Register for a no ad experience.
10 months ago
Bear WITH him!
*chuckles* I'm in danger. Though it's clear it's too late for this guy keep these methods of Ursine SOS in mind if you're ever in this type of predicament :
"The Ursine SOS:" Use the classic international signal for distress—wave your arms frantically while shouting "Help! I'm being held hostage by a bear!" Bonus points if you can incorporate some interpretive dance moves to really drive your point home.
"The Bear-y Obvious Distress Call:" If you're lucky enough to have access to your phone, send a text to your friends and family with the urgent message "SOS: Bear-napped! Send help ASAP!" It might sound like a joke, but trust us—nobody wants to mess with a bear.
"The Morse Code Mauling:" If you're feeling creative (and you happen to know Morse code), use your flashlight to send an SOS signal in bear language. Just be sure to brush up on your bear dialect first—you don't want to accidentally insult their intelligence.
"The Subtle Scream:" If all else fails, resort to the tried-and-true method of screaming your head off while flailing wildly. Sure, it might not be the most subtle approach, but desperate times call for desperate measures—and nothing says "I'm being held hostage by a bear" like a blood-curdling scream.
"The Bear-y Detailed Sign Language:" If you're a master of nonverbal communication, use your hands to signal for help in bear language. Wave your arms in a frantic manner while making exaggerated bear claw motions, and hope that someone nearby understands your plight—or at least calls animal control.
"The Ursine SOS:" Use the classic international signal for distress—wave your arms frantically while shouting "Help! I'm being held hostage by a bear!" Bonus points if you can incorporate some interpretive dance moves to really drive your point home.
"The Bear-y Obvious Distress Call:" If you're lucky enough to have access to your phone, send a text to your friends and family with the urgent message "SOS: Bear-napped! Send help ASAP!" It might sound like a joke, but trust us—nobody wants to mess with a bear.
"The Morse Code Mauling:" If you're feeling creative (and you happen to know Morse code), use your flashlight to send an SOS signal in bear language. Just be sure to brush up on your bear dialect first—you don't want to accidentally insult their intelligence.
"The Subtle Scream:" If all else fails, resort to the tried-and-true method of screaming your head off while flailing wildly. Sure, it might not be the most subtle approach, but desperate times call for desperate measures—and nothing says "I'm being held hostage by a bear" like a blood-curdling scream.
"The Bear-y Detailed Sign Language:" If you're a master of nonverbal communication, use your hands to signal for help in bear language. Wave your arms in a frantic manner while making exaggerated bear claw motions, and hope that someone nearby understands your plight—or at least calls animal control.
10 months ago
Punishment fit for the crime
That'll teach him, if not some of these 5 punishments might
The "Tape it Like You Mean It" Challenge: Their punishment involved a hilarious DIY challenge – using only the stickiest of tapes, they had to piece the torn money back together while wearing oven mitts. The struggle was real, but the laughter was even better!
The Etiquette Boot Camp Extravaganza: Picture them in a comically oversized etiquette hat and attending a boot camp led by a drill sergeant with impeccable manners. From practicing proper napkin folding to mastering the art of polite conversation, hilarity ensued at every turn.
The Budgeting Boot Camp: Extreme Edition: In a twist of fate, their budgeting project turned into a reality TV show sensation. With cameras rolling 24/7, they navigated the treacherous waters of financial responsibility while facing off against eccentric budgeting challenges and avoiding paparazzi.
The DIY Economics Epic Fail: Their attempt at creating their own currency turned into a sidesplitting comedy of errors. Picture them printing bills with their face on them, only to realize they'd accidentally made them look like Monopoly money. Cue the laughter and the frantic attempts to fix their faux pas.
The Charity Challenge Comedy Showdown: As they donated a portion of their repaired money to charity, they found themselves roped into a charity comedy roast. With jokes flying and laughter echoing, they learned that sometimes the best way to mend fences is through shared laughter and a good cause.
The "Tape it Like You Mean It" Challenge: Their punishment involved a hilarious DIY challenge – using only the stickiest of tapes, they had to piece the torn money back together while wearing oven mitts. The struggle was real, but the laughter was even better!
The Etiquette Boot Camp Extravaganza: Picture them in a comically oversized etiquette hat and attending a boot camp led by a drill sergeant with impeccable manners. From practicing proper napkin folding to mastering the art of polite conversation, hilarity ensued at every turn.
