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1 year ago
What did she want?
A very risky strategy
Here are five funny ways to get your girlfriend's attention:
The "Skywriter Surprise": Hire a skywriter to spell out your message in the clouds above her house. Bonus points if you include an inside joke or a funny pun!
The "Catwalk Caller": Strut into the room wearing a ridiculous costume or outfit, like a superhero cape or a dinosaur onesie, and dramatically announce your presence like you're on a fashion runway.
The "Musical Messenger": Record a silly song or rap about your relationship and blast it from a boombox outside her window, complete with backup dancers (even if it's just you and your air guitar).
The "Punny Post-It Palooza": Cover her entire room with sticky notes, each one featuring a cheesy pun or a funny message. It's like a scavenger hunt for laughter!
The "Puppy Proposal": Show up at her doorstep with a bunch of adorable puppies wearing signs that spell out your message, whether it's "Will you go out with me?" or "I'm sorry for eating all your snacks."
Here are five funny ways to get your girlfriend's attention:
The "Skywriter Surprise": Hire a skywriter to spell out your message in the clouds above her house. Bonus points if you include an inside joke or a funny pun!
The "Catwalk Caller": Strut into the room wearing a ridiculous costume or outfit, like a superhero cape or a dinosaur onesie, and dramatically announce your presence like you're on a fashion runway.
The "Musical Messenger": Record a silly song or rap about your relationship and blast it from a boombox outside her window, complete with backup dancers (even if it's just you and your air guitar).
The "Punny Post-It Palooza": Cover her entire room with sticky notes, each one featuring a cheesy pun or a funny message. It's like a scavenger hunt for laughter!
The "Puppy Proposal": Show up at her doorstep with a bunch of adorable puppies wearing signs that spell out your message, whether it's "Will you go out with me?" or "I'm sorry for eating all your snacks."
12 months ago
1 year ago
We're on it shitlips
This was one of the best tropes used in 90s animations and i use to love it
We've invented a few of our own for everybody's amusement
"Listen up, Captain Cockup, my apologies for any disrespect. Your brilliance surely conceals a plan beyond my meager understanding."
"Baron Blunderbrain, forgive my impudence. Your schemes are undoubtedly superior, and I am but a lowly minion awaiting your divine instruction."
"Major Moron, please excuse my audacity. Your strategic prowess is unmatched, and I am but a humble servant at your disposal."
"Dr. Dunderhead, I mean no offense. Your malevolent laughter surely heralds a stroke of genius, and I am privileged to serve under your command."
"General Goon, forgive my insolence. Your leadership reigns supreme, and I am but a devoted lackey awaiting your every beck and call."
We've invented a few of our own for everybody's amusement
"Listen up, Captain Cockup, my apologies for any disrespect. Your brilliance surely conceals a plan beyond my meager understanding."
"Baron Blunderbrain, forgive my impudence. Your schemes are undoubtedly superior, and I am but a lowly minion awaiting your divine instruction."
"Major Moron, please excuse my audacity. Your strategic prowess is unmatched, and I am but a humble servant at your disposal."
"Dr. Dunderhead, I mean no offense. Your malevolent laughter surely heralds a stroke of genius, and I am privileged to serve under your command."
"General Goon, forgive my insolence. Your leadership reigns supreme, and I am but a devoted lackey awaiting your every beck and call."
1 year ago
Buy cheaper pizza
Really DO NOT finance a pizza. If that's not enough bad financial advice for you we have you covered with 5 more :
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
1 year ago
Rude but not wrong
Don't fall for NFT's but if you have a positive experience feel free to comment.
Here are some reasons the rude guy is right:
"Because nothing says 'investment opportunity' quite like a pixelated picture of a bored ape or a rainbow-shooting cat. Who needs the Mona Lisa when you can have a JPEG of a dancing pickle, right?"
"It's like a virtual version of trading cards, but instead of collecting valuable athletes or historical figures, you're collecting... well, digital cats with a side of existential dread. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."
"Forget the traditional pyramid scheme, NFTs are the new frontier of 'Hey, wanna buy this thing that only exists in the digital ether and may or may not tank in value faster than a lead balloon?'"
"NFTs: Because who needs financial stability when you can spend your life savings on a picture of a monkey wearing sunglasses? It's not just a purchase, it's a lifestyle statement!"
"Why settle for a boring ol' savings account when you can gamble your hard-earned cash on the chance that someone, somewhere, might want to buy your digital rendition of a stick figure with a bad haircut? It's like Vegas, but with more blockchain!"
Here are some reasons the rude guy is right:
"Because nothing says 'investment opportunity' quite like a pixelated picture of a bored ape or a rainbow-shooting cat. Who needs the Mona Lisa when you can have a JPEG of a dancing pickle, right?"
