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10 months ago
Not the best date night
This must be an old meme imagine only spending 42$ to eat out unsucked dick or not.
Here are five whimsical reasons why a date might not go as planned despite spending $42 at Red Lobster:
"The Crabby Customer Catastrophe": Your date turns out to be allergic to shellfish, and the mere sight of a lobster tail sends them into a sneezing fit. Suddenly, your romantic seafood dinner feels more like an episode of "Allergy Attack at Red Lobster."
"The Lobster Love Triangle": Just as you're about to enjoy your meal, your date spots their ex across the restaurant—holding hands with a giant lobster mascot. Suddenly, your dinner plans take a crustaceous turn as you find yourself caught in a love triangle of shell-shocking proportions.
"The Biscuit Bandit Incident": You reach for the last cheddar bay biscuit, only to have your date snatch it away with lightning speed. As you watch in disbelief, they devour the biscuit in one bite, leaving you biscuit-less and bewildered. Who knew a biscuit could come between true love?
"The Seafood Sensation Showdown": Your date insists on ordering the most expensive item on the menu—a seafood platter fit for Poseidon himself. But when it arrives, they discover they have an aversion to anything that swims, sending your romantic evening into a tailspin of seafood-induced shenanigans.
"The Red Lobster Curse": Legend has it that anyone who spends exactly $42 at Red Lobster is doomed to have their date fail and their dick remain unsucked at the end of the night. As you glance at the bill and realize you've hit the cursed number on the dot, you can't help but wonder if there's some truth to the old tale.
Here are five whimsical reasons why a date might not go as planned despite spending $42 at Red Lobster:
"The Crabby Customer Catastrophe": Your date turns out to be allergic to shellfish, and the mere sight of a lobster tail sends them into a sneezing fit. Suddenly, your romantic seafood dinner feels more like an episode of "Allergy Attack at Red Lobster."
"The Lobster Love Triangle": Just as you're about to enjoy your meal, your date spots their ex across the restaurant—holding hands with a giant lobster mascot. Suddenly, your dinner plans take a crustaceous turn as you find yourself caught in a love triangle of shell-shocking proportions.
"The Biscuit Bandit Incident": You reach for the last cheddar bay biscuit, only to have your date snatch it away with lightning speed. As you watch in disbelief, they devour the biscuit in one bite, leaving you biscuit-less and bewildered. Who knew a biscuit could come between true love?
"The Seafood Sensation Showdown": Your date insists on ordering the most expensive item on the menu—a seafood platter fit for Poseidon himself. But when it arrives, they discover they have an aversion to anything that swims, sending your romantic evening into a tailspin of seafood-induced shenanigans.
"The Red Lobster Curse": Legend has it that anyone who spends exactly $42 at Red Lobster is doomed to have their date fail and their dick remain unsucked at the end of the night. As you glance at the bill and realize you've hit the cursed number on the dot, you can't help but wonder if there's some truth to the old tale.
7 months ago
10 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!
"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!
"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.
"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).
"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).
"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
7 months ago
