Register for a no ad experience.
12 months ago
12 months ago
1 year ago
Not her best day to dress up as a clown
Society makes clowns out of all of us. Maybe dressing up as a clown added some levity to the situation? Probably not but we could think of some upsides to the situation:
"The Clown Crown": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown means you can finally retire as the reigning monarch of heartbreak. Who needs a crown when you can wear a rainbow wig?
"The Pie-in-the-Face Plot Twist": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown adds an unexpected twist to your breakup story. Who needs closure when you can have a custard-filled pie to the face?
"The Tearaway Tuxedo Takedown": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown means you can shed your heartache like a tearaway costume at the end of a circus act. Who needs emotional baggage when you can have a trick wardrobe?
"The Juggling Jilting": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown turns your heartbreak into a high-flying juggling act. Who needs a shoulder to cry on when you can balance your emotions like a pro?
"The Balloon Animal Breakup": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown means you can turn your tears into balloon animals and release them into the wild. Who needs closure when you can have a flock of floating giraffes?
"The Clown Crown": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown means you can finally retire as the reigning monarch of heartbreak. Who needs a crown when you can wear a rainbow wig?
"The Pie-in-the-Face Plot Twist": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown adds an unexpected twist to your breakup story. Who needs closure when you can have a custard-filled pie to the face?
"The Tearaway Tuxedo Takedown": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown means you can shed your heartache like a tearaway costume at the end of a circus act. Who needs emotional baggage when you can have a trick wardrobe?
"The Juggling Jilting": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown turns your heartbreak into a high-flying juggling act. Who needs a shoulder to cry on when you can balance your emotions like a pro?
"The Balloon Animal Breakup": Getting dumped while dressed as a clown means you can turn your tears into balloon animals and release them into the wild. Who needs closure when you can have a flock of floating giraffes?
1 year ago
You'll have lunch ready when she dumps you
Have a feeling she won't be happy with the gift
If you really want to get dumped try one of these
The "Meme Meltdown": Reply to all her messages with nothing but memes for a week straight. Bonus points if you exclusively use breakup-themed memes. Eventually, she might get the hint that you're "memes" apart.
The "Pet Peeve Parade": Compile a list of all her quirky habits and present it to her in the form of a PowerPoint presentation, complete with charts and graphs showing how they've driven you to the brink of insanity. She might decide you're too obsessed with data and charts to be boyfriend material.
The "Food Fiasco": Take her out for a romantic dinner and spend the entire time rating the food and service like a food critic. When she finally confronts you about it, tell her you're breaking up because she didn't order the recommended dish.
The "Tech Troubles": Create a fake virus alert on her computer that says, "Relationship.exe has stopped responding." When she asks you about it, tell her you can't be in a relationship with someone whose computer can't handle your love.
The "Songbird Serenade": Write her a breakup song and perform it at her family reunion in front of all her relatives. Bonus points if you recruit her grandma to play the tambourine. She might decide you're more interested in fame than her.
If you really want to get dumped try one of these
The "Meme Meltdown": Reply to all her messages with nothing but memes for a week straight. Bonus points if you exclusively use breakup-themed memes. Eventually, she might get the hint that you're "memes" apart.
The "Pet Peeve Parade": Compile a list of all her quirky habits and present it to her in the form of a PowerPoint presentation, complete with charts and graphs showing how they've driven you to the brink of insanity. She might decide you're too obsessed with data and charts to be boyfriend material.
The "Food Fiasco": Take her out for a romantic dinner and spend the entire time rating the food and service like a food critic. When she finally confronts you about it, tell her you're breaking up because she didn't order the recommended dish.
The "Tech Troubles": Create a fake virus alert on her computer that says, "Relationship.exe has stopped responding." When she asks you about it, tell her you can't be in a relationship with someone whose computer can't handle your love.
The "Songbird Serenade": Write her a breakup song and perform it at her family reunion in front of all her relatives. Bonus points if you recruit her grandma to play the tambourine. She might decide you're more interested in fame than her.
