Register for a no ad experience.
9 months ago
12 months ago
Rocket scientist
It's not brain surgery is it? It's not. So here's a few reasons rocket science is not brain surgery!
Their precision is out of this world... literally: Rocket scientists are used to calculating trajectories to the nth decimal place, but when it comes to delicate brain surgery, a slip of the scalpel could turn your gray matter into mush faster than you can say "Houston, we have a problem."
They mix up tools from their day job: Imagine going in for a routine brain scan and suddenly finding yourself strapped into a centrifuge or being told you need a boost from a solid rocket booster to jump-start your neurons.
Their patients keep floating away during surgery: Zero-gravity environments might be great for space exploration, but they're less than ideal for keeping patients anchored to the operating table. Plus, have you ever tried to perform intricate surgery while floating upside down? Not recommended.
Their bedside manner is more like an alien encounter: Instead of offering comforting words and reassurance, they start babbling about quantum physics and black holes, leaving you more confused and terrified than before.
They're used to solving problems that are, quite literally, out of this world: Sure, they can navigate the complexities of rocket propulsion and orbital mechanics, but ask them to locate the hippocampus or differentiate between the cerebellum and the cerebrum, and suddenly they're lost in a sea of gray matter.
Their precision is out of this world... literally: Rocket scientists are used to calculating trajectories to the nth decimal place, but when it comes to delicate brain surgery, a slip of the scalpel could turn your gray matter into mush faster than you can say "Houston, we have a problem."
They mix up tools from their day job: Imagine going in for a routine brain scan and suddenly finding yourself strapped into a centrifuge or being told you need a boost from a solid rocket booster to jump-start your neurons.
Their patients keep floating away during surgery: Zero-gravity environments might be great for space exploration, but they're less than ideal for keeping patients anchored to the operating table. Plus, have you ever tried to perform intricate surgery while floating upside down? Not recommended.
Their bedside manner is more like an alien encounter: Instead of offering comforting words and reassurance, they start babbling about quantum physics and black holes, leaving you more confused and terrified than before.
They're used to solving problems that are, quite literally, out of this world: Sure, they can navigate the complexities of rocket propulsion and orbital mechanics, but ask them to locate the hippocampus or differentiate between the cerebellum and the cerebrum, and suddenly they're lost in a sea of gray matter.
9 months ago
9 months ago
12 months ago
Man's got a point
Doubt they think the movie theater is anything but scary too. But maybe these parents read a weird parenting book filled with reasons why people just love their weak pullout game enhancing the movie you paid unreasonably much to see! Here are some reasons from that book we might have made up:
"Instant Emotional Soundtrack": Who needs surround sound when you have a crying baby providing the perfect dramatic soundtrack for every scene? It's like having a built-in emotional rollercoaster, complete with unexpected twists and turns.
"Improvised Comedy Show": When the tension rises on screen, there's nothing like the comedic relief of a wailing infant to lighten the mood. Suddenly, the serious drama becomes a slapstick comedy as everyone tries to stifle their laughter.
"Interactive Audience Participation": Forget silent contemplation—crying babies encourage audience participation like never before. From sympathetic sighs to whispered reassurances, everyone in the theater becomes part of the immersive experience.
"Free Stress Relief": Who needs expensive therapy sessions when you can unleash your frustrations on a crying baby? It's like a group therapy session for the price of a movie ticket—just remember to bring your own earplugs.
"Unexpected Plot Twists": Just when you think you know where the movie is going, a crying baby throws a curveball that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will they stop crying? Will they escalate to full-blown meltdown? The suspense is unbearable—in the best possible way.
"Instant Emotional Soundtrack": Who needs surround sound when you have a crying baby providing the perfect dramatic soundtrack for every scene? It's like having a built-in emotional rollercoaster, complete with unexpected twists and turns.
"Improvised Comedy Show": When the tension rises on screen, there's nothing like the comedic relief of a wailing infant to lighten the mood. Suddenly, the serious drama becomes a slapstick comedy as everyone tries to stifle their laughter.
"Interactive Audience Participation": Forget silent contemplation—crying babies encourage audience participation like never before. From sympathetic sighs to whispered reassurances, everyone in the theater becomes part of the immersive experience.
"Free Stress Relief": Who needs expensive therapy sessions when you can unleash your frustrations on a crying baby? It's like a group therapy session for the price of a movie ticket—just remember to bring your own earplugs.
"Unexpected Plot Twists": Just when you think you know where the movie is going, a crying baby throws a curveball that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will they stop crying? Will they escalate to full-blown meltdown? The suspense is unbearable—in the best possible way.
12 months ago
Top tier banter
She won...hands down she won
Here are five humorous ways to embarrass your brother in public:
The "Singing Sibling Serenade" Strategy:
Belt out his favorite childhood songs at the top of your lungs whenever you're out together, complete with exaggerated dance moves and dramatic gestures. Bonus points for choosing embarrassing tunes like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or the Barney theme song.
The "Fashion Police Prank" Ploy:
Show up to his workplace or a social event wearing matching outfits, whether it's matching Hawaiian shirts, neon spandex, or superhero costumes. Then proceed to loudly proclaim your status as the ultimate sibling fashion icons.
The "Sibling Secrets Spill" Shenanigan:
Casually drop embarrassing childhood stories or inside jokes into conversation with his friends or coworkers, making sure to embellish the details for maximum cringe factor. Nothing says "bonding moment" like reminiscing about that time he got stuck in the doggy door.
