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1 year ago
A Japanese Chef should stab you
Only if you cook sushi and they made it for you though. For less serious sushi cooking offenses we recommend these non-stabby punishments:
"Sashimi Slapdown": Forget about getting slapped with a glove—getting punished by a Japanese chef means experiencing the infamous sashimi slapdown. Picture yourself getting whacked with a giant tuna tail while the chef lectures you on the art of sushi making. Ouch!
"Wasabi Waterboarding": Ever heard of wasabi waterboarding? Let's just say it involves a sushi roll, a tube of wasabi, and a bucket of soy sauce. Get ready for a spicy punishment that'll leave your sinuses clear and your taste buds crying for mercy.
"Nori Nunchuck Training": For those who dare to cook sushi without proper training, there's the dreaded nori nunchuck punishment. Picture yourself blindfolded and armed with a pair of seaweed sheets, facing off against a seasoned sushi chef armed with bamboo rolling mats. It's a battle of culinary proportions, and the stakes are high.
"Rice Rumble in the Kitchen": Cooking sushi without proper technique? Prepare to face the rice rumble in the kitchen. Imagine a wrestling match with giant mounds of sticky rice, where the loser gets pinned down by a sushi rolling mat and drenched in soy sauce. It's a messy punishment, but someone's gotta do it.
"Tempura Tantrum": Messing up sushi is bad enough, but messing up tempura? That's a crime worthy of punishment. Picture yourself standing in the corner of a Japanese kitchen, wearing a tempura batter dunce cap while the chef pelts you with deep-fried shrimp tails. It's a punishment that'll leave you battered and fried—but hopefully wiser for next time.
"Sashimi Slapdown": Forget about getting slapped with a glove—getting punished by a Japanese chef means experiencing the infamous sashimi slapdown. Picture yourself getting whacked with a giant tuna tail while the chef lectures you on the art of sushi making. Ouch!
"Wasabi Waterboarding": Ever heard of wasabi waterboarding? Let's just say it involves a sushi roll, a tube of wasabi, and a bucket of soy sauce. Get ready for a spicy punishment that'll leave your sinuses clear and your taste buds crying for mercy.
"Nori Nunchuck Training": For those who dare to cook sushi without proper training, there's the dreaded nori nunchuck punishment. Picture yourself blindfolded and armed with a pair of seaweed sheets, facing off against a seasoned sushi chef armed with bamboo rolling mats. It's a battle of culinary proportions, and the stakes are high.
"Rice Rumble in the Kitchen": Cooking sushi without proper technique? Prepare to face the rice rumble in the kitchen. Imagine a wrestling match with giant mounds of sticky rice, where the loser gets pinned down by a sushi rolling mat and drenched in soy sauce. It's a messy punishment, but someone's gotta do it.
"Tempura Tantrum": Messing up sushi is bad enough, but messing up tempura? That's a crime worthy of punishment. Picture yourself standing in the corner of a Japanese kitchen, wearing a tempura batter dunce cap while the chef pelts you with deep-fried shrimp tails. It's a punishment that'll leave you battered and fried—but hopefully wiser for next time.
1 year ago
Possibly Real Fox facts
I'm not a biologist so some of these might be true. Have some more Fox Facts we paid a disgraced biology professor on LSD to write for us :
"The Fox's Floral Fancies:" Foxes have a peculiar affinity for flowers, often seen frolicking in fields of daisies and tulips. Legend has it that they possess a secret language of flowers, using different blooms to convey messages to their woodland friends.
"The Fox's Fluffy Feathered Friends:" Foxes have a knack for befriending birds, forming unlikely alliances with feathered creatures of all shapes and sizes. It's said that they host bird tea parties in the forest, serving up treats and gossip with their avian companions.
"The Fox's Musical Mastery:" Foxes are natural musicians, often serenading the forest with their melodious tunes. Legend has it that they play enchanted instruments crafted from twigs and leaves, mesmerizing listeners with their haunting melodies under the light of the moon.
"The Fox's Fine Arts Expertise:" Foxes are connoisseurs of the arts, often spotted admiring paintings and sculptures in the forest. It's said that they host impromptu art exhibitions, showcasing their own masterpieces and critiquing the works of other woodland creatures with an expert eye.
"The Fox's Fiery Festivals:" Foxes are known for their love of fireworks, hosting spectacular firework displays in the forest to celebrate special occasions. Legend has it that they choreograph intricate pyrotechnic performances, lighting up the night sky with bursts of color and light.
