold?
The "Portable Party" Perk: With a flask in hand, you're always prepared to turn any dull moment into a spontaneous celebration, while a purse is like a silent spectator, quietly observing the world pass by. Who needs small talk when you've got shots?
10 months ago
Drinking is fun though
Or so i'm told memes are my escapism of choice
Many regrettable things can happen when you get shitfaced such as
The "Urgent Urge":
You underestimate your bladder's rebellion after too many drinks and embark on a frantic quest for a restroom, realizing too late that it's already too little, too late.
The "Projectile Protest":
Attempting a discreet vomit session, you find yourself in the wrong spot, spraying your surroundings with an unexpected technicolor yawn.
The "Toilet Tango":
Misjudging the distance, you perform a splashdown maneuver, turning your bathroom into a splashy scene from a water park.
The "Barstool Surprise":
Seeking refuge on a barstool, you discover too late it's already occupied – by your own vomit.
The "Ink Incident":
An uncontrollable laugh leads to an unexpected vomit stream, transforming your night into a messy masterpiece.
Many regrettable things can happen when you get shitfaced such as
The "Urgent Urge":
You underestimate your bladder's rebellion after too many drinks and embark on a frantic quest for a restroom, realizing too late that it's already too little, too late.
The "Projectile Protest":
Attempting a discreet vomit session, you find yourself in the wrong spot, spraying your surroundings with an unexpected technicolor yawn.
The "Toilet Tango":
Misjudging the distance, you perform a splashdown maneuver, turning your bathroom into a splashy scene from a water park.
The "Barstool Surprise":
Seeking refuge on a barstool, you discover too late it's already occupied – by your own vomit.
The "Ink Incident":
An uncontrollable laugh leads to an unexpected vomit stream, transforming your night into a messy masterpiece.
10 months ago
Blood ghosts was a very serious ailment
Nothing a little bit of cocaine couldn't cure though!
Here are some other old timey ailments copious amounts of drugs have probably been prescribed to help with:
"Victorian Vaporspasm":
"A peculiar ailment causing sudden spasms of exaggerated fainting spells, triggered by exposure to scandalous literature or the sight of exposed ankles. Afflicted individuals are often found clutching their chests dramatically and gasping for imaginary smelling salts."
"Edwardian Equestrian Eruption":
"A condition believed to be contracted from overindulgence in horseback riding, resulting in eruptions of miniature horseshoes from the skin. Sufferers are often seen galloping about in a frenzy, leaving behind a trail of hoofprints."
"Georgian Gentry Gout":
"A disease exclusive to the aristocracy, causing an inexplicable craving for cucumber sandwiches and tea served in fine china. Symptoms include a sudden aversion to the common folk and an uncontrollable urge to speak in haughty tones."
"Regency Rumor Rash":
"An affliction characterized by a rash of outlandish rumors spreading across high society like wildfire. Sufferers find themselves at the center of scandalous tales involving secret trysts, stolen jewels, and dastardly plots, whether true or not."
"Napoleonic Noodle Nonsense":
"A bizarre disorder resulting in the uncontrollable urge to recite military strategies and issue orders to imaginary troops. Those afflicted may be found marching through the streets, brandishing makeshift swords and declaring war on unsuspecting pigeons."
Here are some other old timey ailments copious amounts of drugs have probably been prescribed to help with:
"Victorian Vaporspasm":
"A peculiar ailment causing sudden spasms of exaggerated fainting spells, triggered by exposure to scandalous literature or the sight of exposed ankles. Afflicted individuals are often found clutching their chests dramatically and gasping for imaginary smelling salts."
"Edwardian Equestrian Eruption":
"A condition believed to be contracted from overindulgence in horseback riding, resulting in eruptions of miniature horseshoes from the skin. Sufferers are often seen galloping about in a frenzy, leaving behind a trail of hoofprints."
"Georgian Gentry Gout":
"A disease exclusive to the aristocracy, causing an inexplicable craving for cucumber sandwiches and tea served in fine china. Symptoms include a sudden aversion to the common folk and an uncontrollable urge to speak in haughty tones."
"Regency Rumor Rash":
"An affliction characterized by a rash of outlandish rumors spreading across high society like wildfire. Sufferers find themselves at the center of scandalous tales involving secret trysts, stolen jewels, and dastardly plots, whether true or not."
"Napoleonic Noodle Nonsense":
"A bizarre disorder resulting in the uncontrollable urge to recite military strategies and issue orders to imaginary troops. Those afflicted may be found marching through the streets, brandishing makeshift swords and declaring war on unsuspecting pigeons."
