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10 months ago
Nailed or failed
Let's not kid ourselves you failed. If you're waiting fot the results of a test you hurried finishing right now we got your back! You FAILED and here's a few reasons why:
"The Quick Quagmire": "Because you sprinted through that test like you were being chased by a stampede of angry squirrels—leaping over questions faster than a hurdle champion on caffeine. Unfortunately, speed doesn't always equate to accuracy, and now you find yourself knee-deep in the quicksand of academic mishaps."
"The Turbocharged Tragedy": "Because you approached that test with all the finesse of a toddler in a toy store on Black Friday—grabbing answers like they were the last slice of pizza at a party. But just like trying to eat pizza with both hands while sprinting, your efforts resulted in a messy disaster."
"The Sonic Boom Bust": "Because you raced through that test with the intensity of Sonic the Hedgehog on a caffeine high—whizzing past questions faster than the speed of sound. Unfortunately, you forgot that Sonic's main talent is collecting golden rings, not A-pluses on exams."
"The Formula One Fumble": "Because you tackled that test like a Formula One driver on the final lap of the Grand Prix—pushing the pedal to the metal and zooming past questions faster than a Ferrari on the Autobahn. But just like in racing, sometimes it's better to slow down and take the corners carefully, or you'll end up crashing into the wall of academic despair."
"The Flash Flood of Failure": "Because you blazed through that test like The Flash on a mission to save the day—zipping past questions faster than a bolt of lightning. But much like a sudden flash flood, your rapid-fire approach left you drowning in a deluge of incorrect answers and dashed hopes of academic glory."
"The Quick Quagmire": "Because you sprinted through that test like you were being chased by a stampede of angry squirrels—leaping over questions faster than a hurdle champion on caffeine. Unfortunately, speed doesn't always equate to accuracy, and now you find yourself knee-deep in the quicksand of academic mishaps."
"The Turbocharged Tragedy": "Because you approached that test with all the finesse of a toddler in a toy store on Black Friday—grabbing answers like they were the last slice of pizza at a party. But just like trying to eat pizza with both hands while sprinting, your efforts resulted in a messy disaster."
"The Sonic Boom Bust": "Because you raced through that test with the intensity of Sonic the Hedgehog on a caffeine high—whizzing past questions faster than the speed of sound. Unfortunately, you forgot that Sonic's main talent is collecting golden rings, not A-pluses on exams."
"The Formula One Fumble": "Because you tackled that test like a Formula One driver on the final lap of the Grand Prix—pushing the pedal to the metal and zooming past questions faster than a Ferrari on the Autobahn. But just like in racing, sometimes it's better to slow down and take the corners carefully, or you'll end up crashing into the wall of academic despair."
"The Flash Flood of Failure": "Because you blazed through that test like The Flash on a mission to save the day—zipping past questions faster than a bolt of lightning. But much like a sudden flash flood, your rapid-fire approach left you drowning in a deluge of incorrect answers and dashed hopes of academic glory."
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
