dogs

He loves peanut butter too

Or other dog favorites like licking his own asshole

Nothing you would have added would have been better

Your pets support your frightful alcoholism

The wisdom of DOG is endless

Produces poop not radiation though they have many similarities asides from the color black. Here's a fewof them:

"The Hide-and-Seek Hilarity": "Because just like a black hole, a black dog has a knack for disappearing into the shadows when you least expect it. One moment they're right beside you, and the next, they've vanished into the void—leaving you wondering if they've been sucked into another dimension."

"The Vacuum of Voraciousness": "Because much like a black hole's insatiable appetite for matter, a black dog seems to have a bottomless pit for treats and belly rubs. No matter how much you feed them or how many toys you throw their way, they always seem to want more—just like the gravitational pull of a black hole."

"The Cosmic Canine Connection": "Because both black holes and black dogs have a mysterious allure that draws you in, leaving you mesmerized by their dark depths. Whether it's the infinite expanse of space or the soulful eyes of a furry friend, there's something about the color black that sparks curiosity and wonder."

"The Darkness Dilemma": "Because much like the event horizon of a black hole, a black dog's fur seems to absorb all the light around them—making them appear as if they're floating in a sea of darkness. It's like having your very own cosmic companion right here on Earth."

"The Singularity of Silliness": "Because while black holes may be the most mysterious objects in the universe, black dogs are the goofiest creatures on the planet. Whether they're chasing their tail, barking at their own reflection, or simply lounging in a sunbeam, they remind us that even the darkest corners of the cosmos can be filled with light-hearted laughter."

They absolutely can manipulate us. Because we're dumb? Maybe all we know is that dogs are smarter then all of us reading and writing this and here's a few reasons why:

The Fetch Fiasco: "Because while the dog's out there fetching sticks like a pro athlete, the reader's still trying to figure out why they threw the stick in the first place. It's like watching a game of fetch with a chess master and a checkers champ!"

The Paws for Thought: "Because while the dog's busy solving complex equations like 'Where's the nearest fire hydrant?', the reader's struggling with basic arithmetic like 'How many treats are in a dozen?' Hint: it's not 'a lot.'"

The Bark Brigade Brainwave: "Because while the dog's barking up the right tree to catch squirrels, the reader's still trying to figure out why they can't find their car keys in the fruit bowl. Spoiler alert: they're not fruits, and they don't belong there!"

The Tail-Wagging Takeover: "Because while the dog's mastered the art of diplomacy with the neighbor's cat, the reader's still arguing with their own reflection in the mirror. Who's the real 'good boy' here? Hint: not the one with the reflection."

The Canine Conundrum: "Because while the dog's got street smarts and knows all the neighborhood gossip, the reader's still trying to decipher the hieroglyphics on their takeout menu. Who needs a translator when you've got a furry friend with all the answers?"

Wearing his birthday suit everywhere and should never be ashamed of doing so! Here's a few reasons why dogs should keep being shamelessly naked:

The Furless Fashion: "Because dogs should embrace their birthday suits—it's the original designer wear that never goes out of style. Plus, who needs clothes when you've got a natural fur coat that's always in vogue?"

The Canine Catwalk: "Because dogs are the original fashionistas, strutting their stuff down the sidewalk like it's their own personal runway. Who needs haute couture when you've got a wagging tail and a confident strut?"

The Naked Naptime: "Because dogs know that being naked means never having to worry about getting tangled up in pajamas during a midday snooze. Embrace the au naturel lifestyle and enjoy naptime in all its naked glory!"

The Fetching Freedom: "Because dogs understand that clothes are just unnecessary accessories getting in the way of a good game of fetch. Who needs pants when you've got a ball to chase and a tail to wag?"

The Bare Bones Brilliance: "Because dogs know that being naked means never having to stress about wardrobe malfunctions or getting caught in the rain with soggy clothes. It's all about embracing your inner pup and enjoying life in the buff!"

The dog is going to be an uncle. And a great one at that, possibly the best! Here are some reasons why a dog would be the ultimate uncle:

"Expert Toy Tester": Dogs excel at testing the durability of toys, making them the perfect uncles for rambunctious nieces and nephews. With their unmatched enthusiasm for destruction, they'll ensure that only the toughest toys survive the playtime gauntlet.

"Master of Nap Time Negotiations": Need a break from babysitting duty? Leave it to your canine uncle to handle nap time negotiations with finesse. With a few well-timed yawns and a cozy spot on the couch, they'll have your little ones snoozing in no time—leaving you free to catch up on your own beauty sleep.

"Chief Snack Supervisor": When it comes to snack time, your dog uncle takes his role as chief snack supervisor very seriously. With a keen nose for treats and a talent for begging, he'll ensure that your little ones never go hungry—whether it's sharing his own stash of biscuits or liberating snacks from unsuspecting hands.

"The Ultimate Hide-and-Seek Partner": Dogs are experts at hide-and-seek, making them the ultimate partners in crime for your little adventurers. With their keen sense of smell and boundless energy, they'll turn every game of hide-and-seek into an epic adventure—whether they're hiding in plain sight or leading the search party.

"Masters of the Paw-some Pupdate": Your dog uncle is always up to date on the latest gossip in the neighborhood—whether it's the latest squirrel sightings or the juiciest gossip from the local dog park. With their keen sense of curiosity and unmatched ability to sniff out secrets, they'll keep your little ones entertained for hours with their paw-some pupdates.

Every share this gets i will pet a cat and feed it too. This dog though! Amazing glorious! We've asked a dog who can speak English eloquently and he told us why that dog deserves to be petted:

"Master of the Belly Rub": This dog has perfected the art of the belly rub, transforming even the most stoic humans into enthusiastic belly rubbers. With their expertly executed rolls and irresistible puppy dog eyes, they're the undisputed champion of the belly rub game.

