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1 year ago
Fail with huge consequences
This hurt to read. A few reasons why not to fuck your family members as if Chris-Chan would read this page at one point and this info is needed.
"The Family Feud Fallout: Who needs Thanksgiving drama when you can have a lifetime of awkward family gatherings? Congratulations, you've just won the prestigious title of 'Most Likely to Ruin Family Reunions'—hope you enjoy explaining why you can never look Uncle Bob in the eye again.
"The Gene Pool Party Pooper: Ever dreamt of turning family gatherings into a game of genetic Russian roulette? Say hello to your worst nightmare: a lifetime of worrying whether your offspring will inherit Aunt Mildred's beady eyes or Uncle Frank's unibrow. Who knew that family tree could have so many twisted branches?
"The Incestuous Inquisition: Prepare for a lifetime of awkward questions and judgmental stares as you navigate the treacherous waters of sibling love. From uncomfortable interrogations by nosy neighbors to whispered gossip at family gatherings, you'll never escape the prying eyes of the incestuous inquisition.
"The Parental Pandemonium: Brace yourself for the ultimate showdown: facing your parents after they discover your taboo tryst. Get ready for a symphony of disappointed sighs, horrified gasps, and dramatic declarations of eternal damnation. Who knew that breaking the 'no sex with siblings' rule could have such dire consequences?
"The Freudian Fiasco: Congratulations, you've just earned yourself a lifetime subscription to Freudian therapy. Get ready to unpack years of unresolved childhood trauma, repressed memories, and Oedipal fantasies—all while trying to avoid making eye contact with your therapist. Remember: denial is just a river in Egypt.
"The Family Feud Fallout: Who needs Thanksgiving drama when you can have a lifetime of awkward family gatherings? Congratulations, you've just won the prestigious title of 'Most Likely to Ruin Family Reunions'—hope you enjoy explaining why you can never look Uncle Bob in the eye again.
"The Gene Pool Party Pooper: Ever dreamt of turning family gatherings into a game of genetic Russian roulette? Say hello to your worst nightmare: a lifetime of worrying whether your offspring will inherit Aunt Mildred's beady eyes or Uncle Frank's unibrow. Who knew that family tree could have so many twisted branches?
"The Incestuous Inquisition: Prepare for a lifetime of awkward questions and judgmental stares as you navigate the treacherous waters of sibling love. From uncomfortable interrogations by nosy neighbors to whispered gossip at family gatherings, you'll never escape the prying eyes of the incestuous inquisition.
"The Parental Pandemonium: Brace yourself for the ultimate showdown: facing your parents after they discover your taboo tryst. Get ready for a symphony of disappointed sighs, horrified gasps, and dramatic declarations of eternal damnation. Who knew that breaking the 'no sex with siblings' rule could have such dire consequences?
"The Freudian Fiasco: Congratulations, you've just earned yourself a lifetime subscription to Freudian therapy. Get ready to unpack years of unresolved childhood trauma, repressed memories, and Oedipal fantasies—all while trying to avoid making eye contact with your therapist. Remember: denial is just a river in Egypt.
1 year ago
Feel right at home
Shank him when he's feeling down will bring back memories, here are some reasons why the sentiment of home sweet home translates well to prison...specifically prison toilets
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
1 year ago
1 year ago
Dracula was a generous lover
Didn't say no to period sex that's for sure! Ol' Drac is a generous lover huh? We asked descendants of Van Helsing for a few reasons why Dracula is a generous sexual partner:
"The Eternal Stamina": "Dracula's centuries of experience have given him unparalleled stamina in the bedroom. Who needs a quick bite when you can have a night that lasts for centuries?"
"The Romantic Bite": "Dracula's love bites are the ultimate expression of passion—literally. With just the right amount of suction, he'll leave you breathless in more ways than one."
"The Sucker for Sensation": "Dracula's penchant for bloodplay adds a whole new level of excitement to the bedroom. Just be sure to have a first aid kit handy—you never know when things might get a little too... enthusiastic."
