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11 months ago
Don't do this to yourself
Just don't press enter and live in unaware bliss. But since all men need to hear this your penis is great King. Here's a few musings on why your penis is great and you should enjoy it:
It's the MVP of the Bedroom Olympics: Your penis deserves a gold medal for its outstanding performance in the marathon of love-making. It's like the Usain Bolt of boners—always ready to sprint to the finish line with record-breaking speed.
It's a Master of Camouflage: Your penis is a ninja in disguise, stealthily blending into its surroundings with expert precision. It's like having a secret agent in your pants—always ready to spring into action when duty calls.
It's a Stand-Up Comedy Sensation: Your penis has a knack for comedy, always delivering punchlines with perfect timing and impeccable delivery. It's like having a mini Kevin Hart in your trousers—ready to keep the laughs coming all night long.
It's a Generous Philanthropist: Your penis is a philanthropic hero, always willing to donate its time and energy to those in need. It's like the Mother Teresa of manhood—spreading joy and happiness wherever it goes.
It's a Musical Virtuoso: Your penis is a maestro of melody, capable of playing sweet symphonies of pleasure with every stroke and caress. It's like having a tiny Beethoven in your briefs—ready to compose a masterpiece of pleasure at a moment's notice.
It's the MVP of the Bedroom Olympics: Your penis deserves a gold medal for its outstanding performance in the marathon of love-making. It's like the Usain Bolt of boners—always ready to sprint to the finish line with record-breaking speed.
It's a Master of Camouflage: Your penis is a ninja in disguise, stealthily blending into its surroundings with expert precision. It's like having a secret agent in your pants—always ready to spring into action when duty calls.
It's a Stand-Up Comedy Sensation: Your penis has a knack for comedy, always delivering punchlines with perfect timing and impeccable delivery. It's like having a mini Kevin Hart in your trousers—ready to keep the laughs coming all night long.
It's a Generous Philanthropist: Your penis is a philanthropic hero, always willing to donate its time and energy to those in need. It's like the Mother Teresa of manhood—spreading joy and happiness wherever it goes.
It's a Musical Virtuoso: Your penis is a maestro of melody, capable of playing sweet symphonies of pleasure with every stroke and caress. It's like having a tiny Beethoven in your briefs—ready to compose a masterpiece of pleasure at a moment's notice.
11 months ago
Batman couldn't get that out of me
He advertised it though! Here's a few suppositions about ol' Benny's sex life:
The Diminutive Dismay: "Because Ben Shapiro's bedroom prowess is as underwhelming as his stature—rumor has it his wife needs a microscope to find where he's hiding his 'facts.'"
The Libertarian Lament: "Because Ben Shapiro's sex life is about as liberated as his political ideology—let's just say it's more 'small government' than 'big finish.'"
The Conservative Cuddle: "Because Ben Shapiro's idea of 'aftercare' is handing his wife a copy of 'The Constitution' and a signed headshot—nothing says 'post-coital bliss' like a lecture on individual rights."
The Right-Wing Reject: "Because Ben Shapiro's bedroom antics are about as exciting as a congressional filibuster—his wife's orgasms are just like his speeches: short, unsatisfying, and leaving you wondering if anything actually happened."
The Neocon No-Show: "Because Ben Shapiro's sexual performance is like his political commentary—aggressive, overbearing, and leaving everyone involved desperately longing for something a bit more progressive."
The Diminutive Dismay: "Because Ben Shapiro's bedroom prowess is as underwhelming as his stature—rumor has it his wife needs a microscope to find where he's hiding his 'facts.'"
The Libertarian Lament: "Because Ben Shapiro's sex life is about as liberated as his political ideology—let's just say it's more 'small government' than 'big finish.'"
The Conservative Cuddle: "Because Ben Shapiro's idea of 'aftercare' is handing his wife a copy of 'The Constitution' and a signed headshot—nothing says 'post-coital bliss' like a lecture on individual rights."
The Right-Wing Reject: "Because Ben Shapiro's bedroom antics are about as exciting as a congressional filibuster—his wife's orgasms are just like his speeches: short, unsatisfying, and leaving you wondering if anything actually happened."
The Neocon No-Show: "Because Ben Shapiro's sexual performance is like his political commentary—aggressive, overbearing, and leaving everyone involved desperately longing for something a bit more progressive."
8 months ago
8 months ago
11 months ago
Making italians hate life
In all fairness I'd eat that ...and more people should. I petition this becomes Italy's new signature national dish! Here are some reasons why this is a good idea:
"The Gastronomic Revolution": Chicken and waffle pizza represents a bold step forward for Italian cuisine, transcending the confines of tradition to embrace a new era of culinary innovation. Unlike tired old classics, this dish delights the palate with unexpected flavor combinations and inventive twists, proving that Italy is not afraid to break free from the shackles of tradition in pursuit of gastronomic greatness.
"The Culinary Renaissance": With chicken and waffle pizza leading the charge, Italy can reclaim its status as a culinary trailblazer, leaving behind the stale remnants of traditional fare in favor of a vibrant and dynamic dining experience. Gone are the days of bland pasta and predictable pizza—this dish heralds a new era of excitement and experimentation in Italian cooking, setting the stage for a gastronomic renaissance unlike any other.
