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10 months ago
Hamsters make the best evil henchmen
Mainly because they do not fear death for some reason
Other reasons might include
The "Wheel of Misfortune" Maneuver:
Hamsters have incredible stamina from running on their wheels all night, making them perfect for tirelessly chasing down enemies or powering evil lair machinery. No need for expensive energy bills when you have hamster-powered gadgets!
The "Squeaky Clean Stealth" Strategy:
Hamsters are expert escape artists and can squeeze through the tiniest of spaces. They'd be the ideal spies, infiltrating enemy bases and gathering intel without a squeak – until they accidentally activate the security system by gnawing on a cable.
The "Cheeky Saboteurs" Scheme:
With their cheek pouches capable of storing an impressive amount of contraband, hamsters could smuggle in gadgets, snacks, or even tiny explosives to sabotage the plans of your arch-nemesis. Just make sure they don't mistake the detonator for a peanut!
The "Furry Distraction" Tactic:
Imagine unleashing a swarm of adorable hamsters in the middle of a high-stakes heist. While everyone is distracted by their cuteness, your hench-hamsters could sneak in and snatch the prize right under their noses – or paws, in this case!
The "Wheelie Good Muscle" Mastery:
Hamsters may be small, but don't underestimate their strength! With their powerful jaws and relentless determination, they could easily chew through obstacles or even gnaw through prison bars to set you free. Just be sure to reward them with plenty of treats afterward – they've earned it!
Other reasons might include
The "Wheel of Misfortune" Maneuver:
Hamsters have incredible stamina from running on their wheels all night, making them perfect for tirelessly chasing down enemies or powering evil lair machinery. No need for expensive energy bills when you have hamster-powered gadgets!
The "Squeaky Clean Stealth" Strategy:
Hamsters are expert escape artists and can squeeze through the tiniest of spaces. They'd be the ideal spies, infiltrating enemy bases and gathering intel without a squeak – until they accidentally activate the security system by gnawing on a cable.
The "Cheeky Saboteurs" Scheme:
With their cheek pouches capable of storing an impressive amount of contraband, hamsters could smuggle in gadgets, snacks, or even tiny explosives to sabotage the plans of your arch-nemesis. Just make sure they don't mistake the detonator for a peanut!
The "Furry Distraction" Tactic:
Imagine unleashing a swarm of adorable hamsters in the middle of a high-stakes heist. While everyone is distracted by their cuteness, your hench-hamsters could sneak in and snatch the prize right under their noses – or paws, in this case!
The "Wheelie Good Muscle" Mastery:
Hamsters may be small, but don't underestimate their strength! With their powerful jaws and relentless determination, they could easily chew through obstacles or even gnaw through prison bars to set you free. Just be sure to reward them with plenty of treats afterward – they've earned it!
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
