Register for a no ad experience.
9 months ago
Not the vets penis
Clarifying that was extremely important. The vet does not want a kitty BJ and here's a few reasons why:
The Paws and Perversion: "Because while cats may have a reputation for grooming themselves, that's where we draw the line—nobody wants a 'meow-massage' from their feline friend, especially not in the vet's office!"
The Furball Fiasco: "Because getting a tongue bath from your cat is one thing, but letting them go to town on your nether regions is a whole other ballgame—literally. Plus, who wants to explain those scratch marks to their significant other?"
The Scratching Post Scandal: "Because cats may have rough tongues, but that's no excuse for them to treat the vet's genitalia like a scratching post. It's a vet's office, not a feline fetish dungeon!"
The Hairball Horror: "Because if there's one thing worse than a hairball, it's a hairball in the wrong place—like, say, your vet's crotch. Nobody wants to deal with that mess, not even the most dedicated cat lover."
The Kitty Catastrophe: "Because while cats may be curious creatures, there are some things they're better off not exploring—like the vet's private parts. Let's leave the 'pussyfooting' to the professionals, shall we?"
The Paws and Perversion: "Because while cats may have a reputation for grooming themselves, that's where we draw the line—nobody wants a 'meow-massage' from their feline friend, especially not in the vet's office!"
The Furball Fiasco: "Because getting a tongue bath from your cat is one thing, but letting them go to town on your nether regions is a whole other ballgame—literally. Plus, who wants to explain those scratch marks to their significant other?"
The Scratching Post Scandal: "Because cats may have rough tongues, but that's no excuse for them to treat the vet's genitalia like a scratching post. It's a vet's office, not a feline fetish dungeon!"
The Hairball Horror: "Because if there's one thing worse than a hairball, it's a hairball in the wrong place—like, say, your vet's crotch. Nobody wants to deal with that mess, not even the most dedicated cat lover."
The Kitty Catastrophe: "Because while cats may be curious creatures, there are some things they're better off not exploring—like the vet's private parts. Let's leave the 'pussyfooting' to the professionals, shall we?"
9 months ago
Who gets to see your posts
Coming soon : just think about it and the CIA will know. Three letter acronym agencies love invading your privacy but have you ever questioned why? Maybe they're overpaid or simply lonely? Maybe they love the drama and treat your life like a reality show. Here are some reasons why these sometimes discrete agencies completely forgo the concept of privacy when it comes to normal citizens :
"The Private Parts Portfolio:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like adding a new wing to the CIA and NSA's top-secret art gallery. From avant-garde selfies to abstract dick pic masterpieces, every submission is a potential addition to their classified collection—or at least a source of amusement for bored intelligence agents.
"The Surveillance Selfie Spectacular:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like starring in your own reality TV show, with the CIA and NSA tuning in for the latest episode of "Life Unfiltered." Whether it's relationship drama or wardrobe malfunctions, every submission is a riveting saga of intrigue and embarrassment.
"The Covert Confessional:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like a top-secret confessional booth, with the CIA and NSA listening in for your deepest, darkest secrets. From late-night musings to intimate revelations, every submission is a potential treasure trove of classified information—or at least a good source of entertainment for bored intelligence agents.
"The Digital Disguise Dilemma:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like a game of high-stakes hide-and-seek, with the CIA and NSA searching for clues to your true identity. From cryptic captions to carefully curated filters, every submission is a potential disguise—or a revealing glimpse into your secret life as a double agent.
"The Classified Content Carousel:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like riding a top-secret carousel of classified information. From black ops to covert operations, every submission is a potential revelation—or at least a good source of amusement for bored intelligence agents.
"The Private Parts Portfolio:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like adding a new wing to the CIA and NSA's top-secret art gallery. From avant-garde selfies to abstract dick pic masterpieces, every submission is a potential addition to their classified collection—or at least a source of amusement for bored intelligence agents.
"The Surveillance Selfie Spectacular:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like starring in your own reality TV show, with the CIA and NSA tuning in for the latest episode of "Life Unfiltered." Whether it's relationship drama or wardrobe malfunctions, every submission is a riveting saga of intrigue and embarrassment.
"The Covert Confessional:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like a top-secret confessional booth, with the CIA and NSA listening in for your deepest, darkest secrets. From late-night musings to intimate revelations, every submission is a potential treasure trove of classified information—or at least a good source of entertainment for bored intelligence agents.
"The Digital Disguise Dilemma:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like a game of high-stakes hide-and-seek, with the CIA and NSA searching for clues to your true identity. From cryptic captions to carefully curated filters, every submission is a potential disguise—or a revealing glimpse into your secret life as a double agent.
