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11 months ago
Jandalf
That would show everyone. Here's me showing you.Imagine.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
Here are five humorous things a drunken Tolkien could retcon and ruin about "Lord of the Rings":
"Gandalf's Secret Disco Past": In a drunken stupor, Tolkien decides that Gandalf wasn't just a wizard—he was also a disco enthusiast in his younger days. Picture Gandalf busting out some funky dance moves in the depths of Moria, complete with a glittering disco ball and a soundtrack of Bee Gees hits.
"Sauron's Fashion Makeover": Forget the dark, menacing armor—Sauron gets a makeover courtesy of a tipsy Tolkien. Now, he's sporting a bedazzled cape, sequined eye patch, and a collection of trendy accessories straight out of a Middle-earth fashion magazine.
"Frodo's Midlife Crisis": Tolkien decides that Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring wasn't just about saving Middle-earth—it was also his way of coping with a midlife crisis. Cue Frodo trading in his hobbit hole for a convertible wagon and embarking on a quest for self-discovery (and maybe a few magic mushrooms).
"Samwise the Secret Gourmet Chef": According to drunk Tolkien, Samwise Gamgee wasn't just a loyal friend and gardener—he was also a culinary genius. Imagine Sam whipping up gourmet meals in the heart of Mordor, using only the finest ingredients scavenged from orc camps and lava pits.
"The Great Hobbit Rave of the Third Age": Tolkien decides that the Battle of Five Armies wasn't fought over treasure—it was actually a massive hobbit rave gone wrong. Picture Bilbo Baggins and his merry band of dwarves dropping beats and throwing shapes in the Lonely Mountain, while elves and orcs join in for an epic dance-off to determine the fate of Erebor.
8 months ago
11 months ago
Comics through the ages
Which is your favorite style? Does it fit with your age? We encapsulated the spirit of this post in text because Dave the Search Engine Optimization guy is on my case about adding user value to pages so we get listed in google. Damn it Dave not my fault my major was history you pompous jerk...uhm anyway here are the jokes:
Boomers:
Why did the boomer cross the road? To get to the rotary phone on the other side, of course! Who needs smartphones when you've got a landline that never needs charging?
Gen Z:
Why did the Gen Z-er bring a ladder to the party? Because they heard it was going to be "lit" and they wanted to get on the "high" score leaderboard. Who needs party games when you can climb your way to the top?
Millennials:
Why did the millennial ghost refuse to haunt the library? Because they heard it was filled with "boo-ks" and they didn't want to be accused of cultural appropriation. Who needs ghost stories when you can have woke spirits?
Gen X:
Why did the Gen X-er refuse to join the neighborhood watch? Because they heard it involved too much "surveillance" and not enough "alternative music festivals." Who needs security when you can have grunge rock?
Boomers:
Why did the boomer cross the road? To get to the rotary phone on the other side, of course! Who needs smartphones when you've got a landline that never needs charging?
Gen Z:
Why did the Gen Z-er bring a ladder to the party? Because they heard it was going to be "lit" and they wanted to get on the "high" score leaderboard. Who needs party games when you can climb your way to the top?
Millennials:
Why did the millennial ghost refuse to haunt the library? Because they heard it was filled with "boo-ks" and they didn't want to be accused of cultural appropriation. Who needs ghost stories when you can have woke spirits?
Gen X:
Why did the Gen X-er refuse to join the neighborhood watch? Because they heard it involved too much "surveillance" and not enough "alternative music festivals." Who needs security when you can have grunge rock?
11 months ago
VICTORIA!
Yeah can't lie that would freak anybody out!
Here are some light-hearted reasons why seeing the play "Cats" while under the influence might not be the best idea:
"Existential Crisis Overload": Prepare for a feline-fueled journey through the depths of your mind, where questions like "Who am I?" and "Why are we here?" are accompanied by catchy tunes and interpretive dance. You might leave the theater with more questions than answers—and a sudden urge to adopt a litter of kittens.