1 year ago
No one use to be safe
A true visionary, perpetuating the best joke in human history Rick Rolling. Yes it's the best joke ever maybe. Here's a few reasons why:
"The Never Gonna Give You Up Revelation": "Rickrolling introduced an entire generation to the musical stylings of Rick Astley, proving once and for all that '80s pop is the gift that keeps on giving. Who needs Mozart when you've got 'Never Gonna Give You Up' on repeat?"
"The Unstoppable Earworm": "Once you've been rickrolled, there's no going back. That catchy chorus will haunt your dreams, follow you to the grave, and play on an endless loop in your mind until the end of time. Resistance is futile—just embrace the rickroll and let the music take control."
"The Universal Unifier": "Rickrolling brought people together like never before, transcending borders, languages, and cultural divides to create a global phenomenon. Whether you're in Tokyo or Timbuktu, chances are you've fallen victim to the rickroll at least once in your life—and you're better off for it."
"The Rick Astley Renaissance": "Thanks to rickrolling, Rick Astley experienced a resurgence in popularity that no one saw coming. Suddenly, he was back in the spotlight, touring the world, and proving once and for all that he's never gonna give up on his fans—or his fabulous dance moves."
"The Endless Entertainment": "Let's face it—there's nothing funnier than tricking your friends, family, and coworkers into watching a music video they never asked for. The look of betrayal on their faces when they realize they've been rickrolled is priceless—and worth every second of the prankster's delight."
"The Never Gonna Give You Up Revelation": "Rickrolling introduced an entire generation to the musical stylings of Rick Astley, proving once and for all that '80s pop is the gift that keeps on giving. Who needs Mozart when you've got 'Never Gonna Give You Up' on repeat?"
"The Unstoppable Earworm": "Once you've been rickrolled, there's no going back. That catchy chorus will haunt your dreams, follow you to the grave, and play on an endless loop in your mind until the end of time. Resistance is futile—just embrace the rickroll and let the music take control."
"The Universal Unifier": "Rickrolling brought people together like never before, transcending borders, languages, and cultural divides to create a global phenomenon. Whether you're in Tokyo or Timbuktu, chances are you've fallen victim to the rickroll at least once in your life—and you're better off for it."
"The Rick Astley Renaissance": "Thanks to rickrolling, Rick Astley experienced a resurgence in popularity that no one saw coming. Suddenly, he was back in the spotlight, touring the world, and proving once and for all that he's never gonna give up on his fans—or his fabulous dance moves."
"The Endless Entertainment": "Let's face it—there's nothing funnier than tricking your friends, family, and coworkers into watching a music video they never asked for. The look of betrayal on their faces when they realize they've been rickrolled is priceless—and worth every second of the prankster's delight."
1 year ago
Rude but honest
Follow him for more flirting tips, here are five humorous reasons a food delivery person might love an overweight woman customer:
Endless Appetite Appreciation: Who wouldn't love delivering to someone who appreciates food as much as they do? The delivery person knows they'll always be met with excitement and enthusiasm, making every delivery feel like a culinary victory.
Generous Tips Galore: Overweight customers are notorious for their generous tipping habits, ensuring that the delivery person's pockets are always lined with extra cash. Plus, they might even get treated to a bonus snack or two as a token of appreciation!
Built-in Taste Tester: With an overweight customer, there's always the chance of being invited in for a taste test of their latest culinary creations. From homemade cookies to decadent desserts, the delivery person gets to enjoy the perks of being a taste tester on the job.
Friendly Fitness Motivation: Overweight customers are often the most appreciative of a little extra exercise, giving the delivery person the perfect opportunity to get their steps in for the day. It's like getting paid to work out—what's not to love?
Instant Fan Club: Overweight customers are known for their warmth and friendliness, making every delivery feel like a reunion with an old friend. The delivery person knows they'll always be greeted with a smile and maybe even a hug, making their job feel more like a social outing than work.
Endless Appetite Appreciation: Who wouldn't love delivering to someone who appreciates food as much as they do? The delivery person knows they'll always be met with excitement and enthusiasm, making every delivery feel like a culinary victory.
Generous Tips Galore: Overweight customers are notorious for their generous tipping habits, ensuring that the delivery person's pockets are always lined with extra cash. Plus, they might even get treated to a bonus snack or two as a token of appreciation!
