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1 year ago
Not the vets penis
Clarifying that was extremely important. The vet does not want a kitty BJ and here's a few reasons why:
The Paws and Perversion: "Because while cats may have a reputation for grooming themselves, that's where we draw the line—nobody wants a 'meow-massage' from their feline friend, especially not in the vet's office!"
The Furball Fiasco: "Because getting a tongue bath from your cat is one thing, but letting them go to town on your nether regions is a whole other ballgame—literally. Plus, who wants to explain those scratch marks to their significant other?"
The Scratching Post Scandal: "Because cats may have rough tongues, but that's no excuse for them to treat the vet's genitalia like a scratching post. It's a vet's office, not a feline fetish dungeon!"
The Hairball Horror: "Because if there's one thing worse than a hairball, it's a hairball in the wrong place—like, say, your vet's crotch. Nobody wants to deal with that mess, not even the most dedicated cat lover."
The Kitty Catastrophe: "Because while cats may be curious creatures, there are some things they're better off not exploring—like the vet's private parts. Let's leave the 'pussyfooting' to the professionals, shall we?"
The Paws and Perversion: "Because while cats may have a reputation for grooming themselves, that's where we draw the line—nobody wants a 'meow-massage' from their feline friend, especially not in the vet's office!"
The Furball Fiasco: "Because getting a tongue bath from your cat is one thing, but letting them go to town on your nether regions is a whole other ballgame—literally. Plus, who wants to explain those scratch marks to their significant other?"
The Scratching Post Scandal: "Because cats may have rough tongues, but that's no excuse for them to treat the vet's genitalia like a scratching post. It's a vet's office, not a feline fetish dungeon!"
The Hairball Horror: "Because if there's one thing worse than a hairball, it's a hairball in the wrong place—like, say, your vet's crotch. Nobody wants to deal with that mess, not even the most dedicated cat lover."
The Kitty Catastrophe: "Because while cats may be curious creatures, there are some things they're better off not exploring—like the vet's private parts. Let's leave the 'pussyfooting' to the professionals, shall we?"
1 year ago
1 year ago
Shitty red wine!
Some really nice honest marketing right there, and that's a good thing since it works! Here's a few reasons why brutally honest unfaltering advertising works sometimes:
The Brutal Honesty: "Because let's face it, when a product admits it's mediocre, we're just relieved it's not pretending to be something it's not. It's like a bad date being refreshingly upfront about their flaws."
The Truthful Tagline: "Because in a world of overhyped slogans and exaggerated claims, an ad that says 'This Product Probably Won't Change Your Life, But It's Not Terrible' is strangely compelling. Honesty is the best policy, even in advertising!"
The Refreshing Reality: "Because when an ad admits its flaws, it's like a breath of fresh air in a sea of polished perfection. We may not buy the product, but we'll definitely remember the ad!"
The Relatable Revelation: "Because when a product acknowledges its shortcomings, it becomes instantly relatable. We've all been disappointed by overhyped products before, so why not embrace the honesty and laugh along with the ad?"
The Honest Hilarity: "Because let's be real, a brutally honest ad is just plain funny. Whether it's poking fun at its own flaws or calling out the competition, honesty in advertising is a recipe for comedy gold—and maybe even a few sales!"
The Brutal Honesty: "Because let's face it, when a product admits it's mediocre, we're just relieved it's not pretending to be something it's not. It's like a bad date being refreshingly upfront about their flaws."
The Truthful Tagline: "Because in a world of overhyped slogans and exaggerated claims, an ad that says 'This Product Probably Won't Change Your Life, But It's Not Terrible' is strangely compelling. Honesty is the best policy, even in advertising!"
The Refreshing Reality: "Because when an ad admits its flaws, it's like a breath of fresh air in a sea of polished perfection. We may not buy the product, but we'll definitely remember the ad!"
The Relatable Revelation: "Because when a product acknowledges its shortcomings, it becomes instantly relatable. We've all been disappointed by overhyped products before, so why not embrace the honesty and laugh along with the ad?"
