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10 months ago
Dutch is not a real language
Klok...with words like that can you blame me for thinking Dutch is not a serious language? Good thing only a few million people speak this bastard lovechild between English and German. Here's a few reasons why Dutch is not a serious language:
"The Windmill Whisper": "Dutch sounds like someone trying to speak with a mouthful of cheese and wooden clogs clomping in the background. It's hard to take a language seriously when it sounds like a conversation between a tulip and a bicycle."
"The Gouda Gobbledygook": "With all those guttural sounds and tongue-twisting consonants, Dutch sounds less like a language and more like a secret code invented by a group of drunk elves. It's like someone took German, added some extra vowels, and called it a day."
"The Dizzying Dialect Dilemma": "In Dutch, even the simplest words sound like they're doing acrobatics in mid-air. It's like trying to hold a conversation while riding a rollercoaster—exhilarating, confusing, and guaranteed to make you question your sanity."
"The Stroopwafel Stumble": "Dutch is the only language where 'hello' sounds like you're clearing your throat, 'goodbye' sounds like you're sneezing, and 'thank you' sounds like you're choking on a stroopwafel. It's a linguistic circus act that's impossible to take seriously."
"The Wooden Shoe Wobble": "With its nasal vowels and throaty consonants, Dutch sounds like a language invented by someone with a sinus infection. It's like trying to speak with a clothespin on your nose while wearing wooden shoes—it's hard to sound dignified when you're clomping around like a duck in a rainstorm."
"The Windmill Whisper": "Dutch sounds like someone trying to speak with a mouthful of cheese and wooden clogs clomping in the background. It's hard to take a language seriously when it sounds like a conversation between a tulip and a bicycle."
"The Gouda Gobbledygook": "With all those guttural sounds and tongue-twisting consonants, Dutch sounds less like a language and more like a secret code invented by a group of drunk elves. It's like someone took German, added some extra vowels, and called it a day."
"The Dizzying Dialect Dilemma": "In Dutch, even the simplest words sound like they're doing acrobatics in mid-air. It's like trying to hold a conversation while riding a rollercoaster—exhilarating, confusing, and guaranteed to make you question your sanity."
"The Stroopwafel Stumble": "Dutch is the only language where 'hello' sounds like you're clearing your throat, 'goodbye' sounds like you're sneezing, and 'thank you' sounds like you're choking on a stroopwafel. It's a linguistic circus act that's impossible to take seriously."
"The Wooden Shoe Wobble": "With its nasal vowels and throaty consonants, Dutch sounds like a language invented by someone with a sinus infection. It's like trying to speak with a clothespin on your nose while wearing wooden shoes—it's hard to sound dignified when you're clomping around like a duck in a rainstorm."
10 months ago
I have seen women yes
So out of my league it's depressing, there might be a few reasons why this person might be facing this issue:
"The Waifu Worshipper": I'm about as likely to land a date as a neckbeard at a speed dating event. My devotion to my waifu is stronger than my ability to approach real-life women. At least my body pillow doesn't judge my taste in anime.
"The Body Pillow Bachelor": Let's face it, my chances of scoring a date are slimmer than an anime protagonist's chances of winning a harem. My body pillow is my one true love—it never complains about my questionable hygiene habits or my extensive collection of waifu figurines.
"The Anime Aficionado": I'm more comfortable discussing the intricacies of anime plotlines than I am flirting with real people. My idea of a romantic evening involves binge-watching my favorite series with my body pillow by my side. Who needs a date when you have a waifu to keep you company?
"The Neckbeard Novice": I've mastered the art of growing a neckbeard, but when it comes to dating, I'm as clueless as a side character in a harem anime. My attempts at wooing women are about as successful as a tsundere's attempts to confess her feelings. Guess I'll stick to my body pillow for now.
"The Forever Alone Otaku": My love life is as barren as the desert wastelands in a post-apocalyptic anime. While my friends are out on dates, I'm at home cuddling my body pillow and rewatching my favorite series for the umpteenth time. Who needs romance when you have waifus and body pillows?
"The Waifu Worshipper": I'm about as likely to land a date as a neckbeard at a speed dating event. My devotion to my waifu is stronger than my ability to approach real-life women. At least my body pillow doesn't judge my taste in anime.
"The Body Pillow Bachelor": Let's face it, my chances of scoring a date are slimmer than an anime protagonist's chances of winning a harem. My body pillow is my one true love—it never complains about my questionable hygiene habits or my extensive collection of waifu figurines.
"The Anime Aficionado": I'm more comfortable discussing the intricacies of anime plotlines than I am flirting with real people. My idea of a romantic evening involves binge-watching my favorite series with my body pillow by my side. Who needs a date when you have a waifu to keep you company?