"Trippy Tap-Dancing Tabby Tribulations": When every whisker and tail movement feels like a cosmic revelation, watching a troupe of actors dressed as cats prance around the stage might be a bit overwhelming. The combination of psychedelic visuals and toe-tapping tunes might leave you questioning reality—and your taste in musical theater.
"Mistaking Audience Members for Actual Cats": It's all fun and games until you try to pet the person sitting next to you because you thought they were a particularly convincing tabby. Awkward encounters with confused theatergoers might ensue, along with a newfound appreciation for the power of imagination.
"Revelations About Your Inner Cat": Beware: "Cats" has a way of awakening your inner feline. You might find yourself strutting down the street with newfound grace, purring at strangers, and demanding belly rubs from unsuspecting passersby. Embrace your inner cat, but maybe save it for when you're not in public.
"Unsolicited Cat Poetry Slam Sessions": After witnessing the majestic spectacle of "Cats" while under the influence, you might feel inspired to share your own feline-themed poetry with anyone who will listen. Just remember: not everyone appreciates impromptu performances of "Ode to Mr. Whiskers" at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday.
Here are some light-hearted reasons why seeing the play "Cats" while under the influence might not be the best idea:
"Existential Crisis Overload": Prepare for a feline-fueled journey through the depths of your mind, where questions like "Who am I?" and "Why are we here?" are accompanied by catchy tunes and interpretive dance. You might leave the theater with more questions than answers—and a sudden urge to adopt a litter of kittens.
"Trippy Tap-Dancing Tabby Tribulations": When every whisker and tail movement feels like a cosmic revelation, watching a troupe of actors dressed as cats prance around the stage might be a bit overwhelming. The combination of psychedelic visuals and toe-tapping tunes might leave you questioning reality—and your taste in musical theater.
"Mistaking Audience Members for Actual Cats": It's all fun and games until you try to pet the person sitting next to you because you thought they were a particularly convincing tabby. Awkward encounters with confused theatergoers might ensue, along with a newfound appreciation for the power of imagination.
"Revelations About Your Inner Cat": Beware: "Cats" has a way of awakening your inner feline. You might find yourself strutting down the street with newfound grace, purring at strangers, and demanding belly rubs from unsuspecting passersby. Embrace your inner cat, but maybe save it for when you're not in public.
"Unsolicited Cat Poetry Slam Sessions": After witnessing the majestic spectacle of "Cats" while under the influence, you might feel inspired to share your own feline-themed poetry with anyone who will listen. Just remember: not everyone appreciates impromptu performances of "Ode to Mr. Whiskers" at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday.
11 months ago
The latest smoking lover fashion
There's a parallel universe where this is happening. But let's tackle the root of this meme! Why do stoners dress like that? Here's 5 reasons why we think they do:
"The Stealthy Style": Stoners dress in baggy clothes and hoodies to blend in with their surroundings—after all, you never know when you might need to camouflage yourself against a particularly leafy backdrop.
"The Snack Storage Solution": Those oversized pockets aren't just for show—they're the perfect place to stash snacks for those inevitable munchies. From bags of chips to boxes of cookies, stoners know that fashion is all about function.
"The Comfort Quest": Stoners prioritize comfort above all else, which is why you'll often find them rocking sweatpants and slippers wherever they go. Who needs high fashion when you can have high comfort levels?
"The Mindful Mix-and-Match": Stoners have a unique approach to fashion that can only be described as "eclectic." From tie-dye t-shirts to mismatched socks, they embrace a mix-and-match mentality that reflects their free-spirited outlook on life.
"The Herbal Accessory": Let's face it—nothing complements a stoner's outfit quite like a well-rolled joint or a fancy glass pipe. With their herb-themed accessories, stoners prove that fashion isn't just about clothes—it's a lifestyle.
"The Stealthy Style": Stoners dress in baggy clothes and hoodies to blend in with their surroundings—after all, you never know when you might need to camouflage yourself against a particularly leafy backdrop.
