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1 year ago
Dogs are smarter then we give them credit for
They absolutely can manipulate us. Because we're dumb? Maybe all we know is that dogs are smarter then all of us reading and writing this and here's a few reasons why:
The Fetch Fiasco: "Because while the dog's out there fetching sticks like a pro athlete, the reader's still trying to figure out why they threw the stick in the first place. It's like watching a game of fetch with a chess master and a checkers champ!"
The Paws for Thought: "Because while the dog's busy solving complex equations like 'Where's the nearest fire hydrant?', the reader's struggling with basic arithmetic like 'How many treats are in a dozen?' Hint: it's not 'a lot.'"
The Bark Brigade Brainwave: "Because while the dog's barking up the right tree to catch squirrels, the reader's still trying to figure out why they can't find their car keys in the fruit bowl. Spoiler alert: they're not fruits, and they don't belong there!"
The Tail-Wagging Takeover: "Because while the dog's mastered the art of diplomacy with the neighbor's cat, the reader's still arguing with their own reflection in the mirror. Who's the real 'good boy' here? Hint: not the one with the reflection."
The Canine Conundrum: "Because while the dog's got street smarts and knows all the neighborhood gossip, the reader's still trying to decipher the hieroglyphics on their takeout menu. Who needs a translator when you've got a furry friend with all the answers?"
The Fetch Fiasco: "Because while the dog's out there fetching sticks like a pro athlete, the reader's still trying to figure out why they threw the stick in the first place. It's like watching a game of fetch with a chess master and a checkers champ!"
The Paws for Thought: "Because while the dog's busy solving complex equations like 'Where's the nearest fire hydrant?', the reader's struggling with basic arithmetic like 'How many treats are in a dozen?' Hint: it's not 'a lot.'"
The Bark Brigade Brainwave: "Because while the dog's barking up the right tree to catch squirrels, the reader's still trying to figure out why they can't find their car keys in the fruit bowl. Spoiler alert: they're not fruits, and they don't belong there!"
The Tail-Wagging Takeover: "Because while the dog's mastered the art of diplomacy with the neighbor's cat, the reader's still arguing with their own reflection in the mirror. Who's the real 'good boy' here? Hint: not the one with the reflection."
The Canine Conundrum: "Because while the dog's got street smarts and knows all the neighborhood gossip, the reader's still trying to decipher the hieroglyphics on their takeout menu. Who needs a translator when you've got a furry friend with all the answers?"
1 year ago
Older then her kids
Not aged like a fine wine. If you do insist on staying absolute to that no food waste pledge you made to impress your pro-environment friends here are 5 ways you could eat this extensively expired piece of Italian cuisine possibly a contemporary of Julius Caesar:
The Archaeological Excavation: Treat it like a culinary excavation project and invite some friends over for a "dig." Arm yourselves with shovels and brushes, don safety goggles, and carefully unearth the ancient lasagna layer by layer. Just be sure to have the nearest hospital on speed dial.
The Time Traveler's Tasting Menu: Pretend you're a brave time traveler sampling cuisine from centuries past. Take a cautious bite of the expired lasagna and dramatically exclaim, "Ah yes, the taste of the '90s—decadent, yet strangely reminiscent of cardboard."
The Lasagna Lava Lamp: Turn it into a mesmerizing kitchen decoration by suspending it in a giant glass jar filled with colorful liquid. Watch in awe as the layers of congealed cheese and sauce slowly undulate like a lava lamp from the disco era. Bonus points if you add some funky '90s music to complete the ambiance.
The Lasagna Locomotion Challenge: Turn it into a game by daring your friends to eat a slice of the ancient lasagna without gagging. Whoever can keep it down the longest wins bragging rights and a lifetime supply of antacids.
The Lasagna Liberation Party: Throw a tongue-in-cheek "Lasagna Liberation" party, where you and your friends gather to liberate the expired lasagna from its dusty prison in the back of your pantry. Raise a toast to culinary courage as you take turns attempting to conquer the ancient dish, accompanied by plenty of laughter and stomach-churning anecdotes.
The Archaeological Excavation: Treat it like a culinary excavation project and invite some friends over for a "dig." Arm yourselves with shovels and brushes, don safety goggles, and carefully unearth the ancient lasagna layer by layer. Just be sure to have the nearest hospital on speed dial.
The Time Traveler's Tasting Menu: Pretend you're a brave time traveler sampling cuisine from centuries past. Take a cautious bite of the expired lasagna and dramatically exclaim, "Ah yes, the taste of the '90s—decadent, yet strangely reminiscent of cardboard."
The Lasagna Lava Lamp: Turn it into a mesmerizing kitchen decoration by suspending it in a giant glass jar filled with colorful liquid. Watch in awe as the layers of congealed cheese and sauce slowly undulate like a lava lamp from the disco era. Bonus points if you add some funky '90s music to complete the ambiance.
The Lasagna Locomotion Challenge: Turn it into a game by daring your friends to eat a slice of the ancient lasagna without gagging. Whoever can keep it down the longest wins bragging rights and a lifetime supply of antacids.
The Lasagna Liberation Party: Throw a tongue-in-cheek "Lasagna Liberation" party, where you and your friends gather to liberate the expired lasagna from its dusty prison in the back of your pantry. Raise a toast to culinary courage as you take turns attempting to conquer the ancient dish, accompanied by plenty of laughter and stomach-churning anecdotes.
