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1 year ago
Indifferent when underpaid
My new work motto. You probably shouldn't tell this to your boss ...unless you're mad and quitting then why not! Stay toxic kings and queens! Here are 5 ways you can tell this to your boss without using the profanity that's bubbling up inside:
"I'm Like a Deflating Balloon: When pressure hits, I'm more likely to deflate like a sad party balloon than rise to the occasion like a helium-filled superhero. But hey, at least I'm consistent—just like the minimum wage."
"I'm the Anti-Firefighter: You know how firefighters rush into burning buildings to save the day? Well, I'm more like the guy standing outside selling marshmallows. When it comes to pressure, I'm more chill than a snoozing sloth.
"I'm the Human Equivalent of a Shrugging Emoji: Underpaid and under pressure? Meh. I'm as indifferent as a cat watching a mouse parade. Just don't expect any heroic acts—unless there's free pizza involved."
"I'm the Zen Master of Indifference: Picture a monk meditating on a mountaintop, completely unfazed by the chaos below. That's me when I'm underpaid and under pressure—serene, detached, and mentally cashing in on my next vacation day.
"I'm the King of Low-Stakes Poker: When the chips are down and the pressure's on, I'm more likely to fold faster than a cheap lawn chair. But hey, at least I know my worth—about as much as the office coffee machine.
"I'm Like a Deflating Balloon: When pressure hits, I'm more likely to deflate like a sad party balloon than rise to the occasion like a helium-filled superhero. But hey, at least I'm consistent—just like the minimum wage."
"I'm the Anti-Firefighter: You know how firefighters rush into burning buildings to save the day? Well, I'm more like the guy standing outside selling marshmallows. When it comes to pressure, I'm more chill than a snoozing sloth.
"I'm the Human Equivalent of a Shrugging Emoji: Underpaid and under pressure? Meh. I'm as indifferent as a cat watching a mouse parade. Just don't expect any heroic acts—unless there's free pizza involved."
"I'm the Zen Master of Indifference: Picture a monk meditating on a mountaintop, completely unfazed by the chaos below. That's me when I'm underpaid and under pressure—serene, detached, and mentally cashing in on my next vacation day.
"I'm the King of Low-Stakes Poker: When the chips are down and the pressure's on, I'm more likely to fold faster than a cheap lawn chair. But hey, at least I know my worth—about as much as the office coffee machine.
1 year ago
How to deal with unsolicited flirting
Pretty cheap for real rent, really expensive for digital rent. A great idea though, maybe unsolicited DM senders should pay rent! Here's 5 fun reasons why:
"The DM Landlord": Just like any landlord, you should be compensated for letting people move into your DMs. After all, you're providing prime real estate in the digital world—it's only fair that they chip in for the privilege!
"The Inbox Intrusion Fee": Think of it as an inbox intrusion fee. Every time someone slides into your DMs uninvited, they're essentially trespassing on your digital property. Charging rent is just a way to recoup the costs of dealing with their unsolicited messages.
"The Message Maintenance Tax": Maintaining your DMs takes time and effort. From sorting through spam to dealing with unwanted advances, it's a thankless task. Charging rent is a way to compensate for the emotional labor of managing your inbox.
"The Spam Surcharge": Unsolicited DMs are the digital equivalent of junk mail. Just like you wouldn't let someone dump their trash in your living room for free, you shouldn't have to deal with their digital garbage without compensation. Charging rent is a way to discourage spam and keep your DMs clean.
"The Privacy Protection Payment": Your DMs are your private digital sanctuary, and letting someone slide into them uninvited is like letting a stranger crash on your couch without asking. Charging rent is a way to assert your digital boundaries and protect your privacy. After all, if they want access to your DMs, they should be willing to pay for the privilege!
"The DM Landlord": Just like any landlord, you should be compensated for letting people move into your DMs. After all, you're providing prime real estate in the digital world—it's only fair that they chip in for the privilege!
"The Inbox Intrusion Fee": Think of it as an inbox intrusion fee. Every time someone slides into your DMs uninvited, they're essentially trespassing on your digital property. Charging rent is just a way to recoup the costs of dealing with their unsolicited messages.
"The Message Maintenance Tax": Maintaining your DMs takes time and effort. From sorting through spam to dealing with unwanted advances, it's a thankless task. Charging rent is a way to compensate for the emotional labor of managing your inbox.
"The Spam Surcharge": Unsolicited DMs are the digital equivalent of junk mail. Just like you wouldn't let someone dump their trash in your living room for free, you shouldn't have to deal with their digital garbage without compensation. Charging rent is a way to discourage spam and keep your DMs clean.