"The Neckbeard Novice": I've mastered the art of growing a neckbeard, but when it comes to dating, I'm as clueless as a side character in a harem anime. My attempts at wooing women are about as successful as a tsundere's attempts to confess her feelings. Guess I'll stick to my body pillow for now.
"The Forever Alone Otaku": My love life is as barren as the desert wastelands in a post-apocalyptic anime. While my friends are out on dates, I'm at home cuddling my body pillow and rewatching my favorite series for the umpteenth time. Who needs romance when you have waifus and body pillows?
10 months ago
British cuisine innit
We're still eating like the Germans are still flying overhead
We have other amazing recipes such as
**"Haggis Surprise":
"Mix haggis, mushy peas, and Brussels sprouts. Top with lukewarm gravy and serve with black pudding ice cream."
**"Bubble and Squeak Soup":
"Blend leftover bubble and squeak with crumpet crumbs and vinegar. Serve lukewarm with stale bread."
**"Jellied Eel Extravaganza":
"Boil eels until slimy, pour into a mold, and refrigerate. Serve with pickled onions."
**"Spotted Dick Surprise":
"Fill spotted dick with surprises like sardines and pickled eggs. Serve with a side of raised eyebrows."
**"Marmite Medley":
"Spread Marmite on everything – toast, crumpets, even porridge. Warning: may cause gagging."
We have other amazing recipes such as
**"Haggis Surprise":
"Mix haggis, mushy peas, and Brussels sprouts. Top with lukewarm gravy and serve with black pudding ice cream."
**"Bubble and Squeak Soup":
"Blend leftover bubble and squeak with crumpet crumbs and vinegar. Serve lukewarm with stale bread."
**"Jellied Eel Extravaganza":
"Boil eels until slimy, pour into a mold, and refrigerate. Serve with pickled onions."
**"Spotted Dick Surprise":
"Fill spotted dick with surprises like sardines and pickled eggs. Serve with a side of raised eyebrows."
**"Marmite Medley":
"Spread Marmite on everything – toast, crumpets, even porridge. Warning: may cause gagging."
10 months ago
Bring the filter with you
Showing up like the temu version of yourself. We're all for body positivity here mainly because we're all ugly as sin but that's besides the point , a lot of filters is false advertising and dating these days is mostly advertising. Here are a few reasons why not to use a lot of filters on dating apps:
"The Filtered Fantasy vs. Reality:" Using too many image filters on dating sites is like presenting a Picasso painting of yourself instead of a photograph. Sure, you might look like a masterpiece online, but when you show up for that first date, your date might wonder where your other ear went.
"The Photoshop Phobia:" Nothing says "run for the hills" like realizing your date looks nothing like their heavily filtered profile picture. It's like ordering a juicy steak and receiving a tofu burger instead—disappointing, to say the least.
"The Filter-Fueled Fiasco:" With so many filters, it's hard to know what's real and what's not. One minute, you're swiping right on a flawless supermodel; the next, you're face-to-face with a human being who looks like they've been digitally airbrushed into oblivion. Talk about a rude awakening.
"The Filtered Faux Pas:" Using excessive image filters on dating sites is a rookie mistake akin to wearing sunglasses indoors—it screams "I have something to hide." Sure, you might think you're enhancing your appearance, but your date will see right through your digital disguise.
"The Filtered Freak-Out:" Imagine the horror of realizing your date looks nothing like their carefully curated profile pictures. It's like being catfished by your own vanity—a sobering reminder that filters can only do so much to improve your dating prospects.
"The Filtered Fantasy vs. Reality:" Using too many image filters on dating sites is like presenting a Picasso painting of yourself instead of a photograph. Sure, you might look like a masterpiece online, but when you show up for that first date, your date might wonder where your other ear went.
"The Photoshop Phobia:" Nothing says "run for the hills" like realizing your date looks nothing like their heavily filtered profile picture. It's like ordering a juicy steak and receiving a tofu burger instead—disappointing, to say the least.
"The Filter-Fueled Fiasco:" With so many filters, it's hard to know what's real and what's not. One minute, you're swiping right on a flawless supermodel; the next, you're face-to-face with a human being who looks like they've been digitally airbrushed into oblivion. Talk about a rude awakening.
"The Filtered Faux Pas:" Using excessive image filters on dating sites is a rookie mistake akin to wearing sunglasses indoors—it screams "I have something to hide." Sure, you might think you're enhancing your appearance, but your date will see right through your digital disguise.
"The Filtered Freak-Out:" Imagine the horror of realizing your date looks nothing like their carefully curated profile pictures. It's like being catfished by your own vanity—a sobering reminder that filters can only do so much to improve your dating prospects.
7 months ago
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