The Budgeting Boot Camp: Extreme Edition: In a twist of fate, their budgeting project turned into a reality TV show sensation. With cameras rolling 24/7, they navigated the treacherous waters of financial responsibility while facing off against eccentric budgeting challenges and avoiding paparazzi.
The DIY Economics Epic Fail: Their attempt at creating their own currency turned into a sidesplitting comedy of errors. Picture them printing bills with their face on them, only to realize they'd accidentally made them look like Monopoly money. Cue the laughter and the frantic attempts to fix their faux pas.
The Charity Challenge Comedy Showdown: As they donated a portion of their repaired money to charity, they found themselves roped into a charity comedy roast. With jokes flying and laughter echoing, they learned that sometimes the best way to mend fences is through shared laughter and a good cause.
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
10 months ago
Don't do this to yourself
Just don't press enter and live in unaware bliss. But since all men need to hear this your penis is great King. Here's a few musings on why your penis is great and you should enjoy it:
It's the MVP of the Bedroom Olympics: Your penis deserves a gold medal for its outstanding performance in the marathon of love-making. It's like the Usain Bolt of boners—always ready to sprint to the finish line with record-breaking speed.
It's a Master of Camouflage: Your penis is a ninja in disguise, stealthily blending into its surroundings with expert precision. It's like having a secret agent in your pants—always ready to spring into action when duty calls.
It's a Stand-Up Comedy Sensation: Your penis has a knack for comedy, always delivering punchlines with perfect timing and impeccable delivery. It's like having a mini Kevin Hart in your trousers—ready to keep the laughs coming all night long.
It's a Generous Philanthropist: Your penis is a philanthropic hero, always willing to donate its time and energy to those in need. It's like the Mother Teresa of manhood—spreading joy and happiness wherever it goes.
It's a Musical Virtuoso: Your penis is a maestro of melody, capable of playing sweet symphonies of pleasure with every stroke and caress. It's like having a tiny Beethoven in your briefs—ready to compose a masterpiece of pleasure at a moment's notice.
It's the MVP of the Bedroom Olympics: Your penis deserves a gold medal for its outstanding performance in the marathon of love-making. It's like the Usain Bolt of boners—always ready to sprint to the finish line with record-breaking speed.
It's a Master of Camouflage: Your penis is a ninja in disguise, stealthily blending into its surroundings with expert precision. It's like having a secret agent in your pants—always ready to spring into action when duty calls.
It's a Stand-Up Comedy Sensation: Your penis has a knack for comedy, always delivering punchlines with perfect timing and impeccable delivery. It's like having a mini Kevin Hart in your trousers—ready to keep the laughs coming all night long.
It's a Generous Philanthropist: Your penis is a philanthropic hero, always willing to donate its time and energy to those in need. It's like the Mother Teresa of manhood—spreading joy and happiness wherever it goes.
It's a Musical Virtuoso: Your penis is a maestro of melody, capable of playing sweet symphonies of pleasure with every stroke and caress. It's like having a tiny Beethoven in your briefs—ready to compose a masterpiece of pleasure at a moment's notice.
10 months ago
I will never financially recover
99$ for a three piece meal with small fries, here are a few other pocket breaking menu items making sure you need a second mortgage to go with your movie meal:
"Microwave Popcorn: Now with the added luxury tax for that authentic 'cinematic crunch' experience. Enjoy your kernels of gold!"
"Tap Water: Filtered through diamond-encrusted faucets for that extra sparkle. Hydration has never been so exclusive!"
"Candy Corn: Each kernel individually hand-carved by artisanal candy sculptors. Sweetness has never been this pretentious!"
"Gummy Bears: Infused with unicorn tears and rainbow essence for that extra burst of magic. Each bear is like a tiny, chewy piece of fantasy!"
"Paper Napkins: Made from the finest silk threads harvested from rare, endangered silk worms. Absorbency has never felt so luxurious!"
"Microwave Popcorn: Now with the added luxury tax for that authentic 'cinematic crunch' experience. Enjoy your kernels of gold!"
"Tap Water: Filtered through diamond-encrusted faucets for that extra sparkle. Hydration has never been so exclusive!"
"Candy Corn: Each kernel individually hand-carved by artisanal candy sculptors. Sweetness has never been this pretentious!"
"Gummy Bears: Infused with unicorn tears and rainbow essence for that extra burst of magic. Each bear is like a tiny, chewy piece of fantasy!"
"Paper Napkins: Made from the finest silk threads harvested from rare, endangered silk worms. Absorbency has never felt so luxurious!"
