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1 year ago
A very uncooperative towel
Some parts are soft but once wet you get the finger daggers
Here are some reasons you should avid drying yourselves with a CAT
"Fur-tastic Fluffiness":
"Using a cat as a towel means trading wetness for fur-tastic fluffiness, leaving you covered in more hair than a shedding season."
"Paw-sitively Purr-fect Prints":
"Drying off with a cat's paws might sound cute, but you'll end up with paw prints everywhere, along with a mosaic of muddy marks and scratches!"
"Catastrophic Cleanup Crew":
"Expect a catastrophic cleanup crew if you use a cat as a towel – their grooming habits might leave you cleaner, but you'll deal with hairballs galore."
"Meow-t of Resistance":
"Drying off with a cat guarantees a meow-t of resistance, with clawed protests and a soggy feline frenzy."
"Tail of Tangled Troubles":
"Using a cat as a towel leads to a tail of tangled troubles, leaving you wrapped in a furry fiasco and your cat with a grudge."
Here are some reasons you should avid drying yourselves with a CAT
"Fur-tastic Fluffiness":
"Using a cat as a towel means trading wetness for fur-tastic fluffiness, leaving you covered in more hair than a shedding season."
"Paw-sitively Purr-fect Prints":
"Drying off with a cat's paws might sound cute, but you'll end up with paw prints everywhere, along with a mosaic of muddy marks and scratches!"
"Catastrophic Cleanup Crew":
"Expect a catastrophic cleanup crew if you use a cat as a towel – their grooming habits might leave you cleaner, but you'll deal with hairballs galore."
"Meow-t of Resistance":
"Drying off with a cat guarantees a meow-t of resistance, with clawed protests and a soggy feline frenzy."
"Tail of Tangled Troubles":
"Using a cat as a towel leads to a tail of tangled troubles, leaving you wrapped in a furry fiasco and your cat with a grudge."
1 year ago
Bamboozeled
A nice way to enjoy going to prom
Here are five humorous reasons why a flask might be considered better than a purse:
The "Liquid Courage" Advantage: A flask provides instant "liquid courage" for those nerve-wracking social situations, while a purse just holds your lip gloss and spare change. Who needs confidence when you've got chapstick?
The "Fashionable Functionality": A flask adds a touch of class to any outfit, turning heads with its sleek design and shiny exterior. Meanwhile, a purse just weighs you down with unnecessary clutter – who needs a wallet when you can pay with charisma?
The "Emergency Hydration" Solution: A flask is always ready to quench your thirst in a pinch, while a purse is like a black hole where water bottles go to disappear. Why carry around a gallon of H2O when you can pack a pint of party?
The "Sneaky Snack" Supremacy: A flask can double as a secret snack stash for those moments when hunger strikes, while a purse just holds boring things like granola bars and fruit snacks. Why munch on trail mix when you can sip on liquid gold?
The "Portable Party" Perk: With a flask in hand, you're always prepared to turn any dull moment into a spontaneous celebration, while a purse is like a silent spectator, quietly observing the world pass by. Who needs small talk when you've got shots?
Here are five humorous reasons why a flask might be considered better than a purse:
The "Liquid Courage" Advantage: A flask provides instant "liquid courage" for those nerve-wracking social situations, while a purse just holds your lip gloss and spare change. Who needs confidence when you've got chapstick?
The "Fashionable Functionality": A flask adds a touch of class to any outfit, turning heads with its sleek design and shiny exterior. Meanwhile, a purse just weighs you down with unnecessary clutter – who needs a wallet when you can pay with charisma?
The "Emergency Hydration" Solution: A flask is always ready to quench your thirst in a pinch, while a purse is like a black hole where water bottles go to disappear. Why carry around a gallon of H2O when you can pack a pint of party?
The "Sneaky Snack" Supremacy: A flask can double as a secret snack stash for those moments when hunger strikes, while a purse just holds boring things like granola bars and fruit snacks. Why munch on trail mix when you can sip on liquid gold?
The "Portable Party" Perk: With a flask in hand, you're always prepared to turn any dull moment into a spontaneous celebration, while a purse is like a silent spectator, quietly observing the world pass by. Who needs small talk when you've got shots?
