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2 years ago
Worm employee of the month
It was clearly an emergency. Worms make great employees also you might get to not pay them! Surely makes up for the drop in productivity!
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
2 years ago
Kids and their debt
Do they get it from gambling ?
Banks your new market share awaits! Just make sure to colect if those payments don't come through!
"The Kiddie Cash Caper": Banks love nothing more than exploiting innocent children for profit. By luring them into debt with promises of candy and toys, they can trap them in a vicious cycle of financial servitude from a young age. And when little Tommy can't pay up, it's time to send in the loan sharks disguised as friendly neighborhood ice cream trucks.
"The Playground Predatory Practices": Banks see children as easy targets for their nefarious schemes. By offering them loans they can never hope to repay, they ensure a lifetime of debt bondage and servitude. And when little Jenny misses a payment, it's time for the debt collectors to pay her lemonade stand a visit and repossess her prized stuffed animals.
"The Candy Coercion Conspiracy": Banks will stop at nothing to get their grubby hands on children's hard-earned candy money. By preying on their sweet tooth and offering them loans they can't refuse, they ensure a steady stream of profits for years to come. And when little Timmy can't pay his debts, it's time to send in the repo team to snatch away his Halloween candy and birthday presents.
"The Tooth Fairy Extortion Racket": Banks see children's innocence as a weakness to be exploited for their own gain. By loaning them money and demanding exorbitant interest rates, they ensure a lifetime of indentured servitude and financial ruin. And when little Susie can't pay her debts, it's time to break out the kneecap kneader and teach her a lesson she won't soon forget.
"The Sandbox Shakedown Scheme": Banks view children as nothing more than cash cows to be milked for all they're worth. By trapping them in a web of debt from a young age, they ensure a lifetime of dependency and servitude. And when little Emily can't pay her debts, it's time to foreclose on her sandbox and evict her from her own backyard.
Banks your new market share awaits! Just make sure to colect if those payments don't come through!
"The Kiddie Cash Caper": Banks love nothing more than exploiting innocent children for profit. By luring them into debt with promises of candy and toys, they can trap them in a vicious cycle of financial servitude from a young age. And when little Tommy can't pay up, it's time to send in the loan sharks disguised as friendly neighborhood ice cream trucks.
"The Playground Predatory Practices": Banks see children as easy targets for their nefarious schemes. By offering them loans they can never hope to repay, they ensure a lifetime of debt bondage and servitude. And when little Jenny misses a payment, it's time for the debt collectors to pay her lemonade stand a visit and repossess her prized stuffed animals.
"The Candy Coercion Conspiracy": Banks will stop at nothing to get their grubby hands on children's hard-earned candy money. By preying on their sweet tooth and offering them loans they can't refuse, they ensure a steady stream of profits for years to come. And when little Timmy can't pay his debts, it's time to send in the repo team to snatch away his Halloween candy and birthday presents.
"The Tooth Fairy Extortion Racket": Banks see children's innocence as a weakness to be exploited for their own gain. By loaning them money and demanding exorbitant interest rates, they ensure a lifetime of indentured servitude and financial ruin. And when little Susie can't pay her debts, it's time to break out the kneecap kneader and teach her a lesson she won't soon forget.
"The Sandbox Shakedown Scheme": Banks view children as nothing more than cash cows to be milked for all they're worth. By trapping them in a web of debt from a young age, they ensure a lifetime of dependency and servitude. And when little Emily can't pay her debts, it's time to foreclose on her sandbox and evict her from her own backyard.
1 year ago
1 year ago
2 years ago
Feel right at home
Shank him when he's feeling down will bring back memories, here are some reasons why the sentiment of home sweet home translates well to prison...specifically prison toilets
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
1 year ago
2 years ago
Strangely wholesome
Bet she didn't expect that reply.
Some flirting examples we believe this guy might have used:
"Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears. But seriously, I respect your personal space and boundaries, so if you're not interested, that's totally cool."
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Just kidding, I understand that consent is key, so I'll wait for your signal before making any moves."
"Excuse me, do you have a name, or can I call you mine? Okay, that was a bit forward. Let's start with introductions and see where it goes, with your comfort level as the priority."
"Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te. But seriously, I value meaningful connections over cheesy pickup lines, so let's get to know each other as friends first."
"Is your name Google? Because you have everything I've been searching for. But seriously, I believe in genuine connections built on mutual respect and understanding, so let's chat like two respectful adults and see where it leads."
Some flirting examples we believe this guy might have used:
"Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears. But seriously, I respect your personal space and boundaries, so if you're not interested, that's totally cool."
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Just kidding, I understand that consent is key, so I'll wait for your signal before making any moves."
"Excuse me, do you have a name, or can I call you mine? Okay, that was a bit forward. Let's start with introductions and see where it goes, with your comfort level as the priority."
"Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te. But seriously, I value meaningful connections over cheesy pickup lines, so let's get to know each other as friends first."
"Is your name Google? Because you have everything I've been searching for. But seriously, I believe in genuine connections built on mutual respect and understanding, so let's chat like two respectful adults and see where it leads."
