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1 year ago
A very uncooperative towel
Some parts are soft but once wet you get the finger daggers
Here are some reasons you should avid drying yourselves with a CAT
"Fur-tastic Fluffiness":
"Using a cat as a towel means trading wetness for fur-tastic fluffiness, leaving you covered in more hair than a shedding season."
"Paw-sitively Purr-fect Prints":
"Drying off with a cat's paws might sound cute, but you'll end up with paw prints everywhere, along with a mosaic of muddy marks and scratches!"
"Catastrophic Cleanup Crew":
"Expect a catastrophic cleanup crew if you use a cat as a towel – their grooming habits might leave you cleaner, but you'll deal with hairballs galore."
"Meow-t of Resistance":
"Drying off with a cat guarantees a meow-t of resistance, with clawed protests and a soggy feline frenzy."
"Tail of Tangled Troubles":
"Using a cat as a towel leads to a tail of tangled troubles, leaving you wrapped in a furry fiasco and your cat with a grudge."
Here are some reasons you should avid drying yourselves with a CAT
"Fur-tastic Fluffiness":
"Using a cat as a towel means trading wetness for fur-tastic fluffiness, leaving you covered in more hair than a shedding season."
"Paw-sitively Purr-fect Prints":
"Drying off with a cat's paws might sound cute, but you'll end up with paw prints everywhere, along with a mosaic of muddy marks and scratches!"
"Catastrophic Cleanup Crew":
"Expect a catastrophic cleanup crew if you use a cat as a towel – their grooming habits might leave you cleaner, but you'll deal with hairballs galore."
"Meow-t of Resistance":
"Drying off with a cat guarantees a meow-t of resistance, with clawed protests and a soggy feline frenzy."
"Tail of Tangled Troubles":
"Using a cat as a towel leads to a tail of tangled troubles, leaving you wrapped in a furry fiasco and your cat with a grudge."
1 year ago
1 year ago
Getting a promotion
Also less competition. A rich private school is a gold mine for a drug dealer and here's some reasons why:
The Exclusive Market: "Because a rich private school is like the VIP section of the drug dealing world—where else can you find a clientele with trust funds and a taste for designer drugs? It's like selling caviar to fish."
The Academic Pressure: "Because a rich private school is a pressure cooker of stress and anxiety—what better way to cope with the existential dread of final exams than with a little something to take the edge off? Who needs Adderall when you've got Ambien?"
The Extracurricular Escapades: "Because a rich private school is a breeding ground for rebellion—when your parents have already bought your future, why not indulge in a little recreational rebellion? Cocaine and calculus go together like PB&J, right?"
The Parental Disconnect: "Because a rich private school is like a fortress of privilege, where helicopter parents hover at a safe distance—what better place to fly under the radar and peddle your wares? Just make sure to avoid the PTA meetings."
The Rich Kids' Revolt: "Because a rich private school is a powder keg of entitlement and boredom—what better way to stick it to the man than by turning the student lounge into your own personal pharmacy? It's like Robin Hood, but with Xanax instead of bows and arrows."
The Exclusive Market: "Because a rich private school is like the VIP section of the drug dealing world—where else can you find a clientele with trust funds and a taste for designer drugs? It's like selling caviar to fish."
The Academic Pressure: "Because a rich private school is a pressure cooker of stress and anxiety—what better way to cope with the existential dread of final exams than with a little something to take the edge off? Who needs Adderall when you've got Ambien?"
The Extracurricular Escapades: "Because a rich private school is a breeding ground for rebellion—when your parents have already bought your future, why not indulge in a little recreational rebellion? Cocaine and calculus go together like PB&J, right?"
The Parental Disconnect: "Because a rich private school is like a fortress of privilege, where helicopter parents hover at a safe distance—what better place to fly under the radar and peddle your wares? Just make sure to avoid the PTA meetings."
The Rich Kids' Revolt: "Because a rich private school is a powder keg of entitlement and boredom—what better way to stick it to the man than by turning the student lounge into your own personal pharmacy? It's like Robin Hood, but with Xanax instead of bows and arrows."
11 months ago
1 year ago
Nature is healing
Onlyfans awaits them with open arms. Realtors suck and overcharge us in an already horrible housing market. They should get other jobs and here is why:
"The Houseplant Hypocrisy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time watering houseplants at open houses than actually closing deals. Who needs a realtor when you can have a part-time botanist?
"The Door-to-Door Drama Queen": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of getting chased off porches by angry homeowners mistaking them for aggressive salespeople. Who needs door-to-door sales when you can have door-to-door hide-and-seek?
"The Open House Opera Singer": Realtors should find other jobs because their rendition of "Home, Sweet Home" at every open house is driving away potential buyers faster than you can say "foreclosure." Who needs real estate when you can have real estate karaoke?
"The Property Porn Ploy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time scrolling through listings on Zillow than actually showing houses. Who needs a realtor when you can have a professional property stalker?