The "Public PDA Parade" Plan:
Shower him with overly affectionate hugs, kisses, and declarations of love whenever you're in public together, much to his dismay. Bonus points for using embarrassing pet names like "Snugglebug" or "Cuddlebuns" within earshot of his crush.
The "Talent Show Tease" Tactic:
Sign him up for an open mic night or talent show without his knowledge and prepare a hilariously terrible performance in his name, whether it's an off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or an interpretive dance to the Macarena. Sit back and watch as he squirms in embarrassment from the audience.
Here are five humorous ways to embarrass your brother in public:
The "Singing Sibling Serenade" Strategy:
Belt out his favorite childhood songs at the top of your lungs whenever you're out together, complete with exaggerated dance moves and dramatic gestures. Bonus points for choosing embarrassing tunes like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or the Barney theme song.
The "Fashion Police Prank" Ploy:
Show up to his workplace or a social event wearing matching outfits, whether it's matching Hawaiian shirts, neon spandex, or superhero costumes. Then proceed to loudly proclaim your status as the ultimate sibling fashion icons.
The "Sibling Secrets Spill" Shenanigan:
Casually drop embarrassing childhood stories or inside jokes into conversation with his friends or coworkers, making sure to embellish the details for maximum cringe factor. Nothing says "bonding moment" like reminiscing about that time he got stuck in the doggy door.
The "Public PDA Parade" Plan:
Shower him with overly affectionate hugs, kisses, and declarations of love whenever you're in public together, much to his dismay. Bonus points for using embarrassing pet names like "Snugglebug" or "Cuddlebuns" within earshot of his crush.
The "Talent Show Tease" Tactic:
Sign him up for an open mic night or talent show without his knowledge and prepare a hilariously terrible performance in his name, whether it's an off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or an interpretive dance to the Macarena. Sit back and watch as he squirms in embarrassment from the audience.
12 months ago
Every safety brief is someone who was dumb before
Reading all instructions on products and imagining why they're there.
Here are five more humorous real-life human actions that led to products having warning labels:
"The "Don't Use Chainsaw as a Toy" Catastrophe": It's hard to believe, but there have been cases where individuals attempted to use chainsaws as playthings, leading to injuries and even more bizarrely, damaged property. Chainsaws now come with warnings like "Do not use for cutting objects other than wood," because apparently, some people need to be reminded that chainsaws are not toys.
"The "Don't Stick Fingers in Toaster" Debacle": Despite the obvious danger, there have been instances where people tried to retrieve toast from a toaster using their fingers, resulting in burns and singed digits. Toasters now come with warnings advising against this dangerous practice, because apparently, some people need to be told not to play with fire.
"The "Don't Dry Pet in Microwave" Dilemma": In an act of sheer absurdity, some pet owners attempted to dry their wet pets in the microwave, leading to injuries and traumatized animals. Microwaves now come with warnings explicitly stating "Do not use to dry pets," because apparently, some people need to be reminded that microwaves are for food, not furry friends.
"The "Don't Stand on Toilets" Blunder": Despite being designed for sitting, there have been cases where individuals attempted to stand on toilets for various reasons, resulting in falls and broken fixtures. Toilet manufacturers now include warnings like "Do not stand on toilet seat," because apparently, some people need to be told how to use basic bathroom facilities.
"The "Don't Drink Liquid Soap" Fiasco": In a moment of confusion, some individuals mistook liquid soap for a beverage and attempted to drink it, leading to gastrointestinal discomfort and embarrassment. Liquid soap bottles now come with warnings advising against ingestion, because apparently, some people need to be reminded that soap is for washing, not drinking.
Here are five more humorous real-life human actions that led to products having warning labels:
"The "Don't Use Chainsaw as a Toy" Catastrophe": It's hard to believe, but there have been cases where individuals attempted to use chainsaws as playthings, leading to injuries and even more bizarrely, damaged property. Chainsaws now come with warnings like "Do not use for cutting objects other than wood," because apparently, some people need to be reminded that chainsaws are not toys.
"The "Don't Stick Fingers in Toaster" Debacle": Despite the obvious danger, there have been instances where people tried to retrieve toast from a toaster using their fingers, resulting in burns and singed digits. Toasters now come with warnings advising against this dangerous practice, because apparently, some people need to be told not to play with fire.
"The "Don't Dry Pet in Microwave" Dilemma": In an act of sheer absurdity, some pet owners attempted to dry their wet pets in the microwave, leading to injuries and traumatized animals. Microwaves now come with warnings explicitly stating "Do not use to dry pets," because apparently, some people need to be reminded that microwaves are for food, not furry friends.
"The "Don't Stand on Toilets" Blunder": Despite being designed for sitting, there have been cases where individuals attempted to stand on toilets for various reasons, resulting in falls and broken fixtures. Toilet manufacturers now include warnings like "Do not stand on toilet seat," because apparently, some people need to be told how to use basic bathroom facilities.
"The "Don't Drink Liquid Soap" Fiasco": In a moment of confusion, some individuals mistook liquid soap for a beverage and attempted to drink it, leading to gastrointestinal discomfort and embarrassment. Liquid soap bottles now come with warnings advising against ingestion, because apparently, some people need to be reminded that soap is for washing, not drinking.
