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1 year ago
I have seen women yes
So out of my league it's depressing, there might be a few reasons why this person might be facing this issue:
"The Waifu Worshipper": I'm about as likely to land a date as a neckbeard at a speed dating event. My devotion to my waifu is stronger than my ability to approach real-life women. At least my body pillow doesn't judge my taste in anime.
"The Body Pillow Bachelor": Let's face it, my chances of scoring a date are slimmer than an anime protagonist's chances of winning a harem. My body pillow is my one true love—it never complains about my questionable hygiene habits or my extensive collection of waifu figurines.
"The Anime Aficionado": I'm more comfortable discussing the intricacies of anime plotlines than I am flirting with real people. My idea of a romantic evening involves binge-watching my favorite series with my body pillow by my side. Who needs a date when you have a waifu to keep you company?
"The Neckbeard Novice": I've mastered the art of growing a neckbeard, but when it comes to dating, I'm as clueless as a side character in a harem anime. My attempts at wooing women are about as successful as a tsundere's attempts to confess her feelings. Guess I'll stick to my body pillow for now.
"The Forever Alone Otaku": My love life is as barren as the desert wastelands in a post-apocalyptic anime. While my friends are out on dates, I'm at home cuddling my body pillow and rewatching my favorite series for the umpteenth time. Who needs romance when you have waifus and body pillows?
"The Waifu Worshipper": I'm about as likely to land a date as a neckbeard at a speed dating event. My devotion to my waifu is stronger than my ability to approach real-life women. At least my body pillow doesn't judge my taste in anime.
"The Body Pillow Bachelor": Let's face it, my chances of scoring a date are slimmer than an anime protagonist's chances of winning a harem. My body pillow is my one true love—it never complains about my questionable hygiene habits or my extensive collection of waifu figurines.
"The Anime Aficionado": I'm more comfortable discussing the intricacies of anime plotlines than I am flirting with real people. My idea of a romantic evening involves binge-watching my favorite series with my body pillow by my side. Who needs a date when you have a waifu to keep you company?
"The Neckbeard Novice": I've mastered the art of growing a neckbeard, but when it comes to dating, I'm as clueless as a side character in a harem anime. My attempts at wooing women are about as successful as a tsundere's attempts to confess her feelings. Guess I'll stick to my body pillow for now.
"The Forever Alone Otaku": My love life is as barren as the desert wastelands in a post-apocalyptic anime. While my friends are out on dates, I'm at home cuddling my body pillow and rewatching my favorite series for the umpteenth time. Who needs romance when you have waifus and body pillows?
1 year ago
Possibly Real Fox facts
I'm not a biologist so some of these might be true. Have some more Fox Facts we paid a disgraced biology professor on LSD to write for us :
"The Fox's Floral Fancies:" Foxes have a peculiar affinity for flowers, often seen frolicking in fields of daisies and tulips. Legend has it that they possess a secret language of flowers, using different blooms to convey messages to their woodland friends.
"The Fox's Fluffy Feathered Friends:" Foxes have a knack for befriending birds, forming unlikely alliances with feathered creatures of all shapes and sizes. It's said that they host bird tea parties in the forest, serving up treats and gossip with their avian companions.
"The Fox's Musical Mastery:" Foxes are natural musicians, often serenading the forest with their melodious tunes. Legend has it that they play enchanted instruments crafted from twigs and leaves, mesmerizing listeners with their haunting melodies under the light of the moon.
"The Fox's Fine Arts Expertise:" Foxes are connoisseurs of the arts, often spotted admiring paintings and sculptures in the forest. It's said that they host impromptu art exhibitions, showcasing their own masterpieces and critiquing the works of other woodland creatures with an expert eye.
"The Fox's Fiery Festivals:" Foxes are known for their love of fireworks, hosting spectacular firework displays in the forest to celebrate special occasions. Legend has it that they choreograph intricate pyrotechnic performances, lighting up the night sky with bursts of color and light.
"The Fox's Floral Fancies:" Foxes have a peculiar affinity for flowers, often seen frolicking in fields of daisies and tulips. Legend has it that they possess a secret language of flowers, using different blooms to convey messages to their woodland friends.
