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1 year ago
How to deal with unsolicited flirting
Pretty cheap for real rent, really expensive for digital rent. A great idea though, maybe unsolicited DM senders should pay rent! Here's 5 fun reasons why:
"The DM Landlord": Just like any landlord, you should be compensated for letting people move into your DMs. After all, you're providing prime real estate in the digital world—it's only fair that they chip in for the privilege!
"The Inbox Intrusion Fee": Think of it as an inbox intrusion fee. Every time someone slides into your DMs uninvited, they're essentially trespassing on your digital property. Charging rent is just a way to recoup the costs of dealing with their unsolicited messages.
"The Message Maintenance Tax": Maintaining your DMs takes time and effort. From sorting through spam to dealing with unwanted advances, it's a thankless task. Charging rent is a way to compensate for the emotional labor of managing your inbox.
"The Spam Surcharge": Unsolicited DMs are the digital equivalent of junk mail. Just like you wouldn't let someone dump their trash in your living room for free, you shouldn't have to deal with their digital garbage without compensation. Charging rent is a way to discourage spam and keep your DMs clean.
"The Privacy Protection Payment": Your DMs are your private digital sanctuary, and letting someone slide into them uninvited is like letting a stranger crash on your couch without asking. Charging rent is a way to assert your digital boundaries and protect your privacy. After all, if they want access to your DMs, they should be willing to pay for the privilege!
"The DM Landlord": Just like any landlord, you should be compensated for letting people move into your DMs. After all, you're providing prime real estate in the digital world—it's only fair that they chip in for the privilege!
"The Inbox Intrusion Fee": Think of it as an inbox intrusion fee. Every time someone slides into your DMs uninvited, they're essentially trespassing on your digital property. Charging rent is just a way to recoup the costs of dealing with their unsolicited messages.
"The Message Maintenance Tax": Maintaining your DMs takes time and effort. From sorting through spam to dealing with unwanted advances, it's a thankless task. Charging rent is a way to compensate for the emotional labor of managing your inbox.
"The Spam Surcharge": Unsolicited DMs are the digital equivalent of junk mail. Just like you wouldn't let someone dump their trash in your living room for free, you shouldn't have to deal with their digital garbage without compensation. Charging rent is a way to discourage spam and keep your DMs clean.
"The Privacy Protection Payment": Your DMs are your private digital sanctuary, and letting someone slide into them uninvited is like letting a stranger crash on your couch without asking. Charging rent is a way to assert your digital boundaries and protect your privacy. After all, if they want access to your DMs, they should be willing to pay for the privilege!
1 year ago
Pets are a part of the famly
The dog is going to be an uncle. And a great one at that, possibly the best! Here are some reasons why a dog would be the ultimate uncle:
"Expert Toy Tester": Dogs excel at testing the durability of toys, making them the perfect uncles for rambunctious nieces and nephews. With their unmatched enthusiasm for destruction, they'll ensure that only the toughest toys survive the playtime gauntlet.
"Master of Nap Time Negotiations": Need a break from babysitting duty? Leave it to your canine uncle to handle nap time negotiations with finesse. With a few well-timed yawns and a cozy spot on the couch, they'll have your little ones snoozing in no time—leaving you free to catch up on your own beauty sleep.
"Chief Snack Supervisor": When it comes to snack time, your dog uncle takes his role as chief snack supervisor very seriously. With a keen nose for treats and a talent for begging, he'll ensure that your little ones never go hungry—whether it's sharing his own stash of biscuits or liberating snacks from unsuspecting hands.
"The Ultimate Hide-and-Seek Partner": Dogs are experts at hide-and-seek, making them the ultimate partners in crime for your little adventurers. With their keen sense of smell and boundless energy, they'll turn every game of hide-and-seek into an epic adventure—whether they're hiding in plain sight or leading the search party.
"Masters of the Paw-some Pupdate": Your dog uncle is always up to date on the latest gossip in the neighborhood—whether it's the latest squirrel sightings or the juiciest gossip from the local dog park. With their keen sense of curiosity and unmatched ability to sniff out secrets, they'll keep your little ones entertained for hours with their paw-some pupdates.
"Expert Toy Tester": Dogs excel at testing the durability of toys, making them the perfect uncles for rambunctious nieces and nephews. With their unmatched enthusiasm for destruction, they'll ensure that only the toughest toys survive the playtime gauntlet.
