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1 year ago
The cat would apreciate it
Or not i don't know i'm not really a cat...or am i? Here I even have proof maybe
"Keyboard Cat-tastrophy Avoided":
"Given the lack of paw prints on the keyboard, it's safe to assume this writer is not a feline mastermind. No accidental 'cat-typing' here – just human fingers doing the typing!"
"No Fur-ocious Typos":
"With impeccable spelling and grammar, it's clear this writer has opposable thumbs and not fluffy paws. No 'meow-sakes' to be found – just purr-fectly crafted sentences!"
"Lack of Random Napping":
"Unlike a cat, this writer hasn't suddenly dozed off mid-sentence, leaving behind a trail of z's. Looks like they're staying awake and focused – a clear sign of human behavior!"
"Allergic to Cat-astrophes":
"With a distinct absence of knocked-over coffee mugs and shredded paper, it's evident this writer is not prone to feline antics. No furballs or broken vases here – just a tidy workspace!"
"A Preference for Coffee Over Milk":
"Instead of lapping up a saucer of milk, this writer is fueling their creativity with a steaming cup of coffee. Looks like they prefer caffeine over calcium – a sure sign of human taste buds!"
"Keyboard Cat-tastrophy Avoided":
"Given the lack of paw prints on the keyboard, it's safe to assume this writer is not a feline mastermind. No accidental 'cat-typing' here – just human fingers doing the typing!"
"No Fur-ocious Typos":
"With impeccable spelling and grammar, it's clear this writer has opposable thumbs and not fluffy paws. No 'meow-sakes' to be found – just purr-fectly crafted sentences!"
"Lack of Random Napping":
"Unlike a cat, this writer hasn't suddenly dozed off mid-sentence, leaving behind a trail of z's. Looks like they're staying awake and focused – a clear sign of human behavior!"
"Allergic to Cat-astrophes":
"With a distinct absence of knocked-over coffee mugs and shredded paper, it's evident this writer is not prone to feline antics. No furballs or broken vases here – just a tidy workspace!"
"A Preference for Coffee Over Milk":
"Instead of lapping up a saucer of milk, this writer is fueling their creativity with a steaming cup of coffee. Looks like they prefer caffeine over calcium – a sure sign of human taste buds!"
1 year ago
Top tier banter
She won...hands down she won
Here are five humorous ways to embarrass your brother in public:
The "Singing Sibling Serenade" Strategy:
Belt out his favorite childhood songs at the top of your lungs whenever you're out together, complete with exaggerated dance moves and dramatic gestures. Bonus points for choosing embarrassing tunes like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or the Barney theme song.
The "Fashion Police Prank" Ploy:
Show up to his workplace or a social event wearing matching outfits, whether it's matching Hawaiian shirts, neon spandex, or superhero costumes. Then proceed to loudly proclaim your status as the ultimate sibling fashion icons.
The "Sibling Secrets Spill" Shenanigan:
Casually drop embarrassing childhood stories or inside jokes into conversation with his friends or coworkers, making sure to embellish the details for maximum cringe factor. Nothing says "bonding moment" like reminiscing about that time he got stuck in the doggy door.
The "Public PDA Parade" Plan:
Shower him with overly affectionate hugs, kisses, and declarations of love whenever you're in public together, much to his dismay. Bonus points for using embarrassing pet names like "Snugglebug" or "Cuddlebuns" within earshot of his crush.
The "Talent Show Tease" Tactic:
Sign him up for an open mic night or talent show without his knowledge and prepare a hilariously terrible performance in his name, whether it's an off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or an interpretive dance to the Macarena. Sit back and watch as he squirms in embarrassment from the audience.
Here are five humorous ways to embarrass your brother in public:
The "Singing Sibling Serenade" Strategy:
Belt out his favorite childhood songs at the top of your lungs whenever you're out together, complete with exaggerated dance moves and dramatic gestures. Bonus points for choosing embarrassing tunes like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or the Barney theme song.
The "Fashion Police Prank" Ploy:
Show up to his workplace or a social event wearing matching outfits, whether it's matching Hawaiian shirts, neon spandex, or superhero costumes. Then proceed to loudly proclaim your status as the ultimate sibling fashion icons.
The "Sibling Secrets Spill" Shenanigan:
Casually drop embarrassing childhood stories or inside jokes into conversation with his friends or coworkers, making sure to embellish the details for maximum cringe factor. Nothing says "bonding moment" like reminiscing about that time he got stuck in the doggy door.
The "Public PDA Parade" Plan:
Shower him with overly affectionate hugs, kisses, and declarations of love whenever you're in public together, much to his dismay. Bonus points for using embarrassing pet names like "Snugglebug" or "Cuddlebuns" within earshot of his crush.
The "Talent Show Tease" Tactic:
Sign him up for an open mic night or talent show without his knowledge and prepare a hilariously terrible performance in his name, whether it's an off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or an interpretive dance to the Macarena. Sit back and watch as he squirms in embarrassment from the audience.
1 year ago
How to deal with unsolicited flirting
Pretty cheap for real rent, really expensive for digital rent. A great idea though, maybe unsolicited DM senders should pay rent! Here's 5 fun reasons why:
"The DM Landlord": Just like any landlord, you should be compensated for letting people move into your DMs. After all, you're providing prime real estate in the digital world—it's only fair that they chip in for the privilege!