"The Fox's Floral Fancies:" Foxes have a peculiar affinity for flowers, often seen frolicking in fields of daisies and tulips. Legend has it that they possess a secret language of flowers, using different blooms to convey messages to their woodland friends.
"The Fox's Fluffy Feathered Friends:" Foxes have a knack for befriending birds, forming unlikely alliances with feathered creatures of all shapes and sizes. It's said that they host bird tea parties in the forest, serving up treats and gossip with their avian companions.
"The Fox's Musical Mastery:" Foxes are natural musicians, often serenading the forest with their melodious tunes. Legend has it that they play enchanted instruments crafted from twigs and leaves, mesmerizing listeners with their haunting melodies under the light of the moon.
"The Fox's Fine Arts Expertise:" Foxes are connoisseurs of the arts, often spotted admiring paintings and sculptures in the forest. It's said that they host impromptu art exhibitions, showcasing their own masterpieces and critiquing the works of other woodland creatures with an expert eye.
"The Fox's Fiery Festivals:" Foxes are known for their love of fireworks, hosting spectacular firework displays in the forest to celebrate special occasions. Legend has it that they choreograph intricate pyrotechnic performances, lighting up the night sky with bursts of color and light.
1 year ago
Modern AI Mona Lisa
Wonder if the filters are included. They have a nice point though! AI sure is smart! Maybe the Mona Lisa is a not sexy enough for today's sensibilities! That prude Davinci should have made her sexier! Here's 5 reasons why the Mona Lisa isn't sexy enough:
"The Mona Lisa Makeover Madness": "If only da Vinci had given her a 'makeunder'—less robe, more robe dropping! Imagine the chaos if the Mona Lisa had ditched the modesty for a strategically placed fig leaf or a playful wink, leaving viewers blushing and art historians scratching their heads."
"The Mona Lisa's Renaissance Rendezvous": "What if the Mona Lisa had been caught in a saucy Renaissance romance? Picture her exchanging secret glances with a handsome courtier, her robe slipping off her shoulder as she whispers sweet nothings—da Vinci could have painted the ultimate Renaissance rom-com!"
"The Mona Lisa's Mona Luscious Lips": "They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but what about those lips? If da Vinci had given the Mona Lisa a pair of plump, luscious lips, she could have been the original Renaissance 'It Girl,' inspiring poets to wax lyrical about her kissable pout."
"The Mona Lisa's Mona-Licious Mane": "What if the Mona Lisa had let her hair down—literally? With a wild mane of untamed curls and a come-hither gaze, she could have been the original Renaissance rockstar, leaving admirers swooning and artists scrambling to capture her unruly allure."
"The Mona Lisa's Cheeky Charms": "If only da Vinci had captured her cheeky side! Picture the Mona Lisa winking impishly at the viewer, her finger pressed to her lips in a playful 'shh'—she could have been the original Renaissance prankster, leaving behind a legacy of laughter and mischief."
"The Mona Lisa Makeover Madness": "If only da Vinci had given her a 'makeunder'—less robe, more robe dropping! Imagine the chaos if the Mona Lisa had ditched the modesty for a strategically placed fig leaf or a playful wink, leaving viewers blushing and art historians scratching their heads."
"The Mona Lisa's Renaissance Rendezvous": "What if the Mona Lisa had been caught in a saucy Renaissance romance? Picture her exchanging secret glances with a handsome courtier, her robe slipping off her shoulder as she whispers sweet nothings—da Vinci could have painted the ultimate Renaissance rom-com!"
"The Mona Lisa's Mona Luscious Lips": "They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but what about those lips? If da Vinci had given the Mona Lisa a pair of plump, luscious lips, she could have been the original Renaissance 'It Girl,' inspiring poets to wax lyrical about her kissable pout."
"The Mona Lisa's Mona-Licious Mane": "What if the Mona Lisa had let her hair down—literally? With a wild mane of untamed curls and a come-hither gaze, she could have been the original Renaissance rockstar, leaving admirers swooning and artists scrambling to capture her unruly allure."
"The Mona Lisa's Cheeky Charms": "If only da Vinci had captured her cheeky side! Picture the Mona Lisa winking impishly at the viewer, her finger pressed to her lips in a playful 'shh'—she could have been the original Renaissance prankster, leaving behind a legacy of laughter and mischief."
1 year ago
Jandalf
That would show everyone. Here's me showing you.Imagine.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Never share your wi-fi password
3am wondering why you can't load a youtube video while your neighbor is torrenting
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