The Honest Hilarity: "Because let's be real, a brutally honest ad is just plain funny. Whether it's poking fun at its own flaws or calling out the competition, honesty in advertising is a recipe for comedy gold—and maybe even a few sales!"
1 year ago
God of War is a good game though
Wish we knew if he realized after he was done lore dumping. Who knows maybe God Of War is simply better then sex? We've explored the possibly:
"No Need for Foreplay—Just Press Start": With God of War, there's no need to worry about candles, mood lighting, or romantic music—just fire up your console and press start. Who needs foreplay when you can dive straight into an epic adventure filled with gods, monsters, and epic battles?
"Multiple Endings, No Strings Attached": Unlike sex, where the ending is usually predetermined, God of War offers multiple endings and branching storylines. Whether you prefer a happy ending or a tragic one, there's something for everyone in this epic saga—no strings attached.
"You Can Skip the Pillow Talk and Go Straight to Epic Boss Fights": Who needs post-coital cuddling when you can skip straight to the adrenaline-pumping action of epic boss fights? With God of War, you can trade sweet nothings for epic showdowns with mythical creatures and vengeful gods.
"No Performance Anxiety—Just Epic Gameplay": Worried about performance anxiety ruining the mood? With God of War, there's no need to stress about your performance—just focus on mastering the game's combat mechanics and unleashing devastating combos on your enemies.
"You Can Pause for Snacks Without Ruining the Moment": Ever tried to pause sex for a snack break? It's awkward, to say the least. But with God of War, you can pause the action at any time to grab a snack, take a bathroom break, or answer the door without ruining the moment. It's the ultimate convenience for hungry gamers everywhere.
"No Need for Foreplay—Just Press Start": With God of War, there's no need to worry about candles, mood lighting, or romantic music—just fire up your console and press start. Who needs foreplay when you can dive straight into an epic adventure filled with gods, monsters, and epic battles?
"Multiple Endings, No Strings Attached": Unlike sex, where the ending is usually predetermined, God of War offers multiple endings and branching storylines. Whether you prefer a happy ending or a tragic one, there's something for everyone in this epic saga—no strings attached.
"You Can Skip the Pillow Talk and Go Straight to Epic Boss Fights": Who needs post-coital cuddling when you can skip straight to the adrenaline-pumping action of epic boss fights? With God of War, you can trade sweet nothings for epic showdowns with mythical creatures and vengeful gods.
"No Performance Anxiety—Just Epic Gameplay": Worried about performance anxiety ruining the mood? With God of War, there's no need to stress about your performance—just focus on mastering the game's combat mechanics and unleashing devastating combos on your enemies.
"You Can Pause for Snacks Without Ruining the Moment": Ever tried to pause sex for a snack break? It's awkward, to say the least. But with God of War, you can pause the action at any time to grab a snack, take a bathroom break, or answer the door without ruining the moment. It's the ultimate convenience for hungry gamers everywhere.
1 year ago
1 year ago
A Japanese Chef should stab you
Only if you cook sushi and they made it for you though. For less serious sushi cooking offenses we recommend these non-stabby punishments:
"Sashimi Slapdown": Forget about getting slapped with a glove—getting punished by a Japanese chef means experiencing the infamous sashimi slapdown. Picture yourself getting whacked with a giant tuna tail while the chef lectures you on the art of sushi making. Ouch!
"Wasabi Waterboarding": Ever heard of wasabi waterboarding? Let's just say it involves a sushi roll, a tube of wasabi, and a bucket of soy sauce. Get ready for a spicy punishment that'll leave your sinuses clear and your taste buds crying for mercy.
"Nori Nunchuck Training": For those who dare to cook sushi without proper training, there's the dreaded nori nunchuck punishment. Picture yourself blindfolded and armed with a pair of seaweed sheets, facing off against a seasoned sushi chef armed with bamboo rolling mats. It's a battle of culinary proportions, and the stakes are high.
