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9 months ago
What are the odds?
Technically not a serial killer if you're on your first victim
If statistic boggle you try these ways of serial killer avoidance
The "Netflix Defense":
"Busy binge-watching crime shows. No time for real-life serial killers!"
The "Safe Spaces" Strategy:
"Only hang out in well-lit, crowded areas. Serial killers prefer dark alleys."
The "Boring Target" Theory:
"Too dull to attract a serial killer's attention. My sock drawer is my most exciting hobby!"
The "No-Stalker Zone" Zone:
"Carry a 'no serial killers allowed' sign. It's like a force field, but for creeps."
The "Murder-Free Mondays" Mantra:
"Strict 'no-serial-killers-on-Mondays' policy. It's in my calendar!"
If statistic boggle you try these ways of serial killer avoidance
The "Netflix Defense":
"Busy binge-watching crime shows. No time for real-life serial killers!"
The "Safe Spaces" Strategy:
"Only hang out in well-lit, crowded areas. Serial killers prefer dark alleys."
The "Boring Target" Theory:
"Too dull to attract a serial killer's attention. My sock drawer is my most exciting hobby!"
The "No-Stalker Zone" Zone:
"Carry a 'no serial killers allowed' sign. It's like a force field, but for creeps."
The "Murder-Free Mondays" Mantra:
"Strict 'no-serial-killers-on-Mondays' policy. It's in my calendar!"
9 months ago
Hookers and Blow could save any social situation
They improve everything they touch. They sure saved me from my friends family and well paying job! They might save Christmas too! Hope i got the right hookers and Blow though:
"The Naughty North Pole": Santa's workshop gets a much-needed makeover when the elves trade in their toy-making tools for a wild night of debauchery with hookers and blow. Who needs sugar plums when you've got strippers and powdered snow?
"The Reindeer Rave": Forget about sleigh bells—this year, Santa's reindeer are dashing through the snow with a little extra pep in their step, courtesy of some festive party favors. With hookers on the reins and blow in their noses, they're sure to deliver Christmas cheer like never before.
"The Jolly Junkie Jamboree": When the elves accidentally mix up the naughty and nice lists, Santa's forced to improvise with a last-minute hookup with his favorite call girl and a hefty dose of holiday blow. It's a Christmas miracle—and one hell of a ride down the chimney.
"The Frosty Fiasco": When Frosty the Snowman comes to life, he's in for a wild ride as he discovers the joys of hookers and blow. With a corncob pipe in one hand and a baggie of snow in the other, he's ready to sleigh all night long.
"The Merry Madam Miracle": Mrs. Claus takes matters into her own hands when Santa gets stuck in a chimney, enlisting the help of her trusty hookers and blow to save Christmas. With a little holiday magic and a whole lot of illicit substances, they're sure to spread cheer to all the good girls and boys.
"The Naughty North Pole": Santa's workshop gets a much-needed makeover when the elves trade in their toy-making tools for a wild night of debauchery with hookers and blow. Who needs sugar plums when you've got strippers and powdered snow?
"The Reindeer Rave": Forget about sleigh bells—this year, Santa's reindeer are dashing through the snow with a little extra pep in their step, courtesy of some festive party favors. With hookers on the reins and blow in their noses, they're sure to deliver Christmas cheer like never before.
"The Jolly Junkie Jamboree": When the elves accidentally mix up the naughty and nice lists, Santa's forced to improvise with a last-minute hookup with his favorite call girl and a hefty dose of holiday blow. It's a Christmas miracle—and one hell of a ride down the chimney.
"The Frosty Fiasco": When Frosty the Snowman comes to life, he's in for a wild ride as he discovers the joys of hookers and blow. With a corncob pipe in one hand and a baggie of snow in the other, he's ready to sleigh all night long.
"The Merry Madam Miracle": Mrs. Claus takes matters into her own hands when Santa gets stuck in a chimney, enlisting the help of her trusty hookers and blow to save Christmas. With a little holiday magic and a whole lot of illicit substances, they're sure to spread cheer to all the good girls and boys.
9 months ago
Please don't
Regardless of location , please don't
In case you still want to have 5 reasons why this might not be the best idea
Tiny Portions: Gerbils are notorious for their small size, so if you're looking for a hearty meal, you might end up with just a nibble!
Exercise Routine: Gerbils are known for their energetic nature, so eating them might give you a sudden burst of energy – but good luck trying to sit still afterward!
Furball Fiasco: Gerbils have a lot of fur, which could lead to an unexpected and unpleasant hairball situation. Not exactly appetizing!
Cheeky Business: Have you ever tried to eat something with cheeks stuffed full of food? Gerbils have! And let's just say it's not the most graceful dining experience.
Rodent Reviews: If you think Yelp reviews for restaurants can be brutal, just wait until the gerbil community hears about your dining choices. You'll be the talk of the (hamster) wheel for all the wrong reasons!
In case you still want to have 5 reasons why this might not be the best idea
Tiny Portions: Gerbils are notorious for their small size, so if you're looking for a hearty meal, you might end up with just a nibble!
