Register for a no ad experience.
10 months ago
Find a better profession
And then she got tired of making 5k a week in donations and started working at McDonalds. Maybe there are some reasons for that? We thought up a few!
You miss the thrill of customer service: Sure, making bank on OnlyFans is exciting, but nothing beats the adrenaline rush of dealing with a Karen demanding to speak to the manager because her latte isn't the perfect shade of beige.
You're a secret fan of polyester uniforms: Who needs luxurious lingerie when you can rock a polyester polo shirt and khakis every day? Plus, those grease stains add character.
You want to perfect your "Would you like fries with that?" game: It's not just about flipping burgers; it's an art form. You've always dreamed of mastering the subtle upsell techniques that leave customers wondering if they really needed that extra large soda.
You miss the smell of industrial-grade cleaning products: There's just something oddly satisfying about the scent of bleach and ammonia wafting through the air as you scrub toilets and mop floors. It's like aromatherapy for the soul.
You're secretly training for the Olympics of multitasking: Juggling OnlyFans messages while folding clothes at the retail store? Child's play. You're ready to take on the challenge of simultaneously taking orders, refilling drinks, and memorizing the daily specials—all while maintaining your trademark charm and wit.
You miss the thrill of customer service: Sure, making bank on OnlyFans is exciting, but nothing beats the adrenaline rush of dealing with a Karen demanding to speak to the manager because her latte isn't the perfect shade of beige.
You're a secret fan of polyester uniforms: Who needs luxurious lingerie when you can rock a polyester polo shirt and khakis every day? Plus, those grease stains add character.
You want to perfect your "Would you like fries with that?" game: It's not just about flipping burgers; it's an art form. You've always dreamed of mastering the subtle upsell techniques that leave customers wondering if they really needed that extra large soda.
You miss the smell of industrial-grade cleaning products: There's just something oddly satisfying about the scent of bleach and ammonia wafting through the air as you scrub toilets and mop floors. It's like aromatherapy for the soul.
You're secretly training for the Olympics of multitasking: Juggling OnlyFans messages while folding clothes at the retail store? Child's play. You're ready to take on the challenge of simultaneously taking orders, refilling drinks, and memorizing the daily specials—all while maintaining your trademark charm and wit.
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
