Register for a no ad experience.
1 year ago
Maybe write it all in a single pargraph
She didn't get promoted that way. Here's 5 reasons why not to get pregnant by your married boss:
The Office Drama Disaster: "Because getting pregnant by your married boss is like signing up for a reality TV show called 'Office Wars: Baby Edition.' Spoiler alert: the ratings are terrible, and the drama is through the roof!"
The Cubicle Catastrophe: "Because nothing says 'awkward' quite like trying to explain to your coworkers why the photocopier is suddenly printing baby shower invitations instead of quarterly reports. Office gossip, anyone?"
The Conference Room Comedy: "Because having your married boss's baby is like trying to schedule a meeting in the conference room during a fire drill—chaotic, confusing, and bound to end in tears. And that's before the HR department gets involved!"
The Promotion Predicament: "Because sleeping with your married boss and getting pregnant is like playing a game of corporate chess where the only move is 'Checkmate: Career Ruined.' Say goodbye to that promotion—hello, paternity tests!"
The Water Cooler Whirlwind: "Because nothing says 'awkward small talk' quite like bumping into your married boss at the water cooler and trying to explain why your baby bump is bigger than last week's sales figures. Time to update your LinkedIn profile!"
The Office Drama Disaster: "Because getting pregnant by your married boss is like signing up for a reality TV show called 'Office Wars: Baby Edition.' Spoiler alert: the ratings are terrible, and the drama is through the roof!"
The Cubicle Catastrophe: "Because nothing says 'awkward' quite like trying to explain to your coworkers why the photocopier is suddenly printing baby shower invitations instead of quarterly reports. Office gossip, anyone?"
The Conference Room Comedy: "Because having your married boss's baby is like trying to schedule a meeting in the conference room during a fire drill—chaotic, confusing, and bound to end in tears. And that's before the HR department gets involved!"
The Promotion Predicament: "Because sleeping with your married boss and getting pregnant is like playing a game of corporate chess where the only move is 'Checkmate: Career Ruined.' Say goodbye to that promotion—hello, paternity tests!"
The Water Cooler Whirlwind: "Because nothing says 'awkward small talk' quite like bumping into your married boss at the water cooler and trying to explain why your baby bump is bigger than last week's sales figures. Time to update your LinkedIn profile!"
1 year ago
Nice legs are they for sale?
Good thing he didn't pull out a chainsaw. Buying someone's legs is a quirky and absurd idea, so here are some humorous takes on how you might go about it:
The Leg Auction: Host a bizarre auction where you bid on individual body parts, with legs being the star attraction. Just make sure to clarify that you're only interested in the legs, not the rest of the package. Bonus points for throwing in a pair of prosthetic legs as a sweetener.
The Leg Swap Meet: Organize a peculiar event where people can trade body parts like Pokémon cards. You show up with a bag full of cash and a sign that says "Legs Wanted: Will Pay Handsomely." Who knows, maybe someone will take you up on the offer in exchange for a lifetime supply of socks.
The Leg Exchange Program: Start a quirky business where people can trade in their old legs for shiny new ones. You set up shop on a busy street corner with a sign that reads "Cash for Legs: Upgrade Yours Today!" It's like a used car dealership, but with fewer miles.
The Leg Lottery: Launch a whimsical lottery where the grand prize is a pair of legs belonging to a random stranger. You sell tickets with the slogan "Win Legs for Life!" and watch as people eagerly line up for their chance to walk away with a new set of gams.
The Leg Barter System: Embrace your inner entrepreneur and start a unique bartering system where legs are the currency of choice. You trade your vintage record collection for someone's legs, and they walk away with a new vinyl player. It's a win-win... unless you're left hopping mad.
The Leg Auction: Host a bizarre auction where you bid on individual body parts, with legs being the star attraction. Just make sure to clarify that you're only interested in the legs, not the rest of the package. Bonus points for throwing in a pair of prosthetic legs as a sweetener.
The Leg Swap Meet: Organize a peculiar event where people can trade body parts like Pokémon cards. You show up with a bag full of cash and a sign that says "Legs Wanted: Will Pay Handsomely." Who knows, maybe someone will take you up on the offer in exchange for a lifetime supply of socks.
The Leg Exchange Program: Start a quirky business where people can trade in their old legs for shiny new ones. You set up shop on a busy street corner with a sign that reads "Cash for Legs: Upgrade Yours Today!" It's like a used car dealership, but with fewer miles.
The Leg Lottery: Launch a whimsical lottery where the grand prize is a pair of legs belonging to a random stranger. You sell tickets with the slogan "Win Legs for Life!" and watch as people eagerly line up for their chance to walk away with a new set of gams.
The Leg Barter System: Embrace your inner entrepreneur and start a unique bartering system where legs are the currency of choice. You trade your vintage record collection for someone's legs, and they walk away with a new vinyl player. It's a win-win... unless you're left hopping mad.
