Register for a no ad experience.
2 years ago
Ignore the red flags at your own peril
This one is also a fail and because it is we're giving you 5 reasons why you shouldn't get your crazy stalker ex pregnant:
"Because your family tree shouldn't resemble a horror movie sequel—'The Stalker Strikes Back!'"
"Because 'baby daddy drama' should not be a recurring theme in your life—unless you're auditioning for a reality TV show."
"Because the only baby shower gift you'll need is a panic room installation kit."
"Because explaining to your child why they have three locks on their bedroom door might be a tad awkward."
"Because 'shotgun wedding' shouldn't be taken so literally—you've dodged enough bullets already!"
"Because your family tree shouldn't resemble a horror movie sequel—'The Stalker Strikes Back!'"
"Because 'baby daddy drama' should not be a recurring theme in your life—unless you're auditioning for a reality TV show."
"Because the only baby shower gift you'll need is a panic room installation kit."
"Because explaining to your child why they have three locks on their bedroom door might be a tad awkward."
"Because 'shotgun wedding' shouldn't be taken so literally—you've dodged enough bullets already!"
2 years ago
Waking up sucks anyway
More fun when you both sleep in
Here are five funny reasons why your girlfriend might wake you up:
The "Dream Interpreter": She's convinced that your dream about being chased by a giant marshmallow means you secretly desire a s'mores-themed vacation.
The "Pillow Thief": She's caught you in the act of stealing all the pillows in your sleep and wants to negotiate a fair distribution before she ends up pillow-less.
The "Midnight Munchies Monitor": She's caught you sleepwalking to the fridge again, and this time, you're eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spatula.
The "Snoring Symphony": She's decided to join in on your nightly duet, harmonizing with your snores in an attempt to create a new hit single titled "The Snorechestra."
The "Blanket Bandit": She's found you cocooned in the bed sheets like a human burrito and wants to make sure you haven't accidentally transformed into a caterpillar overnight.
Here are five funny reasons why your girlfriend might wake you up:
The "Dream Interpreter": She's convinced that your dream about being chased by a giant marshmallow means you secretly desire a s'mores-themed vacation.
The "Pillow Thief": She's caught you in the act of stealing all the pillows in your sleep and wants to negotiate a fair distribution before she ends up pillow-less.
The "Midnight Munchies Monitor": She's caught you sleepwalking to the fridge again, and this time, you're eating peanut butter straight from the jar with a spatula.
The "Snoring Symphony": She's decided to join in on your nightly duet, harmonizing with your snores in an attempt to create a new hit single titled "The Snorechestra."
The "Blanket Bandit": She's found you cocooned in the bed sheets like a human burrito and wants to make sure you haven't accidentally transformed into a caterpillar overnight.
2 years ago
Get what you deserve
In this case not having a phone.
Want more revenge? We have some options that won't land you in trouble with the cops:
The "Puppy Parcel": Since she always had a soft spot for furry friends, you decide to send her a monthly subscription of dog poop parcels. Each package comes with a note saying, "Thought you might enjoy cleaning up after something you love."
The "Billboard Betrayal": You rent a billboard on her daily commute route and display a Photoshopped image of her with a caption that reads, "Cheaters Never Prosper!" It's not illegal, but it sure is embarrassing!
The "Spam-a-Lot Scheme": You sign her email address up for every newsletter, spam email, and promotional offer imaginable. Her inbox becomes a chaotic mess of discount codes, dating site ads, and weight loss tips.
The "Social Media Switcheroo": You hack into her social media accounts (just kidding!) and replace all her photos with images of cartoon characters. Bonus points if you change her relationship status to "In a Relationship with SpongeBob SquarePants."
The "Gag Gift Gazette": You anonymously subscribe her to obscure magazines with titles like "The World of Moldy Cheese Collectors" or "Unicorn Enthusiast Weekly." Who knows, maybe she'll discover a new passion amidst the chaos of her mailbox.
Want more revenge? We have some options that won't land you in trouble with the cops:
The "Puppy Parcel": Since she always had a soft spot for furry friends, you decide to send her a monthly subscription of dog poop parcels. Each package comes with a note saying, "Thought you might enjoy cleaning up after something you love."
The "Billboard Betrayal": You rent a billboard on her daily commute route and display a Photoshopped image of her with a caption that reads, "Cheaters Never Prosper!" It's not illegal, but it sure is embarrassing!
The "Spam-a-Lot Scheme": You sign her email address up for every newsletter, spam email, and promotional offer imaginable. Her inbox becomes a chaotic mess of discount codes, dating site ads, and weight loss tips.
