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10 months ago
Better then early for anal
That shows a sort of eagerness people just aren't ready for.
Being punctual for butt stuff is a cornerstone of civilized society I always say (I keep getting told I should say something else) so I decided to share a few tenants of anal punctuality with you :
"The Punctual Pucker Principle": Being late for anal is like missing the last train out of Sphincterville—you're stuck waiting at the station while everyone else is already on their way to Pleasure Town. Who knew punctuality was the key to unlocking the backdoor to bliss?
"The Tardy Tushie Troubles": Showing up late for anal is like arriving at a party after the cake's been cut—you're left with nothing but crumbs and regret. Who needs a slice of cake when you could have had a slice of... well, you get the idea.
"The Chronically Clenched Cheeks Conundrum": Being late for anal is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—it's uncomfortable, awkward, and bound to end in disappointment. Who knew that being fashionably late could lead to a fashionably sore bum?
"The Missed Moment of Mastertail": Showing up late for anal is like missing the grand finale of a fireworks show—you're left watching from the sidelines while everyone else is oohing and aahing at the spectacular display. Who needs fireworks when you could have had a bootyful explosion of pleasure?
"The Delayed Derriere Dilemma": Being late for anal is like arriving at the airport after your flight has already taken off—you're left stranded at the gate with nothing but a boarding pass to nowhere. Who needs a vacation when you could have had a trip to the moon and back?
Being punctual for butt stuff is a cornerstone of civilized society I always say (I keep getting told I should say something else) so I decided to share a few tenants of anal punctuality with you :
"The Punctual Pucker Principle": Being late for anal is like missing the last train out of Sphincterville—you're stuck waiting at the station while everyone else is already on their way to Pleasure Town. Who knew punctuality was the key to unlocking the backdoor to bliss?
"The Tardy Tushie Troubles": Showing up late for anal is like arriving at a party after the cake's been cut—you're left with nothing but crumbs and regret. Who needs a slice of cake when you could have had a slice of... well, you get the idea.
"The Chronically Clenched Cheeks Conundrum": Being late for anal is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—it's uncomfortable, awkward, and bound to end in disappointment. Who knew that being fashionably late could lead to a fashionably sore bum?
"The Missed Moment of Mastertail": Showing up late for anal is like missing the grand finale of a fireworks show—you're left watching from the sidelines while everyone else is oohing and aahing at the spectacular display. Who needs fireworks when you could have had a bootyful explosion of pleasure?
"The Delayed Derriere Dilemma": Being late for anal is like arriving at the airport after your flight has already taken off—you're left stranded at the gate with nothing but a boarding pass to nowhere. Who needs a vacation when you could have had a trip to the moon and back?
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