Built-in Taste Tester: With an overweight customer, there's always the chance of being invited in for a taste test of their latest culinary creations. From homemade cookies to decadent desserts, the delivery person gets to enjoy the perks of being a taste tester on the job.
Friendly Fitness Motivation: Overweight customers are often the most appreciative of a little extra exercise, giving the delivery person the perfect opportunity to get their steps in for the day. It's like getting paid to work out—what's not to love?
Instant Fan Club: Overweight customers are known for their warmth and friendliness, making every delivery feel like a reunion with an old friend. The delivery person knows they'll always be greeted with a smile and maybe even a hug, making their job feel more like a social outing than work.
1 year ago
Stop it he's already dead
She brought a nuke to a knife fight. Since this guy's here to chew bubblegum and disrespect women and he's all out of bubblegum we asked ourselves why misogynists can't get dates and came up with these reasons so our girlfriends don't dump us :
"The Bro-tastic Backfire:" Misogynists can't get dates because their attempts at bro-ing out with potential partners are about as successful as a fish riding a bicycle. Instead of bonding over shared interests, they're more likely to mansplain football stats and lecture on the merits of Axe body spray—leaving everyone within earshot wondering if they've accidentally stumbled into a frat house.
"The Chauvinistic Checklist Catastrophe:" Misogynists struggle to get dates because their dating criteria are more outdated than a VHS tape. Instead of seeking compatibility and connection, they're more concerned with finding a partner who fits their narrow definition of femininity—preferably one who doesn't challenge their fragile ego or expect basic human decency.
"The Macho Meltdown Misadventure:" Misogynists can't get dates because their idea of seduction is about as smooth as sandpaper. Instead of wooing potential partners with charm and charisma, they're more likely to flex their muscles and brag about their conquests—leaving everyone within earshot rolling their eyes and reaching for the nearest exit.
"The Sexist Self-Sabotage Shuffle:" Misogynists struggle to get dates because they're too busy shooting themselves in the foot with their outdated attitudes and offensive behavior. Instead of treating potential partners with respect and kindness, they're more likely to insult their intelligence and belittle their accomplishments—leaving everyone within earshot wondering why they bother leaving the house.
"The Tinder Trash Talk Trainwreck:" Misogynists can't get dates because their online dating profiles are about as appealing as a soggy sandwich. Instead of showcasing their personality and interests, they're more likely to rant about "feminazis" and complain about being "nice guys"—leaving potential matches swiping left faster than you can say "fragile masculinity."
"The Bro-tastic Backfire:" Misogynists can't get dates because their attempts at bro-ing out with potential partners are about as successful as a fish riding a bicycle. Instead of bonding over shared interests, they're more likely to mansplain football stats and lecture on the merits of Axe body spray—leaving everyone within earshot wondering if they've accidentally stumbled into a frat house.
"The Chauvinistic Checklist Catastrophe:" Misogynists struggle to get dates because their dating criteria are more outdated than a VHS tape. Instead of seeking compatibility and connection, they're more concerned with finding a partner who fits their narrow definition of femininity—preferably one who doesn't challenge their fragile ego or expect basic human decency.
"The Macho Meltdown Misadventure:" Misogynists can't get dates because their idea of seduction is about as smooth as sandpaper. Instead of wooing potential partners with charm and charisma, they're more likely to flex their muscles and brag about their conquests—leaving everyone within earshot rolling their eyes and reaching for the nearest exit.
"The Sexist Self-Sabotage Shuffle:" Misogynists struggle to get dates because they're too busy shooting themselves in the foot with their outdated attitudes and offensive behavior. Instead of treating potential partners with respect and kindness, they're more likely to insult their intelligence and belittle their accomplishments—leaving everyone within earshot wondering why they bother leaving the house.
"The Tinder Trash Talk Trainwreck:" Misogynists can't get dates because their online dating profiles are about as appealing as a soggy sandwich. Instead of showcasing their personality and interests, they're more likely to rant about "feminazis" and complain about being "nice guys"—leaving potential matches swiping left faster than you can say "fragile masculinity."
