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New Content Tagged with
deranged
8 months ago
Run girl or get a gun or both
He seems like he'd make a skin-suit out of her. I guess I'm not allowed to technically say you should shoot him outright *wink wink* so here are some Home Alone style ways you can protect yourself from a dangerous stalker!
DIY Booby Traps: Channel your inner MacGyver and rig up some hilarious yet effective booby traps using household items. Think strategically placed marbles, buckets of slime over doorways, and strategically positioned rubber chickens. Who knew self-defense could be so slapstick?
Fake-Out Escape Plans: Set up fake escape routes that lead nowhere, like a hallway of cardboard cutouts or a secret door that opens to reveal a closet full of old Halloween costumes. Your stalker will be left scratching their head while you make a real getaway.
Inflatable Doppelgangers: Invest in a few life-sized inflatable replicas of yourself to scatter around the house. Your stalker won't know which one is the real you, giving you plenty of time to slip away unnoticed while they're busy interrogating your vinyl doppelgangers.
Kitchen Chaos: Turn your kitchen into a culinary battleground by strategically placing pots, pans, and utensils within arm's reach. When your stalker least expects it, unleash a barrage of flying cookware to send them running for cover—or at least ducking for cover.
Animal Allies: Enlist the help of your furry (or feathery) friends to thwart your stalker's advances. Train your pet parrot to squawk obscenities whenever they approach or teach your cat to trip them up with well-timed leg weaves. After all, who needs a guard dog when you have a guard chicken?
DIY Booby Traps: Channel your inner MacGyver and rig up some hilarious yet effective booby traps using household items. Think strategically placed marbles, buckets of slime over doorways, and strategically positioned rubber chickens. Who knew self-defense could be so slapstick?
Fake-Out Escape Plans: Set up fake escape routes that lead nowhere, like a hallway of cardboard cutouts or a secret door that opens to reveal a closet full of old Halloween costumes. Your stalker will be left scratching their head while you make a real getaway.
Inflatable Doppelgangers: Invest in a few life-sized inflatable replicas of yourself to scatter around the house. Your stalker won't know which one is the real you, giving you plenty of time to slip away unnoticed while they're busy interrogating your vinyl doppelgangers.
Kitchen Chaos: Turn your kitchen into a culinary battleground by strategically placing pots, pans, and utensils within arm's reach. When your stalker least expects it, unleash a barrage of flying cookware to send them running for cover—or at least ducking for cover.
Animal Allies: Enlist the help of your furry (or feathery) friends to thwart your stalker's advances. Train your pet parrot to squawk obscenities whenever they approach or teach your cat to trip them up with well-timed leg weaves. After all, who needs a guard dog when you have a guard chicken?