"Chief Snuggle Officer": Need a cuddle buddy? Look no further than this dog, who holds the prestigious title of Chief Snuggle Officer. With their fluffy fur and warm demeanor, they're guaranteed to turn even the coldest hearts into mush with just one snuggle.

"Professional Treat Taste Tester": This dog takes their job as a treat taste tester very seriously. With their discerning palate and unwavering commitment to quality control, they're the ultimate authority on all things tasty—and they're always willing to share their findings with anyone who's willing to pet them.

"Mistress of the Slobber Kiss": Who needs a slobbery kiss from a prince when you can get one from this adorable pooch? With their expertly executed slobber kisses and wagging tail, they're guaranteed to make even the most mundane moments feel like a fairy tale.

"The Zen Master of Fetch": This dog approaches the game of fetch with the wisdom and grace of a Zen master. With their impeccable aim and unwavering focus, they're the ultimate fetch companion—always ready to retrieve the ball and bring it back for another round of fun.

Those are People's NAMES my guy!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:

"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.

"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.

"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.

"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.

"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!

Nuggets are my love language. This was a real fever dream to write here are five humorous reasons why lizards are the "dogs" of the reptile world, especially when it comes to stealing chicken nuggets:

"Nugget Ninja Skills": Lizards may not have opposable thumbs, but they've mastered the art of stealthy snacking. Just like a sneaky dog stealing treats off the counter, lizards use their lightning-fast reflexes to swipe chicken nuggets when no one's looking.

"Tail-Wagging Excitement": Ever seen a lizard's tail wag with excitement? Okay, maybe not, but just imagine the sheer joy and anticipation as they eye up those golden nuggets of deliciousness. It's like watching a puppy waiting for its favorite treat—except with a lot more scales.

"Chicken Nugget Retrieval Training": Forget fetch—lizards are all about "nugget retrieval." Just like a well-trained dog, they'll stop at nothing to fetch their favorite snack, whether it's hidden under a heat lamp or tucked away in a terrarium.

"The Great Chicken Nugget Heist": Picture this: a daring lizard caper to steal the last chicken nugget from the plate. It's like a scene straight out of a heist movie, complete with suspenseful music and slow-motion replays of the epic snatch-and-dash.

"Man's (Reptile's) Best Friend": Move over, Fido—there's a new best friend in town, and it's a lizard with a taste for chicken nuggets. With their loyal companionship and insatiable appetite for fast food, lizards are the ultimate sidekick for any nugget-loving human.

A master of deceit , was probably a spy in a past life
Here are five humorous signs your dog might be smarter than you:

The "Fetch Fiend": Your dog has trained you to play fetch with them for hours on end, while they sit back and watch you do all the work. Who's really the one fetching here?

The "Treat Trickster": Your dog has mastered the art of puppy dog eyes and knows exactly how to manipulate you into giving them treats on demand. You're putty in their paws!

The "Door Dash Dynamo": Your dog has figured out how to open doors and let themselves in and out of the house whenever they please. Meanwhile, you're still struggling to remember where you left your keys.

The "Couch Commando": Your dog has claimed the best spot on the couch and refuses to move, effectively establishing themselves as the ruler of the living room. You're relegated to the floor while they enjoy prime seating.

The "Escape Artist": Your dog has managed to escape from every crate, pen, and fence you've tried to confine them with, leaving you scratching your head and wondering how they pulled off their latest Houdini act.

It's quite illegal I've learned
These ways of holding someones dog for ransom are at least childishly funny

The "Paw-some Pup" Proposition:
Send the owner a ransom note written in "paw-nese," demanding a hefty ransom of treats, belly rubs, and squeaky toys in exchange for the safe return of their beloved fur baby. Don't forget to include a picture of the dog wearing a tiny bandit mask for dramatic effect!

The "Fur-napping Fiasco" Fake-Out:
Dress the dog in a tiny detective costume and send the owner ransom demands written in comic sans font, complete with exaggerated ransom demands like "One million belly scratches or the pawsome pupper gets it!"

The "Bark-tastic Blackmail" Bluff:
Create a ransom video featuring the dog holding a newspaper with the current date and barking out demands for an endless supply of gourmet dog treats and a lifetime subscription to Doggy Digest magazine. It's a pawsitively adorable way to negotiate!

The "Puppy Pirate" Plot:
Leave a series of treasure map clues leading to secret hiding spots where the dog is waiting, dressed as a pirate captain with an eyepatch and a tiny sword. Each clue reveals a piece of the ransom puzzle, leading to a buried treasure of doggy delights.

The "Fur-tive Fiasco" Farce:
Stage a mock doggy heist, complete with an elaborate ransom drop involving briefcases full of tennis balls and chew toys. The owner receives mysterious calls from "Doggy Da Vinci," demanding ransom payments in the form of gourmet kibble and artisanal dog biscuits.

Just a dude and his best friend, you should try it here are some reasons your dog should be your only friend yes i said only

The "No Judgment Zone":
"Because my dog never judges my questionable life choices – he's too busy chasing his tail!"

The "Unconditional Love" Factor:
"My dog loves me even when I forget to feed him. Try getting that kind of loyalty from a human!"

The "No Small Talk" Policy:
"My dog doesn't care about the weather or politics. We bond over important stuff, like who's a good boy."

The "Snuggle Buddy" Solution:
"Who needs friends when you have a fluffy cuddle buddy who's always down for a nap?"

The "Secret Keeper" Secret:
"My dog knows all my embarrassing secrets and doesn't spill the kibble. That's true loyalty!"