"Rice Rumble in the Kitchen": Cooking sushi without proper technique? Prepare to face the rice rumble in the kitchen. Imagine a wrestling match with giant mounds of sticky rice, where the loser gets pinned down by a sushi rolling mat and drenched in soy sauce. It's a messy punishment, but someone's gotta do it.
"Tempura Tantrum": Messing up sushi is bad enough, but messing up tempura? That's a crime worthy of punishment. Picture yourself standing in the corner of a Japanese kitchen, wearing a tempura batter dunce cap while the chef pelts you with deep-fried shrimp tails. It's a punishment that'll leave you battered and fried—but hopefully wiser for next time.
"Sashimi Slapdown": Forget about getting slapped with a glove—getting punished by a Japanese chef means experiencing the infamous sashimi slapdown. Picture yourself getting whacked with a giant tuna tail while the chef lectures you on the art of sushi making. Ouch!
"Wasabi Waterboarding": Ever heard of wasabi waterboarding? Let's just say it involves a sushi roll, a tube of wasabi, and a bucket of soy sauce. Get ready for a spicy punishment that'll leave your sinuses clear and your taste buds crying for mercy.
"Nori Nunchuck Training": For those who dare to cook sushi without proper training, there's the dreaded nori nunchuck punishment. Picture yourself blindfolded and armed with a pair of seaweed sheets, facing off against a seasoned sushi chef armed with bamboo rolling mats. It's a battle of culinary proportions, and the stakes are high.
"Rice Rumble in the Kitchen": Cooking sushi without proper technique? Prepare to face the rice rumble in the kitchen. Imagine a wrestling match with giant mounds of sticky rice, where the loser gets pinned down by a sushi rolling mat and drenched in soy sauce. It's a messy punishment, but someone's gotta do it.
"Tempura Tantrum": Messing up sushi is bad enough, but messing up tempura? That's a crime worthy of punishment. Picture yourself standing in the corner of a Japanese kitchen, wearing a tempura batter dunce cap while the chef pelts you with deep-fried shrimp tails. It's a punishment that'll leave you battered and fried—but hopefully wiser for next time.
1 year ago
Who's your favorite communist!
Maybe not the best dating conversation starter.
We came up with some flirty ramen infused communism pickup lines:
"Hey there, are you a bowl of ramen? Because you've got me feeling all hot and soupy... just like the proletariat uprising in Soviet Russia. #CommunistCrush"
"Do you believe in the power of collective ownership? Because I'm willing to share my ramen with you, comrade. Let's overthrow hunger together, one noodle at a time! #RamenRevolution"
"They say love is like a bowl of ramen—warm, comforting, and best enjoyed with someone special. Care to join me in this deliciously socialist endeavor? #CommieCrush"
"I'm no Karl Marx, but I believe in redistributing the wealth... of flavor! Let's share a bowl of ramen and spread the joy of noodles to all corners of the world. Together, we'll create a utopia of umami! #NoodleNation"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, let's share a bowl of ramen and seize the means of production too! #FlirtyCommunist"
We came up with some flirty ramen infused communism pickup lines:
"Hey there, are you a bowl of ramen? Because you've got me feeling all hot and soupy... just like the proletariat uprising in Soviet Russia. #CommunistCrush"
"Do you believe in the power of collective ownership? Because I'm willing to share my ramen with you, comrade. Let's overthrow hunger together, one noodle at a time! #RamenRevolution"
"They say love is like a bowl of ramen—warm, comforting, and best enjoyed with someone special. Care to join me in this deliciously socialist endeavor? #CommieCrush"
"I'm no Karl Marx, but I believe in redistributing the wealth... of flavor! Let's share a bowl of ramen and spread the joy of noodles to all corners of the world. Together, we'll create a utopia of umami! #NoodleNation"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, let's share a bowl of ramen and seize the means of production too! #FlirtyCommunist"
