Register for a no ad experience.
1 year ago
Get corrected
Twitter adds context
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
1 year ago
When does it open
Might be closed for him for a while from now on. Normal business hours are between 1 pm and 1 am. That is ample time for sexy time. here is a list of why these legs stay closed before 1PM :
"The Morning Sleep Spell": Her legs remain closed until 1 pm due to the powerful enchantment of the morning sleep spell. No amount of coffee or alarm clocks can break its hold—only the magical hour of 1 pm can lift the curse and set her legs free.
"The Noontime Negotiation": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're busy negotiating a better deal with gravity. Apparently, they've struck a bargain to stay firmly shut until the clock strikes 1, at which point they'll graciously return to their usual upright position.
"The Brunch Buffet Break": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're waiting for the all-you-can-eat brunch buffet to open. Apparently, they've heard rumors of bottomless mimosas and unlimited bacon, and they refuse to budge until they've had their fill.
"The Midday Siesta Syndrome": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're observing the sacred ritual of the midday siesta. Apparently, they've decided to take a page out of the Spanish playbook and indulge in a leisurely nap until the sun reaches its zenith.
"The Pre-Lunch Limbo": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're stuck in a state of pre-lunch limbo. Apparently, they've decided to hold out until the lunch bell rings, at which point they'll eagerly spring into action in search of sustenance.
"The Morning Sleep Spell": Her legs remain closed until 1 pm due to the powerful enchantment of the morning sleep spell. No amount of coffee or alarm clocks can break its hold—only the magical hour of 1 pm can lift the curse and set her legs free.
"The Noontime Negotiation": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're busy negotiating a better deal with gravity. Apparently, they've struck a bargain to stay firmly shut until the clock strikes 1, at which point they'll graciously return to their usual upright position.
"The Brunch Buffet Break": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're waiting for the all-you-can-eat brunch buffet to open. Apparently, they've heard rumors of bottomless mimosas and unlimited bacon, and they refuse to budge until they've had their fill.
"The Midday Siesta Syndrome": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're observing the sacred ritual of the midday siesta. Apparently, they've decided to take a page out of the Spanish playbook and indulge in a leisurely nap until the sun reaches its zenith.
"The Pre-Lunch Limbo": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're stuck in a state of pre-lunch limbo. Apparently, they've decided to hold out until the lunch bell rings, at which point they'll eagerly spring into action in search of sustenance.
1 year ago
Please talk to her
What a generous man!But if his pockets are open go crazy I say!
Here are five whimsical requests one might jokingly make of their girlfriend's sugar daddy:
"Hey, could you ask your sugar daddy if he can finance my dream of opening a cat café? I promise to name the fluffiest kitten after him!"
"Do you think your sugar daddy could fund a 'Netflix and naps' retreat for us? I'm thinking silk pajamas, unlimited snacks, and a butler to press play on our favorite shows."
"I heard your sugar daddy is good with investments. Think he'd be interested in putting some cash into my 'Taco Tuesday' food truck idea? Free tacos for life could be his reward!"
"So, do you think your sugar daddy would be up for sponsoring a 'Pajama Party for Adults' complete with pillow fights, blanket forts, and midnight snacks? I'm sure he'd love to join in the fun!"
"Could you ask your sugar daddy if he'd be willing to fund my 'World Tour of Weird Foods' expedition? I'll send him postcards from every bizarre snack I try!"
Here are five whimsical requests one might jokingly make of their girlfriend's sugar daddy:
"Hey, could you ask your sugar daddy if he can finance my dream of opening a cat café? I promise to name the fluffiest kitten after him!"
"Do you think your sugar daddy could fund a 'Netflix and naps' retreat for us? I'm thinking silk pajamas, unlimited snacks, and a butler to press play on our favorite shows."
"I heard your sugar daddy is good with investments. Think he'd be interested in putting some cash into my 'Taco Tuesday' food truck idea? Free tacos for life could be his reward!"
"So, do you think your sugar daddy would be up for sponsoring a 'Pajama Party for Adults' complete with pillow fights, blanket forts, and midnight snacks? I'm sure he'd love to join in the fun!"
"Could you ask your sugar daddy if he'd be willing to fund my 'World Tour of Weird Foods' expedition? I'll send him postcards from every bizarre snack I try!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
Marketplace negotiator
At least they aren't saying it appreciated in value as all dirty couches tend to do.
Ok let's sprain our marketing muscles shall we? Here are some sales pitches that will get them fighting over your racoon maternity couch!
"The Raccoon Royalty Recliner": Your new couch isn't just a piece of furniture—it's a throne fit for raccoon royalty! Who wouldn't want to lounge like a monarch on a couch where generations of raccoon monarchs have been born and raised?
