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1 year ago
Find a better profession
And then she got tired of making 5k a week in donations and started working at McDonalds. Maybe there are some reasons for that? We thought up a few!
You miss the thrill of customer service: Sure, making bank on OnlyFans is exciting, but nothing beats the adrenaline rush of dealing with a Karen demanding to speak to the manager because her latte isn't the perfect shade of beige.
You're a secret fan of polyester uniforms: Who needs luxurious lingerie when you can rock a polyester polo shirt and khakis every day? Plus, those grease stains add character.
You want to perfect your "Would you like fries with that?" game: It's not just about flipping burgers; it's an art form. You've always dreamed of mastering the subtle upsell techniques that leave customers wondering if they really needed that extra large soda.
You miss the smell of industrial-grade cleaning products: There's just something oddly satisfying about the scent of bleach and ammonia wafting through the air as you scrub toilets and mop floors. It's like aromatherapy for the soul.
You're secretly training for the Olympics of multitasking: Juggling OnlyFans messages while folding clothes at the retail store? Child's play. You're ready to take on the challenge of simultaneously taking orders, refilling drinks, and memorizing the daily specials—all while maintaining your trademark charm and wit.
You miss the thrill of customer service: Sure, making bank on OnlyFans is exciting, but nothing beats the adrenaline rush of dealing with a Karen demanding to speak to the manager because her latte isn't the perfect shade of beige.
You're a secret fan of polyester uniforms: Who needs luxurious lingerie when you can rock a polyester polo shirt and khakis every day? Plus, those grease stains add character.
You want to perfect your "Would you like fries with that?" game: It's not just about flipping burgers; it's an art form. You've always dreamed of mastering the subtle upsell techniques that leave customers wondering if they really needed that extra large soda.
You miss the smell of industrial-grade cleaning products: There's just something oddly satisfying about the scent of bleach and ammonia wafting through the air as you scrub toilets and mop floors. It's like aromatherapy for the soul.
You're secretly training for the Olympics of multitasking: Juggling OnlyFans messages while folding clothes at the retail store? Child's play. You're ready to take on the challenge of simultaneously taking orders, refilling drinks, and memorizing the daily specials—all while maintaining your trademark charm and wit.
1 year ago
Whiskey should be enjoyed classicly!
Inadvertently inventing the whiskey suppository!
Mix-up Madness: Imagine the horror of accidentally reaching for your whisky pod instead of your hemorrhoid cream. Talk about a burning sensation!
Bottoms Up... Literally!: Drinking is supposed to be enjoyable, not an activity you do upside down!
Whisky Business: Whisky is meant to warm your heart, not your... well, you get the idea.
The Ultimate Party Foul: "Hey, want a shot?" "Sure, just bend over!"
Shaken, Not Stirred... Literally!: Forget about fancy cocktails, this is mixology taken to a whole new level.
Whisky Tango Foxtrot: Because nothing says "What were you thinking?" quite like a whisky pod where the sun don't shine.
Risky Whisky: It's like playing a game of Russian roulette with your... dignity.
Butt of the Joke: The punchline is painfully obvious... and painful.
Sitting on a Goldmine: Who needs a flask when you've got a bottomless supply?
A "Cheeky" Nightcap: Because nothing says "nightcap" quite like a night on your back with a pod up your... well, you know.
Mix-up Madness: Imagine the horror of accidentally reaching for your whisky pod instead of your hemorrhoid cream. Talk about a burning sensation!
Bottoms Up... Literally!: Drinking is supposed to be enjoyable, not an activity you do upside down!
Whisky Business: Whisky is meant to warm your heart, not your... well, you get the idea.
The Ultimate Party Foul: "Hey, want a shot?" "Sure, just bend over!"
Shaken, Not Stirred... Literally!: Forget about fancy cocktails, this is mixology taken to a whole new level.
Whisky Tango Foxtrot: Because nothing says "What were you thinking?" quite like a whisky pod where the sun don't shine.
Risky Whisky: It's like playing a game of Russian roulette with your... dignity.
Butt of the Joke: The punchline is painfully obvious... and painful.
Sitting on a Goldmine: Who needs a flask when you've got a bottomless supply?
A "Cheeky" Nightcap: Because nothing says "nightcap" quite like a night on your back with a pod up your... well, you know.
1 year ago
1 year ago
Learn from their mistake
Traumatizing young children has never been easier.
Here are five humorous reasons why scary movies might be inappropriate for 12-year-olds:
"The Bedtime Boogeyman Bonanza": Watching scary movies might turn bedtime into a battle against imaginary monsters lurking in the closet and under the bed. Forget about counting sheep; they'll be counting zombies instead!
