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1 year ago
Mechanics are a kind onto themselves
Just don't trust them. Be prepared. Have some these lines on you next time yougo down to the shop:
The Confused Customer: "Oh, that's interesting! I didn't realize my car had a built-in money printer. Must be one of those new features I missed in the owner's manual!"
The Amateur Sleuth: "Hmm, that sounds like a real head-scratcher! Maybe I should call my psychic hotline and see if they can channel the spirit of my car's previous owner to shed some light on this mysterious problem."
The Budget Whisperer: "Wow, you must have mistaken me for Jeff Bezos! Unfortunately, I left my money tree at home today. How about we stick to fixing what's actually broken?"
The DIY Enthusiast: "Oh, I love a good challenge! I'll just pop down to the hardware store, grab some duct tape and bubblegum, and fix it myself. Thanks for the heads-up!"
The Comedy Connoisseur: "Ah, I see you've upgraded from fixing cars to stand-up comedy! I'll give you a round of applause for that performance, but I think I'll pass on the pricey repair bill."
The Confused Customer: "Oh, that's interesting! I didn't realize my car had a built-in money printer. Must be one of those new features I missed in the owner's manual!"
The Amateur Sleuth: "Hmm, that sounds like a real head-scratcher! Maybe I should call my psychic hotline and see if they can channel the spirit of my car's previous owner to shed some light on this mysterious problem."
The Budget Whisperer: "Wow, you must have mistaken me for Jeff Bezos! Unfortunately, I left my money tree at home today. How about we stick to fixing what's actually broken?"
The DIY Enthusiast: "Oh, I love a good challenge! I'll just pop down to the hardware store, grab some duct tape and bubblegum, and fix it myself. Thanks for the heads-up!"
The Comedy Connoisseur: "Ah, I see you've upgraded from fixing cars to stand-up comedy! I'll give you a round of applause for that performance, but I think I'll pass on the pricey repair bill."
1 year ago
Nailed or failed
Let's not kid ourselves you failed. If you're waiting fot the results of a test you hurried finishing right now we got your back! You FAILED and here's a few reasons why:
"The Quick Quagmire": "Because you sprinted through that test like you were being chased by a stampede of angry squirrels—leaping over questions faster than a hurdle champion on caffeine. Unfortunately, speed doesn't always equate to accuracy, and now you find yourself knee-deep in the quicksand of academic mishaps."
"The Turbocharged Tragedy": "Because you approached that test with all the finesse of a toddler in a toy store on Black Friday—grabbing answers like they were the last slice of pizza at a party. But just like trying to eat pizza with both hands while sprinting, your efforts resulted in a messy disaster."
"The Sonic Boom Bust": "Because you raced through that test with the intensity of Sonic the Hedgehog on a caffeine high—whizzing past questions faster than the speed of sound. Unfortunately, you forgot that Sonic's main talent is collecting golden rings, not A-pluses on exams."
"The Formula One Fumble": "Because you tackled that test like a Formula One driver on the final lap of the Grand Prix—pushing the pedal to the metal and zooming past questions faster than a Ferrari on the Autobahn. But just like in racing, sometimes it's better to slow down and take the corners carefully, or you'll end up crashing into the wall of academic despair."
"The Flash Flood of Failure": "Because you blazed through that test like The Flash on a mission to save the day—zipping past questions faster than a bolt of lightning. But much like a sudden flash flood, your rapid-fire approach left you drowning in a deluge of incorrect answers and dashed hopes of academic glory."
"The Quick Quagmire": "Because you sprinted through that test like you were being chased by a stampede of angry squirrels—leaping over questions faster than a hurdle champion on caffeine. Unfortunately, speed doesn't always equate to accuracy, and now you find yourself knee-deep in the quicksand of academic mishaps."
"The Turbocharged Tragedy": "Because you approached that test with all the finesse of a toddler in a toy store on Black Friday—grabbing answers like they were the last slice of pizza at a party. But just like trying to eat pizza with both hands while sprinting, your efforts resulted in a messy disaster."
