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9 months ago
9 months ago
12 months ago
Line cooks are savage
They had to change it because of too many applicants
Here are some humorous reasons why line cooks shouldn't turn to cooking people:
"Menu Mishaps": Human cuisine might be a tad too niche for most diners' tastes. Imagine trying to explain to a customer that tonight's special is "Roasted Karen with a side of Steve Sauté"—not exactly appetizing!
"Health Code Hurdles": Let's face it, human meat isn't exactly FDA-approved. If health inspectors caught wind of your new culinary experiments, you'd be looking at more than just a slap on the wrist—it's straight to chef jail for you!
"Customer Complaints": Ever tried sending back a plate of human flesh because it was too rare? Yeah, good luck with that. Customer satisfaction is key in the restaurant industry, and I don't think "tender with a hint of cannibalism" is what they had in mind.
"Ethical Quandaries": While it might be tempting to add a little variety to your menu, there's something inherently unsettling about turning your fellow humans into a dish. Plus, I hear the vegetarian crowd is particularly vocal about their dietary preferences.
"Legal Limbo": Last time I checked, cannibalism was still illegal in most places. You might have a knack for seasoning and sautéing, but I don't think the courtroom is where you want to showcase your culinary talents. Stick to cooking up creative dishes that won't land you in hot water—pun intended!
Here are some humorous reasons why line cooks shouldn't turn to cooking people:
"Menu Mishaps": Human cuisine might be a tad too niche for most diners' tastes. Imagine trying to explain to a customer that tonight's special is "Roasted Karen with a side of Steve Sauté"—not exactly appetizing!
"Health Code Hurdles": Let's face it, human meat isn't exactly FDA-approved. If health inspectors caught wind of your new culinary experiments, you'd be looking at more than just a slap on the wrist—it's straight to chef jail for you!
"Customer Complaints": Ever tried sending back a plate of human flesh because it was too rare? Yeah, good luck with that. Customer satisfaction is key in the restaurant industry, and I don't think "tender with a hint of cannibalism" is what they had in mind.
"Ethical Quandaries": While it might be tempting to add a little variety to your menu, there's something inherently unsettling about turning your fellow humans into a dish. Plus, I hear the vegetarian crowd is particularly vocal about their dietary preferences.
"Legal Limbo": Last time I checked, cannibalism was still illegal in most places. You might have a knack for seasoning and sautéing, but I don't think the courtroom is where you want to showcase your culinary talents. Stick to cooking up creative dishes that won't land you in hot water—pun intended!
12 months ago
Waking up sucks anyway
More fun when you both sleep in
Here are five funny reasons why your girlfriend might wake you up:
The "Dream Interpreter": She's convinced that your dream about being chased by a giant marshmallow means you secretly desire a s'mores-themed vacation.
The "Pillow Thief": She's caught you in the act of stealing all the pillows in your sleep and wants to negotiate a fair distribution before she ends up pillow-less.
The "Midnight Munchies Monitor": She's caught you sleepwalking to the fridge again, and this time, you're eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spatula.
The "Snoring Symphony": She's decided to join in on your nightly duet, harmonizing with your snores in an attempt to create a new hit single titled "The Snorechestra."
The "Blanket Bandit": She's found you cocooned in the bed sheets like a human burrito and wants to make sure you haven't accidentally transformed into a caterpillar overnight.
Here are five funny reasons why your girlfriend might wake you up:
The "Dream Interpreter": She's convinced that your dream about being chased by a giant marshmallow means you secretly desire a s'mores-themed vacation.
The "Pillow Thief": She's caught you in the act of stealing all the pillows in your sleep and wants to negotiate a fair distribution before she ends up pillow-less.
The "Midnight Munchies Monitor": She's caught you sleepwalking to the fridge again, and this time, you're eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spatula.
The "Snoring Symphony": She's decided to join in on your nightly duet, harmonizing with your snores in an attempt to create a new hit single titled "The Snorechestra."
The "Blanket Bandit": She's found you cocooned in the bed sheets like a human burrito and wants to make sure you haven't accidentally transformed into a caterpillar overnight.
12 months ago
No one use to be safe
A true visionary, perpetuating the best joke in human history Rick Rolling. Yes it's the best joke ever maybe. Here's a few reasons why:
"The Never Gonna Give You Up Revelation": "Rickrolling introduced an entire generation to the musical stylings of Rick Astley, proving once and for all that '80s pop is the gift that keeps on giving. Who needs Mozart when you've got 'Never Gonna Give You Up' on repeat?"
"The Unstoppable Earworm": "Once you've been rickrolled, there's no going back. That catchy chorus will haunt your dreams, follow you to the grave, and play on an endless loop in your mind until the end of time. Resistance is futile—just embrace the rickroll and let the music take control."
"The Universal Unifier": "Rickrolling brought people together like never before, transcending borders, languages, and cultural divides to create a global phenomenon. Whether you're in Tokyo or Timbuktu, chances are you've fallen victim to the rickroll at least once in your life—and you're better off for it."
