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10 months ago
Run girl or get a gun or both
He seems like he'd make a skin-suit out of her. I guess I'm not allowed to technically say you should shoot him outright *wink wink* so here are some Home Alone style ways you can protect yourself from a dangerous stalker!
DIY Booby Traps: Channel your inner MacGyver and rig up some hilarious yet effective booby traps using household items. Think strategically placed marbles, buckets of slime over doorways, and strategically positioned rubber chickens. Who knew self-defense could be so slapstick?
Fake-Out Escape Plans: Set up fake escape routes that lead nowhere, like a hallway of cardboard cutouts or a secret door that opens to reveal a closet full of old Halloween costumes. Your stalker will be left scratching their head while you make a real getaway.
Inflatable Doppelgangers: Invest in a few life-sized inflatable replicas of yourself to scatter around the house. Your stalker won't know which one is the real you, giving you plenty of time to slip away unnoticed while they're busy interrogating your vinyl doppelgangers.
Kitchen Chaos: Turn your kitchen into a culinary battleground by strategically placing pots, pans, and utensils within arm's reach. When your stalker least expects it, unleash a barrage of flying cookware to send them running for cover—or at least ducking for cover.
Animal Allies: Enlist the help of your furry (or feathery) friends to thwart your stalker's advances. Train your pet parrot to squawk obscenities whenever they approach or teach your cat to trip them up with well-timed leg weaves. After all, who needs a guard dog when you have a guard chicken?
DIY Booby Traps: Channel your inner MacGyver and rig up some hilarious yet effective booby traps using household items. Think strategically placed marbles, buckets of slime over doorways, and strategically positioned rubber chickens. Who knew self-defense could be so slapstick?
Fake-Out Escape Plans: Set up fake escape routes that lead nowhere, like a hallway of cardboard cutouts or a secret door that opens to reveal a closet full of old Halloween costumes. Your stalker will be left scratching their head while you make a real getaway.
Inflatable Doppelgangers: Invest in a few life-sized inflatable replicas of yourself to scatter around the house. Your stalker won't know which one is the real you, giving you plenty of time to slip away unnoticed while they're busy interrogating your vinyl doppelgangers.
Kitchen Chaos: Turn your kitchen into a culinary battleground by strategically placing pots, pans, and utensils within arm's reach. When your stalker least expects it, unleash a barrage of flying cookware to send them running for cover—or at least ducking for cover.
Animal Allies: Enlist the help of your furry (or feathery) friends to thwart your stalker's advances. Train your pet parrot to squawk obscenities whenever they approach or teach your cat to trip them up with well-timed leg weaves. After all, who needs a guard dog when you have a guard chicken?
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
10 months ago
Failing as a parent
Someone's getting put in a nursing home at 53
Here are five humorous suggestions for what a mom could buy herself instead of Christmas presents for her kids:
A "Mommy Time-Out" Kit: Treat yourself to a luxurious spa day complete with massages, facials, and a dip in the hot tub. After all, who needs presents when you can pamper yourself?
The Ultimate Mom Cave: Transform a spare room into your own personal sanctuary, complete with cozy blankets, a mini fridge stocked with your favorite snacks, and a big-screen TV for binge-watching your guilty pleasures.
A "Mom's Night Off" Subscription Box: Sign up for a monthly subscription box filled with goodies just for you, from gourmet chocolates to fancy wine. Because let's face it, being a mom is hard work, and you deserve a little indulgence.
A DIY Mommy Makeover: Splurge on a makeover day where you get to reinvent your look with a new hairstyle, makeup, and wardrobe. It's the perfect excuse to shake things up and show off your fabulous mom style.
A Mommy Adventure Bucket List: Treat yourself to a series of fun and adventurous experiences, from skydiving to zip-lining to bungee jumping. Who needs presents under the tree when you can make memories that will last a lifetime?
Here are five humorous suggestions for what a mom could buy herself instead of Christmas presents for her kids:
A "Mommy Time-Out" Kit: Treat yourself to a luxurious spa day complete with massages, facials, and a dip in the hot tub. After all, who needs presents when you can pamper yourself?
The Ultimate Mom Cave: Transform a spare room into your own personal sanctuary, complete with cozy blankets, a mini fridge stocked with your favorite snacks, and a big-screen TV for binge-watching your guilty pleasures.
A "Mom's Night Off" Subscription Box: Sign up for a monthly subscription box filled with goodies just for you, from gourmet chocolates to fancy wine. Because let's face it, being a mom is hard work, and you deserve a little indulgence.
A DIY Mommy Makeover: Splurge on a makeover day where you get to reinvent your look with a new hairstyle, makeup, and wardrobe. It's the perfect excuse to shake things up and show off your fabulous mom style.
A Mommy Adventure Bucket List: Treat yourself to a series of fun and adventurous experiences, from skydiving to zip-lining to bungee jumping. Who needs presents under the tree when you can make memories that will last a lifetime?
7 months ago