1 year ago
Not the best daughter out there
Do your parents a favor and block them. They wish they were embarrassed in the wholesome ways we came up with after we finished playing checkers with the office cat
"The Cringeworthy Cosplay Catastrophe: Your daughter convinces you to join her in dressing up for a comic convention, but when you misinterpret the theme and show up in a costume that's a little too revealing, the resulting photoshoot becomes an unintentional parody of a spicy romance novel cover. Your cosplay fail goes viral, and you become known as "The Accidental Beefcake Dad."
"The Awkward Roleplay Revelation: During a family game night, your daughter suggests playing a round of charades, but things take a hilariously awkward turn when you unwittingly act out a scene from a raunchy romance novel instead. The resulting video clip becomes a viral sensation, earning you the title of "The Unintentional Erotic Enthusiast" and leading to some very uncomfortable explanations at the next family gathering.
"The Parental Pillow Talk Prank: Your daughter decides to prank you by secretly recording your reaction to finding a suggestive item in her room, but when you mistake it for a quirky household gadget and proceed to demonstrate its "proper" use, the resulting video becomes an instant classic. You become known as "The Unintentional Romance Guru," and your tutorial on household innovation goes viral, much to your daughter's embarrassment.
"The Inadvertent Dating Advice Disaster: Your daughter asks for your opinion on her dating profile, but when you accidentally swipe right on a particularly risqué match, chaos ensues. The ensuing date-from-hell story becomes a social media sensation, and you become known as "The Accidental Matchmaker Dad," much to your daughter's chagrin.
"The Parental Passion Project Gone Wrong: Your daughter convinces you to join her in creating a TikTok dance routine, but when your enthusiastic interpretation of the choreography takes a hilariously suggestive turn, the resulting video goes viral for all the wrong reasons. You become known as "The Unintentional TikTok Heartthrob Dad," and your dance moves inspire a wave of secondhand embarrassment across the internet.
"The Cringeworthy Cosplay Catastrophe: Your daughter convinces you to join her in dressing up for a comic convention, but when you misinterpret the theme and show up in a costume that's a little too revealing, the resulting photoshoot becomes an unintentional parody of a spicy romance novel cover. Your cosplay fail goes viral, and you become known as "The Accidental Beefcake Dad."
"The Awkward Roleplay Revelation: During a family game night, your daughter suggests playing a round of charades, but things take a hilariously awkward turn when you unwittingly act out a scene from a raunchy romance novel instead. The resulting video clip becomes a viral sensation, earning you the title of "The Unintentional Erotic Enthusiast" and leading to some very uncomfortable explanations at the next family gathering.
"The Parental Pillow Talk Prank: Your daughter decides to prank you by secretly recording your reaction to finding a suggestive item in her room, but when you mistake it for a quirky household gadget and proceed to demonstrate its "proper" use, the resulting video becomes an instant classic. You become known as "The Unintentional Romance Guru," and your tutorial on household innovation goes viral, much to your daughter's embarrassment.
"The Inadvertent Dating Advice Disaster: Your daughter asks for your opinion on her dating profile, but when you accidentally swipe right on a particularly risqué match, chaos ensues. The ensuing date-from-hell story becomes a social media sensation, and you become known as "The Accidental Matchmaker Dad," much to your daughter's chagrin.
"The Parental Passion Project Gone Wrong: Your daughter convinces you to join her in creating a TikTok dance routine, but when your enthusiastic interpretation of the choreography takes a hilariously suggestive turn, the resulting video goes viral for all the wrong reasons. You become known as "The Unintentional TikTok Heartthrob Dad," and your dance moves inspire a wave of secondhand embarrassment across the internet.
1 year ago
1 year ago
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1 year ago
Comics through the ages
Which is your favorite style? Does it fit with your age? We encapsulated the spirit of this post in text because Dave the Search Engine Optimization guy is on my case about adding user value to pages so we get listed in google. Damn it Dave not my fault my major was history you pompous jerk...uhm anyway here are the jokes:
Boomers:
Why did the boomer cross the road? To get to the rotary phone on the other side, of course! Who needs smartphones when you've got a landline that never needs charging?
Gen Z:
Why did the Gen Z-er bring a ladder to the party? Because they heard it was going to be "lit" and they wanted to get on the "high" score leaderboard. Who needs party games when you can climb your way to the top?
Millennials:
Why did the millennial ghost refuse to haunt the library? Because they heard it was filled with "boo-ks" and they didn't want to be accused of cultural appropriation. Who needs ghost stories when you can have woke spirits?
Gen X:
Why did the Gen X-er refuse to join the neighborhood watch? Because they heard it involved too much "surveillance" and not enough "alternative music festivals." Who needs security when you can have grunge rock?
Boomers:
Why did the boomer cross the road? To get to the rotary phone on the other side, of course! Who needs smartphones when you've got a landline that never needs charging?
Gen Z:
Why did the Gen Z-er bring a ladder to the party? Because they heard it was going to be "lit" and they wanted to get on the "high" score leaderboard. Who needs party games when you can climb your way to the top?
Millennials:
Why did the millennial ghost refuse to haunt the library? Because they heard it was filled with "boo-ks" and they didn't want to be accused of cultural appropriation. Who needs ghost stories when you can have woke spirits?
Gen X:
Why did the Gen X-er refuse to join the neighborhood watch? Because they heard it involved too much "surveillance" and not enough "alternative music festivals." Who needs security when you can have grunge rock?