"The Snack Storage Solution": Those oversized pockets aren't just for show—they're the perfect place to stash snacks for those inevitable munchies. From bags of chips to boxes of cookies, stoners know that fashion is all about function.
"The Comfort Quest": Stoners prioritize comfort above all else, which is why you'll often find them rocking sweatpants and slippers wherever they go. Who needs high fashion when you can have high comfort levels?
"The Mindful Mix-and-Match": Stoners have a unique approach to fashion that can only be described as "eclectic." From tie-dye t-shirts to mismatched socks, they embrace a mix-and-match mentality that reflects their free-spirited outlook on life.
"The Herbal Accessory": Let's face it—nothing complements a stoner's outfit quite like a well-rolled joint or a fancy glass pipe. With their herb-themed accessories, stoners prove that fashion isn't just about clothes—it's a lifestyle.
11 months ago
Fail with huge consequences
This hurt to read. A few reasons why not to fuck your family members as if Chris-Chan would read this page at one point and this info is needed.
"The Family Feud Fallout: Who needs Thanksgiving drama when you can have a lifetime of awkward family gatherings? Congratulations, you've just won the prestigious title of 'Most Likely to Ruin Family Reunions'—hope you enjoy explaining why you can never look Uncle Bob in the eye again.
"The Gene Pool Party Pooper: Ever dreamt of turning family gatherings into a game of genetic Russian roulette? Say hello to your worst nightmare: a lifetime of worrying whether your offspring will inherit Aunt Mildred's beady eyes or Uncle Frank's unibrow. Who knew that family tree could have so many twisted branches?
"The Incestuous Inquisition: Prepare for a lifetime of awkward questions and judgmental stares as you navigate the treacherous waters of sibling love. From uncomfortable interrogations by nosy neighbors to whispered gossip at family gatherings, you'll never escape the prying eyes of the incestuous inquisition.
"The Parental Pandemonium: Brace yourself for the ultimate showdown: facing your parents after they discover your taboo tryst. Get ready for a symphony of disappointed sighs, horrified gasps, and dramatic declarations of eternal damnation. Who knew that breaking the 'no sex with siblings' rule could have such dire consequences?
"The Freudian Fiasco: Congratulations, you've just earned yourself a lifetime subscription to Freudian therapy. Get ready to unpack years of unresolved childhood trauma, repressed memories, and Oedipal fantasies—all while trying to avoid making eye contact with your therapist. Remember: denial is just a river in Egypt.
"The Family Feud Fallout: Who needs Thanksgiving drama when you can have a lifetime of awkward family gatherings? Congratulations, you've just won the prestigious title of 'Most Likely to Ruin Family Reunions'—hope you enjoy explaining why you can never look Uncle Bob in the eye again.
"The Gene Pool Party Pooper: Ever dreamt of turning family gatherings into a game of genetic Russian roulette? Say hello to your worst nightmare: a lifetime of worrying whether your offspring will inherit Aunt Mildred's beady eyes or Uncle Frank's unibrow. Who knew that family tree could have so many twisted branches?
"The Incestuous Inquisition: Prepare for a lifetime of awkward questions and judgmental stares as you navigate the treacherous waters of sibling love. From uncomfortable interrogations by nosy neighbors to whispered gossip at family gatherings, you'll never escape the prying eyes of the incestuous inquisition.
"The Parental Pandemonium: Brace yourself for the ultimate showdown: facing your parents after they discover your taboo tryst. Get ready for a symphony of disappointed sighs, horrified gasps, and dramatic declarations of eternal damnation. Who knew that breaking the 'no sex with siblings' rule could have such dire consequences?
"The Freudian Fiasco: Congratulations, you've just earned yourself a lifetime subscription to Freudian therapy. Get ready to unpack years of unresolved childhood trauma, repressed memories, and Oedipal fantasies—all while trying to avoid making eye contact with your therapist. Remember: denial is just a river in Egypt.
11 months ago
