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10 months ago
Feel right at home
Shank him when he's feeling down will bring back memories, here are some reasons why the sentiment of home sweet home translates well to prison...specifically prison toilets
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