"The Classified Content Carousel:" Your dick pics, selfies, and posts are like riding a top-secret carousel of classified information. From black ops to covert operations, every submission is a potential revelation—or at least a good source of amusement for bored intelligence agents.
-
0
-
0
9 months ago
Eggslut needs protection
She has to eat this bowl of eggs though. From eggslut the restaurant that needs military protection for some reason! We don't know the real reason but we make bullshit up on this website so...we made some bullshit up:
Because the Eggs are Armed and Dangerous: Those eggs aren't just cracked; they're crack shots! With their perfectly runny yolks and lethal aim, they pose a serious threat to anyone who dares to poach them.
Top-Secret Egg Recipes: Rumor has it that Eggslut's recipes are so classified, they make Area 51 look like a leaky sieve. The military is on high alert to prevent rival chefs from infiltrating and stealing their closely guarded egg-centric secrets.
Eggsplosive Toppings: Their signature dishes are loaded with toppings so explosive, they make a landmine look like a firecracker. From bacon bombs to cheese grenades, the military's job is to ensure that no one gets too egg-cited and sets off a flavor explosion.
Omelette Overlords: The omelette chefs at Eggslut are not to be trifled with. With their lightning-fast whisking skills and uncanny ability to flip eggs with military precision, they command respect and, apparently, armed protection.
Yolk-Stealing Bandits: There's a notorious gang of yolk-stealing bandits known as the "Eggscapers" who will stop at nothing to pilfer Eggslut's precious golden yolks. With the military's protection, those yolks are safe from sunny-side-up snatchers.
Because the Eggs are Armed and Dangerous: Those eggs aren't just cracked; they're crack shots! With their perfectly runny yolks and lethal aim, they pose a serious threat to anyone who dares to poach them.
Top-Secret Egg Recipes: Rumor has it that Eggslut's recipes are so classified, they make Area 51 look like a leaky sieve. The military is on high alert to prevent rival chefs from infiltrating and stealing their closely guarded egg-centric secrets.
Eggsplosive Toppings: Their signature dishes are loaded with toppings so explosive, they make a landmine look like a firecracker. From bacon bombs to cheese grenades, the military's job is to ensure that no one gets too egg-cited and sets off a flavor explosion.
Omelette Overlords: The omelette chefs at Eggslut are not to be trifled with. With their lightning-fast whisking skills and uncanny ability to flip eggs with military precision, they command respect and, apparently, armed protection.
Yolk-Stealing Bandits: There's a notorious gang of yolk-stealing bandits known as the "Eggscapers" who will stop at nothing to pilfer Eggslut's precious golden yolks. With the military's protection, those yolks are safe from sunny-side-up snatchers.
-
0
-
0
9 months ago
Nature is healing
Onlyfans awaits them with open arms. Realtors suck and overcharge us in an already horrible housing market. They should get other jobs and here is why:
"The Houseplant Hypocrisy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time watering houseplants at open houses than actually closing deals. Who needs a realtor when you can have a part-time botanist?
"The Door-to-Door Drama Queen": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of getting chased off porches by angry homeowners mistaking them for aggressive salespeople. Who needs door-to-door sales when you can have door-to-door hide-and-seek?
"The Open House Opera Singer": Realtors should find other jobs because their rendition of "Home, Sweet Home" at every open house is driving away potential buyers faster than you can say "foreclosure." Who needs real estate when you can have real estate karaoke?
"The Property Porn Ploy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time scrolling through listings on Zillow than actually showing houses. Who needs a realtor when you can have a professional property stalker?
"The Keyless Conundrum": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of misplacing the keys to every house they're supposed to show. Who needs keys when you can have a universal "open sesame" spell?
"The Houseplant Hypocrisy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time watering houseplants at open houses than actually closing deals. Who needs a realtor when you can have a part-time botanist?
"The Door-to-Door Drama Queen": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of getting chased off porches by angry homeowners mistaking them for aggressive salespeople. Who needs door-to-door sales when you can have door-to-door hide-and-seek?
"The Open House Opera Singer": Realtors should find other jobs because their rendition of "Home, Sweet Home" at every open house is driving away potential buyers faster than you can say "foreclosure." Who needs real estate when you can have real estate karaoke?
"The Property Porn Ploy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time scrolling through listings on Zillow than actually showing houses. Who needs a realtor when you can have a professional property stalker?
"The Keyless Conundrum": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of misplacing the keys to every house they're supposed to show. Who needs keys when you can have a universal "open sesame" spell?
-
0
-
0