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10 months ago
You're Finland And You Get Citizenship
If you pas the Finland test do you get citizenship? If your baby a de-facto Fin now? Can he run in the Finnish parliamentary elections ? These are the questions keeping us up at night but we do have severe insomnia so it's not really a big deal. So how do you know if your newborn is Finnish? Here are a few telltale signs:
The "Sauna Serenade": Your baby insists on babbling in Finnish, but only during sauna time. As soon as they're out of the steamy heat, they revert to their usual baby gibberish.
The "Sisu Sleep Schedule": Instead of napping like a typical baby, yours insists on adhering to a strict schedule of 20-minute power naps followed by hours of wide-eyed staring into the abyss—a true display of Finnish perseverance.
The "Sisu Snack Preference": Your baby's first solid food request isn't mashed bananas or pureed carrots—it's a hearty serving of rye bread with a side of pickled herring, just like their Finnish ancestors.
The "Moomin Mania": Your baby's favorite bedtime stories aren't nursery rhymes or fairy tales—they're tales of adventure starring the beloved Moomin characters, complete with whimsical illustrations and existential musings.
The "Finnish Fashionista": Your baby refuses to wear anything but brightly colored Marimekko onesies and tiny felted woolen mittens, even in the middle of summer. Who needs practicality when you can have Finnish style?
The "Sauna Serenade": Your baby insists on babbling in Finnish, but only during sauna time. As soon as they're out of the steamy heat, they revert to their usual baby gibberish.
The "Sisu Sleep Schedule": Instead of napping like a typical baby, yours insists on adhering to a strict schedule of 20-minute power naps followed by hours of wide-eyed staring into the abyss—a true display of Finnish perseverance.
The "Sisu Snack Preference": Your baby's first solid food request isn't mashed bananas or pureed carrots—it's a hearty serving of rye bread with a side of pickled herring, just like their Finnish ancestors.
The "Moomin Mania": Your baby's favorite bedtime stories aren't nursery rhymes or fairy tales—they're tales of adventure starring the beloved Moomin characters, complete with whimsical illustrations and existential musings.
The "Finnish Fashionista": Your baby refuses to wear anything but brightly colored Marimekko onesies and tiny felted woolen mittens, even in the middle of summer. Who needs practicality when you can have Finnish style?
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