"It's like a virtual version of trading cards, but instead of collecting valuable athletes or historical figures, you're collecting... well, digital cats with a side of existential dread. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."
"Forget the traditional pyramid scheme, NFTs are the new frontier of 'Hey, wanna buy this thing that only exists in the digital ether and may or may not tank in value faster than a lead balloon?'"
"NFTs: Because who needs financial stability when you can spend your life savings on a picture of a monkey wearing sunglasses? It's not just a purchase, it's a lifestyle statement!"
"Why settle for a boring ol' savings account when you can gamble your hard-earned cash on the chance that someone, somewhere, might want to buy your digital rendition of a stick figure with a bad haircut? It's like Vegas, but with more blockchain!"
1 year ago
Waking up sucks anyway
More fun when you both sleep in
Here are five funny reasons why your girlfriend might wake you up:
The "Dream Interpreter": She's convinced that your dream about being chased by a giant marshmallow means you secretly desire a s'mores-themed vacation.
The "Pillow Thief": She's caught you in the act of stealing all the pillows in your sleep and wants to negotiate a fair distribution before she ends up pillow-less.
The "Midnight Munchies Monitor": She's caught you sleepwalking to the fridge again, and this time, you're eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spatula.
The "Snoring Symphony": She's decided to join in on your nightly duet, harmonizing with your snores in an attempt to create a new hit single titled "The Snorechestra."
The "Blanket Bandit": She's found you cocooned in the bed sheets like a human burrito and wants to make sure you haven't accidentally transformed into a caterpillar overnight.
Here are five funny reasons why your girlfriend might wake you up:
The "Dream Interpreter": She's convinced that your dream about being chased by a giant marshmallow means you secretly desire a s'mores-themed vacation.
The "Pillow Thief": She's caught you in the act of stealing all the pillows in your sleep and wants to negotiate a fair distribution before she ends up pillow-less.
The "Midnight Munchies Monitor": She's caught you sleepwalking to the fridge again, and this time, you're eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spatula.
The "Snoring Symphony": She's decided to join in on your nightly duet, harmonizing with your snores in an attempt to create a new hit single titled "The Snorechestra."
The "Blanket Bandit": She's found you cocooned in the bed sheets like a human burrito and wants to make sure you haven't accidentally transformed into a caterpillar overnight.
1 year ago
Furry chonker that needs a hug
His only accommodation being a bear cage this diabetes tempting furry friend requires a hug! here are some reasons why the fat racoon needs cuddling from you NOW :
"The Fluffy Friendship Fiasco": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like cuddling a living, breathing teddy bear. Sure, they might have a few extra pounds, but that just means there's more raccoon to love—and who could resist snuggling up to all that fuzzy goodness?
"The Chunky Cheek Charade": Have you ever seen a raccoon with chubby cheeks? It's like the marshmallow version of a woodland critter. Hugging one is like squeezing a plush pillow, except this pillow has adorable little hands and a mischievous glint in its eye.
"The Round Rascal Rendezvous": Fat raccoons are like the fluffy marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms—irresistibly squishy and oh-so-huggable. Plus, who doesn't love a little extra cushion for the raccoon pushin'?
"The Rubenesque Raccoon Romance": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like embracing the spirit of self-love. It's a celebration of curves and cuddles, a testament to the beauty of embracing your natural raccoon-esque physique.
"The Plump Pal Parade": Fat raccoons are the life of the party, waddling around with their chubby bellies and infectious enthusiasm. Hugging one is like joining a fluffy parade of adorableness, complete with squishy hugs and playful nibbles. Who could resist joining the fun?
"The Fluffy Friendship Fiasco": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like cuddling a living, breathing teddy bear. Sure, they might have a few extra pounds, but that just means there's more raccoon to love—and who could resist snuggling up to all that fuzzy goodness?
"The Chunky Cheek Charade": Have you ever seen a raccoon with chubby cheeks? It's like the marshmallow version of a woodland critter. Hugging one is like squeezing a plush pillow, except this pillow has adorable little hands and a mischievous glint in its eye.
"The Round Rascal Rendezvous": Fat raccoons are like the fluffy marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms—irresistibly squishy and oh-so-huggable. Plus, who doesn't love a little extra cushion for the raccoon pushin'?
"The Rubenesque Raccoon Romance": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like embracing the spirit of self-love. It's a celebration of curves and cuddles, a testament to the beauty of embracing your natural raccoon-esque physique.
"The Plump Pal Parade": Fat raccoons are the life of the party, waddling around with their chubby bellies and infectious enthusiasm. Hugging one is like joining a fluffy parade of adorableness, complete with squishy hugs and playful nibbles. Who could resist joining the fun?
