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1 year ago
He's 24 and drunk
Is it too late for an abortion? Legally yes but if it were legal here's some reasons why you would WANT to get it:
The Overdue Omelette: "Because at 24, he's less of a son and more of an uninvited houseguest who's overstayed his welcome. Time to crack some eggs and make a frittata!"
The Late Bloomer Loophole: "Because if he's still living in your basement at 24, chances are he's never going to blossom into the responsible adult you hoped for. Might as well nip that bud before it turns into a thorn in your side."
The Extended Umbilical Cord: "Because cutting the cord at birth is one thing, but at 24, he's practically knitting himself a cozy sweater out of it. Time to snip and set him free into the wild, where he can learn to fend for himself."
The "Me, Myself, and I" Mentality: "Because at 24, he's more interested in 'Me, Myself, and Instagram' than contributing to household chores or paying rent. It's time to reclaim your space and sanity."
The "You're Never Too Old to Reboot" Rationalization: "Because sometimes life feels like a bad movie sequel, and at 24, he's still stuck in the prequel stage. Time for a reboot where you play the lead role—without any unwanted side characters cluttering up the script!"
The Overdue Omelette: "Because at 24, he's less of a son and more of an uninvited houseguest who's overstayed his welcome. Time to crack some eggs and make a frittata!"
The Late Bloomer Loophole: "Because if he's still living in your basement at 24, chances are he's never going to blossom into the responsible adult you hoped for. Might as well nip that bud before it turns into a thorn in your side."
The Extended Umbilical Cord: "Because cutting the cord at birth is one thing, but at 24, he's practically knitting himself a cozy sweater out of it. Time to snip and set him free into the wild, where he can learn to fend for himself."
The "Me, Myself, and I" Mentality: "Because at 24, he's more interested in 'Me, Myself, and Instagram' than contributing to household chores or paying rent. It's time to reclaim your space and sanity."
The "You're Never Too Old to Reboot" Rationalization: "Because sometimes life feels like a bad movie sequel, and at 24, he's still stuck in the prequel stage. Time for a reboot where you play the lead role—without any unwanted side characters cluttering up the script!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
Don't risk it guys
I'd also share it on all my socials your friends will think you're smart funny and quirky
Lucky badger guys just read the proof below i swear writing these is like an endless fever dream
The "Underground Abode" Advantage:
"With $115, that badger can afford the ultimate burrow upgrade – complete with a built-in jacuzzi!"
The "Unexpected Investor" Wonder:
"This badger must have stumbled upon a squirrel's hidden stock portfolio. Lucky break for a woodland critter!"
The "Born Lucky" Charm:
"With a badger's luck and $115, who needs four-leaf clovers?"
The "Frugal Forager" Fortune:
"That badger's $115 could buy a year's supply of discount berries and budget-friendly bugs!"
The "Pirate's Paw" Prize:
"Rumor has it, buried beneath the badger's favorite tree lies a trove of lost pirate treasure. Lucky find indeed!"
Lucky badger guys just read the proof below i swear writing these is like an endless fever dream
The "Underground Abode" Advantage:
"With $115, that badger can afford the ultimate burrow upgrade – complete with a built-in jacuzzi!"
The "Unexpected Investor" Wonder:
"This badger must have stumbled upon a squirrel's hidden stock portfolio. Lucky break for a woodland critter!"
The "Born Lucky" Charm:
"With a badger's luck and $115, who needs four-leaf clovers?"
The "Frugal Forager" Fortune:
"That badger's $115 could buy a year's supply of discount berries and budget-friendly bugs!"
The "Pirate's Paw" Prize:
"Rumor has it, buried beneath the badger's favorite tree lies a trove of lost pirate treasure. Lucky find indeed!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
Named one of his dogs Desmond
Those are People's NAMES my guy!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:
"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.
"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.
"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.
"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.
"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:
"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.
"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.
"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.
"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.
"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!
1 year ago
1 year ago
A tattoo she will never regret
Tattoos should represent something you truly love
Here are five hilariously dumb tattoo ideas:
The "Spelling Bee Champion": Get a tattoo of a dictionary on your back with the word "dictionary" misspelled. It's a surefire way to keep your friends entertained and your English teacher cringing.
The "Regrettable Emoji": Get a tattoo of your favorite emoji on your forearm, but make sure it's the one with the crossed-out face. It's a constant reminder of the questionable decisions you've made in life.
The "Meme Masterpiece": Get a tattoo of the "Distracted Boyfriend" meme on your calf, but replace the people with images of your own face. It's a meta tribute to internet culture that's guaranteed to age like fine wine – or milk left out in the sun.
The "Questionable Quote": Get a tattoo of a motivational quote on your ribcage, but have it written in Comic Sans font. Because nothing says "serious life advice" like the font of choice for elementary school birthday party invitations.
The "Food Fiasco": Get a tattoo of a slice of pizza on your thigh, but have it look so realistic that people try to grab a bite. It's a deliciously dumb idea that's bound to leave you hungry for more – both pizza and questionable life choices.
Here are five hilariously dumb tattoo ideas:
The "Spelling Bee Champion": Get a tattoo of a dictionary on your back with the word "dictionary" misspelled. It's a surefire way to keep your friends entertained and your English teacher cringing.
The "Regrettable Emoji": Get a tattoo of your favorite emoji on your forearm, but make sure it's the one with the crossed-out face. It's a constant reminder of the questionable decisions you've made in life.
The "Meme Masterpiece": Get a tattoo of the "Distracted Boyfriend" meme on your calf, but replace the people with images of your own face. It's a meta tribute to internet culture that's guaranteed to age like fine wine – or milk left out in the sun.
The "Questionable Quote": Get a tattoo of a motivational quote on your ribcage, but have it written in Comic Sans font. Because nothing says "serious life advice" like the font of choice for elementary school birthday party invitations.
The "Food Fiasco": Get a tattoo of a slice of pizza on your thigh, but have it look so realistic that people try to grab a bite. It's a deliciously dumb idea that's bound to leave you hungry for more – both pizza and questionable life choices.