"The Sonic Boom Bust": "Because you raced through that test with the intensity of Sonic the Hedgehog on a caffeine high—whizzing past questions faster than the speed of sound. Unfortunately, you forgot that Sonic's main talent is collecting golden rings, not A-pluses on exams."
"The Formula One Fumble": "Because you tackled that test like a Formula One driver on the final lap of the Grand Prix—pushing the pedal to the metal and zooming past questions faster than a Ferrari on the Autobahn. But just like in racing, sometimes it's better to slow down and take the corners carefully, or you'll end up crashing into the wall of academic despair."
"The Flash Flood of Failure": "Because you blazed through that test like The Flash on a mission to save the day—zipping past questions faster than a bolt of lightning. But much like a sudden flash flood, your rapid-fire approach left you drowning in a deluge of incorrect answers and dashed hopes of academic glory."
1 year ago
Economic Facts Nudes versus NFTs
Large supply affects demand and price. Paying for nudes? Even Bored Apes can hold a LITTLE value!
Here's why paying for nudes is worse then buying NFT's and ultimately a bad financial decision:
"You're Investing in Non-Fungible Teases": Congratulations, you've just entered the world of non-fungible teases—digital assets that are as fleeting as they are questionable. Sure, you own the rights to that tantalizing image, but good luck convincing anyone it's worth more than a pixelated peek.
"You're Contributing to the NFT Craze... Just Not in the Art World": While everyone else is busy trading digital artwork for exorbitant sums, you're pioneering the next frontier of NFTs: Notoriously Fickle Tantalizations. Who needs a virtual Mona Lisa when you can have a virtual... well, you get the idea.
"You're Turning Your Wallet into a Digital Art Museum... of Sorts": Forget about buying actual art for your walls—your wallet is now a digital art museum showcasing a collection of pixelated masterpieces. Just don't expect any museum grants or tax breaks for your... ahem, contributions.
"You're Embracing the Digital Renaissance... with Open Wallets": Move over, Michelangelo—there's a new Renaissance in town, and it's digital. By investing in digital nudes, you're not just supporting artists; you're single-handedly funding a revolution in the art world. Or at least, that's what you tell yourself.
"You're Riding the NFT Wave... Straight into Pixelated Obscurity": While others ride the wave of NFT mania to financial glory, you're surfing a different kind of wave—one that leads straight into the murky waters of pixelated obscurity. But hey, at least you're making a splash in the digital world... right?
Here's why paying for nudes is worse then buying NFT's and ultimately a bad financial decision:
"You're Investing in Non-Fungible Teases": Congratulations, you've just entered the world of non-fungible teases—digital assets that are as fleeting as they are questionable. Sure, you own the rights to that tantalizing image, but good luck convincing anyone it's worth more than a pixelated peek.
"You're Contributing to the NFT Craze... Just Not in the Art World": While everyone else is busy trading digital artwork for exorbitant sums, you're pioneering the next frontier of NFTs: Notoriously Fickle Tantalizations. Who needs a virtual Mona Lisa when you can have a virtual... well, you get the idea.
"You're Turning Your Wallet into a Digital Art Museum... of Sorts": Forget about buying actual art for your walls—your wallet is now a digital art museum showcasing a collection of pixelated masterpieces. Just don't expect any museum grants or tax breaks for your... ahem, contributions.
"You're Embracing the Digital Renaissance... with Open Wallets": Move over, Michelangelo—there's a new Renaissance in town, and it's digital. By investing in digital nudes, you're not just supporting artists; you're single-handedly funding a revolution in the art world. Or at least, that's what you tell yourself.
"You're Riding the NFT Wave... Straight into Pixelated Obscurity": While others ride the wave of NFT mania to financial glory, you're surfing a different kind of wave—one that leads straight into the murky waters of pixelated obscurity. But hey, at least you're making a splash in the digital world... right?
1 year ago
Would be such a sick burn
Also would give people something to think about.