"The Bite-sized Foreplay": "Why settle for boring old neck kisses when you can have a sensual nibble from the Prince of Darkness himself? Dracula's bite marks are the ultimate accessory for any vampire enthusiast—or anyone with a hickey fetish."
"The Eternal Commitment": "When Dracula sinks his teeth into you, it's not just a one-night stand—it's a blood pact for eternity. Who needs a wedding ring when you've got a vampire bite as a symbol of undying love?"
"The Eternal Stamina": "Dracula's centuries of experience have given him unparalleled stamina in the bedroom. Who needs a quick bite when you can have a night that lasts for centuries?"
"The Romantic Bite": "Dracula's love bites are the ultimate expression of passion—literally. With just the right amount of suction, he'll leave you breathless in more ways than one."
"The Sucker for Sensation": "Dracula's penchant for bloodplay adds a whole new level of excitement to the bedroom. Just be sure to have a first aid kit handy—you never know when things might get a little too... enthusiastic."
"The Bite-sized Foreplay": "Why settle for boring old neck kisses when you can have a sensual nibble from the Prince of Darkness himself? Dracula's bite marks are the ultimate accessory for any vampire enthusiast—or anyone with a hickey fetish."
"The Eternal Commitment": "When Dracula sinks his teeth into you, it's not just a one-night stand—it's a blood pact for eternity. Who needs a wedding ring when you've got a vampire bite as a symbol of undying love?"
1 year ago
Voicing a cats opinion
What are they hiding in there?
More subtle cat written (POSSIBLY) home improvement ideas!
"Home Makeover Magic: Add cozy nooks and sunny spots to your space, creating havens for relaxation and exploration. Who knows, maybe someone with whiskers will appreciate the effort!
"Bathroom Bliss: Locate the litter box in a tranquil corner, ensuring peace and privacy for all restroom visitors. It's like creating a zen retreat for a certain someone in your household!
"Serenity Spaces: Designate quiet zones for unwinding and contemplation, offering a retreat from the hustle and bustle of daily life. It's all about fostering a sense of tranquility for everyone in the household.
"Playtime Paradise: Incorporate fun activities and toys into your daily routine, encouraging laughter and bonding moments. You never know who might appreciate the extra playtime!
"Safety First, Fun Second: Remove potential hazards and declutter your space to create a safe environment for everyone. It's like giving your home a makeover, with added peace of mind!"
More subtle cat written (POSSIBLY) home improvement ideas!
"Home Makeover Magic: Add cozy nooks and sunny spots to your space, creating havens for relaxation and exploration. Who knows, maybe someone with whiskers will appreciate the effort!
"Bathroom Bliss: Locate the litter box in a tranquil corner, ensuring peace and privacy for all restroom visitors. It's like creating a zen retreat for a certain someone in your household!
"Serenity Spaces: Designate quiet zones for unwinding and contemplation, offering a retreat from the hustle and bustle of daily life. It's all about fostering a sense of tranquility for everyone in the household.
"Playtime Paradise: Incorporate fun activities and toys into your daily routine, encouraging laughter and bonding moments. You never know who might appreciate the extra playtime!
"Safety First, Fun Second: Remove potential hazards and declutter your space to create a safe environment for everyone. It's like giving your home a makeover, with added peace of mind!"
1 year ago
True and wholesome
Sometimes they're needed straight when you wake up and that should be normalized.But hey that's for more advanced users. Meanwhile we want to create the legal precedent that the first two drinks shouldn't count if you have anxiety!
Here are some reasons:
"The Anxiety Annihilation Aperitif": The first two drinks are like anxiety's worst nightmare—liquid kryptonite that sends your worries packing faster than you can say "shots, anyone?"
"The Boozy Blame Game": If anyone asks, the first two drinks were clearly the work of mischievous imps who snuck into the bar and spiked your soda. You're innocent, they're guilty, case closed!
"The Tipsy Time Travel Trick": With the first two drinks, time warps into a surreal dimension where awkward conversations and social gaffes are just hilarious anecdotes waiting to happen. Who knew alcohol was a time machine in disguise?