"The Inbox Intrusion Fee": Think of it as an inbox intrusion fee. Every time someone slides into your DMs uninvited, they're essentially trespassing on your digital property. Charging rent is just a way to recoup the costs of dealing with their unsolicited messages.
"The Message Maintenance Tax": Maintaining your DMs takes time and effort. From sorting through spam to dealing with unwanted advances, it's a thankless task. Charging rent is a way to compensate for the emotional labor of managing your inbox.
"The Spam Surcharge": Unsolicited DMs are the digital equivalent of junk mail. Just like you wouldn't let someone dump their trash in your living room for free, you shouldn't have to deal with their digital garbage without compensation. Charging rent is a way to discourage spam and keep your DMs clean.
"The Privacy Protection Payment": Your DMs are your private digital sanctuary, and letting someone slide into them uninvited is like letting a stranger crash on your couch without asking. Charging rent is a way to assert your digital boundaries and protect your privacy. After all, if they want access to your DMs, they should be willing to pay for the privilege!
"The DM Landlord": Just like any landlord, you should be compensated for letting people move into your DMs. After all, you're providing prime real estate in the digital world—it's only fair that they chip in for the privilege!
"The Inbox Intrusion Fee": Think of it as an inbox intrusion fee. Every time someone slides into your DMs uninvited, they're essentially trespassing on your digital property. Charging rent is just a way to recoup the costs of dealing with their unsolicited messages.
"The Message Maintenance Tax": Maintaining your DMs takes time and effort. From sorting through spam to dealing with unwanted advances, it's a thankless task. Charging rent is a way to compensate for the emotional labor of managing your inbox.
"The Spam Surcharge": Unsolicited DMs are the digital equivalent of junk mail. Just like you wouldn't let someone dump their trash in your living room for free, you shouldn't have to deal with their digital garbage without compensation. Charging rent is a way to discourage spam and keep your DMs clean.
"The Privacy Protection Payment": Your DMs are your private digital sanctuary, and letting someone slide into them uninvited is like letting a stranger crash on your couch without asking. Charging rent is a way to assert your digital boundaries and protect your privacy. After all, if they want access to your DMs, they should be willing to pay for the privilege!
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Buy cheaper pizza
Really DO NOT finance a pizza. If that's not enough bad financial advice for you we have you covered with 5 more :
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
1 year ago
Because of the flooding
It's not yet like that because of the flooding...
Why stop there though? There's plenty more real estate cluttered up by pesky natural beauty! Here's some more examples:
"The Great Wall of Condos": Who needs ancient wonders when you can have modern marvels? Tear down the Great Wall of China and build luxury condos instead! With each unit boasting a panoramic view of the neighboring condo complex, you'll never feel alone in your quest for urban exploration.
"The Sahara Desert Development": Why settle for endless sand dunes when you can have endless rows of cookie-cutter houses? Transform the Sahara Desert into a sprawling suburban utopia, complete with strip malls and Starbucks on every corner. Who needs oases when you have air conditioning?
"The Amazon Rainforest Real Estate Revamp": Say goodbye to lush biodiversity and hello to luxury living! Clear-cut the Amazon Rainforest and build high-rise condos in its place. With each unit boasting a balcony view of the deforested landscape, you'll feel like you're living in the heart of nature (minus the pesky wildlife).
"The Matterhorn Mountain Makeover": Why settle for breathtaking alpine vistas when you can have ski-in, ski-out condos instead? Tear down the Matterhorn and replace it with a winter wonderland of luxury accommodations and heated swimming pools. Who needs snow-capped peaks when you have room service?
"The Great Barrier Reef Resort Renovation": Who needs coral reefs and tropical fish when you can have underwater shopping malls and luxury resorts? With the Great Barrier Reef transformed into an aquatic amusement park, every snorkeling excursion would be an opportunity to shop 'til you drop.
Why stop there though? There's plenty more real estate cluttered up by pesky natural beauty! Here's some more examples:
"The Great Wall of Condos": Who needs ancient wonders when you can have modern marvels? Tear down the Great Wall of China and build luxury condos instead! With each unit boasting a panoramic view of the neighboring condo complex, you'll never feel alone in your quest for urban exploration.
"The Sahara Desert Development": Why settle for endless sand dunes when you can have endless rows of cookie-cutter houses? Transform the Sahara Desert into a sprawling suburban utopia, complete with strip malls and Starbucks on every corner. Who needs oases when you have air conditioning?
"The Amazon Rainforest Real Estate Revamp": Say goodbye to lush biodiversity and hello to luxury living! Clear-cut the Amazon Rainforest and build high-rise condos in its place. With each unit boasting a balcony view of the deforested landscape, you'll feel like you're living in the heart of nature (minus the pesky wildlife).
"The Matterhorn Mountain Makeover": Why settle for breathtaking alpine vistas when you can have ski-in, ski-out condos instead? Tear down the Matterhorn and replace it with a winter wonderland of luxury accommodations and heated swimming pools. Who needs snow-capped peaks when you have room service?
"The Great Barrier Reef Resort Renovation": Who needs coral reefs and tropical fish when you can have underwater shopping malls and luxury resorts? With the Great Barrier Reef transformed into an aquatic amusement park, every snorkeling excursion would be an opportunity to shop 'til you drop.
