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1 year ago
He's 24 and drunk
Is it too late for an abortion? Legally yes but if it were legal here's some reasons why you would WANT to get it:
The Overdue Omelette: "Because at 24, he's less of a son and more of an uninvited houseguest who's overstayed his welcome. Time to crack some eggs and make a frittata!"
The Late Bloomer Loophole: "Because if he's still living in your basement at 24, chances are he's never going to blossom into the responsible adult you hoped for. Might as well nip that bud before it turns into a thorn in your side."
The Extended Umbilical Cord: "Because cutting the cord at birth is one thing, but at 24, he's practically knitting himself a cozy sweater out of it. Time to snip and set him free into the wild, where he can learn to fend for himself."
The "Me, Myself, and I" Mentality: "Because at 24, he's more interested in 'Me, Myself, and Instagram' than contributing to household chores or paying rent. It's time to reclaim your space and sanity."
The "You're Never Too Old to Reboot" Rationalization: "Because sometimes life feels like a bad movie sequel, and at 24, he's still stuck in the prequel stage. Time for a reboot where you play the lead role—without any unwanted side characters cluttering up the script!"
The Overdue Omelette: "Because at 24, he's less of a son and more of an uninvited houseguest who's overstayed his welcome. Time to crack some eggs and make a frittata!"
The Late Bloomer Loophole: "Because if he's still living in your basement at 24, chances are he's never going to blossom into the responsible adult you hoped for. Might as well nip that bud before it turns into a thorn in your side."
The Extended Umbilical Cord: "Because cutting the cord at birth is one thing, but at 24, he's practically knitting himself a cozy sweater out of it. Time to snip and set him free into the wild, where he can learn to fend for himself."
The "Me, Myself, and I" Mentality: "Because at 24, he's more interested in 'Me, Myself, and Instagram' than contributing to household chores or paying rent. It's time to reclaim your space and sanity."
The "You're Never Too Old to Reboot" Rationalization: "Because sometimes life feels like a bad movie sequel, and at 24, he's still stuck in the prequel stage. Time for a reboot where you play the lead role—without any unwanted side characters cluttering up the script!"
1 year ago
Got her good
If she's not finding a different nail guy she's impressed with his skill.
Emma we got you covered in this prank war with a few options for sweet revenge:
The Color Confusion: Call pretending to be a new customer, but express extreme confusion about nail colors. Ask questions like, "Do you have a shade called 'Moldy Avocado' or 'Rusty Toaster'? I'm going for that 'unique' look."
The Nervous Nibbler: Pretend to be a nervous customer calling to confirm your appointment. Then confess that you have a bad habit of biting your nails and ask if they can work with stubs. Keep the conversation going until you've painted a picture of a hilariously awkward situation.
The Exotic Request: Call and ask if they offer "animal-themed" nail art services. Describe elaborate designs like "penguin-print pinkies" or "giraffe-patterned thumbs," insisting that you're trying to match your pet's fur.
The Over-the-Top Fan: Call and pretend to be a die-hard fan of their nail work. Shower them with exaggerated compliments and insist on knowing their "nail secrets." Bonus points for asking if they can autograph your cuticles.
The Techno Troubles: Pretend to be a tech-savvy customer who mistakenly believes their nail salon offers "smart" nail services. Ask if they can install mini screens on your nails for watching movies or if they have a "nail Siri" feature for answering important life questions.
Emma we got you covered in this prank war with a few options for sweet revenge:
The Color Confusion: Call pretending to be a new customer, but express extreme confusion about nail colors. Ask questions like, "Do you have a shade called 'Moldy Avocado' or 'Rusty Toaster'? I'm going for that 'unique' look."
The Nervous Nibbler: Pretend to be a nervous customer calling to confirm your appointment. Then confess that you have a bad habit of biting your nails and ask if they can work with stubs. Keep the conversation going until you've painted a picture of a hilariously awkward situation.
The Exotic Request: Call and ask if they offer "animal-themed" nail art services. Describe elaborate designs like "penguin-print pinkies" or "giraffe-patterned thumbs," insisting that you're trying to match your pet's fur.
The Over-the-Top Fan: Call and pretend to be a die-hard fan of their nail work. Shower them with exaggerated compliments and insist on knowing their "nail secrets." Bonus points for asking if they can autograph your cuticles.
The Techno Troubles: Pretend to be a tech-savvy customer who mistakenly believes their nail salon offers "smart" nail services. Ask if they can install mini screens on your nails for watching movies or if they have a "nail Siri" feature for answering important life questions.
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1 year ago
Your days of teaching language are over
He was a violent bird from what I've heard, and not a tasty one. Here's 5 reasons why the Duolingo bird probably tastes bad:
The Feathered Fiend: "Because who needs seasoning when you've got a diet of broken dreams and unfulfilled language learning goals? The Duolingo bird probably tastes like disappointment, with a hint of passive-aggressive reminders to practice Spanish."