"The Liquid Laughing Gas": The first two drinks unlock the secret to eternal laughter, turning even the most mundane conversations into sidesplitting comedy routines. You'll be giggling like a tipsy toddler in no time!
"The Anxiety Antidote Ambush": Anxiety never saw it coming—the one-two punch of alcohol's liquid courage and contagious camaraderie. With the first two drinks, you're like a stealthy ninja, sneaking up on stress and giving it a swift kick in the keister.
Here are some reasons:
"The Anxiety Annihilation Aperitif": The first two drinks are like anxiety's worst nightmare—liquid kryptonite that sends your worries packing faster than you can say "shots, anyone?"
"The Boozy Blame Game": If anyone asks, the first two drinks were clearly the work of mischievous imps who snuck into the bar and spiked your soda. You're innocent, they're guilty, case closed!
"The Tipsy Time Travel Trick": With the first two drinks, time warps into a surreal dimension where awkward conversations and social gaffes are just hilarious anecdotes waiting to happen. Who knew alcohol was a time machine in disguise?
"The Liquid Laughing Gas": The first two drinks unlock the secret to eternal laughter, turning even the most mundane conversations into sidesplitting comedy routines. You'll be giggling like a tipsy toddler in no time!
"The Anxiety Antidote Ambush": Anxiety never saw it coming—the one-two punch of alcohol's liquid courage and contagious camaraderie. With the first two drinks, you're like a stealthy ninja, sneaking up on stress and giving it a swift kick in the keister.
1 year ago
Making the blade look uncool
Swords use to be cool these guys are giving them a bad rap.
Wonder which of these fighting styles he'll use
The Dorito Duelist: This style involves holding the blade with one hand while clutching a bag of Doritos in the other. The neckbeard alternates between taking bites of chips and awkwardly swinging the sword, often getting cheese dust all over the blade.
The Fedora Fencer: Wearing a fedora at a jaunty angle, the neckbeard attempts to channel the elegance of classic swordsmen. However, their lack of skill leads to frequent tripping over their own feet and dramatic flourishes that are more comical than intimidating.
The Waifu Warrior: Armed with a replica katana adorned with anime decals, the neckbeard adopts exaggerated stances inspired by their favorite anime characters. Expect overly dramatic shouts of "Kawaii strike!" and attempts to unleash "ultimate techniques" with cringe-inducing names.
The Mountain Dew Master: Fueled by gallons of Mountain Dew, the neckbeard adopts a hyperactive fighting style characterized by erratic movements and wild swings. Their lack of coordination often results in accidentally hitting themselves with the blade.
The Keyboard Katana: In this style, the neckbeard holds the sword with one hand while frantically typing insults and memes with the other. Their attempts at multitasking lead to sloppy attacks and predictable patterns, making them easy targets for opponents.
Wonder which of these fighting styles he'll use
The Dorito Duelist: This style involves holding the blade with one hand while clutching a bag of Doritos in the other. The neckbeard alternates between taking bites of chips and awkwardly swinging the sword, often getting cheese dust all over the blade.
The Fedora Fencer: Wearing a fedora at a jaunty angle, the neckbeard attempts to channel the elegance of classic swordsmen. However, their lack of skill leads to frequent tripping over their own feet and dramatic flourishes that are more comical than intimidating.
The Waifu Warrior: Armed with a replica katana adorned with anime decals, the neckbeard adopts exaggerated stances inspired by their favorite anime characters. Expect overly dramatic shouts of "Kawaii strike!" and attempts to unleash "ultimate techniques" with cringe-inducing names.
The Mountain Dew Master: Fueled by gallons of Mountain Dew, the neckbeard adopts a hyperactive fighting style characterized by erratic movements and wild swings. Their lack of coordination often results in accidentally hitting themselves with the blade.
The Keyboard Katana: In this style, the neckbeard holds the sword with one hand while frantically typing insults and memes with the other. Their attempts at multitasking lead to sloppy attacks and predictable patterns, making them easy targets for opponents.