1 year ago
What a lovely caring professional
Awesome how you can be sure he has no creepy ulterior motive right...right? He couldn't be sexually attracted to your chompers could he? We think he absolutely could and here are some reasons why:
"The Enamored Examination:" Your dentist spends an unusually long time inspecting your teeth, treating each one with the kind of care and attention usually reserved for a romantic partner. You half-expect them to whisper sweet nothings to your molars.
"The Flirtatious Flossing:" Your dentist's flossing technique is more sensual than sanitary, as they gently guide the floss between your teeth with a suggestive smile. You can't help but feel like you're in a dental-themed romance novel.
"The Cavity Compliments:" Your dentist can't stop complimenting your teeth, showering them with praise and adoration as if they were the stars of a Hollywood smile commercial. You start to wonder if your incisors have a secret admirer.
"The Sensual Scaling:" Your dentist's scaling technique is unexpectedly sensual, as they glide the scaler along your teeth with a delicate touch that sends shivers down your spine. You can't help but feel like you're in a dentist-themed ASMR video.
"The Seductive Sealant:" Your dentist applies sealant to your teeth with a flirtatious flourish, making suggestive comments about how "strong and resilient" your enamel is. You can't decide if you're at the dentist's office or in a dental-themed episode of "The Bachelor."
"The Enamored Examination:" Your dentist spends an unusually long time inspecting your teeth, treating each one with the kind of care and attention usually reserved for a romantic partner. You half-expect them to whisper sweet nothings to your molars.
"The Flirtatious Flossing:" Your dentist's flossing technique is more sensual than sanitary, as they gently guide the floss between your teeth with a suggestive smile. You can't help but feel like you're in a dental-themed romance novel.
"The Cavity Compliments:" Your dentist can't stop complimenting your teeth, showering them with praise and adoration as if they were the stars of a Hollywood smile commercial. You start to wonder if your incisors have a secret admirer.
"The Sensual Scaling:" Your dentist's scaling technique is unexpectedly sensual, as they glide the scaler along your teeth with a delicate touch that sends shivers down your spine. You can't help but feel like you're in a dentist-themed ASMR video.
"The Seductive Sealant:" Your dentist applies sealant to your teeth with a flirtatious flourish, making suggestive comments about how "strong and resilient" your enamel is. You can't decide if you're at the dentist's office or in a dental-themed episode of "The Bachelor."
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
League of Legends
So toxic you need hazmat gear. They should hate themselves at least a little since the game is a toxic cesspit. Here's a few reasons why league of Legends players hate themselves:
"The Jungler Jitters": "They've spent so much time wandering aimlessly through the jungle that they've forgotten what it's like to see sunlight. Every missed gank is a reminder of their failed attempts at socializing with the outside world."
"The Minion Malaise": "They've been out-CS'd by their own grandmother in an ARAM match. Watching those little minions farm more efficiently than they ever could is a soul-crushing experience."
"The Baron Blues": "They've stolen Baron with a blind Lux ultimate, only to have their team flame them for 'kill stealing.' It's a classic case of 'damned if you do, damned if you don't'—and they're left wondering why they even bother."
"The Teemo Trepidation": "They've accidentally stepped on one too many Teemo shrooms and now suffer from PTSD every time they hear the sound of a mushroom popping. It's a constant reminder of their own foolishness and lack of map awareness."
"The Yasuo Yips": "They've been knocked up by one too many Yasuo ultimates and now question their life choices every time they hear 'Hasagi!' echoing in their nightmares. It's a special kind of self-loathing that only a Yasuo main can truly understand."
"The Jungler Jitters": "They've spent so much time wandering aimlessly through the jungle that they've forgotten what it's like to see sunlight. Every missed gank is a reminder of their failed attempts at socializing with the outside world."
"The Minion Malaise": "They've been out-CS'd by their own grandmother in an ARAM match. Watching those little minions farm more efficiently than they ever could is a soul-crushing experience."
"The Baron Blues": "They've stolen Baron with a blind Lux ultimate, only to have their team flame them for 'kill stealing.' It's a classic case of 'damned if you do, damned if you don't'—and they're left wondering why they even bother."
"The Teemo Trepidation": "They've accidentally stepped on one too many Teemo shrooms and now suffer from PTSD every time they hear the sound of a mushroom popping. It's a constant reminder of their own foolishness and lack of map awareness."
"The Yasuo Yips": "They've been knocked up by one too many Yasuo ultimates and now question their life choices every time they hear 'Hasagi!' echoing in their nightmares. It's a special kind of self-loathing that only a Yasuo main can truly understand."
1 year ago
Dating is harder and harder
A small tip would be treating people like people and interacting with them