Here are five humorous reasons a retail worker's social battery might always be running on empty:
"The Customer Comedian": Every shift feels like a stand-up comedy routine with a never-ending stream of quirky customers and their wild requests. By the time they clock out, they've used up all their social energy crafting witty responses and suppressing laughter at the absurdity of it all.
"The Name Tag Curse": Wearing a name tag seems to invite strangers to share their life stories, complaints, and unsolicited advice. After a day of being addressed by name by complete strangers, they're drained from pretending to care about the weather in Idaho or Aunt Mildred's bunions.
"The Sale Smile Strain": Keeping up a cheerful demeanor while dealing with difficult customers can feel like holding a smile through a hurricane. By the end of their shift, their facial muscles ache, and their smile feels as strained as a pair of too-tight shoes.
"The Price Check Paradox": No matter how clearly prices are marked, customers will always ask for a price check, leading to a never-ending cycle of scanning, searching, and sighing. After a day of repeating "Let me check for you," they're ready to retreat into blissful silence.
"The 'Can I Speak to Your Manager?' Marathon": Dealing with entitled customers who demand to speak to the manager over the slightest inconvenience is like running a never-ending marathon of absurdity. After a day of navigating Karen encounters, their social battery is drained faster than a phone playing Candy Crush.
Here are five humorous reasons a retail worker's social battery might always be running on empty:
"The Customer Comedian": Every shift feels like a stand-up comedy routine with a never-ending stream of quirky customers and their wild requests. By the time they clock out, they've used up all their social energy crafting witty responses and suppressing laughter at the absurdity of it all.
"The Name Tag Curse": Wearing a name tag seems to invite strangers to share their life stories, complaints, and unsolicited advice. After a day of being addressed by name by complete strangers, they're drained from pretending to care about the weather in Idaho or Aunt Mildred's bunions.
"The Sale Smile Strain": Keeping up a cheerful demeanor while dealing with difficult customers can feel like holding a smile through a hurricane. By the end of their shift, their facial muscles ache, and their smile feels as strained as a pair of too-tight shoes.
"The Price Check Paradox": No matter how clearly prices are marked, customers will always ask for a price check, leading to a never-ending cycle of scanning, searching, and sighing. After a day of repeating "Let me check for you," they're ready to retreat into blissful silence.
"The 'Can I Speak to Your Manager?' Marathon": Dealing with entitled customers who demand to speak to the manager over the slightest inconvenience is like running a never-ending marathon of absurdity. After a day of navigating Karen encounters, their social battery is drained faster than a phone playing Candy Crush.
1 year ago
Please talk to her
What a generous man!But if his pockets are open go crazy I say!
Here are five whimsical requests one might jokingly make of their girlfriend's sugar daddy:
"Hey, could you ask your sugar daddy if he can finance my dream of opening a cat café? I promise to name the fluffiest kitten after him!"
"Do you think your sugar daddy could fund a 'Netflix and naps' retreat for us? I'm thinking silk pajamas, unlimited snacks, and a butler to press play on our favorite shows."
"I heard your sugar daddy is good with investments. Think he'd be interested in putting some cash into my 'Taco Tuesday' food truck idea? Free tacos for life could be his reward!"
"So, do you think your sugar daddy would be up for sponsoring a 'Pajama Party for Adults' complete with pillow fights, blanket forts, and midnight snacks? I'm sure he'd love to join in the fun!"
"Could you ask your sugar daddy if he'd be willing to fund my 'World Tour of Weird Foods' expedition? I'll send him postcards from every bizarre snack I try!"
Here are five whimsical requests one might jokingly make of their girlfriend's sugar daddy:
"Hey, could you ask your sugar daddy if he can finance my dream of opening a cat café? I promise to name the fluffiest kitten after him!"
"Do you think your sugar daddy could fund a 'Netflix and naps' retreat for us? I'm thinking silk pajamas, unlimited snacks, and a butler to press play on our favorite shows."
"I heard your sugar daddy is good with investments. Think he'd be interested in putting some cash into my 'Taco Tuesday' food truck idea? Free tacos for life could be his reward!"