The Linguistic Lament: "Because let's face it, the Duolingo bird spends more time harassing you to practice than it does grooming itself—so it's no surprise that its flavor profile is less 'gourmet' and more 'grating.' Bon appétit, language learners!"
The Persistent Pecking: "Because if the taste of failure had a flavor, it would be the Duolingo bird. Its relentless reminders and relentless chirping are like a bitter aftertaste that just won't go away—much like the regret of not practicing your French verb conjugations."
The Fowl Flaw: "Because when your main source of sustenance is birdseed and passive-aggressive notifications, you're not exactly going to be winning any taste tests. The Duolingo bird probably tastes like unfulfilled potential and broken New Year's resolutions."
The Linguistic Lament: "Because the Duolingo bird spends all its time judging your language skills—it's only fair that we get to judge its culinary skills. Spoiler alert: they're about as impressive as your ability to remember the difference between 'el' and 'la'."
The Feathered Fiend: "Because who needs seasoning when you've got a diet of broken dreams and unfulfilled language learning goals? The Duolingo bird probably tastes like disappointment, with a hint of passive-aggressive reminders to practice Spanish."
The Linguistic Lament: "Because let's face it, the Duolingo bird spends more time harassing you to practice than it does grooming itself—so it's no surprise that its flavor profile is less 'gourmet' and more 'grating.' Bon appétit, language learners!"
The Persistent Pecking: "Because if the taste of failure had a flavor, it would be the Duolingo bird. Its relentless reminders and relentless chirping are like a bitter aftertaste that just won't go away—much like the regret of not practicing your French verb conjugations."
The Fowl Flaw: "Because when your main source of sustenance is birdseed and passive-aggressive notifications, you're not exactly going to be winning any taste tests. The Duolingo bird probably tastes like unfulfilled potential and broken New Year's resolutions."
The Linguistic Lament: "Because the Duolingo bird spends all its time judging your language skills—it's only fair that we get to judge its culinary skills. Spoiler alert: they're about as impressive as your ability to remember the difference between 'el' and 'la'."
1 year ago
Fail Financial Advice
...don't listen to him they trained him wrong as a joke
If you actually want to end up in debt here are five pieces of hilariously terrible financial advice:
Invest All Your Savings in Beanie Babies: Beanie Babies are sure to make a comeback any day now, right? So why not invest your life savings in rare and collectible plush toys? Just imagine the returns when the Beanie Baby bubble inevitably bursts!
Max Out Your Credit Cards on Lottery Tickets: Who needs boring old savings accounts when you could strike it rich with the lottery? Max out your credit cards on lottery tickets and cross your fingers for that jackpot win. What could possibly go wrong?
Start Your Own Cryptocurrency: Move over Bitcoin, it's time to launch your own cryptocurrency! With just a few clicks and some flashy marketing, you'll be rolling in digital riches in no time. Just ignore the fact that 99% of cryptocurrencies are doomed to fail.
Take Out a Second Mortgage to Buy NFTs: Non-fungible tokens (NFTs) are all the rage these days, so why not mortgage your house to buy some digital artwork? After all, who needs shelter when you could own a virtual cat meme worth millions?
Day Trade Your Life Savings: Why wait years for your investments to grow when you could day trade your life savings for instant riches? Just follow the advice of that guy on Reddit who claims to have made millions in a week. What could possibly go wrong?
If you actually want to end up in debt here are five pieces of hilariously terrible financial advice:
Invest All Your Savings in Beanie Babies: Beanie Babies are sure to make a comeback any day now, right? So why not invest your life savings in rare and collectible plush toys? Just imagine the returns when the Beanie Baby bubble inevitably bursts!
Max Out Your Credit Cards on Lottery Tickets: Who needs boring old savings accounts when you could strike it rich with the lottery? Max out your credit cards on lottery tickets and cross your fingers for that jackpot win. What could possibly go wrong?
Start Your Own Cryptocurrency: Move over Bitcoin, it's time to launch your own cryptocurrency! With just a few clicks and some flashy marketing, you'll be rolling in digital riches in no time. Just ignore the fact that 99% of cryptocurrencies are doomed to fail.
Take Out a Second Mortgage to Buy NFTs: Non-fungible tokens (NFTs) are all the rage these days, so why not mortgage your house to buy some digital artwork? After all, who needs shelter when you could own a virtual cat meme worth millions?
Day Trade Your Life Savings: Why wait years for your investments to grow when you could day trade your life savings for instant riches? Just follow the advice of that guy on Reddit who claims to have made millions in a week. What could possibly go wrong?