1 year ago
1 year ago
A tattoo she will never regret
Tattoos should represent something you truly love
Here are five hilariously dumb tattoo ideas:
The "Spelling Bee Champion": Get a tattoo of a dictionary on your back with the word "dictionary" misspelled. It's a surefire way to keep your friends entertained and your English teacher cringing.
The "Regrettable Emoji": Get a tattoo of your favorite emoji on your forearm, but make sure it's the one with the crossed-out face. It's a constant reminder of the questionable decisions you've made in life.
The "Meme Masterpiece": Get a tattoo of the "Distracted Boyfriend" meme on your calf, but replace the people with images of your own face. It's a meta tribute to internet culture that's guaranteed to age like fine wine – or milk left out in the sun.
The "Questionable Quote": Get a tattoo of a motivational quote on your ribcage, but have it written in Comic Sans font. Because nothing says "serious life advice" like the font of choice for elementary school birthday party invitations.
The "Food Fiasco": Get a tattoo of a slice of pizza on your thigh, but have it look so realistic that people try to grab a bite. It's a deliciously dumb idea that's bound to leave you hungry for more – both pizza and questionable life choices.
Here are five hilariously dumb tattoo ideas:
The "Spelling Bee Champion": Get a tattoo of a dictionary on your back with the word "dictionary" misspelled. It's a surefire way to keep your friends entertained and your English teacher cringing.
The "Regrettable Emoji": Get a tattoo of your favorite emoji on your forearm, but make sure it's the one with the crossed-out face. It's a constant reminder of the questionable decisions you've made in life.
The "Meme Masterpiece": Get a tattoo of the "Distracted Boyfriend" meme on your calf, but replace the people with images of your own face. It's a meta tribute to internet culture that's guaranteed to age like fine wine – or milk left out in the sun.
The "Questionable Quote": Get a tattoo of a motivational quote on your ribcage, but have it written in Comic Sans font. Because nothing says "serious life advice" like the font of choice for elementary school birthday party invitations.
The "Food Fiasco": Get a tattoo of a slice of pizza on your thigh, but have it look so realistic that people try to grab a bite. It's a deliciously dumb idea that's bound to leave you hungry for more – both pizza and questionable life choices.
1 year ago
Bust out the heavy duty chairs
It's punching up, she's rich and famous relax. Here are a few reasons we totally didn't make up that clearly state we're allowed to make fun of rich people as long as we want:
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
1 year ago
Took you a while
We all get what we can, which isn't that great for most (unlike me i love my girlfriend) but dating is a hellscape of toxic behavior for a lot of people and here are some examples:
"Dating today is like navigating a minefield... but instead of mines, it's filled with commitment-phobes and ghosters. Who needs explosions when you can have emotional implosions?"
"In the current dating world, finding 'the one' feels more like trying to find Waldo in a sea of Tinder profiles. Who needs a needle in a haystack when you can have a pixelated face in a sea of selfies?"
"Dating apps have turned courtship into a shopping spree... swipe left, swipe right, and hope you don't end up with buyer's remorse. Who needs a soulmate when you can have a coupon for a one-night stand?"
"Modern dating is like a twisted game of musical chairs... except the music never stops, and there's always one less chair than there are players. Who needs romance when you can have a competitive sport?"
"Dating today is like being a contestant on a never-ending reality show... constantly auditioning for love, only to be voted off the island without warning. Who needs roses when you can have rejection?"
"Dating today is like navigating a minefield... but instead of mines, it's filled with commitment-phobes and ghosters. Who needs explosions when you can have emotional implosions?"
"In the current dating world, finding 'the one' feels more like trying to find Waldo in a sea of Tinder profiles. Who needs a needle in a haystack when you can have a pixelated face in a sea of selfies?"
"Dating apps have turned courtship into a shopping spree... swipe left, swipe right, and hope you don't end up with buyer's remorse. Who needs a soulmate when you can have a coupon for a one-night stand?"
"Modern dating is like a twisted game of musical chairs... except the music never stops, and there's always one less chair than there are players. Who needs romance when you can have a competitive sport?"
"Dating today is like being a contestant on a never-ending reality show... constantly auditioning for love, only to be voted off the island without warning. Who needs roses when you can have rejection?"
1 year ago
