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1 year ago
Super Mad Terrible Mother
Another person who's going to be put in a home at 53. But we're all about excuses here, maybe she has some good reasons? As a fellow person with an IQ as large as my shoe size I thought up of these totally valid reasons why you shouldn't share your onlyfans money with your kids:
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
1 year ago
Man's got a point
Doubt they think the movie theater is anything but scary too. But maybe these parents read a weird parenting book filled with reasons why people just love their weak pullout game enhancing the movie you paid unreasonably much to see! Here are some reasons from that book we might have made up:
"Instant Emotional Soundtrack": Who needs surround sound when you have a crying baby providing the perfect dramatic soundtrack for every scene? It's like having a built-in emotional rollercoaster, complete with unexpected twists and turns.
"Improvised Comedy Show": When the tension rises on screen, there's nothing like the comedic relief of a wailing infant to lighten the mood. Suddenly, the serious drama becomes a slapstick comedy as everyone tries to stifle their laughter.
"Interactive Audience Participation": Forget silent contemplation—crying babies encourage audience participation like never before. From sympathetic sighs to whispered reassurances, everyone in the theater becomes part of the immersive experience.
"Free Stress Relief": Who needs expensive therapy sessions when you can unleash your frustrations on a crying baby? It's like a group therapy session for the price of a movie ticket—just remember to bring your own earplugs.
"Unexpected Plot Twists": Just when you think you know where the movie is going, a crying baby throws a curveball that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will they stop crying? Will they escalate to full-blown meltdown? The suspense is unbearable—in the best possible way.
"Instant Emotional Soundtrack": Who needs surround sound when you have a crying baby providing the perfect dramatic soundtrack for every scene? It's like having a built-in emotional rollercoaster, complete with unexpected twists and turns.
"Improvised Comedy Show": When the tension rises on screen, there's nothing like the comedic relief of a wailing infant to lighten the mood. Suddenly, the serious drama becomes a slapstick comedy as everyone tries to stifle their laughter.
"Interactive Audience Participation": Forget silent contemplation—crying babies encourage audience participation like never before. From sympathetic sighs to whispered reassurances, everyone in the theater becomes part of the immersive experience.
"Free Stress Relief": Who needs expensive therapy sessions when you can unleash your frustrations on a crying baby? It's like a group therapy session for the price of a movie ticket—just remember to bring your own earplugs.
"Unexpected Plot Twists": Just when you think you know where the movie is going, a crying baby throws a curveball that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will they stop crying? Will they escalate to full-blown meltdown? The suspense is unbearable—in the best possible way.
1 year ago
Rude but not wrong
Don't fall for NFT's but if you have a positive experience feel free to comment.
Here are some reasons the rude guy is right:
"Because nothing says 'investment opportunity' quite like a pixelated picture of a bored ape or a rainbow-shooting cat. Who needs the Mona Lisa when you can have a JPEG of a dancing pickle, right?"
"It's like a virtual version of trading cards, but instead of collecting valuable athletes or historical figures, you're collecting... well, digital cats with a side of existential dread. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."
"Forget the traditional pyramid scheme, NFTs are the new frontier of 'Hey, wanna buy this thing that only exists in the digital ether and may or may not tank in value faster than a lead balloon?'"
"NFTs: Because who needs financial stability when you can spend your life savings on a picture of a monkey wearing sunglasses? It's not just a purchase, it's a lifestyle statement!"
"Why settle for a boring ol' savings account when you can gamble your hard-earned cash on the chance that someone, somewhere, might want to buy your digital rendition of a stick figure with a bad haircut? It's like Vegas, but with more blockchain!"
Here are some reasons the rude guy is right:
"Because nothing says 'investment opportunity' quite like a pixelated picture of a bored ape or a rainbow-shooting cat. Who needs the Mona Lisa when you can have a JPEG of a dancing pickle, right?"
"It's like a virtual version of trading cards, but instead of collecting valuable athletes or historical figures, you're collecting... well, digital cats with a side of existential dread. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."