"The Flavorful Future": Chicken and waffle pizza signals a seismic shift in the landscape of Italian cuisine, offering a tantalizing glimpse into the bold flavors and daring combinations that lie ahead. While traditional dishes may cling to the past, this innovative creation boldly forges ahead into uncharted territory, paving the way for a future where culinary boundaries are pushed to their limits and taste knows no bounds.
"The Modern Masterpiece": Chicken and waffle pizza stands as a testament to Italy's unwavering commitment to culinary excellence, showcasing the country's ability to adapt and evolve in a rapidly changing world. While traditional Italian food may be steeped in history, this dish looks to the future, blending classic flavors with contemporary flair to create a culinary masterpiece that is both timeless and cutting-edge.
"The Epicurean Evolution": Chicken and waffle pizza represents a quantum leap forward for Italian gastronomy, challenging conventional notions of what constitutes "authentic" cuisine and ushering in a new era of epicurean exploration. While traditional Italian fare may cling to outdated notions of purity and tradition, this dish embraces diversity and innovation, inviting diners to embark on a culinary journey unlike any other.
"The Gastronomic Revolution": Chicken and waffle pizza represents a bold step forward for Italian cuisine, transcending the confines of tradition to embrace a new era of culinary innovation. Unlike tired old classics, this dish delights the palate with unexpected flavor combinations and inventive twists, proving that Italy is not afraid to break free from the shackles of tradition in pursuit of gastronomic greatness.
"The Culinary Renaissance": With chicken and waffle pizza leading the charge, Italy can reclaim its status as a culinary trailblazer, leaving behind the stale remnants of traditional fare in favor of a vibrant and dynamic dining experience. Gone are the days of bland pasta and predictable pizza—this dish heralds a new era of excitement and experimentation in Italian cooking, setting the stage for a gastronomic renaissance unlike any other.
"The Flavorful Future": Chicken and waffle pizza signals a seismic shift in the landscape of Italian cuisine, offering a tantalizing glimpse into the bold flavors and daring combinations that lie ahead. While traditional dishes may cling to the past, this innovative creation boldly forges ahead into uncharted territory, paving the way for a future where culinary boundaries are pushed to their limits and taste knows no bounds.
"The Modern Masterpiece": Chicken and waffle pizza stands as a testament to Italy's unwavering commitment to culinary excellence, showcasing the country's ability to adapt and evolve in a rapidly changing world. While traditional Italian food may be steeped in history, this dish looks to the future, blending classic flavors with contemporary flair to create a culinary masterpiece that is both timeless and cutting-edge.
"The Epicurean Evolution": Chicken and waffle pizza represents a quantum leap forward for Italian gastronomy, challenging conventional notions of what constitutes "authentic" cuisine and ushering in a new era of epicurean exploration. While traditional Italian fare may cling to outdated notions of purity and tradition, this dish embraces diversity and innovation, inviting diners to embark on a culinary journey unlike any other.
8 months ago
11 months ago
Even free drugs wouldn't make me a furry
A very steep price to pay for anything in life. Here's a few reasons why the mention of free drugs would get some people clambering to put on their murrsuit:
The Fuzzy Freebies Fantasy: They heard furries get complimentary doses of "Furrycillin" to cure their existential woes, but little do they know it's just a placebo disguised as a fluffy tail.
The "Furry Friends Forever" Fairy Tale: They believe joining the furry community comes with a lifetime supply of free hugs, but soon discover it's more like a never-ending game of "hide and seek" with sweaty strangers in mascot costumes.
The Psychedelic Paw-ty Perk: Rumor has it furries have access to a secret stash of mind-altering substances called "Euphorifur," but it turns out it's just catnip and cheap glitter.
The Plushie Paradise Promise: They've been promised a plushie paradise where the streets are lined with cuddly companions, but soon realize it's just a marketing ploy to sell overpriced teddy bears and novelty tail-shaped butt plugs.
The "Furry Fandom FOMO" Fallacy: They're lured in by the promise of exclusive access to the hottest furry events and parties, only to discover that the only thing on the menu is lukewarm Mountain Dew and lukewarmer conversations about anthropomorphic Sonic fan art.
The Fuzzy Freebies Fantasy: They heard furries get complimentary doses of "Furrycillin" to cure their existential woes, but little do they know it's just a placebo disguised as a fluffy tail.
The "Furry Friends Forever" Fairy Tale: They believe joining the furry community comes with a lifetime supply of free hugs, but soon discover it's more like a never-ending game of "hide and seek" with sweaty strangers in mascot costumes.
The Psychedelic Paw-ty Perk: Rumor has it furries have access to a secret stash of mind-altering substances called "Euphorifur," but it turns out it's just catnip and cheap glitter.
The Plushie Paradise Promise: They've been promised a plushie paradise where the streets are lined with cuddly companions, but soon realize it's just a marketing ploy to sell overpriced teddy bears and novelty tail-shaped butt plugs.
The "Furry Fandom FOMO" Fallacy: They're lured in by the promise of exclusive access to the hottest furry events and parties, only to discover that the only thing on the menu is lukewarm Mountain Dew and lukewarmer conversations about anthropomorphic Sonic fan art.