"Master of Nap Time Negotiations": Need a break from babysitting duty? Leave it to your canine uncle to handle nap time negotiations with finesse. With a few well-timed yawns and a cozy spot on the couch, they'll have your little ones snoozing in no time—leaving you free to catch up on your own beauty sleep.
"Chief Snack Supervisor": When it comes to snack time, your dog uncle takes his role as chief snack supervisor very seriously. With a keen nose for treats and a talent for begging, he'll ensure that your little ones never go hungry—whether it's sharing his own stash of biscuits or liberating snacks from unsuspecting hands.
"The Ultimate Hide-and-Seek Partner": Dogs are experts at hide-and-seek, making them the ultimate partners in crime for your little adventurers. With their keen sense of smell and boundless energy, they'll turn every game of hide-and-seek into an epic adventure—whether they're hiding in plain sight or leading the search party.
"Masters of the Paw-some Pupdate": Your dog uncle is always up to date on the latest gossip in the neighborhood—whether it's the latest squirrel sightings or the juiciest gossip from the local dog park. With their keen sense of curiosity and unmatched ability to sniff out secrets, they'll keep your little ones entertained for hours with their paw-some pupdates.
1 year ago
Whiskey should be enjoyed classicly!
Inadvertently inventing the whiskey suppository!
Mix-up Madness: Imagine the horror of accidentally reaching for your whisky pod instead of your hemorrhoid cream. Talk about a burning sensation!
Bottoms Up... Literally!: Drinking is supposed to be enjoyable, not an activity you do upside down!
Whisky Business: Whisky is meant to warm your heart, not your... well, you get the idea.
The Ultimate Party Foul: "Hey, want a shot?" "Sure, just bend over!"
Shaken, Not Stirred... Literally!: Forget about fancy cocktails, this is mixology taken to a whole new level.
Whisky Tango Foxtrot: Because nothing says "What were you thinking?" quite like a whisky pod where the sun don't shine.
Risky Whisky: It's like playing a game of Russian roulette with your... dignity.
Butt of the Joke: The punchline is painfully obvious... and painful.
Sitting on a Goldmine: Who needs a flask when you've got a bottomless supply?
A "Cheeky" Nightcap: Because nothing says "nightcap" quite like a night on your back with a pod up your... well, you know.
Mix-up Madness: Imagine the horror of accidentally reaching for your whisky pod instead of your hemorrhoid cream. Talk about a burning sensation!
Bottoms Up... Literally!: Drinking is supposed to be enjoyable, not an activity you do upside down!
Whisky Business: Whisky is meant to warm your heart, not your... well, you get the idea.
The Ultimate Party Foul: "Hey, want a shot?" "Sure, just bend over!"
Shaken, Not Stirred... Literally!: Forget about fancy cocktails, this is mixology taken to a whole new level.
Whisky Tango Foxtrot: Because nothing says "What were you thinking?" quite like a whisky pod where the sun don't shine.
Risky Whisky: It's like playing a game of Russian roulette with your... dignity.
Butt of the Joke: The punchline is painfully obvious... and painful.
Sitting on a Goldmine: Who needs a flask when you've got a bottomless supply?
A "Cheeky" Nightcap: Because nothing says "nightcap" quite like a night on your back with a pod up your... well, you know.
1 year ago
No opinion mentioned
Just a neurotic text message to his dentist. We recommend not discussing world politics with your dentist though. The gnomes in my basement texted me these reasons last night:
"The Flossing-Foreign Policy Paradox": Discussing international politics with your dentist may lead to a heated debate about the most effective foreign policy—while your mouth is wide open and full of dental tools. It's hard to floss when you're busy debating the nuances of diplomacy.
"The Root Canal Realpolitik": Your dentist might be more focused on drilling into your molars than debating global affairs. Attempting to discuss international politics mid-procedure could result in some unintended consequences—like a novocaine-induced rant about geopolitics.
"The Cavity-CIA Conspiracy": Your dentist may suspect that your interest in international politics is just a cover for gathering intelligence on their dental practice. Attempting to engage in a discussion about global affairs could result in them filling your head with more than just fluoride.