The "Social Media Switcheroo": You hack into her social media accounts (just kidding!) and replace all her photos with images of cartoon characters. Bonus points if you change her relationship status to "In a Relationship with SpongeBob SquarePants."
The "Gag Gift Gazette": You anonymously subscribe her to obscure magazines with titles like "The World of Moldy Cheese Collectors" or "Unicorn Enthusiast Weekly." Who knows, maybe she'll discover a new passion amidst the chaos of her mailbox.
1 year ago
2 years ago
Shooping fail
Not the gift she wanted but the gift she deserved.
Here are some humorous, but utterly useless, home appliance gifts:
"The Self-Stirring Teapot: Because who has time to use a spoon when you can have a teapot with a built-in tornado mode? Just watch as your tea leaves perform a dance of futility."
"The Automatic Ice Cream Scooper: Because nothing says 'romance' like a machine that promises perfectly spherical scoops of ice cream, but delivers more like modern art sculptures of frozen sadness."
"The Electric Banana Peeler: Because why peel bananas with your hands like a mere mortal when you can watch in awe as this gadget meticulously removes 0.1mm of peel at a time? Efficiency has never tasted so bland!"
"The Voice-Activated Toaster: Because nothing says 'I love you' like yelling 'Bread, be toasted!' at 6 a.m. every morning. Who needs peace and quiet when you can have burnt toast and strained vocal cords?"
"The Robotic Pillow Fluffer: Because who has time to manually fluff pillows when you can have a robot arm do it for you? Just be prepared for a bedtime routine that sounds like a malfunctioning R2-D2 having a meltdown."
Here are some humorous, but utterly useless, home appliance gifts:
"The Self-Stirring Teapot: Because who has time to use a spoon when you can have a teapot with a built-in tornado mode? Just watch as your tea leaves perform a dance of futility."
"The Automatic Ice Cream Scooper: Because nothing says 'romance' like a machine that promises perfectly spherical scoops of ice cream, but delivers more like modern art sculptures of frozen sadness."
"The Electric Banana Peeler: Because why peel bananas with your hands like a mere mortal when you can watch in awe as this gadget meticulously removes 0.1mm of peel at a time? Efficiency has never tasted so bland!"
"The Voice-Activated Toaster: Because nothing says 'I love you' like yelling 'Bread, be toasted!' at 6 a.m. every morning. Who needs peace and quiet when you can have burnt toast and strained vocal cords?"
"The Robotic Pillow Fluffer: Because who has time to manually fluff pillows when you can have a robot arm do it for you? Just be prepared for a bedtime routine that sounds like a malfunctioning R2-D2 having a meltdown."
2 years ago
Recognizable branding
Not the case you'd want to be associated with ad a brand though
Have 5 other illegal ways to fill up your belly
The "Supermarket Sweep": Join a local supermarket's midnight "self-checkout Olympics," where participants see who can scan the most items in under a minute without paying. Just be prepared to outrun security!
The "Pigeon Picnic": Organize a "catch-and-release" pigeon hunting expedition in the city park, complete with homemade nets and bread crumbs as bait. Just don't get caught by the birdwatching brigade!
The "Trash Can Treasure Hunt": Dumpster dive behind fancy restaurants in search of discarded gourmet meals. Who needs a reservation when you've got a nose for leftovers?
The "Midnight Munchie Mansion Break-in": Break into your neighbor's house under the cover of darkness and raid their fridge for snacks. Just hope they have better taste than expired yogurt and mystery meatloaf!
The "Culinary Kleptomania": Develop a taste for fine dining without the bill by "sampling" gourmet meals from high-end restaurants and making a swift exit before the check arrives. Just be prepared to dine and dash – literally!
Have 5 other illegal ways to fill up your belly
The "Supermarket Sweep": Join a local supermarket's midnight "self-checkout Olympics," where participants see who can scan the most items in under a minute without paying. Just be prepared to outrun security!
The "Pigeon Picnic": Organize a "catch-and-release" pigeon hunting expedition in the city park, complete with homemade nets and bread crumbs as bait. Just don't get caught by the birdwatching brigade!
The "Trash Can Treasure Hunt": Dumpster dive behind fancy restaurants in search of discarded gourmet meals. Who needs a reservation when you've got a nose for leftovers?
The "Midnight Munchie Mansion Break-in": Break into your neighbor's house under the cover of darkness and raid their fridge for snacks. Just hope they have better taste than expired yogurt and mystery meatloaf!
The "Culinary Kleptomania": Develop a taste for fine dining without the bill by "sampling" gourmet meals from high-end restaurants and making a swift exit before the check arrives. Just be prepared to dine and dash – literally!
1 year ago
