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1 year ago
Nuclear burn
If the seat post can take it so can the buyer.I invented some more FAQ customer burns:
The Flaming Flop: "Q: What if I don't like the product? A: Well, we can't promise you'll love it, but we can guarantee it'll make a great conversation starter at your next 'Worst Purchase Ever' support group meeting."
The Sizzling Snark: "Q: Does this product come with a warranty? A: Sure, it comes with a warranty that's about as reliable as your ex's promises to 'change.' Good luck with that!"
The Roasting Riddle: "Q: How long does shipping take? A: About as long as it takes for your crush to text you back—so you might want to pack a lunch and settle in for the long haul."
The Charred Comeback: "Q: Is this product eco-friendly? A: Absolutely! It's so eco-friendly, it practically composts itself—just like your hopes and dreams after buying it."
The Toasted Tease: "Q: Can I return the product if it's not what I expected? A: Of course! Just remember, returning this product is a lot like trying to return a bad haircut—you'll have to live with the consequences, but at least it makes for a good story!"
The Flaming Flop: "Q: What if I don't like the product? A: Well, we can't promise you'll love it, but we can guarantee it'll make a great conversation starter at your next 'Worst Purchase Ever' support group meeting."
The Sizzling Snark: "Q: Does this product come with a warranty? A: Sure, it comes with a warranty that's about as reliable as your ex's promises to 'change.' Good luck with that!"
The Roasting Riddle: "Q: How long does shipping take? A: About as long as it takes for your crush to text you back—so you might want to pack a lunch and settle in for the long haul."
The Charred Comeback: "Q: Is this product eco-friendly? A: Absolutely! It's so eco-friendly, it practically composts itself—just like your hopes and dreams after buying it."
The Toasted Tease: "Q: Can I return the product if it's not what I expected? A: Of course! Just remember, returning this product is a lot like trying to return a bad haircut—you'll have to live with the consequences, but at least it makes for a good story!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
50 purse cent
Another negotiator
Maybe she never learned to spell because of one of these, here are five humorous and ridiculous reasons why you might not have learned to spell in grade school:
The Sneaky Spelling Bee Sabotage: Every time you studied for a spelling bee, your pet parrot would swoop in and mimic the wrong words, leaving you with a vocabulary full of squawks and chirps instead of proper spelling.
The Mischievous Magic Spellbook: Your attempts to study spelling were constantly thwarted by a mischievous magic spellbook that would swap out the correct spellings for ridiculous alternatives like "eleventeen" and "kangaroom."
The Dastardly Dictionary Demons: Every time you opened a dictionary to look up a word, dictionary demons would pop out and rearrange the letters, turning your innocent search for knowledge into a chaotic game of word scramble.
The Pernicious Pencil Predicament: Your pencils were secretly in cahoots with the erasers, conspiring to erase your spelling homework every time you turned your back. It was like your own personal spelling Bermuda Triangle!
The Treacherous Typewriter Tyranny: Every time you tried to practice spelling on a typewriter, the keys would rebel and type out nonsensical gibberish like "qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm" instead of actual words. It was like a typewriter version of autocorrect gone haywire!
Maybe she never learned to spell because of one of these, here are five humorous and ridiculous reasons why you might not have learned to spell in grade school:
The Sneaky Spelling Bee Sabotage: Every time you studied for a spelling bee, your pet parrot would swoop in and mimic the wrong words, leaving you with a vocabulary full of squawks and chirps instead of proper spelling.
The Mischievous Magic Spellbook: Your attempts to study spelling were constantly thwarted by a mischievous magic spellbook that would swap out the correct spellings for ridiculous alternatives like "eleventeen" and "kangaroom."
The Dastardly Dictionary Demons: Every time you opened a dictionary to look up a word, dictionary demons would pop out and rearrange the letters, turning your innocent search for knowledge into a chaotic game of word scramble.
The Pernicious Pencil Predicament: Your pencils were secretly in cahoots with the erasers, conspiring to erase your spelling homework every time you turned your back. It was like your own personal spelling Bermuda Triangle!
The Treacherous Typewriter Tyranny: Every time you tried to practice spelling on a typewriter, the keys would rebel and type out nonsensical gibberish like "qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm" instead of actual words. It was like a typewriter version of autocorrect gone haywire!
1 year ago
1 year ago
A very uncooperative towel
Some parts are soft but once wet you get the finger daggers
Here are some reasons you should avid drying yourselves with a CAT
"Fur-tastic Fluffiness":
"Using a cat as a towel means trading wetness for fur-tastic fluffiness, leaving you covered in more hair than a shedding season."
"Paw-sitively Purr-fect Prints":
"Drying off with a cat's paws might sound cute, but you'll end up with paw prints everywhere, along with a mosaic of muddy marks and scratches!"
"Catastrophic Cleanup Crew":
"Expect a catastrophic cleanup crew if you use a cat as a towel – their grooming habits might leave you cleaner, but you'll deal with hairballs galore."
"Meow-t of Resistance":
"Drying off with a cat guarantees a meow-t of resistance, with clawed protests and a soggy feline frenzy."
"Tail of Tangled Troubles":
"Using a cat as a towel leads to a tail of tangled troubles, leaving you wrapped in a furry fiasco and your cat with a grudge."
Here are some reasons you should avid drying yourselves with a CAT
"Fur-tastic Fluffiness":
"Using a cat as a towel means trading wetness for fur-tastic fluffiness, leaving you covered in more hair than a shedding season."
"Paw-sitively Purr-fect Prints":
"Drying off with a cat's paws might sound cute, but you'll end up with paw prints everywhere, along with a mosaic of muddy marks and scratches!"
"Catastrophic Cleanup Crew":
"Expect a catastrophic cleanup crew if you use a cat as a towel – their grooming habits might leave you cleaner, but you'll deal with hairballs galore."
"Meow-t of Resistance":
"Drying off with a cat guarantees a meow-t of resistance, with clawed protests and a soggy feline frenzy."
"Tail of Tangled Troubles":
"Using a cat as a towel leads to a tail of tangled troubles, leaving you wrapped in a furry fiasco and your cat with a grudge."
1 year ago
Jandalf
That would show everyone. Here's me showing you.Imagine.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