"The Rick Astley Renaissance": "Thanks to rickrolling, Rick Astley experienced a resurgence in popularity that no one saw coming. Suddenly, he was back in the spotlight, touring the world, and proving once and for all that he's never gonna give up on his fans—or his fabulous dance moves."
"The Endless Entertainment": "Let's face it—there's nothing funnier than tricking your friends, family, and coworkers into watching a music video they never asked for. The look of betrayal on their faces when they realize they've been rickrolled is priceless—and worth every second of the prankster's delight."
"The Never Gonna Give You Up Revelation": "Rickrolling introduced an entire generation to the musical stylings of Rick Astley, proving once and for all that '80s pop is the gift that keeps on giving. Who needs Mozart when you've got 'Never Gonna Give You Up' on repeat?"
"The Unstoppable Earworm": "Once you've been rickrolled, there's no going back. That catchy chorus will haunt your dreams, follow you to the grave, and play on an endless loop in your mind until the end of time. Resistance is futile—just embrace the rickroll and let the music take control."
"The Universal Unifier": "Rickrolling brought people together like never before, transcending borders, languages, and cultural divides to create a global phenomenon. Whether you're in Tokyo or Timbuktu, chances are you've fallen victim to the rickroll at least once in your life—and you're better off for it."
"The Rick Astley Renaissance": "Thanks to rickrolling, Rick Astley experienced a resurgence in popularity that no one saw coming. Suddenly, he was back in the spotlight, touring the world, and proving once and for all that he's never gonna give up on his fans—or his fabulous dance moves."
"The Endless Entertainment": "Let's face it—there's nothing funnier than tricking your friends, family, and coworkers into watching a music video they never asked for. The look of betrayal on their faces when they realize they've been rickrolled is priceless—and worth every second of the prankster's delight."
9 months ago
12 months ago
Can't have shit in Detroit
The city is not specified i'm just assuming but here are a few other things that definitely got stolen in Detroit:
"The Elusive Patio Furniture Pilfering": Imagine waking up to find your entire patio set missing from your backyard. Not just the chairs or the table—everything, from the umbrella to the barbecue grill! How the thieves managed to sneak away with such bulky items without anyone noticing remains a head-scratcher for the ages.
"The Curious Case of the Absent Air Conditioners": In the midst of a scorching summer, residents were left sweating bullets when their window air conditioners mysteriously vanished overnight. The logistics of hauling these heavy units out of apartment windows without anyone hearing—or feeling—the commotion boggle the mind.
"The Great Garden Hose Heist": Picture this: an entire neighborhood's worth of garden hoses disappearing without a trace. The culprits must have been masters of stealth to make off with these unwieldy, snaking tubes of rubber undetected. How they managed to wrangle them into a getaway car is anyone's guess!
"The Vanishing Vacuum Cleaner Vendetta": Vacuum cleaners may not seem like the most glamorous targets for theft, but try telling that to the residents who woke up to find their trusty cleaning companions missing from their closets. Maneuvering these bulky appliances through narrow hallways and down flights of stairs without raising suspicion is no small feat.
"The Mysterious Mattress Mystery": In a puzzling turn of events, an entire apartment building's worth of mattresses disappeared overnight, leaving residents scratching their heads—and their backs—in confusion. The logistics of sneaking these unwieldy sleep surfaces out of cramped urban dwellings without arousing suspicion defy all logic.
"The Elusive Patio Furniture Pilfering": Imagine waking up to find your entire patio set missing from your backyard. Not just the chairs or the table—everything, from the umbrella to the barbecue grill! How the thieves managed to sneak away with such bulky items without anyone noticing remains a head-scratcher for the ages.
"The Curious Case of the Absent Air Conditioners": In the midst of a scorching summer, residents were left sweating bullets when their window air conditioners mysteriously vanished overnight. The logistics of hauling these heavy units out of apartment windows without anyone hearing—or feeling—the commotion boggle the mind.
"The Great Garden Hose Heist": Picture this: an entire neighborhood's worth of garden hoses disappearing without a trace. The culprits must have been masters of stealth to make off with these unwieldy, snaking tubes of rubber undetected. How they managed to wrangle them into a getaway car is anyone's guess!
"The Vanishing Vacuum Cleaner Vendetta": Vacuum cleaners may not seem like the most glamorous targets for theft, but try telling that to the residents who woke up to find their trusty cleaning companions missing from their closets. Maneuvering these bulky appliances through narrow hallways and down flights of stairs without raising suspicion is no small feat.
"The Mysterious Mattress Mystery": In a puzzling turn of events, an entire apartment building's worth of mattresses disappeared overnight, leaving residents scratching their heads—and their backs—in confusion. The logistics of sneaking these unwieldy sleep surfaces out of cramped urban dwellings without arousing suspicion defy all logic.
