Register for a no ad experience.
11 months ago
Worm employee of the month
It was clearly an emergency. Worms make great employees also you might get to not pay them! Surely makes up for the drop in productivity!
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
11 months ago
Car guy behaviour
Thanks man really cool please drive me to my destination now, we don't care about your car here are 5 reasons why:
"The Yawn-Inducing Yaris Effect: Sure, your car may be your pride and joy, but to everyone else, it's just another mundane mode of transportation. No matter how many times you wax poetic about its impressive fuel efficiency or spacious cup holders, the response is always the same: a collective yawn and a polite nod of indifference.
"The Ego-Eclipsing SUV Syndrome: Your car may be big and bold, but so is everyone else's ego. No matter how many times you rev your engine or flaunt your oversized wheels, you're just another speck in a sea of oversized vehicles. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there's no room for bragging rights in the carpool lane.
"The Luxury Lemon Letdown: Ah, the sweet smell of leather upholstery and the satisfying click of a closing door—too bad it's all just a facade. Despite your best efforts to impress with your luxury vehicle, everyone sees through the charade and recognizes your car for what it truly is: a glorified lemon with a hefty price tag.
"The Attention-Deficit Accord Affliction: No matter how flashy your car may be, it's no match for the short attention spans of today's society. One moment you're the talk of the town with your sleek new ride, and the next, you're yesterday's news as everyone moves on to the next big thing. Sorry, but your fifteen minutes of automotive fame are up.
"The Envy-Inducing Ego Eraser: Congratulations, you've succeeded in making everyone else feel slightly better about their own subpar vehicles. Your incessant bragging about horsepower and torque has only served to highlight the glaring inadequacies of your personality, leaving everyone else feeling grateful for their humble rides and unassuming egos. Thanks for the reality check, champ.
"The Yawn-Inducing Yaris Effect: Sure, your car may be your pride and joy, but to everyone else, it's just another mundane mode of transportation. No matter how many times you wax poetic about its impressive fuel efficiency or spacious cup holders, the response is always the same: a collective yawn and a polite nod of indifference.
"The Ego-Eclipsing SUV Syndrome: Your car may be big and bold, but so is everyone else's ego. No matter how many times you rev your engine or flaunt your oversized wheels, you're just another speck in a sea of oversized vehicles. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there's no room for bragging rights in the carpool lane.
"The Luxury Lemon Letdown: Ah, the sweet smell of leather upholstery and the satisfying click of a closing door—too bad it's all just a facade. Despite your best efforts to impress with your luxury vehicle, everyone sees through the charade and recognizes your car for what it truly is: a glorified lemon with a hefty price tag.
"The Attention-Deficit Accord Affliction: No matter how flashy your car may be, it's no match for the short attention spans of today's society. One moment you're the talk of the town with your sleek new ride, and the next, you're yesterday's news as everyone moves on to the next big thing. Sorry, but your fifteen minutes of automotive fame are up.
"The Envy-Inducing Ego Eraser: Congratulations, you've succeeded in making everyone else feel slightly better about their own subpar vehicles. Your incessant bragging about horsepower and torque has only served to highlight the glaring inadequacies of your personality, leaving everyone else feeling grateful for their humble rides and unassuming egos. Thanks for the reality check, champ.
8 months ago
8 months ago
8 months ago
11 months ago
Hide it behind something green
You buy the ice cream you deserve the lions share plus kids are smaller then you
We do have some reasons why they should find a job as early as 6 years old like in the olden days though
"Tiny Hands, Big Work Ethic":
"Who needs adult workers when you have tiny, nimble-fingered children ready to tackle the toughest tasks? Plus, think of the money saved on office supplies – those little hands are perfect for stapling!"
"CEO: Chief Executive Offspring":
"Why wait until adulthood to climb the corporate ladder? With child labor laws abolished, we can start grooming the next generation of CEOs straight out of the sandbox. Just imagine the boardroom meetings with juice boxes and crayons!"
"Nap Time is for Quitters":
"Forget mandated breaks – with child labor laws out of the picture, we can keep our workforce going 24/7! Who needs sleep when you have endless energy and an unlimited supply of candy?"
"School's Out Forever":
"Why waste time in classrooms when there's real-world experience to be gained? Abolishing child labor laws means children can skip school and jump straight into the workforce. After all, who needs math when you have manual labor?"
"Playtime is Overrated":
"With child labor laws abolished, we can put an end to frivolous activities like playing and socializing. It's time to instill a strong work ethic from a young age – because nothing builds character like a 12-hour shift in a coal mine!"
We do have some reasons why they should find a job as early as 6 years old like in the olden days though
"Tiny Hands, Big Work Ethic":
"Who needs adult workers when you have tiny, nimble-fingered children ready to tackle the toughest tasks? Plus, think of the money saved on office supplies – those little hands are perfect for stapling!"
"CEO: Chief Executive Offspring":
"Why wait until adulthood to climb the corporate ladder? With child labor laws abolished, we can start grooming the next generation of CEOs straight out of the sandbox. Just imagine the boardroom meetings with juice boxes and crayons!"
"Nap Time is for Quitters":
"Forget mandated breaks – with child labor laws out of the picture, we can keep our workforce going 24/7! Who needs sleep when you have endless energy and an unlimited supply of candy?"
"School's Out Forever":
"Why waste time in classrooms when there's real-world experience to be gained? Abolishing child labor laws means children can skip school and jump straight into the workforce. After all, who needs math when you have manual labor?"
"Playtime is Overrated":
"With child labor laws abolished, we can put an end to frivolous activities like playing and socializing. It's time to instill a strong work ethic from a young age – because nothing builds character like a 12-hour shift in a coal mine!"
8 months ago