"The Fox's Fluffy Feathered Friends:" Foxes have a knack for befriending birds, forming unlikely alliances with feathered creatures of all shapes and sizes. It's said that they host bird tea parties in the forest, serving up treats and gossip with their avian companions.
"The Fox's Musical Mastery:" Foxes are natural musicians, often serenading the forest with their melodious tunes. Legend has it that they play enchanted instruments crafted from twigs and leaves, mesmerizing listeners with their haunting melodies under the light of the moon.
"The Fox's Fine Arts Expertise:" Foxes are connoisseurs of the arts, often spotted admiring paintings and sculptures in the forest. It's said that they host impromptu art exhibitions, showcasing their own masterpieces and critiquing the works of other woodland creatures with an expert eye.
"The Fox's Fiery Festivals:" Foxes are known for their love of fireworks, hosting spectacular firework displays in the forest to celebrate special occasions. Legend has it that they choreograph intricate pyrotechnic performances, lighting up the night sky with bursts of color and light.
1 year ago
Modern AI Mona Lisa
Wonder if the filters are included. They have a nice point though! AI sure is smart! Maybe the Mona Lisa is a not sexy enough for today's sensibilities! That prude Davinci should have made her sexier! Here's 5 reasons why the Mona Lisa isn't sexy enough:
"The Mona Lisa Makeover Madness": "If only da Vinci had given her a 'makeunder'—less robe, more robe dropping! Imagine the chaos if the Mona Lisa had ditched the modesty for a strategically placed fig leaf or a playful wink, leaving viewers blushing and art historians scratching their heads."
"The Mona Lisa's Renaissance Rendezvous": "What if the Mona Lisa had been caught in a saucy Renaissance romance? Picture her exchanging secret glances with a handsome courtier, her robe slipping off her shoulder as she whispers sweet nothings—da Vinci could have painted the ultimate Renaissance rom-com!"
"The Mona Lisa's Mona Luscious Lips": "They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but what about those lips? If da Vinci had given the Mona Lisa a pair of plump, luscious lips, she could have been the original Renaissance 'It Girl,' inspiring poets to wax lyrical about her kissable pout."
"The Mona Lisa's Mona-Licious Mane": "What if the Mona Lisa had let her hair down—literally? With a wild mane of untamed curls and a come-hither gaze, she could have been the original Renaissance rockstar, leaving admirers swooning and artists scrambling to capture her unruly allure."
"The Mona Lisa's Cheeky Charms": "If only da Vinci had captured her cheeky side! Picture the Mona Lisa winking impishly at the viewer, her finger pressed to her lips in a playful 'shh'—she could have been the original Renaissance prankster, leaving behind a legacy of laughter and mischief."
"The Mona Lisa Makeover Madness": "If only da Vinci had given her a 'makeunder'—less robe, more robe dropping! Imagine the chaos if the Mona Lisa had ditched the modesty for a strategically placed fig leaf or a playful wink, leaving viewers blushing and art historians scratching their heads."
"The Mona Lisa's Renaissance Rendezvous": "What if the Mona Lisa had been caught in a saucy Renaissance romance? Picture her exchanging secret glances with a handsome courtier, her robe slipping off her shoulder as she whispers sweet nothings—da Vinci could have painted the ultimate Renaissance rom-com!"
"The Mona Lisa's Mona Luscious Lips": "They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but what about those lips? If da Vinci had given the Mona Lisa a pair of plump, luscious lips, she could have been the original Renaissance 'It Girl,' inspiring poets to wax lyrical about her kissable pout."
"The Mona Lisa's Mona-Licious Mane": "What if the Mona Lisa had let her hair down—literally? With a wild mane of untamed curls and a come-hither gaze, she could have been the original Renaissance rockstar, leaving admirers swooning and artists scrambling to capture her unruly allure."
"The Mona Lisa's Cheeky Charms": "If only da Vinci had captured her cheeky side! Picture the Mona Lisa winking impishly at the viewer, her finger pressed to her lips in a playful 'shh'—she could have been the original Renaissance prankster, leaving behind a legacy of laughter and mischief."
1 year ago
Jandalf
That would show everyone. Here's me showing you.Imagine.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Never share your wi-fi password
3am wondering why you can't load a youtube video while your neighbor is torrenting
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
