Register for a no ad experience.
1 year ago
A CATastrophy
Cleaning the floor with the gun? YES why not? WHY NOT?? this is why:
"You accidentally shoot the TV remote while trying to use the gun's nozzle as a makeshift vacuum cleaner attachment. Now you've got a 'shoot to change channels' situation on your hands."
"Thinking the gun's barrel is a perfect fit, you accidentally use it to stir your coffee, only to discover that bullet casings don't exactly enhance the flavor profile."
"In a moment of absentmindedness, you mistake the gun's trigger for a spray bottle nozzle and end up redecorating the living room with an unintended burst of air freshener."
"While attempting to use the gun's scope for a closer look at the dust on the ceiling fan blades, you inadvertently create a new constellation pattern in the plaster."
"Attempting to use the gun's cleaning rod as a makeshift selfie stick, you accidentally trigger the self-timer function and capture the world's most dramatic 'accidental selfie' moment."
"You accidentally shoot the TV remote while trying to use the gun's nozzle as a makeshift vacuum cleaner attachment. Now you've got a 'shoot to change channels' situation on your hands."
"Thinking the gun's barrel is a perfect fit, you accidentally use it to stir your coffee, only to discover that bullet casings don't exactly enhance the flavor profile."
"In a moment of absentmindedness, you mistake the gun's trigger for a spray bottle nozzle and end up redecorating the living room with an unintended burst of air freshener."
"While attempting to use the gun's scope for a closer look at the dust on the ceiling fan blades, you inadvertently create a new constellation pattern in the plaster."
"Attempting to use the gun's cleaning rod as a makeshift selfie stick, you accidentally trigger the self-timer function and capture the world's most dramatic 'accidental selfie' moment."
1 year ago
1 year ago
Strangely wholesome
Bet she didn't expect that reply.
Some flirting examples we believe this guy might have used:
"Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears. But seriously, I respect your personal space and boundaries, so if you're not interested, that's totally cool."
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Just kidding, I understand that consent is key, so I'll wait for your signal before making any moves."
"Excuse me, do you have a name, or can I call you mine? Okay, that was a bit forward. Let's start with introductions and see where it goes, with your comfort level as the priority."
"Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te. But seriously, I value meaningful connections over cheesy pickup lines, so let's get to know each other as friends first."
"Is your name Google? Because you have everything I've been searching for. But seriously, I believe in genuine connections built on mutual respect and understanding, so let's chat like two respectful adults and see where it leads."
Some flirting examples we believe this guy might have used:
"Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears. But seriously, I respect your personal space and boundaries, so if you're not interested, that's totally cool."
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Just kidding, I understand that consent is key, so I'll wait for your signal before making any moves."
"Excuse me, do you have a name, or can I call you mine? Okay, that was a bit forward. Let's start with introductions and see where it goes, with your comfort level as the priority."
"Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te. But seriously, I value meaningful connections over cheesy pickup lines, so let's get to know each other as friends first."
"Is your name Google? Because you have everything I've been searching for. But seriously, I believe in genuine connections built on mutual respect and understanding, so let's chat like two respectful adults and see where it leads."
1 year ago
1 year ago
Maybe write it all in a single pargraph
She didn't get promoted that way. Here's 5 reasons why not to get pregnant by your married boss:
The Office Drama Disaster: "Because getting pregnant by your married boss is like signing up for a reality TV show called 'Office Wars: Baby Edition.' Spoiler alert: the ratings are terrible, and the drama is through the roof!"
The Cubicle Catastrophe: "Because nothing says 'awkward' quite like trying to explain to your coworkers why the photocopier is suddenly printing baby shower invitations instead of quarterly reports. Office gossip, anyone?"
The Conference Room Comedy: "Because having your married boss's baby is like trying to schedule a meeting in the conference room during a fire drill—chaotic, confusing, and bound to end in tears. And that's before the HR department gets involved!"
The Promotion Predicament: "Because sleeping with your married boss and getting pregnant is like playing a game of corporate chess where the only move is 'Checkmate: Career Ruined.' Say goodbye to that promotion—hello, paternity tests!"
The Water Cooler Whirlwind: "Because nothing says 'awkward small talk' quite like bumping into your married boss at the water cooler and trying to explain why your baby bump is bigger than last week's sales figures. Time to update your LinkedIn profile!"
The Office Drama Disaster: "Because getting pregnant by your married boss is like signing up for a reality TV show called 'Office Wars: Baby Edition.' Spoiler alert: the ratings are terrible, and the drama is through the roof!"
The Cubicle Catastrophe: "Because nothing says 'awkward' quite like trying to explain to your coworkers why the photocopier is suddenly printing baby shower invitations instead of quarterly reports. Office gossip, anyone?"
The Conference Room Comedy: "Because having your married boss's baby is like trying to schedule a meeting in the conference room during a fire drill—chaotic, confusing, and bound to end in tears. And that's before the HR department gets involved!"
The Promotion Predicament: "Because sleeping with your married boss and getting pregnant is like playing a game of corporate chess where the only move is 'Checkmate: Career Ruined.' Say goodbye to that promotion—hello, paternity tests!"
The Water Cooler Whirlwind: "Because nothing says 'awkward small talk' quite like bumping into your married boss at the water cooler and trying to explain why your baby bump is bigger than last week's sales figures. Time to update your LinkedIn profile!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
