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10 months ago
Trim the branches guys
Or the Home Owners Association will fine you 500$ and you'll still have to trim them yourselves. If Karen the president is feeling especially malicious there are some medieval punishments from the HOA charter from 1500 she could enforce:
"The Leafy Lasso": The HOA enforces a new policy where they tie oversized branches to your ankles, effectively turning you into a human tree. You'll be forced to prance around your yard like a leafy cowboy until you learn your lesson and trim those branches.
"The Tree Tickle Torture": In a cruel twist of fate, the HOA recruits a team of mischievous squirrels armed with tickle feathers. These furry fiends are set loose in your yard, tasked with tickling you mercilessly until you agree to trim your trees. It's a punishment that's equal parts hilarious and horrifying.
"The Branch Bash Bonanza": Your neighbors organize a festive event where they gather to pummel you with inflatable tree branches until you're covered in bruises and regret. It's like a twisted version of piñata, except instead of candy, you're showered with splinters and shame.
"The Arboreal Avenger": The HOA unveils their latest creation—a robotic tree trimmer named "Arboreal Avenger." This lumbering behemoth roams the neighborhood, seeking out untrimmed trees and exacting its revenge with ruthless efficiency. Resistance is futile—just ask the neighbor who tried to hide behind their bushes.
"The Foliage Fashion Fiasco": As punishment for your leafy transgressions, the HOA decrees that you must wear a suit made entirely of tree branches and leaves for a month. It's like living out your worst nightmare as a walking shrubbery, complete with squirrels mistaking you for their new home.
"The Leafy Lasso": The HOA enforces a new policy where they tie oversized branches to your ankles, effectively turning you into a human tree. You'll be forced to prance around your yard like a leafy cowboy until you learn your lesson and trim those branches.
"The Tree Tickle Torture": In a cruel twist of fate, the HOA recruits a team of mischievous squirrels armed with tickle feathers. These furry fiends are set loose in your yard, tasked with tickling you mercilessly until you agree to trim your trees. It's a punishment that's equal parts hilarious and horrifying.
"The Branch Bash Bonanza": Your neighbors organize a festive event where they gather to pummel you with inflatable tree branches until you're covered in bruises and regret. It's like a twisted version of piñata, except instead of candy, you're showered with splinters and shame.
"The Arboreal Avenger": The HOA unveils their latest creation—a robotic tree trimmer named "Arboreal Avenger." This lumbering behemoth roams the neighborhood, seeking out untrimmed trees and exacting its revenge with ruthless efficiency. Resistance is futile—just ask the neighbor who tried to hide behind their bushes.
"The Foliage Fashion Fiasco": As punishment for your leafy transgressions, the HOA decrees that you must wear a suit made entirely of tree branches and leaves for a month. It's like living out your worst nightmare as a walking shrubbery, complete with squirrels mistaking you for their new home.
7 months ago
7 months ago
10 months ago
What are the odds?
Technically not a serial killer if you're on your first victim
If statistic boggle you try these ways of serial killer avoidance
The "Netflix Defense":
"Busy binge-watching crime shows. No time for real-life serial killers!"
The "Safe Spaces" Strategy:
"Only hang out in well-lit, crowded areas. Serial killers prefer dark alleys."
The "Boring Target" Theory:
"Too dull to attract a serial killer's attention. My sock drawer is my most exciting hobby!"
The "No-Stalker Zone" Zone:
"Carry a 'no serial killers allowed' sign. It's like a force field, but for creeps."
The "Murder-Free Mondays" Mantra:
"Strict 'no-serial-killers-on-Mondays' policy. It's in my calendar!"
If statistic boggle you try these ways of serial killer avoidance
The "Netflix Defense":
"Busy binge-watching crime shows. No time for real-life serial killers!"
The "Safe Spaces" Strategy:
"Only hang out in well-lit, crowded areas. Serial killers prefer dark alleys."
The "Boring Target" Theory:
"Too dull to attract a serial killer's attention. My sock drawer is my most exciting hobby!"
The "No-Stalker Zone" Zone:
"Carry a 'no serial killers allowed' sign. It's like a force field, but for creeps."
The "Murder-Free Mondays" Mantra:
"Strict 'no-serial-killers-on-Mondays' policy. It's in my calendar!"
10 months ago
8 months ago
10 months ago
Super Mad Terrible Mother
Another person who's going to be put in a home at 53. But we're all about excuses here, maybe she has some good reasons? As a fellow person with an IQ as large as my shoe size I thought up of these totally valid reasons why you shouldn't share your onlyfans money with your kids:
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