Exercise Routine: Gerbils are known for their energetic nature, so eating them might give you a sudden burst of energy – but good luck trying to sit still afterward!
Furball Fiasco: Gerbils have a lot of fur, which could lead to an unexpected and unpleasant hairball situation. Not exactly appetizing!
Cheeky Business: Have you ever tried to eat something with cheeks stuffed full of food? Gerbils have! And let's just say it's not the most graceful dining experience.
Rodent Reviews: If you think Yelp reviews for restaurants can be brutal, just wait until the gerbil community hears about your dining choices. You'll be the talk of the (hamster) wheel for all the wrong reasons!
9 months ago
Hide it behind something green
You buy the ice cream you deserve the lions share plus kids are smaller then you
We do have some reasons why they should find a job as early as 6 years old like in the olden days though
"Tiny Hands, Big Work Ethic":
"Who needs adult workers when you have tiny, nimble-fingered children ready to tackle the toughest tasks? Plus, think of the money saved on office supplies – those little hands are perfect for stapling!"
"CEO: Chief Executive Offspring":
"Why wait until adulthood to climb the corporate ladder? With child labor laws abolished, we can start grooming the next generation of CEOs straight out of the sandbox. Just imagine the boardroom meetings with juice boxes and crayons!"
"Nap Time is for Quitters":
"Forget mandated breaks – with child labor laws out of the picture, we can keep our workforce going 24/7! Who needs sleep when you have endless energy and an unlimited supply of candy?"
"School's Out Forever":
"Why waste time in classrooms when there's real-world experience to be gained? Abolishing child labor laws means children can skip school and jump straight into the workforce. After all, who needs math when you have manual labor?"
"Playtime is Overrated":
"With child labor laws abolished, we can put an end to frivolous activities like playing and socializing. It's time to instill a strong work ethic from a young age – because nothing builds character like a 12-hour shift in a coal mine!"
We do have some reasons why they should find a job as early as 6 years old like in the olden days though
"Tiny Hands, Big Work Ethic":
"Who needs adult workers when you have tiny, nimble-fingered children ready to tackle the toughest tasks? Plus, think of the money saved on office supplies – those little hands are perfect for stapling!"
"CEO: Chief Executive Offspring":
"Why wait until adulthood to climb the corporate ladder? With child labor laws abolished, we can start grooming the next generation of CEOs straight out of the sandbox. Just imagine the boardroom meetings with juice boxes and crayons!"
"Nap Time is for Quitters":
"Forget mandated breaks – with child labor laws out of the picture, we can keep our workforce going 24/7! Who needs sleep when you have endless energy and an unlimited supply of candy?"
"School's Out Forever":
"Why waste time in classrooms when there's real-world experience to be gained? Abolishing child labor laws means children can skip school and jump straight into the workforce. After all, who needs math when you have manual labor?"
"Playtime is Overrated":
"With child labor laws abolished, we can put an end to frivolous activities like playing and socializing. It's time to instill a strong work ethic from a young age – because nothing builds character like a 12-hour shift in a coal mine!"
7 months ago
9 months ago
Asking the real questions
Would YOU still date your now worm girlfriend? You should! It's the best thing that's ever happened to you according to reasons we made up!
The Cuddle Critter: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm means you'll never have to worry about finding a snuggle buddy—just slip her into your pocket and take her wherever you go for some slimy, squishy affection!"
The Low-Maintenance Love: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm eliminates the need for fancy dates and expensive gifts—just toss her some dirt and watch her wiggle with joy. Who needs roses when you've got earthworms?"
The Relationship Retreat: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm gives a whole new meaning to 'burrowing into each other's hearts'—literally! Now you can spend quality time together underground, away from the stresses of the surface world."
The Nature's Nuptials: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm makes for the perfect eco-friendly wedding—no need for extravagant venues or fancy dresses, just a garden and a handful of soil. Plus, think of the savings on catering!"
The Slimy Serenade: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm means you'll never be alone when it's time to sing in the rain—just grab your trusty worm-girlfriend and duet to your heart's content. Who needs a karaoke machine when you've got Mother Nature's backup singers?"
The Cuddle Critter: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm means you'll never have to worry about finding a snuggle buddy—just slip her into your pocket and take her wherever you go for some slimy, squishy affection!"
The Low-Maintenance Love: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm eliminates the need for fancy dates and expensive gifts—just toss her some dirt and watch her wiggle with joy. Who needs roses when you've got earthworms?"
The Relationship Retreat: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm gives a whole new meaning to 'burrowing into each other's hearts'—literally! Now you can spend quality time together underground, away from the stresses of the surface world."
The Nature's Nuptials: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm makes for the perfect eco-friendly wedding—no need for extravagant venues or fancy dresses, just a garden and a handful of soil. Plus, think of the savings on catering!"
The Slimy Serenade: "Because your girlfriend turning into a worm means you'll never be alone when it's time to sing in the rain—just grab your trusty worm-girlfriend and duet to your heart's content. Who needs a karaoke machine when you've got Mother Nature's backup singers?"
7 months ago