"The Keyless Conundrum": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of misplacing the keys to every house they're supposed to show. Who needs keys when you can have a universal "open sesame" spell?
"The Houseplant Hypocrisy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time watering houseplants at open houses than actually closing deals. Who needs a realtor when you can have a part-time botanist?
"The Door-to-Door Drama Queen": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of getting chased off porches by angry homeowners mistaking them for aggressive salespeople. Who needs door-to-door sales when you can have door-to-door hide-and-seek?
"The Open House Opera Singer": Realtors should find other jobs because their rendition of "Home, Sweet Home" at every open house is driving away potential buyers faster than you can say "foreclosure." Who needs real estate when you can have real estate karaoke?
"The Property Porn Ploy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time scrolling through listings on Zillow than actually showing houses. Who needs a realtor when you can have a professional property stalker?
"The Keyless Conundrum": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of misplacing the keys to every house they're supposed to show. Who needs keys when you can have a universal "open sesame" spell?
1 year ago
The opposite of wholesome
This just bummed me out a bit
Here are five cringeworthy social media statuses about breakups:
"Just changed my relationship status to 'single'... because apparently, 'in a relationship with Netflix' isn't a valid option. #NetflixAndNoChill"
"It's official: I'm now accepting applications for a rebound relationship. Must love dogs and tolerate my questionable taste in romantic comedies. Apply within!"
"Breaking up is like unfollowing someone in real life. Consider this your notification that I'm unfriending you from my heart. #UnfriendZone"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm now single and ready to mingle with anyone who doesn't snore louder than a chainsaw. #NoSnoreMoreAmour"
"Just realized my ex's favorite emoji was the trash can. Well, joke's on them – I've upgraded to the recycling bin. ♻️ #DumpedAndGreen"
Here are five cringeworthy social media statuses about breakups:
"Just changed my relationship status to 'single'... because apparently, 'in a relationship with Netflix' isn't a valid option. #NetflixAndNoChill"
"It's official: I'm now accepting applications for a rebound relationship. Must love dogs and tolerate my questionable taste in romantic comedies. Apply within!"
"Breaking up is like unfollowing someone in real life. Consider this your notification that I'm unfriending you from my heart. #UnfriendZone"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm now single and ready to mingle with anyone who doesn't snore louder than a chainsaw. #NoSnoreMoreAmour"
"Just realized my ex's favorite emoji was the trash can. Well, joke's on them – I've upgraded to the recycling bin. ♻️ #DumpedAndGreen"
1 year ago
Obey the law
Even in a game called grand theft auto
Who knows? It might be fun! Maybe there's something to this madness:
"The Virtue of Virtual Virtuosity": In a game where stealing cars and evading police are the norm, sticking to the speed limit and using your blinker is a rebellious act of digital virtue. It's like being a saint in a den of thieves, except with more explosions.
"The Sublime Subversion": Nothing subverts expectations quite like following the rules in a game designed for chaos. It's like bringing a cucumber sandwich to a gunfight—a delightful twist that leaves everyone scratching their heads.
"The Serenity of Signal Singularity": Using your turn signal in Grand Theft Auto is a declaration of defiance against the anarchy of the digital streets. It's a small gesture with big implications: a beacon of order in a sea of virtual madness.
"The Irony of Obedient Outlaws": Embracing traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto is the ultimate irony—an act of rebellion disguised as conformity. It's like wearing a three-piece suit to a punk rock concert: unexpected, absurd, and undeniably entertaining.
"The Joy of Juxtaposition": In a world where chaos reigns supreme, embracing order is a form of rebellion in itself. It's like wearing a monocle in a mosh pit or reciting Shakespeare in a street brawl—a delightful clash of opposites that defies expectations and delights the senses.
Who knows? It might be fun! Maybe there's something to this madness:
"The Virtue of Virtual Virtuosity": In a game where stealing cars and evading police are the norm, sticking to the speed limit and using your blinker is a rebellious act of digital virtue. It's like being a saint in a den of thieves, except with more explosions.
"The Sublime Subversion": Nothing subverts expectations quite like following the rules in a game designed for chaos. It's like bringing a cucumber sandwich to a gunfight—a delightful twist that leaves everyone scratching their heads.
"The Serenity of Signal Singularity": Using your turn signal in Grand Theft Auto is a declaration of defiance against the anarchy of the digital streets. It's a small gesture with big implications: a beacon of order in a sea of virtual madness.
"The Irony of Obedient Outlaws": Embracing traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto is the ultimate irony—an act of rebellion disguised as conformity. It's like wearing a three-piece suit to a punk rock concert: unexpected, absurd, and undeniably entertaining.
"The Joy of Juxtaposition": In a world where chaos reigns supreme, embracing order is a form of rebellion in itself. It's like wearing a monocle in a mosh pit or reciting Shakespeare in a street brawl—a delightful clash of opposites that defies expectations and delights the senses.
