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1 year ago
Drive to Alabama for meth
Stay because you sold your car for meth.
We recommend feeding your kids over spending the money on meth, here are 5 reasons why:
"Your kids won't try to sell the food to buy more food."
"Feeding your kids leads to delightful family dinners, while meth dinners tend to be more... solitary affairs."
"The only 'withdrawal symptoms' from not feeding your kids might be some adorable puppy-dog eyes, whereas skipping meth could lead to, well, let's just say less cute outcomes."
"Feeding your kids provides endless opportunities for culinary adventures and picky-eater negotiations, whereas meth just provides... a different kind of adventure, but with significantly less flavor."
"Investing in your kids' nutrition now might just save you money on therapy bills later. Meanwhile, investing in meth... well, let's just say it's not exactly a sound long-term investment plan."
We recommend feeding your kids over spending the money on meth, here are 5 reasons why:
"Your kids won't try to sell the food to buy more food."
"Feeding your kids leads to delightful family dinners, while meth dinners tend to be more... solitary affairs."
"The only 'withdrawal symptoms' from not feeding your kids might be some adorable puppy-dog eyes, whereas skipping meth could lead to, well, let's just say less cute outcomes."
"Feeding your kids provides endless opportunities for culinary adventures and picky-eater negotiations, whereas meth just provides... a different kind of adventure, but with significantly less flavor."
"Investing in your kids' nutrition now might just save you money on therapy bills later. Meanwhile, investing in meth... well, let's just say it's not exactly a sound long-term investment plan."
1 year ago
Took you a while
We all get what we can, which isn't that great for most (unlike me i love my girlfriend) but dating is a hellscape of toxic behavior for a lot of people and here are some examples:
"Dating today is like navigating a minefield... but instead of mines, it's filled with commitment-phobes and ghosters. Who needs explosions when you can have emotional implosions?"
"In the current dating world, finding 'the one' feels more like trying to find Waldo in a sea of Tinder profiles. Who needs a needle in a haystack when you can have a pixelated face in a sea of selfies?"
"Dating apps have turned courtship into a shopping spree... swipe left, swipe right, and hope you don't end up with buyer's remorse. Who needs a soulmate when you can have a coupon for a one-night stand?"
"Modern dating is like a twisted game of musical chairs... except the music never stops, and there's always one less chair than there are players. Who needs romance when you can have a competitive sport?"
"Dating today is like being a contestant on a never-ending reality show... constantly auditioning for love, only to be voted off the island without warning. Who needs roses when you can have rejection?"
"Dating today is like navigating a minefield... but instead of mines, it's filled with commitment-phobes and ghosters. Who needs explosions when you can have emotional implosions?"
"In the current dating world, finding 'the one' feels more like trying to find Waldo in a sea of Tinder profiles. Who needs a needle in a haystack when you can have a pixelated face in a sea of selfies?"
"Dating apps have turned courtship into a shopping spree... swipe left, swipe right, and hope you don't end up with buyer's remorse. Who needs a soulmate when you can have a coupon for a one-night stand?"
"Modern dating is like a twisted game of musical chairs... except the music never stops, and there's always one less chair than there are players. Who needs romance when you can have a competitive sport?"
"Dating today is like being a contestant on a never-ending reality show... constantly auditioning for love, only to be voted off the island without warning. Who needs roses when you can have rejection?"
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Slavs inventing what shouldn't be invented
Life is only potato and drink is only for sad! You didn't have a stroke I'm just trying to sound slav-like. Here's 5 reasons why being drunk requires 0 enjoyment:
The Hangover Hilarity: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like signing up for a voluntary hangover—sure, you'll wake up feeling like you got hit by a truck, but think of all the hilarious stories you'll have to tell about that time you blacked out and woke up in a stranger's bathtub wearing a sombrero!"
The Liquid Laughter: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like attending a comedy show where the jokes are all inside your own head—sure, you might not remember them in the morning, but rest assured, your liver will be rolling on the floor laughing."
The Sobriety Surrender: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like watching paint dry, except instead of paint, it's your liver slowly shutting down from alcohol poisoning. Who needs excitement when you can spend your evening staring at the wall and contemplating the meaning of life?"
The Booze Boomerang: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to catch a greased pig at a county fair—you might think you've got a grip on things, but before you know it, you're sliding face-first into a puddle of regret and shame."
The Bitter Brew: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to force-feed yourself a gallon of expired milk—it might seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, the end result is not pretty. Sometimes it's better to just say no to that extra shot of regret."
The Hangover Hilarity: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like signing up for a voluntary hangover—sure, you'll wake up feeling like you got hit by a truck, but think of all the hilarious stories you'll have to tell about that time you blacked out and woke up in a stranger's bathtub wearing a sombrero!"
The Liquid Laughter: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like attending a comedy show where the jokes are all inside your own head—sure, you might not remember them in the morning, but rest assured, your liver will be rolling on the floor laughing."
The Sobriety Surrender: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like watching paint dry, except instead of paint, it's your liver slowly shutting down from alcohol poisoning. Who needs excitement when you can spend your evening staring at the wall and contemplating the meaning of life?"
The Booze Boomerang: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to catch a greased pig at a county fair—you might think you've got a grip on things, but before you know it, you're sliding face-first into a puddle of regret and shame."
The Bitter Brew: "Because getting drunk without enjoying it is like trying to force-feed yourself a gallon of expired milk—it might seem like a good idea at the time, but trust me, the end result is not pretty. Sometimes it's better to just say no to that extra shot of regret."
1 year ago
1 year ago
Should be banned from eating chicken
Should be forced to become vegan until they appreciate meat more!
