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10 months ago
The Seaguls don't work for us
Even if they did I'd assume you wouldn't legally have to pay them. But what if they DID work for you? Taxes pension and full seagull employee benefits?
Here's what we would do if we ran a fry stand and our seagull employees stole customers food:
The Seagull Stockade: Construct a tiny bird-sized stockade on the beach and publicly shame the offending seagulls by locking them up for all to see. Bonus points for adding tiny "Wanted" posters with their mugshots plastered all over town.
The Seagull Sensitivity Training: Enroll the mischievous seagulls in a mandatory sensitivity training program to teach them the importance of respecting personal property and boundaries. It's time they learned that stealing fries is not a victimless crime!
The Seagull Hair Salon: Transform the pesky seagulls into fashion icons by giving them outrageous makeovers at the local bird salon. Picture seagulls strutting down the boardwalk with brightly colored feathers and stylish accessories, too fabulous to bother with stealing fries.
The Seagull Scarecrow Squad: Recruit a team of scarecrows dressed in beach attire to patrol the coastline and keep the seagulls in check. With their menacing stares and exaggerated flapping arms, they'll strike fear into the hearts of any seagull contemplating a fry heist.
The Seagull Street Performers: Turn the tables on the seagulls by putting them to work as street performers, entertaining beachgoers with their impressive acrobatic skills and synchronized flying routines. Who needs a seagull stealing your fries when you can watch them perform daring aerial stunts instead?
Here's what we would do if we ran a fry stand and our seagull employees stole customers food:
The Seagull Stockade: Construct a tiny bird-sized stockade on the beach and publicly shame the offending seagulls by locking them up for all to see. Bonus points for adding tiny "Wanted" posters with their mugshots plastered all over town.
The Seagull Sensitivity Training: Enroll the mischievous seagulls in a mandatory sensitivity training program to teach them the importance of respecting personal property and boundaries. It's time they learned that stealing fries is not a victimless crime!
The Seagull Hair Salon: Transform the pesky seagulls into fashion icons by giving them outrageous makeovers at the local bird salon. Picture seagulls strutting down the boardwalk with brightly colored feathers and stylish accessories, too fabulous to bother with stealing fries.
The Seagull Scarecrow Squad: Recruit a team of scarecrows dressed in beach attire to patrol the coastline and keep the seagulls in check. With their menacing stares and exaggerated flapping arms, they'll strike fear into the hearts of any seagull contemplating a fry heist.
The Seagull Street Performers: Turn the tables on the seagulls by putting them to work as street performers, entertaining beachgoers with their impressive acrobatic skills and synchronized flying routines. Who needs a seagull stealing your fries when you can watch them perform daring aerial stunts instead?
7 months ago
10 months ago
Buy cheaper pizza
Really DO NOT finance a pizza. If that's not enough bad financial advice for you we have you covered with 5 more :
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
7 months ago
Knowing your kids well
They both know she might have started it but the mom is thinking about not incriminating her
7 months ago
10 months ago
Never share your wi-fi password
3am wondering why you can't load a youtube video while your neighbor is torrenting
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
7 months ago