"The Nightmare Neighbor Nuisance": After watching a particularly spooky flick, every shadow, creak, and rustle in the night becomes a potential threat. Your neighbors will love the late-night visits when your kid insists on sleeping with all the lights on!
"The Haunted House Party Pooper": Hosting a sleepover with friends after watching a scary movie might seem like a fun idea, but it could quickly turn into a ghost-hunting expedition with pillow forts and blankets barricading the doors.
"The Paranormal Parental Panic": Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of parents quite like a 12-year-old who's just watched a horror movie. Every bump in the night will have them jumping out of their skin, convinced that the house is haunted or that there's a monster in the closet.
"The Terrifying Toilet Time": After watching a scary movie, even the most mundane activities can become spine-tingling experiences. Your 12-year-old might find themselves sprinting down the hallway after using the bathroom, convinced that something is lurking in the shower curtain.
Here are five humorous reasons why scary movies might be inappropriate for 12-year-olds:
"The Bedtime Boogeyman Bonanza": Watching scary movies might turn bedtime into a battle against imaginary monsters lurking in the closet and under the bed. Forget about counting sheep; they'll be counting zombies instead!
"The Nightmare Neighbor Nuisance": After watching a particularly spooky flick, every shadow, creak, and rustle in the night becomes a potential threat. Your neighbors will love the late-night visits when your kid insists on sleeping with all the lights on!
"The Haunted House Party Pooper": Hosting a sleepover with friends after watching a scary movie might seem like a fun idea, but it could quickly turn into a ghost-hunting expedition with pillow forts and blankets barricading the doors.
"The Paranormal Parental Panic": Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of parents quite like a 12-year-old who's just watched a horror movie. Every bump in the night will have them jumping out of their skin, convinced that the house is haunted or that there's a monster in the closet.
"The Terrifying Toilet Time": After watching a scary movie, even the most mundane activities can become spine-tingling experiences. Your 12-year-old might find themselves sprinting down the hallway after using the bathroom, convinced that something is lurking in the shower curtain.
1 year ago
1 year ago
Secrets are healthy sometimes
Short and to the point a simple emoji. Maybe don't tell your father you are a cuck! We compiled a list of reasons this course of action might do more harm then good:
"The Awkward Family Dinner Discussions:" Revealing your cuckolding lifestyle to Dad could turn the next family dinner into a cringe-worthy affair. Imagine trying to pass the mashed potatoes while Dad grills you about your latest "cuckventure" with a look of confusion and disbelief.
"Father-Son Fishing Trips Take a Turn:" Planning a bonding fishing trip with Dad? Better keep your cuck lifestyle under wraps, unless you want to spend the entire trip untangling fishing lines while fielding uncomfortable questions about your unconventional bedroom habits.
"The Unwelcome Parental Participation:" Dad might take your revelation as an invitation to get involved in your sex life—whether you like it or not. Get ready for unsolicited advice, awkward suggestions, and maybe even a few offers to join in on the fun. Thanks, but no thanks, Dad.
"Dad's Dismantling of Your Dating Life:" Telling Dad you're a cuck might prompt him to take matters into his own hands when it comes to your love life. Get ready for Dad to vet your potential partners, interview your prospective bulls, and maybe even offer to chaperone your dates. Talk about a buzzkill.
"The Endless Dad Jokes:" Once Dad knows you're a cuck, get ready for a barrage of cringeworthy dad jokes about sharing, threesomes, and "keeping it in the family." You might never look at Dad—or family dinners—the same way again.
"The Awkward Family Dinner Discussions:" Revealing your cuckolding lifestyle to Dad could turn the next family dinner into a cringe-worthy affair. Imagine trying to pass the mashed potatoes while Dad grills you about your latest "cuckventure" with a look of confusion and disbelief.
"Father-Son Fishing Trips Take a Turn:" Planning a bonding fishing trip with Dad? Better keep your cuck lifestyle under wraps, unless you want to spend the entire trip untangling fishing lines while fielding uncomfortable questions about your unconventional bedroom habits.
"The Unwelcome Parental Participation:" Dad might take your revelation as an invitation to get involved in your sex life—whether you like it or not. Get ready for unsolicited advice, awkward suggestions, and maybe even a few offers to join in on the fun. Thanks, but no thanks, Dad.
"Dad's Dismantling of Your Dating Life:" Telling Dad you're a cuck might prompt him to take matters into his own hands when it comes to your love life. Get ready for Dad to vet your potential partners, interview your prospective bulls, and maybe even offer to chaperone your dates. Talk about a buzzkill.
"The Endless Dad Jokes:" Once Dad knows you're a cuck, get ready for a barrage of cringeworthy dad jokes about sharing, threesomes, and "keeping it in the family." You might never look at Dad—or family dinners—the same way again.
1 year ago
Get corrected
Twitter adds context
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