"Forget the traditional pyramid scheme, NFTs are the new frontier of 'Hey, wanna buy this thing that only exists in the digital ether and may or may not tank in value faster than a lead balloon?'"
"NFTs: Because who needs financial stability when you can spend your life savings on a picture of a monkey wearing sunglasses? It's not just a purchase, it's a lifestyle statement!"
"Why settle for a boring ol' savings account when you can gamble your hard-earned cash on the chance that someone, somewhere, might want to buy your digital rendition of a stick figure with a bad haircut? It's like Vegas, but with more blockchain!"
1 year ago
The mad lad did it
Extreme diarrhea was probably an unwanted side effect.
Here's 5 hilarious reasons why giving yourself Autobrewery Syndrome is the best idea ever:
"The Instant Party Starter": Forget about lugging around heavy coolers full of beer—with Autobrewery Syndrome, you can turn any outing into an instant party! Just eat some carbs, sit back, and let your body do the brewing. Who needs a keg when you've got your own personal brewery on board?
"The Ultimate DIY Project": Why spend money on craft beer when you can brew your own right in your gut? With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about running out of beer again. Just stock up on snacks and let the fermentation process do the rest. It's like having a microbrewery in your stomach!
"The Beer Belly Bonanza": Who needs to hit the gym when you can cultivate your very own beer belly with Autobrewery Syndrome? Say goodbye to those boring six-pack abs and hello to a belly full of delicious homemade brews. It's the ultimate excuse to skip leg day and crack open another cold one instead.
"The Liquid Courage Lifesaver": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to face an awkward social situation sober again. Feeling nervous at a party? Just let your body brew up some liquid courage and you'll be the life of the party in no time. Who needs charisma when you've got ethanol coursing through your veins?
"The Drunk Dial Dilemma": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about embarrassing drunk dials again—because you'll be drunk 24/7! Say goodbye to coherent conversations and hello to slurred speech and nonsensical ramblings. Who needs a filter when you've got ethanol-induced honesty?
Here's 5 hilarious reasons why giving yourself Autobrewery Syndrome is the best idea ever:
"The Instant Party Starter": Forget about lugging around heavy coolers full of beer—with Autobrewery Syndrome, you can turn any outing into an instant party! Just eat some carbs, sit back, and let your body do the brewing. Who needs a keg when you've got your own personal brewery on board?
"The Ultimate DIY Project": Why spend money on craft beer when you can brew your own right in your gut? With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about running out of beer again. Just stock up on snacks and let the fermentation process do the rest. It's like having a microbrewery in your stomach!
"The Beer Belly Bonanza": Who needs to hit the gym when you can cultivate your very own beer belly with Autobrewery Syndrome? Say goodbye to those boring six-pack abs and hello to a belly full of delicious homemade brews. It's the ultimate excuse to skip leg day and crack open another cold one instead.
"The Liquid Courage Lifesaver": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to face an awkward social situation sober again. Feeling nervous at a party? Just let your body brew up some liquid courage and you'll be the life of the party in no time. Who needs charisma when you've got ethanol coursing through your veins?
"The Drunk Dial Dilemma": With Autobrewery Syndrome, you'll never have to worry about embarrassing drunk dials again—because you'll be drunk 24/7! Say goodbye to coherent conversations and hello to slurred speech and nonsensical ramblings. Who needs a filter when you've got ethanol-induced honesty?
1 year ago
1 year ago
Bought these 8 minutes ago
2 more days and they'll evolve into something really weird , here we prepared some examples while huffing glue in the company garage
"Strawberry Superhero: Mold Man":
"With its newfound moldy powers, the strawberry transforms into Mold Man, defender of the fridge! Armed with spore projectiles and a fuzzy cape, Mold Man fights off food waste villains one fridge shelf at a time."
"Strawberry Spa Retreat: Moldy Oasis":
"The moldy strawberry evolves into a luxurious spa retreat for microorganisms, complete with a fuzzy mold jacuzzi and spore sauna. Mold spores flock from far and wide for a rejuvenating vacation in the moldy oasis."
