Register for a no ad experience.
10 months ago
Is it cold outside?
You could also call 911 and ask. Why bother though since your neighbor does actually look like the weather channel! Here's some reasons why the two are indistinguishable:
"The Human Barometer Bonanza": "Have you noticed how your neighbor always seems to predict the weather better than the actual meteorologists? It's like having your own personal weather channel right next door—complete with a 100% chance of dad jokes and a high-pressure system of awkward small talk."
"The Forecast Fashion Fiasco": "With a wardrobe straight out of a '70s weatherman's playbook, your neighbor could give Al Roker a run for his money. From polyester pantsuits to oversized ties that scream 'tornado warning chic,' they're single-handedly bringing retro back with every step."
"The Doppler Drama Diva": "Your neighbor's ability to predict the weather is uncanny—almost as uncanny as their knack for turning every backyard BBQ into a full-blown meteorological crisis. It's like living next to a walking, talking Doppler radar, complete with a side of 'Is that a cumulonimbus cloud or just Uncle Bob's bad cooking?'"
"The Atmospheric Anecdote Affair": "Who needs the Weather Channel when you've got your neighbor's endless supply of weather-related anecdotes? From the Great Blizzard of '93 to the time they got caught in a drizzle without an umbrella, they've got a story for every storm—and they're not afraid to share it."
"The Stormy Sidekick Saga": "Your neighbor may not be a certified meteorologist, but they've definitely got the look down pat. With their windblown hair, perpetually squinting eyes, and a wardrobe straight out of a disaster movie, they're like the unofficial mascot of your neighborhood weather watch. Just don't ask them to do the actual forecast—unless you want a 50% chance of wild speculation and a 100% chance of hilarity."
"The Human Barometer Bonanza": "Have you noticed how your neighbor always seems to predict the weather better than the actual meteorologists? It's like having your own personal weather channel right next door—complete with a 100% chance of dad jokes and a high-pressure system of awkward small talk."
"The Forecast Fashion Fiasco": "With a wardrobe straight out of a '70s weatherman's playbook, your neighbor could give Al Roker a run for his money. From polyester pantsuits to oversized ties that scream 'tornado warning chic,' they're single-handedly bringing retro back with every step."
"The Doppler Drama Diva": "Your neighbor's ability to predict the weather is uncanny—almost as uncanny as their knack for turning every backyard BBQ into a full-blown meteorological crisis. It's like living next to a walking, talking Doppler radar, complete with a side of 'Is that a cumulonimbus cloud or just Uncle Bob's bad cooking?'"
"The Atmospheric Anecdote Affair": "Who needs the Weather Channel when you've got your neighbor's endless supply of weather-related anecdotes? From the Great Blizzard of '93 to the time they got caught in a drizzle without an umbrella, they've got a story for every storm—and they're not afraid to share it."
"The Stormy Sidekick Saga": "Your neighbor may not be a certified meteorologist, but they've definitely got the look down pat. With their windblown hair, perpetually squinting eyes, and a wardrobe straight out of a disaster movie, they're like the unofficial mascot of your neighborhood weather watch. Just don't ask them to do the actual forecast—unless you want a 50% chance of wild speculation and a 100% chance of hilarity."
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