"The Plaque-Propaganda Paradox": Your dentist might have strong opinions about international politics, but they're too busy scraping plaque off your teeth to share them. Attempting to discuss global affairs could lead to some awkward moments—like trying to respond to a question with a mouthful of dental instruments.
"The Mouthguard-Militarism Mishap": Your dentist might be more interested in protecting your teeth than discussing international conflict. Attempting to engage them in a debate about geopolitics could lead to them recommending a mouthguard to protect against the grinding of teeth—yours and theirs.
"The Flossing-Foreign Policy Paradox": Discussing international politics with your dentist may lead to a heated debate about the most effective foreign policy—while your mouth is wide open and full of dental tools. It's hard to floss when you're busy debating the nuances of diplomacy.
"The Root Canal Realpolitik": Your dentist might be more focused on drilling into your molars than debating global affairs. Attempting to discuss international politics mid-procedure could result in some unintended consequences—like a novocaine-induced rant about geopolitics.
"The Cavity-CIA Conspiracy": Your dentist may suspect that your interest in international politics is just a cover for gathering intelligence on their dental practice. Attempting to engage in a discussion about global affairs could result in them filling your head with more than just fluoride.
"The Plaque-Propaganda Paradox": Your dentist might have strong opinions about international politics, but they're too busy scraping plaque off your teeth to share them. Attempting to discuss global affairs could lead to some awkward moments—like trying to respond to a question with a mouthful of dental instruments.
"The Mouthguard-Militarism Mishap": Your dentist might be more interested in protecting your teeth than discussing international conflict. Attempting to engage them in a debate about geopolitics could lead to them recommending a mouthguard to protect against the grinding of teeth—yours and theirs.
1 year ago
1 year ago
What a cute black hole
Produces poop not radiation though they have many similarities asides from the color black. Here's a fewof them:
"The Hide-and-Seek Hilarity": "Because just like a black hole, a black dog has a knack for disappearing into the shadows when you least expect it. One moment they're right beside you, and the next, they've vanished into the void—leaving you wondering if they've been sucked into another dimension."
"The Vacuum of Voraciousness": "Because much like a black hole's insatiable appetite for matter, a black dog seems to have a bottomless pit for treats and belly rubs. No matter how much you feed them or how many toys you throw their way, they always seem to want more—just like the gravitational pull of a black hole."
"The Cosmic Canine Connection": "Because both black holes and black dogs have a mysterious allure that draws you in, leaving you mesmerized by their dark depths. Whether it's the infinite expanse of space or the soulful eyes of a furry friend, there's something about the color black that sparks curiosity and wonder."
"The Darkness Dilemma": "Because much like the event horizon of a black hole, a black dog's fur seems to absorb all the light around them—making them appear as if they're floating in a sea of darkness. It's like having your very own cosmic companion right here on Earth."
"The Singularity of Silliness": "Because while black holes may be the most mysterious objects in the universe, black dogs are the goofiest creatures on the planet. Whether they're chasing their tail, barking at their own reflection, or simply lounging in a sunbeam, they remind us that even the darkest corners of the cosmos can be filled with light-hearted laughter."
"The Hide-and-Seek Hilarity": "Because just like a black hole, a black dog has a knack for disappearing into the shadows when you least expect it. One moment they're right beside you, and the next, they've vanished into the void—leaving you wondering if they've been sucked into another dimension."
"The Vacuum of Voraciousness": "Because much like a black hole's insatiable appetite for matter, a black dog seems to have a bottomless pit for treats and belly rubs. No matter how much you feed them or how many toys you throw their way, they always seem to want more—just like the gravitational pull of a black hole."
"The Cosmic Canine Connection": "Because both black holes and black dogs have a mysterious allure that draws you in, leaving you mesmerized by their dark depths. Whether it's the infinite expanse of space or the soulful eyes of a furry friend, there's something about the color black that sparks curiosity and wonder."
"The Darkness Dilemma": "Because much like the event horizon of a black hole, a black dog's fur seems to absorb all the light around them—making them appear as if they're floating in a sea of darkness. It's like having your very own cosmic companion right here on Earth."
"The Singularity of Silliness": "Because while black holes may be the most mysterious objects in the universe, black dogs are the goofiest creatures on the planet. Whether they're chasing their tail, barking at their own reflection, or simply lounging in a sunbeam, they remind us that even the darkest corners of the cosmos can be filled with light-hearted laughter."
1 year ago