"So, do you think your sugar daddy would be up for sponsoring a 'Pajama Party for Adults' complete with pillow fights, blanket forts, and midnight snacks? I'm sure he'd love to join in the fun!"
"Could you ask your sugar daddy if he'd be willing to fund my 'World Tour of Weird Foods' expedition? I'll send him postcards from every bizarre snack I try!"
1 year ago
Brilliant advice
Even a broken clock is right twice per day. If you're an immoral sociopath here are some funny ways to have memorable sex:
The "Snake Charmer" Technique: Convince your partner that playing a game of "truth or dare" is the ultimate foreplay. Just make sure all the dares involve various forms of bedroom activities, and watch as the game escalates into a wild night of passion.
The "Emotional Manipulation" Method: Pretend to be a character from a romantic novel or movie, complete with melodramatic speeches and intense declarations of love. Your partner won't know whether to swoon or laugh, but either way, it's sure to be a memorable experience.
The "Reverse Psychology" Strategy: Tell your partner that you're not interested in sex at all and watch as they try to seduce you with increasingly creative tactics. Little do they know, you're secretly enjoying the game of cat and mouse.
The "Psychological Warfare" Approach: Use psychological tricks to mess with your partner's mind during intimate moments. From strategically placed mirrors to whispered compliments followed by insults, you'll keep them on their toes and wondering what's coming next.
The "Gaslighting" Gambit: Convince your partner that they're actually the one who initiated every sexual encounter, even when it's blatantly obvious that you're the one in control. It's like rewriting history, but with a kinky twist.
The "Snake Charmer" Technique: Convince your partner that playing a game of "truth or dare" is the ultimate foreplay. Just make sure all the dares involve various forms of bedroom activities, and watch as the game escalates into a wild night of passion.
The "Emotional Manipulation" Method: Pretend to be a character from a romantic novel or movie, complete with melodramatic speeches and intense declarations of love. Your partner won't know whether to swoon or laugh, but either way, it's sure to be a memorable experience.
The "Reverse Psychology" Strategy: Tell your partner that you're not interested in sex at all and watch as they try to seduce you with increasingly creative tactics. Little do they know, you're secretly enjoying the game of cat and mouse.
The "Psychological Warfare" Approach: Use psychological tricks to mess with your partner's mind during intimate moments. From strategically placed mirrors to whispered compliments followed by insults, you'll keep them on their toes and wondering what's coming next.
The "Gaslighting" Gambit: Convince your partner that they're actually the one who initiated every sexual encounter, even when it's blatantly obvious that you're the one in control. It's like rewriting history, but with a kinky twist.
1 year ago
I will never financially recover
99$ for a three piece meal with small fries, here are a few other pocket breaking menu items making sure you need a second mortgage to go with your movie meal:
"Microwave Popcorn: Now with the added luxury tax for that authentic 'cinematic crunch' experience. Enjoy your kernels of gold!"
"Tap Water: Filtered through diamond-encrusted faucets for that extra sparkle. Hydration has never been so exclusive!"
"Candy Corn: Each kernel individually hand-carved by artisanal candy sculptors. Sweetness has never been this pretentious!"
"Gummy Bears: Infused with unicorn tears and rainbow essence for that extra burst of magic. Each bear is like a tiny, chewy piece of fantasy!"
"Paper Napkins: Made from the finest silk threads harvested from rare, endangered silk worms. Absorbency has never felt so luxurious!"
"Microwave Popcorn: Now with the added luxury tax for that authentic 'cinematic crunch' experience. Enjoy your kernels of gold!"
"Tap Water: Filtered through diamond-encrusted faucets for that extra sparkle. Hydration has never been so exclusive!"
"Candy Corn: Each kernel individually hand-carved by artisanal candy sculptors. Sweetness has never been this pretentious!"
"Gummy Bears: Infused with unicorn tears and rainbow essence for that extra burst of magic. Each bear is like a tiny, chewy piece of fantasy!"
"Paper Napkins: Made from the finest silk threads harvested from rare, endangered silk worms. Absorbency has never felt so luxurious!"
