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10 months ago
We're finally here
70% of onlyfans accounts make under 100$ just dropping this out there. You would get bullied if kids find out your mom has an OnlyFans , here's a few reasons why:
"The Subscription Sabotage": "Because suddenly, your classmates are less interested in trading Pokémon cards and more interested in discussing your mom's latest subscription rates. It's like having a front-row seat to the weirdest reality show ever, and unfortunately, you're the star."
"The PTA Paradox": "Because while other kids' moms are busy organizing bake sales and chaperoning field trips, your mom's calendar is filled with photoshoots and live streams. It's like being the only kid at school whose mom moonlights as an accidental influencer."
"The Family Feud Fiasco": "Because nothing says 'bully bait' like having to defend your mom's choice of career during a heated game of dodgeball. Suddenly, insults are flying faster than dodgeballs, and you're left wondering if you should have just stayed home and played video games instead."
"The Social Media Sideshow": "Because thanks to your mom's newfound fame, your social media feeds are filled with more thirst traps and sponsored posts than a Kardashian's Instagram. It's like living in a constant state of secondhand embarrassment, with your mom as the unwitting star."
"The Career Day Catastrophe": "Because while other kids' parents are talking about their 'boring' jobs like doctors and lawyers, your mom's presentation on 'the art of the selfie' is met with a mix of awe and awkward silence. Suddenly, you're the kid with the coolest mom and the biggest target on your back."
"The Subscription Sabotage": "Because suddenly, your classmates are less interested in trading Pokémon cards and more interested in discussing your mom's latest subscription rates. It's like having a front-row seat to the weirdest reality show ever, and unfortunately, you're the star."
"The PTA Paradox": "Because while other kids' moms are busy organizing bake sales and chaperoning field trips, your mom's calendar is filled with photoshoots and live streams. It's like being the only kid at school whose mom moonlights as an accidental influencer."
"The Family Feud Fiasco": "Because nothing says 'bully bait' like having to defend your mom's choice of career during a heated game of dodgeball. Suddenly, insults are flying faster than dodgeballs, and you're left wondering if you should have just stayed home and played video games instead."
"The Social Media Sideshow": "Because thanks to your mom's newfound fame, your social media feeds are filled with more thirst traps and sponsored posts than a Kardashian's Instagram. It's like living in a constant state of secondhand embarrassment, with your mom as the unwitting star."
"The Career Day Catastrophe": "Because while other kids' parents are talking about their 'boring' jobs like doctors and lawyers, your mom's presentation on 'the art of the selfie' is met with a mix of awe and awkward silence. Suddenly, you're the kid with the coolest mom and the biggest target on your back."
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
