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10 months ago
Sharing it means the job will pay better
Ah, an employment jelly being with the power to grant raises and dream jobs based on liking? That sounds like a whimsical and fantastical creature indeed! Here are five characteristics this jelly being might possess:
The Gelatinous Joviality: This jelly being would exude an aura of cheerfulness and positivity, with a gelatinous body that jiggles with every step. Its infectious laughter would spread joy wherever it goes, making even the most stressful office environments feel like a fun-filled carnival.
The Career Compassion: Despite its playful appearance, the jelly being would have a deep empathy for the struggles of job seekers and employees alike. It would understand the importance of finding fulfilling work and strive to help individuals achieve their career aspirations, one jelly-like hug at a time.
The Promotion Prowess: With a mere touch of its squishy appendage, the jelly being could bestow promotions and raises upon those it deems worthy. Its decisions would be based not on merit or qualifications, but on the pure-heartedness and sincerity of the individual's actions.
The Dream Job Dynamo: In addition to granting raises, the jelly being would have the power to manifest dream jobs out of thin air. Whether it's becoming a professional panda cuddler or a professional ice cream taster, the jelly being would make dreams come true with a flick of its wobbly pseudopod.
The Office Oasis: Wherever the jelly being resides, it would transform the workplace into a haven of creativity, collaboration, and camaraderie. Its gelatinous form would absorb stress and tension, leaving behind an atmosphere of tranquility and productivity. Meetings would be replaced with jelly-fueled brainstorming sessions, and water cooler chats would revolve around sharing jelly recipes and career aspirations.
Also people will think you're special and clever.
The Gelatinous Joviality: This jelly being would exude an aura of cheerfulness and positivity, with a gelatinous body that jiggles with every step. Its infectious laughter would spread joy wherever it goes, making even the most stressful office environments feel like a fun-filled carnival.
The Career Compassion: Despite its playful appearance, the jelly being would have a deep empathy for the struggles of job seekers and employees alike. It would understand the importance of finding fulfilling work and strive to help individuals achieve their career aspirations, one jelly-like hug at a time.
The Promotion Prowess: With a mere touch of its squishy appendage, the jelly being could bestow promotions and raises upon those it deems worthy. Its decisions would be based not on merit or qualifications, but on the pure-heartedness and sincerity of the individual's actions.
The Dream Job Dynamo: In addition to granting raises, the jelly being would have the power to manifest dream jobs out of thin air. Whether it's becoming a professional panda cuddler or a professional ice cream taster, the jelly being would make dreams come true with a flick of its wobbly pseudopod.
The Office Oasis: Wherever the jelly being resides, it would transform the workplace into a haven of creativity, collaboration, and camaraderie. Its gelatinous form would absorb stress and tension, leaving behind an atmosphere of tranquility and productivity. Meetings would be replaced with jelly-fueled brainstorming sessions, and water cooler chats would revolve around sharing jelly recipes and career aspirations.
Also people will think you're special and clever.
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