"Strawberry Space Explorer: Moldtronaut":
"Launching into orbit, the moldy strawberry becomes Moldtronaut, the first fruit to explore the cosmos! Moldtronaut braves the vacuum of space armed with an intergalactic spore blaster and a helmet made of mold-resistant polymer."
"Strawberry Rockstar: Moldy Mick Jagger":
"Channeling its inner rockstar, the moldy strawberry morphs into Moldy Mick Jagger, lead singer of the legendary band 'The Rolling Mold.' With fuzzy hair and spore-studded leather pants, Moldy Mick rocks the fridge with hits like 'Satisfaction (With Mold)' and 'Gimme Mold Shelter.'"
"Strawberry Scientist: Dr. Moldberg":
"Embracing its intellectual side, the moldy strawberry becomes Dr. Moldberg, esteemed mycologist and mold enthusiast! Dr. Moldberg conducts groundbreaking research on mold spore taxonomy and hosts mold-themed TED talks in the damp corners of the fridge."
"Strawberry Superhero: Mold Man":
"With its newfound moldy powers, the strawberry transforms into Mold Man, defender of the fridge! Armed with spore projectiles and a fuzzy cape, Mold Man fights off food waste villains one fridge shelf at a time."
"Strawberry Spa Retreat: Moldy Oasis":
"The moldy strawberry evolves into a luxurious spa retreat for microorganisms, complete with a fuzzy mold jacuzzi and spore sauna. Mold spores flock from far and wide for a rejuvenating vacation in the moldy oasis."
"Strawberry Space Explorer: Moldtronaut":
"Launching into orbit, the moldy strawberry becomes Moldtronaut, the first fruit to explore the cosmos! Moldtronaut braves the vacuum of space armed with an intergalactic spore blaster and a helmet made of mold-resistant polymer."
"Strawberry Rockstar: Moldy Mick Jagger":
"Channeling its inner rockstar, the moldy strawberry morphs into Moldy Mick Jagger, lead singer of the legendary band 'The Rolling Mold.' With fuzzy hair and spore-studded leather pants, Moldy Mick rocks the fridge with hits like 'Satisfaction (With Mold)' and 'Gimme Mold Shelter.'"
"Strawberry Scientist: Dr. Moldberg":
"Embracing its intellectual side, the moldy strawberry becomes Dr. Moldberg, esteemed mycologist and mold enthusiast! Dr. Moldberg conducts groundbreaking research on mold spore taxonomy and hosts mold-themed TED talks in the damp corners of the fridge."
1 year ago
No sorry it's a prerequisite
Better get use to the idea. Here are 5 reasons why cuckoldry is mandatory for military enlisted personnel under directive 521-7c from the Ministry of Defense.
"To ensure soldiers have experience in handling unexpected surprises, like when they return from deployment to find someone else has been 'holding down the fort'."
"It's all part of the top-secret 'Operation Complicated Love Triangle' training program, designed to confuse enemy spies with our complex personal lives."
"In case of a surprise attack, soldiers need to be adept at quickly adapting to new orders, even if it means changing their relationship status on the fly."
"To keep morale high during long deployments, nothing boosts camaraderie like sharing the same significant other—talk about teamwork!"
"It's a strategic tactic to ensure soldiers always have a 'plan B' waiting at home, just in case Plan A (the mission) doesn't work out."
"To ensure soldiers have experience in handling unexpected surprises, like when they return from deployment to find someone else has been 'holding down the fort'."
"It's all part of the top-secret 'Operation Complicated Love Triangle' training program, designed to confuse enemy spies with our complex personal lives."
"In case of a surprise attack, soldiers need to be adept at quickly adapting to new orders, even if it means changing their relationship status on the fly."
"To keep morale high during long deployments, nothing boosts camaraderie like sharing the same significant other—talk about teamwork!"
"It's a strategic tactic to ensure soldiers always have a 'plan B' waiting at home, just in case Plan A (the mission) doesn't work out."