"The Cozy Critter Condo": With a raccoon's seal of approval, you know your couch is the epitome of comfort and coziness. It's like having a built-in heating pad and furry cuddle buddy rolled into one!
"The Rambunctious Rodent Remodel": Forget about boring old store-bought furniture—your raccoon-birthed couch is a DIY dream come true! With a few strategically placed throw pillows and a healthy dose of Febreze, it'll be like new in no time.
"The Raccoon Renovation Revolution": By investing in a raccoon-birthed couch, you're supporting the ultimate in sustainable design. Who needs fancy upholstery when you have nature's own interior decorators working overtime?
"The Prodigal Pup Pavilion": Your raccoon-birthed couch isn't just a piece of furniture—it's a time capsule of canine chaos! With every scratch mark and chewed-up cushion, it tells the story of a thousand mischievous mutts and their adventures in redecorating.
Remember, these reasons are purely for comedic effect. In reality, spending $3600 on a couch that a raccoon gave birth on might not be the best investment for your wallet or your sanity!
Ok let's sprain our marketing muscles shall we? Here are some sales pitches that will get them fighting over your racoon maternity couch!
"The Raccoon Royalty Recliner": Your new couch isn't just a piece of furniture—it's a throne fit for raccoon royalty! Who wouldn't want to lounge like a monarch on a couch where generations of raccoon monarchs have been born and raised?
"The Cozy Critter Condo": With a raccoon's seal of approval, you know your couch is the epitome of comfort and coziness. It's like having a built-in heating pad and furry cuddle buddy rolled into one!
"The Rambunctious Rodent Remodel": Forget about boring old store-bought furniture—your raccoon-birthed couch is a DIY dream come true! With a few strategically placed throw pillows and a healthy dose of Febreze, it'll be like new in no time.
"The Raccoon Renovation Revolution": By investing in a raccoon-birthed couch, you're supporting the ultimate in sustainable design. Who needs fancy upholstery when you have nature's own interior decorators working overtime?
"The Prodigal Pup Pavilion": Your raccoon-birthed couch isn't just a piece of furniture—it's a time capsule of canine chaos! With every scratch mark and chewed-up cushion, it tells the story of a thousand mischievous mutts and their adventures in redecorating.
Remember, these reasons are purely for comedic effect. In reality, spending $3600 on a couch that a raccoon gave birth on might not be the best investment for your wallet or your sanity!
1 year ago
You're Finland And You Get Citizenship
If you pas the Finland test do you get citizenship? If your baby a de-facto Fin now? Can he run in the Finnish parliamentary elections ? These are the questions keeping us up at night but we do have severe insomnia so it's not really a big deal. So how do you know if your newborn is Finnish? Here are a few telltale signs:
The "Sauna Serenade": Your baby insists on babbling in Finnish, but only during sauna time. As soon as they're out of the steamy heat, they revert to their usual baby gibberish.
The "Sisu Sleep Schedule": Instead of napping like a typical baby, yours insists on adhering to a strict schedule of 20-minute power naps followed by hours of wide-eyed staring into the abyss—a true display of Finnish perseverance.
The "Sisu Snack Preference": Your baby's first solid food request isn't mashed bananas or pureed carrots—it's a hearty serving of rye bread with a side of pickled herring, just like their Finnish ancestors.
The "Moomin Mania": Your baby's favorite bedtime stories aren't nursery rhymes or fairy tales—they're tales of adventure starring the beloved Moomin characters, complete with whimsical illustrations and existential musings.
The "Finnish Fashionista": Your baby refuses to wear anything but brightly colored Marimekko onesies and tiny felted woolen mittens, even in the middle of summer. Who needs practicality when you can have Finnish style?
The "Sauna Serenade": Your baby insists on babbling in Finnish, but only during sauna time. As soon as they're out of the steamy heat, they revert to their usual baby gibberish.
The "Sisu Sleep Schedule": Instead of napping like a typical baby, yours insists on adhering to a strict schedule of 20-minute power naps followed by hours of wide-eyed staring into the abyss—a true display of Finnish perseverance.
The "Sisu Snack Preference": Your baby's first solid food request isn't mashed bananas or pureed carrots—it's a hearty serving of rye bread with a side of pickled herring, just like their Finnish ancestors.
The "Moomin Mania": Your baby's favorite bedtime stories aren't nursery rhymes or fairy tales—they're tales of adventure starring the beloved Moomin characters, complete with whimsical illustrations and existential musings.
The "Finnish Fashionista": Your baby refuses to wear anything but brightly colored Marimekko onesies and tiny felted woolen mittens, even in the middle of summer. Who needs practicality when you can have Finnish style?
1 year ago
