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10 months ago
How dare you be ugly
She doesn't even care but they do.Regardless if being ugly is such a capital crime for some how about we petition the government to make it illegal?
We came up with 5 reasons why being ugly should be illegal!
Here are five tongue-in-cheek reasons why being ugly should be illegal:
"The Eyesore Elimination Act": Ugly people are just too darn distracting! By making ugliness illegal, we can finally rid the world of unsightly sights and ensure that everyone's retinas remain unscathed by offensive appearances.
"The Public Health Hazard Hypothesis": Ugly faces are like contagious diseases—they spread negativity and lower morale wherever they go. By outlawing ugliness, we can protect the public from the psychological harm caused by encountering unattractive individuals.
"The Beauty is a Birthright Bill": Everyone deserves to be beautiful, darn it! By criminalizing ugliness, we can ensure that every citizen has access to the necessary resources and procedures to maintain a flawless facade, because let's face it, appearances are everything.
"The Happiness Harmony Mandate": Ugly people are just plain miserable, and their gloomy vibes bring down the mood for everyone else. By enforcing beauty standards, we can create a happier, more harmonious society where everyone looks like they stepped out of a glossy magazine cover.
"The Mirror Meltdown Manifesto": Imagine a world where every reflection is a vision of perfection! By outlawing ugliness, we can spare countless innocent mirrors from the trauma of having to reflect unattractive faces. After all, mirrors have feelings too!
We came up with 5 reasons why being ugly should be illegal!
Here are five tongue-in-cheek reasons why being ugly should be illegal:
"The Eyesore Elimination Act": Ugly people are just too darn distracting! By making ugliness illegal, we can finally rid the world of unsightly sights and ensure that everyone's retinas remain unscathed by offensive appearances.
"The Public Health Hazard Hypothesis": Ugly faces are like contagious diseases—they spread negativity and lower morale wherever they go. By outlawing ugliness, we can protect the public from the psychological harm caused by encountering unattractive individuals.
"The Beauty is a Birthright Bill": Everyone deserves to be beautiful, darn it! By criminalizing ugliness, we can ensure that every citizen has access to the necessary resources and procedures to maintain a flawless facade, because let's face it, appearances are everything.
"The Happiness Harmony Mandate": Ugly people are just plain miserable, and their gloomy vibes bring down the mood for everyone else. By enforcing beauty standards, we can create a happier, more harmonious society where everyone looks like they stepped out of a glossy magazine cover.
"The Mirror Meltdown Manifesto": Imagine a world where every reflection is a vision of perfection! By outlawing ugliness, we can spare countless innocent mirrors from the trauma of having to reflect unattractive faces. After all, mirrors have feelings too!
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