"The Privacy Protection Payment": Your DMs are your private digital sanctuary, and letting someone slide into them uninvited is like letting a stranger crash on your couch without asking. Charging rent is a way to assert your digital boundaries and protect your privacy. After all, if they want access to your DMs, they should be willing to pay for the privilege!
1 year ago
1 year ago
Never share your wi-fi password
3am wondering why you can't load a youtube video while your neighbor is torrenting
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
1 year ago
1 year ago
I think I'm Intellifuck
Since I'm so clever, I've never been told. gas station boner pills are a cornerstone of society though we know many reasons why people should buy them, here's 5 :
"Pump Up the Volume": Forget about turning up the stereo—take a gas station boner pill and you'll be turning up the volume on more than just your music. Get ready to rock out with your... well, you know.
"Instant Party Starter": Need to liven up a dull gathering? Forget about party favors and balloons—bring along some gas station boner pills instead. With their guaranteed performance-enhancing effects, you'll be the life of the party in more ways than one.
"Amp Up Your Morning Commute": Who needs caffeine when you can kickstart your day with a gas station boner pill? Just pop one before your morning commute and you'll be wide awake and raring to go—whether you're stuck in traffic or sitting through yet another boring meeting.
"The Ultimate Pick-Me-Up": Feeling down in the dumps? Forget about therapy and self-help books—take a gas station boner pill and you'll be feeling up in no time. With their mood-boosting properties, these little blue wonders are the ultimate pick-me-up for whatever life throws your way.
"For Those Hard-to-Reach Places": Need to scratch that itch in those hard-to-reach places? Look no further than a gas station boner pill. With their impressive length and girth, they're the perfect tool for reaching those pesky spots you just can't seem to get to on your own.
"Pump Up the Volume": Forget about turning up the stereo—take a gas station boner pill and you'll be turning up the volume on more than just your music. Get ready to rock out with your... well, you know.
"Instant Party Starter": Need to liven up a dull gathering? Forget about party favors and balloons—bring along some gas station boner pills instead. With their guaranteed performance-enhancing effects, you'll be the life of the party in more ways than one.
"Amp Up Your Morning Commute": Who needs caffeine when you can kickstart your day with a gas station boner pill? Just pop one before your morning commute and you'll be wide awake and raring to go—whether you're stuck in traffic or sitting through yet another boring meeting.
"The Ultimate Pick-Me-Up": Feeling down in the dumps? Forget about therapy and self-help books—take a gas station boner pill and you'll be feeling up in no time. With their mood-boosting properties, these little blue wonders are the ultimate pick-me-up for whatever life throws your way.
"For Those Hard-to-Reach Places": Need to scratch that itch in those hard-to-reach places? Look no further than a gas station boner pill. With their impressive length and girth, they're the perfect tool for reaching those pesky spots you just can't seem to get to on your own.
1 year ago
Makes you want to get some coffe though
Most expensive coffee money can buy
Your company logo shouldn't be sexy trust our underpaid intern on this with his fever dream 5 reasons why
"Sales Sizzle to Fizzle":
"A sexy logo might turn heads, but it could also turn away customers faster than you can say 'sales slump.'"
"Inappropriate Impressions":
"A sexy logo could give the wrong impression, leaving customers wondering if they stumbled into the wrong place."
"Awkward Office Encounters":
"Explaining a sultry logo in a board meeting? Awkward. Keep it professional to avoid blushing faces."
"Legal Love Triangle":
"A sexy logo could land your company in a legal mess faster than you can say 'copyright infringement.'"
"Not Safe for Networking":
"A logo that's too sexy might steal the spotlight at networking events. Keep it PG for smoother connections."
Your company logo shouldn't be sexy trust our underpaid intern on this with his fever dream 5 reasons why
"Sales Sizzle to Fizzle":
"A sexy logo might turn heads, but it could also turn away customers faster than you can say 'sales slump.'"
"Inappropriate Impressions":
"A sexy logo could give the wrong impression, leaving customers wondering if they stumbled into the wrong place."
"Awkward Office Encounters":
"Explaining a sultry logo in a board meeting? Awkward. Keep it professional to avoid blushing faces."
"Legal Love Triangle":
"A sexy logo could land your company in a legal mess faster than you can say 'copyright infringement.'"
"Not Safe for Networking":
"A logo that's too sexy might steal the spotlight at networking events. Keep it PG for smoother connections."
